by Karen Deen
“Hang on a minute, woman! Can I get a word in, or at least a hug from my son?” boomed Dad’s deep voice as he climbed from his truck.
“Hey Dad, thanks for coming to check the place out and give me your thoughts”.
“Zach, my boy, good to see you,” he said, giving me the typical Dad man-hug with the compulsory man-slaps on the back. Always three slaps. When we were little, I asked Dad why he always did three slaps on our backs. He laughed and hugged me, his arm around me with his hand on my shoulder blade. He slowly slapped me and said, “This first slap is to let you know I am glad to see you. The second is to let you know that I am always there for you. The last is the most important. It is to remind you that, no matter what happens in your life and no matter where you are, I will always love you.”
I have carried that memory with me every day since. For a man who always appeared to the outside world as the strong alpha male, he also had a soft spot that he only showed to his family. Even now, as grown adults that were out living their lives in the world, we immediately got the hug and three slaps from Dad. Only after Mom had hugged the air out of us first, though!
Dad pulled back from the hug and looked up, casting his eyes over the house. He went quiet and started to wander off around the outside of the veranda, lifting his eyes up and down and taking in the structural elements.
As I stood and watched him with anticipation, Mom tapped me on the arm and grabbed my attention. “Come on, Zach. Let him go. You take me inside and show me around this gorgeous new home of yours.”
I looked down at the excitement in her eyes and took her by the hand. We turned towards the front door and I lead her into my new world. The one I was creating to live in.
“I have so many ideas, Mom. I feel like my head is going to explode with the amount of activity that is going on in there. It’s hard to concentrate on work when my mind keeps coming back to here. I want to bring life back to it and show the house as it once was. There is so much beauty in the original architecture and building materials, but it has been left to rot. It’s been neglected for the last ten years, some of the house is past just a paint job. Some of the timber will need to be repaired or replaced to return it to its original state.”
Mom started to run her hand along the walls as we stood in the entry and fell silent while she assessed the sight that played out in front of her. What was she doing rubbing the walls, I wondered? It’s not like she was testing for wood rot or structural soundness, because Mom would never make a builder. After she stood for a minute, she turned to me with a serious look on her face. As she contemplated whatever she was thinking about, the wrinkles on her forehead relaxed and the corners of her mouth began to curve up towards her eyes, bringing out the warm smile.
“Um, Mom - what are you thinking?” She let out a nervous giggle, sighed and looked me straight in the eye.
“This house has a great vibe to it. It will make a perfect home for you, Zach, you can feel the love in its walls. It was built to be filled with the love of a family. It will be a special place for you to bring home a bride one day. The two of you will fill it with love and a family of your own. It will be magical for this house to be the home it was built to be by the old couple. There is magic here, Zach, I can feel it.”
My heart stopped beating and my brain froze. How do I break my mother’s heart and tell her that would never happen? There would be laughter and smiles here, but the love of a family would only be here when they came to visit. I stared at her while she continued to talk ten-to-the-dozen, but I didn't hear a word. Doubts began to creep into my mind. Did I do the right thing buying this property? Was it meant to be a home for some lucky family who would have kids running around screaming, laughing and climbing the trees? A dog chasing at their heels as they rode their push bikes from the house to the front gate and back?
“Zach…..Zach………ZACH!” Mom started waving her arms madly in front of my face. “Where did you zone out to, Zach, this isn’t like you? Are you okay, honey? Did I scare you with all the talk of a bride and kids?” She sniggered to herself. “Don’t worry, plenty of time for that. Let’s get the house fixed up first and then you can go looking for your bride to make it a home.”
Just paint on that smile again, Zach, and it will be okay. Take a breath and just relax. Breathe in, then out, in, then out. Every breath in is helping put another layer of bricks between the safe side of the love wall and the other side that I can’t go to.
“Zach, are you okay? You look pale and have lost that excited look you had when we first walked in.”
“Sorry Mom, just got lost in a daydream about the renovations” More like a nightmare, I thought to myself. “How about I show you through the downstairs living areas, then we can take a look upstairs at the bedrooms and bathrooms. What do you say?”
I held my arm out for her to take, and the moment she linked her arm in mine, the calmness of a mother’s love warmed my body. I relaxed into her side as we stepped together down the hallway through to the formal lounge room. This was the room where I had visions of me after a long day at work, sitting back in my leather recliner in front of the open fire. I’d watch the flames dance over the wood as it burned. The warmth would spread through the room, enveloping me and seeping into my body, relaxing my muscles. My body would sag back into the cosiness of the chair and I could lose my thoughts gazing out the large bay window facing the front of the property. I would look towards the surrounding open space of the farm, with the beautiful trees that line the drive and the mountains in the distance. A great way to unwind with a glass of red wine and just contemplate the world.
As we studied the room, I explained my visions in broad terms to Mom. I wanted to keep part of my dream as mine for a while until such time as it was completed or I was ready to share it. Mom loved the room and all that I was going to do to bring it to life. The rest of the tour went much the same as I lead her from room to room until we ventured upstairs.
“Wow, look at the size of this master bedroom, it’s huge! Especially for the era the house was built in. And the views from this window to the river and mountains are spectacular! I can imagine what it would look like at night lying in bed looking out to the stars over the mountains. Zach, you could not have found a more perfect home!”
“Thanks Mom, it means a lot to hear you say that. You know, Grant didn’t talk to me for a week when I told him and Luke that I had bought it.”
