by Varsha Dixit
Meher – Aww you called us ‘Wallflowers!’ You say anything but that.
Kyra – Shut up fatty!
Doyal – Don’t call Meher that.
Meher – I won’t be fat for long Ky. Am going on a diet where I will work out for two hours and consume only 800 calories every day.
Kyra – No, no, Mahi no. You are perfect the way you are. I really mean it. I was just kidding woman. You know me!
Doyal – Ky see what you did! I have warned you innumerable times.
Meher sat back and kept reading the texts between Doyal and Kyra where Doyal came down hard on Kyra and Kyra was simply writing apology texts to Meher and asking Doyal to ‘buzz off’ and ‘geez lighten up will ya.’
Happy to have messed with Kyra, Meher sat back, a smile on her lips. She wasn’t going on any kind of diet anytime soon. Meher was okay with how she looked.
Will at least one Wallflower get her love? Meher thought of Gina and Ojas and then her thoughts wandered to a young boy who was her constant companion at a time of her life when Meher was in bloomers and pigtails and had been the loneliest. The young boy, Zahan Bottliwala, the son of a political family who was all grown up and fast rising as a possible future leader of the country. Completely oblivious to my whereabouts. I should have known better than to trust the promises made as children.
Meher was not the kind of person to be depressed about anything for long. She said a small prayer for Gina and Ojas and got to her feet. “Thank you!” She turned around and addressed the chilly room with multiple empty stretchers, carts with instruments, and cooler drawers some of which held bodies.
Holding on to her phone, Meher walked out of the mortuary that was quiet as a graveyard, no pun intended. Sometimes, this was the only place in the hustle bustle of a busy hospital where Meher could find some solitude.
Chapter 33
Following Weekend
Saturday Evening
Gina sat on her bed in her bathrobe, wearing delicate jewelry, staring at her open closet. Her make-up was immaculate, hair styled to the last strand, and delicate pale golden sandals sat next to her bed.
Gina’s hand rested on her throat; her eyes large in her face. She was ready to attend Deepali’s wedding. The only hitch was the dress. Even though it was just a piece of clothing, Gina was finding it hard to slip on the outfit she had worn the first time she had met Ojas and the one she had worn to her runaway wedding.
It’s just a dress. Just a dress!
Gina said over and over in her head but somehow the message did not travel to her limbs as she sat inert on the bed.
She heard the front door opening and closing. Gina blinked her eyes, coming out of her trance like state. Soon there was a knock on her door.
It was Kyra. “Are you ready, Gina? We are getting late.”
Sometimes a friend’s summons does the trick. Gina jumped off the bed. “Coming!” Screw this! Gina grabbed the outfit from her closet, removed the thin plastic covering, and wore it, ignoring her trembling fingers. The fabric was soft against her skin and it still fit her well but was loose around the waist and hips.
Gina fluffed her hair, slipped on the sandals, and grabbed her purse. She refused to look at herself in the mirror, scared that looking at herself in that outfit would again push her toward memories that were all consuming.
Maybe if I don’t look at it, I will forget that I’m wearing it. Gina pasted a smile on her face.
Nowadays her smile did not come naturally. It was like the last stroke of a hairbrush or the last coat of a lipstick—the final step a woman took before going out in public. Gina knew her smiles had become fewer and it was a matter of time before her Wallflowers noticed.
One has to be happy to smile. And I’m not! I was painfully wasting when Ojas didn’t love me. And now when I know that he loves me and I love him, I’m still at pain and wasting. How do I fix this? Change of scenery, maybe?
Taking a last look at her room, Gina shut the bedroom door behind her. The apartment was quiet.
Kyra is probably waiting downstairs.
As Gina grabbed the house keys, she paused, sniffed and then inhaled deeply. A familiar spicy masculine scent wafted up her nose.
“Now I even smell Ojas when he’s not around!”
“But what if he is?”
Gasping, Gina whirled around. Her fingers touched her parted lips.
In the darkened corner of the living room, a few feet from her, stood Ojas leaning on his walking stick. He was a tall shadow.
“What are you doing here?” Gina said, her voice raspy.
