by Amy Clipston
“You did?” Jerry leaned toward his father, resting his elbows on his thighs.
“Your onkel and I discussed not joining the church. We both wanted to go to trade schools and make money.” Dat shook his head. “I know it sounds greedy—and believe me when I tell you your grandparents weren’t froh when we told them. Saul went to school and started his plumbing business, and I thought I was going to do something similar. But then I met your mamm and everything changed.”
Dat gave him a sheepish smile. “I quickly figured out God’s plan for me was different from what I’d had in mind. At first I felt like I was sinful becoming a member of the church because that was the only way to be with your mamm. But I soon figured out my heart was there for the right reason. Your mamm may have drawn me to the church, but God had called me there all along. I just wasn’t listening hard enough to hear him.”
Jerry swallowed as he tried to digest his father’s confession.
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you this before.” Dat paused, and then he leaned toward him. “Jerry, I think you need to open your heart to God and listen closely. He might be using Clara to call you.”
He stood. “Are you sure you won’t come with us today?”
Jerry couldn’t face Clara and his friends. “Danki, but I’ll stay home.”
“Okay.” Dat walked to the doorway and then turned back. “Don’t stay away too long.”
As his father disappeared down the hall, Jerry threw himself back onto his bed. He stared at the ceiling as his hurt ran so deep he thought he might drown in it.
He closed his eyes and contemplated his father’s words. Then he opened his heart and began to pray:
God, I need you. I’m so lost and confused. I don’t know where I belong. Am I supposed to be English, or am I supposed to be Amish? I think I might be in love with Clara, but I don’t know if that’s a strong enough reason to join the church. Please send me a sign telling me where I’m supposed to go. I’m listening.
CHAPTER 7
The August sun warmed the back of Clara’s neck as she pulled another weed out of the zucchini bed and dropped it into the basket beside her. She wiped the back of her hand over her sweaty brow before reaching for another one.
“Do you need some help?”
Clara tented her hand over her eyes and looked up at Biena. “Ya, that would be nice.”
“Great.” Biena dropped her basket beside Clara and began pulling up weeds.
They worked in silence for several minutes, and Clara couldn’t keep her thoughts from moving to Jerry. She hadn’t seen him since he accused her of asking Ephraim to pressure him. That was two weeks ago, and her heart still ached for him. She’d worried about him and prayed for him, hoping their relationship could be repaired. She couldn’t accept that even a friendship between them wasn’t part of God’s plan—unless because of her impatience, that had crashed and burned along with her hope for a future with Jerry.
Clara’s curiosity got the better of her, and she couldn’t stop herself from asking Biena the question on her heart. “How’s Jerry?”
“He’s okay.” Biena kept her eyes focused on the zucchini plants. “He’s been working a lot.”
“Oh.” Clara pulled another thick, hardy bundle of cheatgrass and dropped it into the bucket.
“I think he misses you.”
Clara stilled, her lungs frozen.
“He’s very mopey,” Biena clarified.
“Mopey?”
“Ya. When he stops by our haus, he never smiles, and he just kind of paces around.” Biena looked up at her. “You miss him, too, don’t you?”
Clara nodded. “I do, but I’m not going to pressure him anymore. I’m here if he changes his mind.”
“I think he will.” Biena pulled another weed.
Clara shook her head. She wished she could believe he’d come back to her, that he could forgive her. But it had been two weeks. She’d missed her chance with him.
Yet Jerry Petersheim would always have a piece of her heart.
“You’re all set. Just give me a call if that sink leaks again.” Jerry set his tool bag in the toolbox in the bed of his truck and then jumped down next to his old school friend.
“Danki for coming today.” Ivan Smucker shook his hand. “It was gut seeing you again. It’s been too long.”
“It has been a long time.” Jerry took in Ivan’s big, two-story farmhouse and the sixty acres that encompassed his dairy farm. Just like him, Ivan was only twenty-three, yet he already had his own house and a farm.