I jumped a little as Dad’s voice came from behind us unexpectedly. “Your mother is right, Zach. This is a great buy with plenty of potential to bring it back to its prime. Don’t worry about your brother. He is just sulking because he had to realize you don’t need him to hold your hand. I swear he thinks he is the father of this family, frickin’ control freak!”
Mom nearly choked as she burst out laughing at my Dad. “Gee, Mitch, I wonder where he gets that character trait from?”
“Bite that cute little tongue of yours, Sophia,” he said as he strode across the room and wrapped her up in those big manly arms of his. He leant down and placed a very tender kiss on her lips and whispered, “Or will I have to shut that cheeky little mouth for you?” He winked, making her blush.
As much as I love my parents, there were times when I thought, I do not need the vision of you both doing anything else other than kissing and cuddling.
Mom stretched up on her toes to whisper in Dad’s ear as I turned to stare out the window. I didn’t need to share in that private moment.
“Like I said, Zach, the house is structurally sound, and I look forward to seeing what you do with it”. As we stood staring out to the farm sprawling before us, Dad asked me what I planned to do with the worker’s cottage.
“I am going to fix it up first to a neat livable standard, then move in there to live while I work on the house. That way, I can take my time on the house and continue on it at night after work. I won’t have a thirty-minute drive home each night after I finish.”
“Sounds like you have
it all thought out, son. I am proud of you and know you’ll do a good job.”
“He had a good teacher, Mitch.” My Mom’s pride showed in her eyes as she looked up into my Dad’s.
“She’s right, Dad, you taught us all so well. Not only about building, but how to be a man. I hope I have lived up to that for you.” In my heart, I didn’t think I had. But it didn’t stop me from desperately wanting to hear it from my father.
“As I said, Zach, I am proud of you and who you are. Just as I am of your brothers and sisters. You have all grown into great people. Your mother and I are excited everyday watching you all embrace life.”
“Thanks Dad, it means a lot,” I whispered as I stood trying to process the emotions created by what he’d said.
“Now enough of this mushy crap. What’s a man got to do around here to get a feed and a cold beer?” Laughter echoed off the bare walls and the moment was gone. Another rare glimpse of Dad’s soft side to store in my memory bank.
The day ended with us in the local steakhouse. We chatted over the house plans and heard about their last trip. Dad wanted to get up to speed on where work projects were up to. He might be retired, but always liked to keep his finger in the pie. The day ended with Mom probing me for gossip on my siblings.
We’d made a pact years ago. Mom got the everyday gossip, but anything serious we kept to ourselves, so the person involved could share it when they were ready. It worked most of the time until Mom hunted for confirmation that one of us was in need of her help. The thing was, she was usually spot on the money. I guess it was part of a mother’s sixth sense, like when you were younger, and she already knew what you’d done wrong.
I would always look back on that day with a smile and the memory of my parent’s love, feeling so at home and safe. As I floated back into the present, I saw the edge of the city and heard the sound of horns above the tail end of Bon Jovi’s “Living on a Prayer”.
Acknowledgments
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
Writing a book is such an amazing feeling. Taking the characters that are in your heart and your head and putting them out there to share with the rest of the world. Hoping that the readers will love your words and see your vision.
For every one of you that have read my books, thank you for giving me a place to share my stories. Your love and support keep the words flowing and the stories brewing. Let’s see where it may take us next.
Lex’s book took me by surprise and stole my heart. I had no idea how big the story would end up being, but this love story could not be rushed. They deserved the time to both find themselves as well as each other. Their story is about finding your life and not the one that you feel you should live, but the one you want to live. About taking the direction you choose. I hope you all can take something from their story.
I need to thank my beta readers who I left dangling for days at a time, with no answers in sight. You girls are amazing, and I love you all dearly. To Nicole, Linda, Shelbie, Vicki, Di, and Nicole, from the bottom of my heart, thank you for all you do for me. Next book I’ll try not to rip your hearts out… maybe.
Linda and the Foreword PR team. Every book you keep making my life easier, and I’m blessed to have you in my corner. You hold my hand, you push me when I need it, and most of all, you believe in me when I doubt myself. So grateful for everything you do and for your friendship. Some nights I just need to laugh, and you always manage to deliver. Just one of your many skills that I adore you for.
Contagious Edits – thank you for your amazing editing skills. I love that we live on opposite sides of the world and we make it work in our different time zones. Also, that you are way better than me at placing commas and you catch all my mistakes which is no mean feat. I can’t imagine another editor putting up with the last-minute chapters being handed over not long before it should be out to the readers. Yet you never complain which I’m eternally grateful for. Thank you.
Sarah Paige at Opium Creatives, thank you for making my Lex into a Sexy Lexy Lovable Lawyer. You make my covers look stunning and I appreciate it so much.
To the beautiful Kellie who has taken my words, and formatted them into a book to make them look perfect for you all. Thank you for all your help and encouragement.
Friends and family, you have supported me from day one. Your support has been so encouraging, and I love that each one of you has given me something to add to my journey. You are my circle.
My beautiful mentor. I know you won’t see this, but I tell you at every opportunity how much I appreciate your guidance and love you for it. So, in that next hug, I’ll add a little extra from my Lex.
My supportive husband and children, you are my reason. It’s that simple. I will always love you and be grateful to you for letting me live my dream.
To my readers, supporters, bloggers, fellow authors. Thank you so much and until next time, I’ll meet you in between the pages.
Last but not least.
To the stars that guide me home. Thank you
Karen xxx