Ojas moved. He appeared out of the shadows into the light thrown by a floor lamp.
Gina blinked. Seeing Ojas had completely disoriented her. Then as he moved closer, Gina noticed how he looked.
Dark shadows lined under his eyes like Ojas hadn’t slept in weeks. His cheeks were sunken, his hair messed up like he had been constantly running fingers through them, a dark stubble covered his lower jaw and he had lost weight. “You look awful!” She blurted, her voice rising in pitch.
“Thanks!” Ojas came closer. He finally looked away from Gina’s face and noticed what she was wearing. Ojas felt his chest constrict. “Why do you still have this?” He pointed at her clothes. “Why haven’t you burned it?”
Gina ignored his question. A strong wave of emotion still held her in its grip. She wasn’t sure if it was euphoria or panic. “What are you doing here? Where is Kyra?”
“Kyra left so we could have some privacy.”
Gina lowered her eyes and her skin grew warm. She remembered what happened the last time she and Ojas had privacy. “Privacy for what?” She raised her head to see Ojas gesture at the sofa.
“Mind if I have a seat?” Ojas asked.
“Sure!” Gina mumbled, glancing uncertainly at his back. She noticed Ojas’s walk. He was limping more than usual, dragging his foot behind him. “Is your foot all right?”
Ojas nodded staggering onto the sofa. He sat staring at Gina. “I haven’t exercised it in the last few days, so it looks worse than it feels. Please join me, Gina. Please!” His eyes were watchful and his neck and shoulders stiff.
Concern made Gina tread in Ojas’s direction. There was something wrong with Ojas. She took the oversized chair across from him.
Ojas tried not to wince as he stretched his injured leg. That limb of his needed intense stretching and strengthening exercises 30-40 minutes every day, followed by a massage and hot and cold compress. Only then could Ojas move around with minimal pain and maximum mobility. Since Meher had broken the news of Gina’s impending move, Ojas had done nothing except wait and prepare for this face-to-face meeting with Gina.
He rehearsed and re-rehearsed what he would say to her, but now that he was seated only a few feet away from Gina, his mind had gone blank. Her dress had completely thrown him off. The first time he had met Gina she had been wearing that same dress as was she on the day of their wedding when she had worn it as an ode to their first meeting. Much happier times! Times when Gina and he were madly in love and couldn’t wait to begin their life together. A life that held the promise of love, laughter, and togetherness. They had found their forever in each other.
But as the adage goes, nothing is as constant as change. Even though the dress was the same and Ojas was still madly in love with Gina, he no longer considered himself her ‘forever.’ In fact, Ojas was determined to put as much distance between Gina and himself as he could. Ojas had wanted to give Gina a life that only held love and happiness, but he had failed her in the past. Now he wouldn’t.
“Why are you here, Ojas?” Gina’s softly spoken words roused him from his thoughts. She was watching him, her gaze puzzled. There was something else in her eyes that almost seemed like she was glad to see him.
“I don’t want you to go.” Ojas came right out with it.
Gina jerked her head back. “Why?”
“Because you don’t have to. What happened that night,” Ojas pulled in a deep
breath. “Was all my fault. I took advantage of you that night. It wasn’t your fault. You were vulnerable and not thinking straight and I just came in there,” Ojas made a gesture with his hand like a bird diving down, “swooped in and kissed you. You had no time to react, to think. It wasn’t your fault,” He repeated.
Her cheeks warmed yet she recoiled. Gina cocked her head to the side. “You make me sound like an idiot. Like I don’t know what I was doing. Please, don’t make me a damsel in distress. Those days are over.” She said, avoiding Ojas’s eyes but her voice was firm.
“Are you saying you wanted to kiss me?” Ojas’s voice was incredulous just like his face.
Gina blinked and looked away. She really did not know what to say. ‘Yes’ meant her feelings would be revealed and a ‘No’ implied that what Ojas was saying was right. She did not know what she wanted.
“Did you?” Ojas repeated. The amazement was gone from his face to be replaced with a look that was more intimate. “You wanted to kiss me?” Ojas could not stop himself from asking. Suddenly, the answer to his question seemed very important. His voice thickened at the idea that Gina could desire him. All the blood seemed to leave every other limb in his body and rush in one direction. Ojas shifted in the chair.