“Jerry!”
Jerry turned as Lorene, Ivan’s wife, appeared in the driveway.
“Lorene,” Jerry said as she approached. “It’s so nice to see you. How are you?”
“I’m doing great. Danki. I was just visiting our neighbor. She had her fifth boppli last week, and I wanted to take her a little gift.” She beamed as she went to stand by her husband, who put his arm around her shoulders. “You look well.”
“I am.” Jerry shook her hand. “I’m staying busy working for mei onkel Saul’s plumbing company.”
Lorene rested one hand on her protruding abdomen. “It’s been a long time since we were all playing in the schoolyard.”
Jerry nodded. “Ya, it sure has.”
“Ivan and I will have one in school soon enough.” She looked up at Ivan. “I can’t believe we’re going to be parents. It seems like we were just kinner ourselves.”
“Time passes quickly.” Ivan’s face lit up with a smile.
“What about you, Jerry?” Lorene asked. “Are you going to get married and have a family anytime soon?”
Jerry swallowed as his thoughts turned to Clara. What if he could have a family, with her? What if he opened his heart to everything God had for him?
Without warning, all the questions haunting him evaporated. He loved Clara, truly loved her. His heart seemed to swell with excitement as he envisioned what his future could be. His love for Clara was godly, and she’d been trying to tell him he needed to come home. He could accept his uncle’s offer of a promotion. He could have love, marriage, and if God willed, children.
Even more important was how he felt God’s presence. Jerry had expected to hear a trumpet call with God’s invitation to the church, but now he realized he’d been whispering in his ear all this time. Jerry just hadn’t been listening close enough. Dat was right.
Now he heard God’s call, and everything made sense. His throat thickened with the realization. His community, the community of his birth, was where his heart had been all along.
God wants me here.
I belong in this church.
This is my home!
He was supposed to be baptized and be Amish. But first he had to meet with the bishop and ask for permission. What was he waiting for?
“You know,” he said to his friends, who were looking at him as though he’d forgotten they were even there, “I have to go.” Jerry shook Ivan’s hand and then Lorene’s. “It was really nice seeing you. Call me if you have any trouble with your kitchen sink. Good-bye!”
He jumped into the Chevy and drove toward the bishop’s house, his body vibrating with both excitement and anxiety. What if the bishop said no? What if Clara rejected him after the way he’d accused her?
He couldn’t live in fear. He had to accept that God was calling him, and God’s will was the law. Now he had to convince the bishop, Moses Chupp, that his intentions to join the church were sure and true. He prayed the Lord would give him the right words to convince the bishop that being Amish was the right path for him. This conversation would be life changing.
His heart felt as if it might beat out of his chest as he steered into the bishop’s driveway. Moses was a dairy farmer, and Jerry expected him to be home. He parked his truck at the top of the driveway next to the bishop’s two-story white house and climbed out.
As he approached the front door, he heard someone call his name. He turned and spotted Moses and his long, salt-and-pepper beard.
The bishop was walking out of his barn—sprightly for a man in his midsixties, but a farmer got a lot of exercise.
“Hi, Moses.” Jerry jogged over and reached out his hand to greet him. “Is now a gut time to discuss a personal matter?”
“Of course.” Moses gestured toward a picnic table near the back porch. “Would you like to have a seat over there?”
“Danki.” Jerry followed him to the table, and they sat down across from each other on the worn wooden planks. “I appreciate your time.”
“It’s no problem,” Moses said, folding his hands in front of him on the tabletop. “What can I do for you?”
Jerry paused for a moment, but then he decided to plow forward with the full story. “I’ve been doing a lot of thinking and praying, and I want to be baptized. I know I’m older than most of the folks who will be in your class next spring, but I’ve felt God call me. And I’m ready.”
“Oh.” The bishop’s eyes flew open as if he were startled by an unexpected noise. “This is wunderbaar. I imagine your parents are froh to hear this.”
