by Nicole Thorn
I didn’t want to jump to conclusions, but what choices did we have left? Kelly or Tammy. I had to pick. I did not think that Peter would have been okay with any of this, so that pushed me to think Tammy. If Kelly was so insane that she thought she had to do this, then Peter would have caught on.
“Do we go to the police?” I asked. I didn’t even want to talk anymore. My brain wanted to go down for a nap, but I had to carry on this conversation I didn’t want to have.
“What would that even do?” Cathy asked me, turning to look at my wooden figures. She flicked one, casually knocking it on its side. “The ladies in the office thought you were crazy, the security guys don’t care, and us three are the only ones who can be official witnesses.” She knocked over another figure. “We can start trouble, but it’ll only get eyes on us.” Down went another figure.
Trouble would have only made this a whole lot worse, and I wanted nothing more than for this to end. “I say we leave it be.”
Poe grumbled. “So everyone gets away with hurting you?”
“It’s that, or I poke the angry bear. If I don’t react, then maybe Tammy won’t want to mess with me anymore.”
He shook his head as Cathy pushed over a wooden cat. “This isn’t going to make it end. She’ll just turn it up to get your attention.”
I heard the front door unlock before it pushed open. My father called to me, and I saw him through my opened door. I got up, swayed, and Poe caught me so that we could meet up with him and my frantic looking mother.
“Clover!” she said, and rushed over to me. “What the hell happened to your face!”
Dad had the same worried panic, holding his phone in his hand. “I got a voicemail saying someone hit you. What happened?” he echoed.
I spoke as honestly as I could, knowing it wouldn’t have made sense. I told them the cold facts, leaving out who I thought had it done, and all the stuff around it. It ended up being a short story of course, since I went from minding my own business, to getting punched like a little bitch.
“That makes no sense,” my father said. “Why would someone hit you for no reason?”
I didn’t like the accusatory note to his voice. Cathy didn’t like it either, because she went into her defiant stance. “Because people suck. Also, someone had this done to her. There’s a psycho at school who’s been harassing her. Some crazy bitch who’s punishing her for an accident.”
“What accident?” Mom asked.
“The car,” I said, knowing I couldn’t have gone back now. “Tammy, that girl whose car I accidentally messed up. She hates me, and decided that she wants to make my life hard.”
Dad rolled his eyes. “You always assume everyone is out to get you, Clover.”
Cathy scoffed. “The two shiners she’ll be rocking in the morning is a pretty good indication that someone is out to get her. Sir,” she hissed.
Dad turned to me. “You think this girl is after you?”
“What else am I supposed to think? She’s the only person who has a problem with me.”
Mom didn’t seem to buy it, and she cut me off before I could go on. “Stop that. The car thing was taken care of, and I doubt this girl cares so much about you, that she would have a boy come do what happened. This was probably all a misunderstanding.”
Poe spoke next, and he looked utterly baffled as he subtly took hold of my hand, and tugged me back to him. “You both don’t seem all that upset that your kid got her lights knocked out today. Cathy almost killed a nurse when it happened, and you’re just telling Clover not to worry.”
“I didn’t say that,” Mom bit back. “I don’t want my daughter to go bothering a girl who probably wants nothing to do with her. Who was this boy who hit her? Maybe Clover did something to upset this person.”
Poe rubbed his face, glaring at my mother. “This is real then… You’re blaming Clover. You’re blaming the person who got hit.”
Cathy tapped her foot. “This explains so fucking much. No offense, but you guys suck.”
Oh, I wanted to run far, far away from here, but I couldn’t. I watched my parents as they tried to keep it together, and my father took over.
“I understand that you’re all frazzled,” he said. “So I’ll let that go. Trust me, I’m very unhappy that someone hurt my daughter today. I would love nothing more than to beat that boy senseless. But it would be insane to go blaming people without any proof. Do you have proof?”
“No,” I bitterly said. “We have no proof.”