Gina ignored his question. “How does what happened that day have anything to do with you stopping me from going?”
Ojas sighed. If he was stubborn, so was she. “Five years ago, I was the reason you walked away from everyone you loved. I treated you abominably at the time. It will never happen again. I won’t let you suffer, not because of me, not because of anyone else. Anything you want is yours.”
Frowning, Gina looked away. What is going on? Why is he so bothered about me going to Deepali’s wedding?
Something on the wall behind the sofa caught her eye. It was a collage and must have been recently placed. There were four handwritten quotes on a simple blue poster stuck to the wall.
“Follow your heart! You deserve a happily-ever-after and I know you will find it.”
“Deal to heal, Biatch! We always have your back.”
“Whatever or whoever you choose, it will be the right choice.”
Gina recognized the handwritings – Meher, Kyra, and Doyal.
But it was last handwritten note that caused Gina’s hand to fist as she held it against her chest. It was her mother’s handwriting and Malti had written, “The past belongs in the past. Leave it there. Everyone deserves a second chance, especially you both.”
Ojas, who was staring at his shoes, did not notice Gina reading the poster.
Gina felt hope unfurl in her and her eyes started glimmering. She sat up straighter. But then she remembered what Meher had told Gina earlier. The night Gina had stopped Ojas from hurting himself.
Ojas told Doy, your folks, and anyone in the world who would care to listen that he is not worthy of you.
Gina shuddered. The mere thought that Ojas could hurt himself and she could lose him forever left a hollow pit in her stomach and a chill seemed to cover her heart. That feeling further drove home the point that she still deeply loved her ex-husband. Again, and again, Gina’s eyes wandered back to her mother’s note, particularly the last sentence about second chances. Her eyes made their way back to Ojas. Gina found him looking at her. He was about to turn around to see what Gina was staring at.
“Why?” Gina blurted, rubbing her wrist.
Ojas’s eyes flicked down and studied her fingers. “Why what?”
Gina’s heart was racing. She felt hot and cold at the same time. But now she was on a path and she refused to turn back. “Why won’t you let me suffer? Why are you so hell bent on helping me? I did not ask for your help except for my dad, and that too you went and did so much more than expected or asked? We don’t owe each other anything, Ojas. You have to let me go.” She kept her voice soft.
Ojas flinched like she had slapped him. “Let you go? Let you go where, Gina? To USA, which is even further than Singapore? You can’t go that far from your friends, your family, your home. You stay here and I will leave the country. Hell, I’ll leave the continent, even the planet for you.”
Gina felt the excitement building in her. She glanced at Ojas; she had never seen such earnestness in any person ever. “Are you trying to impress me?”
Ojas tilted his head and blinked several times. “Impress you? Why would I do that? For what purpose?”
This is the moment Gina! Say it or forever shut up! Gina decided to say it. “Are you trying to hit on me?”
Ojas’s mouth moved but no words came.
Gina tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. “You just don’t behave like an ex should. I’m just very confused, Ojas.”
Ojas placed a hand on his chest. “Gina I…I…” He stuttered and then paused. “Let me try and rephrase this articulately. I am not even worthy of being in the same room as you. What happened that night was me chasing a dream. Making it real for a few moments. It’s—”
“Have you been drinking since that evening…that night when I showed up unannounced at your place?”
“Not a single drink. I have a therapist I go to regularly. I’m much better.” Ojas waved the fingers of his right hand, a wry smile lifted his lips at one side. “I was much better before I found out that you were planning to take off again.”
“Impressive. What was your motivation or who?” Gina tried not to squeak out the questions. Her cheeks were blooming like a hibiscus and her nerves were singing like the London Symphony Orchestra. Fighting with him is so much easier! “It almost sounds like you are in love with me. Even after so many years.” Her throat felt like it was choking. Just talking about love with Ojas made her emotional.
“Gina, please!” Ojas’s voice was strangled.
“No games, Ojas. Are you in love with me?” Gina thrust her chin out even as her insides were shaking.
