by Nicole Thorn
“I’m hungry,” she decided. “We’re getting a late dinner before you go home. I have decided!” she said in an authoritative voice, declaring it loudly. Then she slipped into sweetness in a heartbeat. “Maybe pancakes!”
Chapter Seven: Rolling Along
The weekend came and went, and that about summed it up. My parents didn’t notice that I’d left for the party, and didn’t actually come to check on me for the entirety of Sunday. The only people I talked to were Cathy and Poe, and those only amounted to a handful of texts.
My parents didn’t even greet me when I headed off to school. I’d tried to say something to them, hoping to make them a little less frustrated with me, but my brother needed something. Oh well, they’d eventually find out I’d made a new friend. It wasn’t like I could have told them how I met her.
Again, I felt disappointment when I deliberately took a new way to school, just so I could pass by Poe’s house. I didn’t see his car, so I had to have missed him. It bugged me more than it should have, but I moved on, and got to school.
Like usual now, the day dragged at a painful pace. I stared at the clock, because I was stupid. It felt like the second hand had stopped working entirely, because every time I looked up, about a minute had passed by. I had a couple months left before I graduated, but it might as well have been a year.
After the teacher told us to work on this chapter in history class, everyone around me started discussing summer plans, along with where they would be in the fall. Most of them had jobs or school to look forward to, and then there was me. I had no plans anymore, and I didn’t know where I would be going to school. Or if I could have even started in the fall. My parents made it clear that they would only help a little with the tuition, since they had three kids that needed to go to college. That left me kind of on my own for most of it. I didn’t get into a school close by, so I had to juggle classes, and a job that could keep me afloat. So…screwed…
Then I thought of Peter, who could have picked any number of schools, and received a scholarship from most of them. He had his whole life all set up in front of him, and he could pick from a dozen places, all that would lead him to something grand and wonderful. Peter would make something of himself, while I wasted away alone. It sounded appropriate.
The bells rang, and I moved through my classes like I always did. I had this habit of checking my phone while I walked, and I kicked myself every time I did it. I would look at the blank screen, and be reminded of what I didn’t have anymore. Not even my parents found the time to check on me. I had hoped that maybe Poe would have.
Lunchtime came around, and I hesitated on getting my meal. Sitting alone only embarrassed me, and it wasn’t worth getting to eat. I could have saved a lot of trouble if I hid out in the bathroom for a half hour. I’d save money that way too.
As I turned to abandon ship, I saw Poe sitting by himself. It made me stop in the middle of the hall. The look on his face grabbed me, because it felt wrong to see. He had a tray of food that he hadn’t touched, and a book in his hands. His eyes didn’t not look at the book, but stared at the table instead. I hadn’t known him for very long, but this didn’t feel right for him. I’d never seen him look anything but happy and smiling, so I couldn’t understand the disturbed, pensive expression. Something looked wrong.
I hurried through the hall, and down the stairs to speak with him. He sat at the edge of the lunch area, tucked away where he didn’t have to be around people. To say it threw me would have been an understatement.
“Hey, fella,” I said with a smile as I pulled a chair out.
It took Poe a moment, but he blinked, and then looked up at me. It all changed so quickly. The tension that formed a crease between his eyebrows, smoothed out into something softer. The frown that looked etched into him as if he were stone, turned to a smile, and his eyes lifted.
“Afternoon, darlin’. How goes it?”
I lifted an eyebrow. “How about you start off? You looked upset.”
Poe shook his head. “Who? Me? Not a chance.”
Liar. “You don’t wanna talk about it?”
The boy laid his book down, and then reached out for my chair. He pulled me to him, grinning at the way I squeaked in surprise. Once I sat right next to him, he put an arm around my shoulder. “Nothing’s wrong. I promise.”
It wasn’t my place to pry, so I dropped it. He could have had a bad morning, or a test stressed him out. If we knew each other a little better, then I would have asked.
“Not hungry?” Poe said, noticing my lack of food.
I shrugged. “Nah, not really.”
He pushed his tray at me. “Me neither. Eat.”
I smirked. “Bossypants.”
“You have no idea.”
I decided that two could play that game, so I picked up a couple breadsticks from the tray, and handed one over. He took it, and I waited for him to start eating before I did. I couldn’t lose that fight.
“How was your weekend?” I asked. “You do anything fun?”
He answered flatly. “Knitting, and a little reading. Not much else. You?”
“I stared at the wall. It was a lot of fun.”
“Smart ass.”
“Maybe.”
We sat there, eating and not talking. It was the first time since we’d met, that we hadn’t been chatting about something or another. It had to have been me. I always seemed to be the problem, so why should I have thought any different for this? I didn’t know what I did to mess this up, but clearly, I needed to stop talking to him altogether.
As I got ready to make an excuse, Poe tugged on my sleeve. “You wanna see a movie when your parents free you?”
My eyes widened a touch. “Huh?”
“What? Did that sound weird? We don’t have to hang out if you don’t want to, but—”
“No,” I interrupted. “It’s fine. I kind of assumed that you’d get tired of me sooner or later. Most do.”
“I’m pretty into the whole hating the world thing, so I was hoping you’d stick around for a while.”