“I thought so. Listen, I think you all need to cool down. The school said that they’re doing everything they can to figure out who did this, and I trust that they’ll get it done. You guys being hotheaded won’t solve a thing.”
I said nothing, but Cathy didn’t have as much control as I did. “I think beating her ass would keep Tammy from doing this again. I say that solves a lot.”
“Don’t you dare,” Mom said. “You kids don’t need to get in trouble for this. I’m sure after a good night’s sleep, Clover will remember this boy. She has to have come across him before. People don’t go punching other people for no reason.”
I agreed. I was sure he had a reason, like doing a favor for Tammy, or maybe she paid him. It could have been one of a million reasons I might never have known. But what this boiled down to, was that my parents thought it had been me. That I’d earned the throbbing head, and pulsing pain. It always came back to me and my fuckups. I wasn’t good enough to please my parents. I wasn’t good enough to keep Peter around. I wasn’t good enough to think I could hold onto Cathy or Poe either. I wasn’t good.
I couldn’t take it anymore, and I ended up half running back to my bedroom, ignoring my parents as they called for me to come back. I didn’t want to see them, and see the blame in their eyes. Wasn’t it enough that someone had hit me? Did I need to be harmed again?
“We have this,” Cathy said, hostile as she made my parents keep from following me. “Don’t worry about it.”
“Of course we’ll worry about it,” Dad said.
“Really,” Poe reiterated. “This is something I think Clover would rather talk to us about. At least we listen when she speaks.”
Seconds later, Poe and Cathy appeared in my room. Cathy closed and locked my door, while I sat on the carpet by my dresser. I held my head in my hands, hearing my own heartbeat in my chest. It had not been a good day.
My friends sat on the floor with me, both looking pissy. “I hate your parents,” Cathy decided. “Hate them. They didn’t for a second think it was possible Tammy did it. Are they always like that?”
“Nah,” I said, shaking my head. “They don’t normally talk to me that much.”
Poe inhaled, paused, and exhaled. “I’m going to steal you, and hide you away in my room. You can sleep in the closet. I’ll sneak you food.”
I shrugged. “It’s not so bad.”
“It is,” Cathy decided. She huffed twice, glaring at nothing. “I need to take my aggression out on something, and I don’t have a small animal or chocolate cake around here.”
She looked around, and Poe leaned back, revealing my dresser again. Cathy smiled, thanked him, and then reached up to knock the remaining figures to the floor.
Chapter Twenty-One: Not Like It Is in The Movies
It had been confirmed when I showed up at school the next day. No one saw a thing, and that meant the monster who hit me, didn’t get in trouble. Poe promised that he did some damage to his insides, and that it wouldn’t have healed for weeks. Even then, it would have been sore. That made me happy in a messed up way, and I knew playing in the lacrosse games would have caused the boy agony. He deserved worse.
“This just makes me feel silly,” I said to Ana and Jamie as we sat in history class. They insisted I move to sit in the back with them, because I needed guard dogs.
“Not even,” Ana said, flipping her brown, curly hair over her shoulder. The green streak stood out wonderfully against her darker skin, and olive eyes. “You’re friends
with my boyfriend’s little sister, and that puts you under the protection of me, my little brother, and Jamie. You have backup, and you have no choice in the matter.”
“You don’t know me,” I said. “You shouldn’t care.”
“Too bad,” Jamie responded. “And we know you well enough. It’s mostly the principle of the thing. If any dude punched any tiny girl, I would want to protect her. Don’t feel special.”
Ana glared at him, but smiled before she patted his shoulder. “Ass.”
“You like it,” he said.
“Though,” Ana added. “You look pretty tough with the shadows under your eyes. People won’t wanna mess with you.”
I didn’t comment. I’d gotten a look at myself this morning, and it wasn’t as bad as I’d been expecting. I only wished I had a blood worker friend to make the bruises go away. My eyes watered if anything touched my nose, or if I breathed too hard. Other than that, it was okay. A couple black eyes, and a twitch when people moved too suddenly.
“Poe’s here,” Jamie said, checking his phone. “He’s got the next watch.”