Ojas sat back, his stiff shoulders relaxing as he lowered his head to stare at his legs. “Yes, I am!” He said in a thick voice choked with emotions. “I love you Gina.” He looked at her, his stare vacant, his body slumped.
“And I love you! I can’t imagine a life without you in it.” Gina blurted, her hands knotted in her lap. She repeated words that Ojas had said to her the first time he had confessed his love to her.
Ojas froze. Then he blinked and fell back on the sofa, his hand making a wide arc as he swept his hair back with it. His mouth fell open in wonder. He felt lightheaded with happiness. He thought his chest would burst because of the joy he was feeling. He wanted to stand up and dance in joy. Gina loved him. His life loved him back.
Gina was looking at him, her eyes wide in her face, as she excessively gulped, her shoulders hunched. Her fingers played with an imaginary bracelet on her wrist, her teeth were back to chewing her lower lip.
Don’t be nervous sweetheart! Ojas started to rise, a luminous grin on his face. But then he felt the pain in his ankle, the cold metal of the walking stick in his palm. His smile died an instant death, the harsh reality wrapped its icy hand around his hope, choking it to a quick death.
Ojas sat down with a thump. “You can’t love me. Don’t love me! Don’t ever love me, Gina.” He said in a quiet voice, his expression paler, sicklier than a few minutes ago.
“You don’t tell me what to do anymore.” Gina’s voice cracked. She blinked her eyes rapidly. “You said we should get married, I listened. You then told me to get out of your life, I did. But that’s it! Now, I do the talking and you do the listening.” Gina stretched her hand out. It was a foot away from Ojas, within his holding reach, but he did not take it. He simply stared at it!
“Don’t, for a second, think that this decision has come easy to me. I wanted to hate you, I tried to hate you, despise you even. But I couldn’t. Because I still love you,” she confessed.
Gina saw the tears in Ojas’s eyes. However, he still didn’t take her hand.
“Our feelings were right, but our planning was awful. We rushed in and burned fast. And yet
here we are, still in love with each other. A love of a few months that withstood a separation of five years. I think that is something worth exploring and maybe not giving up on.” Gina’s voice wobbled, her eyes overflowing with emotions. “Please don’t make me beg.”
Abruptly, Ojas moved and took her hand. He held it tightly. His skin was cold. “I…” He pulled in a deep breath, trying to control his ragged breathing. Tears flowed down his cheeks, but he did not try wiping them. He wanted Gina to see him as he was, nothing hidden anymore. “I’m not man enough for you. I will be a burden on you. I won’t make a good husband. Look how I treated you in the past.”
“It’s in the past, let’s leave it there. If you make me happy today then that is all I need in a man. If you can take responsibility for the wrong you did and rectify them, then that is all I need from you.” Still clasping hands with Ojas, Gina stood up and joined him on the sofa, sitting close to him. “If you can be honest, kind, helpful, and compassionate then that is all the man I need, Ojas.”
Gina and Ojas both had tears running down their face as they gazed in each other’s eyes. “And if you can love me as I love you then that is all the man I—”
Ojas did not give Gina a chance to finish. He took her mouth in a sweet kiss. The kiss was not one of domination or desire, it was a kiss asking forgiveness, a kiss of reverence. His eyes closed, Ojas placed tender kisses over her lips. Gina’s eyelids fluttered close as she surrendered to Ojas’s touch. His lips were firm and soft against hers. His breath warm and light as a feather on her skin.
Gina flushed, his closeness affecting her deeply.
“I don’t deserve you, I don’t!” Ojas murmured, dropping kisses on her eyes, cheeks, and then her lips. His tongue lightly touched her lips. Gina understood. Ojas wanted her to take the lead.
Feeling bold, Gina lightly traced his lips with her tongue. She shifted closer, wanting more of him. Ojas angled his head so she could access his mouth.
Gina, softly, mewed in satisfaction and she fused her lips with Ojas’s. Her tongue demanded an entrance and his lips parted at her touch. Her tongued snaked in his mouth and stroked his back and forth till the friction led them both to shift even closer to each other.