I couldn’t imagine why. “I don’t know how long I’ll be in trouble.”
Poe contemplated for a moment. He stared up, and leaned back in his chair. “Well, they’re all mad about you being…”
“Fucked up.”
“Fucked up,” he repeated. “Maybe they would loosen up if they found out you had a friend.” Poe waggled his eyebrows. “Use me, baby.”
I laughed, and set the rest of my bread down. “You want me to ask my parents if I can go out, because I have a friend?”
“Yeah, is that not reasonable?”
Shrugging, I said, “I don’t know if it’ll work, but we can try if you want.”
“I do.”
I got all smiley, and it felt weird. I hadn’t been smiley in…ever maybe. The feeling was fleeting, but there nonetheless. A nice break from the hell I’d been stooped in for the last month or so. If only it would have stuck around.
Cathy appeared out of nowhere, dropping her tray on the table in the seat across from us. She groaned, and sat down. “Do you have any idea how much I was looking forward to chili? All morning, I’ve been thinking about it, and the bitch in front of me took the last bowl. Now all I have is this.” She poked at the box of salad, frowning. “They gave me a cup of ham chunks…”
Poe glanced at me. “You mind if I feed the girl?”
“You do you.”
He traded trays with her, and Cathy lit up. “You angel. You sweetheart. You meat provider.”
Poe bowed in his seat. “I sure hope that becomes my new nickname.”
Cathy smiled, and started mixing her chips in with the chili. “You guys notice that weirdo Tammy isn’t here today? I hear she stayed home to avoid being ragged on for the psycho of her personality.”
I made a face. “She seemed really upset when I smashed up her car, so I’d feel bad if I started talking shit about her.”
Cathy stabbed at her lunch, not looking at me
. “I don’t feel guilty at all. She probably wanted our pictures so that she could do some weird spell or something. Oh wait.” She lifted her head up. “What’s her magic? Do either of you know? What if it’s like something with brains or whatever, and this is how she picks victims?”
Poe chuckled. “I don’t know what she works, but I’m sure she’s not planning on—”
“Hey, Clove.”
My brain tingled at the voice I heard at my side, and my nails bit into my palm when a chair scraped the floor. Peter sat right beside me, wearing a big smile. And then he waited for me to say something, grinning, and greeting me like I would have two months ago, and he loved me.
“Um, hi,” I said. “Where’s Kelly?”
His lips parted, but no words came out at first. “I really don’t know.”
“Weird,” Cathy said, making his head turn. “She’s all shiny and new. You’d think her boyfriend could keep track of her. Then again, you seem to have a habit of letting girls get away, huh?”
Poe hid a smile, and I turned red.
“She’s probably with her friends,” Peter said. “And who are you?”
Cathy grinned. “I’m the girl whose beer you made yourself sick on.” She held a hand out. “Catherine, but my friends call me Cathy. So, Catherine to you.”
Peter shook her hand. “I’m Clover’s friend.”
“Is that so?” Poe asked, leaning toward him, and over me. He smelled like apples. “Because I’ve heard other things.”
“Like?”
“Like how you said some shitty things to a girl you supposedly loved.”
Peter looked over at me. “What did you tell them?”
“The truth,” I answered quietly.
The boy cleared his throat. “Well, I don’t like beating around the bush. Most people like honesty.”
“Why are you here?” I asked, cutting his statement short. “Did you need something? Did you leave something at my house?”
Peter leaned his arms on the table, making himself at home. “No, I wanted to say hi to you. I told you before that you were my best friend, Clover. Can we not talk once in a while?”
“No,” Cathy answered for me.
Peter ignored her. “I saw that you made some new friends. I wanted to say that I was happy for you. I know how you are with people, and it’s great you found some that enjoy your company.”
I flinched at what felt like a stab to the chest. Neither of us were good with people, and we’d first bonded over that. Something we had in common, that hurt us both. Now he found it in him to get chummy with teammates, and go to parties. I got left behind, while he became human.
“I for one,” Poe started. “Really enjoy her company.” He ended on a grin, and slipped his arm around my shoulders, pulling me a little closer to him.
What the hell is he doing?
“It’s hard to imagine someone not wanting to be friends with her.”
Peter looked right at the arm around me, and his jaw tightened. “Yeah, it really is. I can’t imagine my life without her in it.”
“Too bad you broke up with her then, huh?” Cathy asked. “Kinda fucks with the whole, trying to stay friends thing. One might see it as sending mixed signals.”
“I don’t do that,” Peter said.
Cathy nodded. “Yup, straight forward. I got that.” She took a slow bite of her food, keeping her eyes on him.
It took almost no time before I couldn’t handle it anymore. I laid my hands on the table, and then stood up. Poe didn’t properly drop his arm from my shoulder, and his hand slid down my back. He kept it on my lower back, and Peter watched every movement.
“Can I have a minute?” I asked my ex, nodding to the hall. I started walking away before he told me he would follow.
I waited for him, away from everyone else. Peter kept up with me for the most part, and stopped about two feet away. I watched him for a moment, wanting so badly to read his mind. He went weeks without a word, and then he sat down beside me, the very first time I had someone else to spend lunch with.