I rolled my eyes. “You guys really need to cut it out with the secret service shit. I can handle myself.”
Jamie drew a circle in the air, pointing to my face. “You cannot, little missus.”
“I wasn’t expecting this though.”
“Exactly,” Ana said, backing up her boyfriend. “Something else can happen that you’re not expecting, and it could be worse. You can keep fighting, but you won’t win.”
No, I wouldn’t have won. I had Cathy and Poe leading this little army, and Cathy knew too many people for me to have fought it. I had to let them do what they would. At least Poe babysat me next.
The bell rang, and I tried hard not to smile to myself when I realized that Poe had showed up five minutes early. He waited for me outside of the door, grinning like he had some treat waiting for him. I took his hand at the same time he went for mine, but we didn’t comment. It would have ruined something if we had to have the talk again.
“Feeling okay?” he asked me. “I have Advil if you need, or I can take you home. We can watch TV, or nap. I know you like the snuggles,” Poe said, pulling me a little closer to him.
“I do,” I admitted. “But I shouldn’t skip more classes. A bad habit.”
“We’re close to the end of the year,” he reminded me. “We’re just getting study guides and busy work.”
Still smiling, I said, “It sounds like you’re trying to encourage me to break the rules?”
“Who? Me? Never. We can do our shenanigans after school.”
Poe slowed his walk, linking his arm with mine instead of holding my hand. “What might those shenanigans be?”
I didn’t mind the sound of a nap. Those got so good, the second they stopped being required parts of the day. Though it wasn’t a great idea to make it a habit to spend time with Poe in a bed. We liked each other, and I didn’t think I had the control to not instigate something. For example…
“I’m down for whatever.”
Poe’s smile turned crooked. “Well if that’s the case…”
Damn, I had to be better than that. “Sorry,” I said. “That sounded flirtier than I meant it to.”
“But you did intend for it to sound flirty?”
We stopped at his locker, and untwined from each other. He had his eyes on the lock while I spoke. “It’s a little difficult, knowing how I’m supposed to act.”
“And how are you supposed to act?”
“We’re friends, and we should keep the line drawn clearly.”
“Right,” Poe said, opening his locker. “Like holding hands in the halls, and making out once in a while, and then eventually getting an apartment and a dog.”
I narrowed my eyes. “Very funny. You should work on your taste in women, first off. You’re chasing someone who isn’t worth your time.”
“Not for you to decide,” Poe said, switching out his books. “Again, I get why you’re hesitating. Cathy said that it worries you, how I am.”
“Fucking Cathy!” I growled, glaring at the floor.
“Don’t get mad at her. I needed to know, and you clearly weren’t about to tell me. I don’t really know how to defend myself here, and I understand that no matter what I say, your crazy brain will find a way to turn it around and hurt you with it. You’ll still doubt me, and you, and what the both of us want. You told Cathy what was wrong. How about you try and explain it to me now?”
The conversation felt roundabout before it even started, but Poe would have dropped it if I asked. The thing was, I told Cathy, and didn’t say much to Poe. He deserved to be informed on why I made this choice for the both of us.
“What if it happens again?” I asked.
“What if what happens?”
“All of it? You don’t know me all that well. Eventually you’ll get tired of how I am, and you’ll want to take off. Which is fine. I know that relationships don’t always work out. But I don’t know what it would do to me if I thought I was making your life harder, or making you unhappy.”
Poe closed his locker, making me wait a few painful seconds for his response. “If I thought it would convince you, I’d spend the next six hours explaining exactly why that would never happen. I would tell you how much I love being around you, and how nothing would make me happier than to get to be with you. I would remind you that I’m not like your ex, and I wouldn’t hurt you like he did, because I could, or I was angry, or whatever fucked up reasons he had. I would tell you that while I know you’re afraid of getting hurt, I don’t think that keeping yourself unharmed is best done by shutting down something before it really started. The facts are these, Clover. We like each other. I’ll wait if you need more time, and I’ll leave it alone if you just don’t want to be with me. Your reasoning isn’t any of my business, and not mine to dismiss or undermine. All I can tell you is that it wouldn’t be like it was before, because that was its own thing. Peter and I are not the same. One, I’m obviously better.”