“They don’t know yet. I’ve been praying about it for some time, though, and I finally realized today that God is calling me to join the church. I came here as soon as I knew.”
Moses nodded slowly, and his dark eyes seemed to study Jerry’s. “Are you certain your reasons are pure?”
Jerry’s thoughts turned to Clara, and he felt the overwhelming urge to be completely honest with him. “The truth is I’m in love with Clara Hertzler. I knew I cared about her as soon as I saw her again in June, but I also knew I couldn’t be with her unless I joined the church. For months I’ve wrestled with this, afraid if I decided to be baptized, my reasons wouldn’t be pure, that only my desire to be with Clara was calling me. Today I realized not only am I in love with Clara, but God has been calling me to the church all along. I just wasn’t listening. Today I felt a part of the community again, and I want to commit my heart to God and this way of life.”
The bishop rubbed his beard and was silent for a moment. “You truly believe God put this decision in your heart?”
“Absolutely,” Jerry said, emphasizing the word. “I could never have decided this without his guidance.”
“I believe you.” Moses pointed toward the driveway. “What about your truck?”
“I was thinking about that as I drove over here. I’m going to talk to mei onkel about selling it to one of his other employees who wanted it before he sold it to me.” Jerry yanked his cell phone from his pants pocket and set it on the table. “I’ll donate my phone to the Bird-in-Hand Shelter.” He gestured to his clothes. “And I’ll ask mei mamm to start sewing for me too.”
“You’re ready to shed all your Englisher ways immediately?” Moses asked.
“Ya, I am. I’ll start wearing Amish clothes as soon as mei mamm has them ready, and I’ll be in church with my district. I’m ready to make a full commitment to this community and to my new life right away, and I’ll be ready for my instruction in the spring if you’ll accept me into the class.” Jerry held his breath, his nerves thrumming as he awaited Moses’s decision.
The bishop touched his beard once again, and then a smile broke out on his face. “I’m thrilled to hear you’ve made this decision. I’ll welcome you in my class next spring, and you’ll be baptized with the other young people in our district in the fall.”
“Oh, danki!” He felt like a grinning fool, but he was so grateful. Jumping up, he shook Moses’s hand with vigor.
Moses chuckled. “Go tell your parents. They’re going to be thrilled.”
“Danki. I will.” Jerry jogged back to his truck, but he planned to tell someone else before he shared the news with his parents and sister.
As he drove to the Hertzler farm, he prayed Clara would not only forgive him, but wait for him to be baptized next fall.
Clara heard a knock on the back door as she chewed a mouthful of green beans. She swallowed and glanced at the clock on the kitchen wall. It was almost six o’clock. “Are you expecting company, Dat?”
“No, are you?” Dat’s gaze bounced between Clara and Mamm.
“No,” Mamm said.
“I’ll see who it is.” Clara set down her fork and hurried through the mudroom to the back door. The air in her lungs stalled when her eyes met Jerry’s. Had he forgiven her for pressuring him?
Maybe so, because his eyes seemed to plead with her as he folded his hands as if saying a prayer. “May I talk with you, please?”
“Hi, Jerry. Ya, of course.” She slipped through the door and pointed to the rocking chairs. “Let’s sit here.” She sat down on her favorite one and turned toward him, her pulse quickening as she took in his expression full of uncertainty.
“I want to apologize.” He angled his chair toward her and leaned forward with his elbows on his knees. “I’ve been terrible to you, and I hope you can forgive me.”
“Of course. I forgive you. It’s our way.”
“I know that, but I really need your forgiveness.”
“You have it, and I hope you’ve forgiven me too.” She studied his handsome face. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing is wrong. In fact, everything is right. It’s never been this right before.”
“I don’t understand.”
“I realized something today, and I need you to hear me out.”
“Okay.” Should she be worried? Was he here to tell her goodbye?