“What the hell is your problem?” I asked. “Why are you talking to me?”
He scoffed, and crossed his arms. “I love you, sweets. You’re my friend.”
“I’m not your friend. You chose to stop being my friend when you said that you were happier without me around.”
The boy stammered, but found his footing. “You’re taking that the wrong way.”
My eyes went so wide that they hurt, and I laughed sharply. “So sorry. How the fuck was I supposed to take that?”
Peter scratched the back of his head, clearing his throat. “It’s just that…you were gone, and I was a fucking mess for days. Then another couple days passed, and things were different. I don’t know, I guess I figured out how to be okay by myself. I realized that I have a lot of stress I’m dealing with, and you do too. I think it’s good that we’re not together anymore, because we needed to be on our own.”
“Sure, but you’re not on your own. You have Kelly, who you ran back to, two weeks after you and I broke up. Like our whole relationship meant nothing to you. You replaced me already.”
Peter raised his voice, getting the attention of someone passing us in the hall. They scurried away fast. “I wasn’t replacing you. Kelly and I happened out of nowhere. I didn’t have it planned. And it’s not like you can talk about being replaced. Since when do you hang out with Poe Martin?”
I cocked my head, having to wait a moment and repeat the words in my head so that I knew I heard them right. “It’s none of your business who I hang out with, Peter. You made sure you removed yourself from my life.”
“I don’t want to be removed from your life. We can be just like we were before, but not date.”
Insanity. The boy sounded crazy, and he didn’t seem to get it. “Not a chance.”
“Why not?”
“Because I can’t look at you. I can’t look at your face and not think about how we used to be, or that I thought we were going to be together for the rest of our lives. We had all these plans, and you threw them away. I’m still trying to get over it, so how about you let me, and don’t come popping into my life when you feel like it.”
He turned, looking at Poe again. He and Cathy were talking, but it didn’t look like a happy conversation. “Think about it,” Peter told me. “We’re too good of friends for you to do this to me. It’s cruel, sweets.”
I shoved him, and he stumbled back a step. “Don’t you ever fucking call me that.”
“I’ve called you that for two years. Why can’t I—”
“You know why,” I hissed. “Don’t for a single second think that we’re ever going to be like we were. You made the choice to leave me, knowing what would happen. So don’t act shocked when you don’t get to have your cake and eat it too. It’s not right of you to ask.”
Peter took a deep breath, but he nodded. “You need more time. I get that. You get stuck on something, and can’t see how things really are. Eventually, you’ll understand that this is a little dramatic, and things can work fine. Kelly likes you, and doesn’t mind if we hang out. I see no reason we can’t still be in the rest of each other’s lives.”
No, he really didn’t see it, did he? He would always see himself entirely in the right, and I would be the crazy one who wouldn’t stay his friend. He thought we could keep it on his terms, and it only showed that my feelings didn’t matter.
“You need to go,” I said. “I can’t do this right now.”
He nodded again. “I’ll give you some time, and then when you’re ready, you can call me. We should get dinner or something. My parents would probably like to have you over.”
I didn’t punch him, even though I wanted nothing more than to break his jaw. “Sure thing,” I snapped, and then turned to go join my friends again.
I sat down, fuming and so angry that I felt my face burn.
“Want me to kill him?” Cathy asked. “Because I can do that for you.”
I swallowed, and didn’t look up from the table. “No, I don’t want him dead. I just want his dick to stop working, and for him to lose all his teeth.”
“Reasonable,” Poe said. “I offer my services to you as your loyal henchman.”
I smiled at him, sighing. “Thanks, but really, I should be an adult here. If Peter can’t handle it, then it’s up to me.”
Poe patted my leg, and put his arm back around my shoulders. “If you say so. Let me know if you change your mind.”
“I will. Trust me.”
Chapter Eight: If Anyone Could Have Done It…
“I swear to god,” I muttered to Cathy. “If they throw that ball at me, I will stab someone in the junk.”
We stood together in the middle of gym, staring at a bunch of classmates as they chased around a basketball. A few others stood around too, so the teacher didn’t care. Though the ones playing seemed to care a whole lot, because they hooted and hollered each time someone scored. I found more entertainment in judging them with Cathy. The class would have been a million times better with Poe in it, but he’d already gotten his gym credit for the year.
He’d been quiet at lunch, but managed to offer smiles and jokes between Cathy’s and my ramblings. I regretted not asking him what the problem had been, because it had to have been something.
“I think you’re safe,” Cathy said to me. “You have resting murder face, so people assume you would want to get revenge if they screwed with you.”
“I did threaten to stab someone.”
“And that was sexy as hell. While I can appreciate it for that, I doubt our fellow students would agree. Losers.”
I snorted, and the two of us walked a little farther, making a real effort to pretend like we were in the middle of the game. Minimal effort worked out pretty well, since the teacher mostly had her eye on the traveling ball. If she saw us walking once in a while, we got away with it.
“I would like to go home now,” I stated. “Right now.”
“One more class,” Cathy reminded me. “Then you can go home and stare at the ceiling.”