I smiled.
“Two, he’s a constant asshole, and fine with it. I actually feel bad, and notice when I’m one. I’m sorry that my being kind of sad bothers you. Trust me, I don’t like it either.”
“It’s not that,” I said. “I don’t know how to handle it. I can’t make you feel better, and if I feel like I’m useless, it’s upsetting.”
“It isn’t your job to heal me, and I don’t need to be healed. I have moments, but I get past them. All I need is you, being there with me. It’s enough. You, you are enough.”
Happier without you, happier without you. The words mocked me, telling me not to believe Poe, because how could that have been true? What did he get out of being around me?
“You are,” he said as if I’d countered his words out loud. “You don’t believe it, but maybe you eventually will. If you want to only be friends, then we can. You can even hold my hand in the hallway, and I won’t mind it. Whatever you need.”
That made me smile a little. “I feel like that would be mean of me.”
“Not at all. Take advantage of me. I welcome it.”
“If you welcome it, then I’m not taking advantage. Where’s the fun?”
“The fun is in our special naps.”
I attempted not to smile, but Poe caught on instantly. He tried to make it worse, inching closer to me as I mock protested. I didn’t even notice the students thinning around us as he put his face against my neck, and his hands at my sides. Poe tickled my hips, pressing his lips to my jaw. He was careful not to be too rowdy, since I seemed to be fragile.
“What do you think you’re doing?” I asked, giggling.
“Enjoying you,” Poe stated, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. “I do it all the time. Sometimes, you’re even there for it.”
I rolled my eyes, and poorly tried pushing him off of me. I only ended up against the lockers, enjoying him right back. I wanted to enjoy him in the backseat of his car as well, and I
contemplated how hard it would have been to sneak off.
“Well I guess you’re doing better,” I heard after a throat clearing. While my instincts said to freak out, Poe sighed, and looked over his shoulder at Peter. He took a moment to release me.
“Um, hi,” I said. “What are you doing here? Your locker is two halls away.”
Peter put his hands in his pockets, glaring in Poe’s direction as he spoke. “I heard about what happened yesterday, so I went looking for you. I didn’t realize you would be up and screwing your new boyfriend in the middle of the hall.”
While I contemplated murder, Poe was nice enough to step in. “I don’t even know where to start here, but I’ll go with fuck you.”
“Excuse me?”
“You heard what I said. Fuck you. What Clover does is none of your business, and you don’t have to make her feel bad about it.”
Peter gave that smug smile that he got on his face when he thought he came up with something clever. The smile irritated me. “Sweets doesn’t feel bad. I get why you think that, since you’re new here. It’s not your fault though. I know my girl well.”
And there started the fire that had me putting my hand on Poe’s shoulder, pulling him back before he could defend me. I wanted to do that. “Call me your girl again, and I’ll be sure to let Kelly know how you feel.”
Peter rolled his eyes. “Don’t be so dramatic. You know what I meant.”
“Yeah, yeah I did. I’m not yours. You have no claim on me. So if I want to play with my friend in the hall, I will.”
My ex raised his eyebrows. “You’re gonna give the wrong idea to people, Clove. People are going to start talking about what kind of girl lets a guy have at her in the hall.”
I scoffed, crossing my arms so that I wouldn’t punch him. “Fuck what people think.”
“I agree,” Poe said, putting his arm around my shoulder. “Your opinion isn’t really needed here. Thanks, see ya later.”
Peter didn’t walk away. Instead, he watched me like I had done something wrong. Like I’d sinned and offended him. Peter remained heedless of what it did to me to have him around. No matter how many times I’d asked him to let me be, to not call me Clove, or sweets, he did it anyway. He used those words like they were his birthright, and he stared at me as if this were months ago, and his claim still stood. He didn’t want me, and he didn’t want anyone else to have me.