“I went to Ivan Smucker’s haus today to fix his kitchen sink. Did you know he married Lorene Fisher?”
Clara nodded. “Ya, I did. Why?”
“They’re expecting a boppli, and they’re really froh.”
She scrunched her nose as worry gave way to confusion. “What’s your point, Jerry?”
“I want everything they have. I want a haus and, if possible, children, and I want to have it all with you, Clara.” He reached forward and took her hands in his. “I love you. I love you with my whole heart, and I’m sorry it took me so long to figure this out.”
She gasped as tears pooled beneath her eyes. Was she dreaming? Had he truly told her he loved her? But what about the church? This couldn’t happen if Jerry wasn’t Amish.
“I realized you were right all along, Clara. I do need God in my life, and he’s been calling me to join the church. I also realized he wants me to be a family with you! I just wasn’t listening.”
She wiped her cheeks dry as happiness swelled inside her.
“As soon as I left Ivan’s haus,” Jerry continued, “I went to see the bishop and asked him if I could join the next baptism class. He said yes. So I’m here to ask you to wait for me. I want to be baptized, and then I want to marry you and start a life together. Mei onkel asked me to be his assistant manager so I can take over the business when he retires. I struggled with that decision, too, but I’ve decided to accept his offer. I’ll save my money so I can build you a haus. You just tell me what you want, and I’ll do my best to give it you.”
He paused. “You’ve been trying to tell me this is where I belong—here in this community. And you were right. This is my home.”
Clara cupped a hand to her mouth as tears flowed.
His eyes searched hers. “Why are you crying? Are you angry with me?”
“No, I’m not angry.” She chuckled. “I’m froh, Jerry. I’ve dreamt about this. I love you too.”
“Does that mean yes? Will you wait for me?”
“Of course I will.” She touched his cheek. “I’ll wait as long as I have to.”
“Ich liebe dich. Danki for helping me see the way.”
Jerry pulled her closer for a kiss, and Clara closed her eyes and smiled against his lips. God sent him to Henry’s garden so they would find each other and grow a life together, and she was filled with gratitude and joy.
DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
1.Clara is determined to encourage Jerry to join the church no matter the warnings she receives from family members and friends. Do you agree with how she approached
the issue?
2.Jerry decided to step away from the church when he was a teenager because he didn’t feel God’s call to join the church and he didn’t feel connected to God. Have you ever felt disconnected from your church or even God? If so, how did you overcome this feeling? Share with the group.
3.Clara’s mother misses her brother, who left the community. She regrets pushing him to join the church, and she blames herself for their estrangement. Can you relate to her story?
4.Which character can you identify with the most? Which character seemed to carry the most emotional stake in the story? Was it Clara, Jerry, Jerry’s father, or someone else?
5.Jerry’s father hides the truth about why he decided to join the church. He doesn’t tell Jerry how he first came to the church by marrying Jerry’s mother until late in the story. Do you agree with his decision not to tell Jerry the whole story from the beginning? Why or why not?
6.Jerry eventually realizes he belonged in the Amish community all along. What do you think caused him to change his point of view throughout the story?
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
As always, I’m grateful for my loving family, including my mother, Lola Goebelbecker; my husband, Joe; and my sons, Zac and Matt.
Special thanks to my mother and my dear friend Becky Biddy, who graciously proofread the draft and corrected my hilarious typos.
I’m also grateful for my special Amish friend who patiently answers my endless stream of questions. You’re a blessing in my life.
Thank you to my wonderful church family at Morning Star Lutheran in Matthews, North Carolina, for your encouragement, prayers, love, and friendship. You all mean so much to my family and me.
Thank you to Zac Weikal and the fabulous members of my Bakery Bunch! I’m so grateful for your friendship and your excitement about my books. You all are awesome!
To my agent, Natasha Kern—I can’t thank you enough for your guidance, advice, and friendship. You are a tremendous blessing in my life.
