by Linzi Baxter
Abe tapped his finger on the steering wheel. “That crossed my mind for a second, but they would have only sent ambulances if you had an attack, not fire trucks. Well, I guess if you threatened to burn the plane down,” he joked.
I liked he was honest with me and didn’t deny that he thought I’d had an attack. “I try not to burn things down when I’m inside them.”
“Point taken,” he laughed.
I loved to hear the sound of his deep rumble. My phone buzzed in my hand again—another text from my brother. When I slid open the messages, my heart rate sped up.
John: Are you okay? I’m on my way.
Addie: I’m fine. Abe has me, and I will be to you soon.
John: Are you sure?
My brother cared, but sometimes his asking made things worse. I quickly replied yes.
“Did you eat anything on the plane?”
“No, I was too stressed to eat.” My stomach choose that moment to grumble. “I hadn’t even realized I was hungry until you mentioned it.”
“Well, let’s get you some food,” Abe said.
My stomach grumbled again. “I’m not sure that’s a good idea, and John’s worried about me.”
Abe looked across the console. “John will always worry about you. He’s your older brother, but I think you might need more time to settle down before you see him. Do you trust me?”
For some reason, I did. Lena and Cruz were the only two people to help me come out of panic attacks in the past. Even when they did, it would take more time than it took Abe to get me out of my own head. I also worried that if I went to see John now and so close to my last attack, I might not stop another one from happening. Abe made me feel safe inside his truck. “Yes, I trust you, but don’t make me regret saying that.”
He took a turn, and in the distance, I could see the beach. I hadn’t been to the beach in years. The thought of someone having to take me somewhere to deal with a panic attack was too much to ask. My palms started to sweat, and I could feel my heartbeat increasing. My watch chimed, letting me know it was getting high.
Abe reached over and gripped my hand. The action alone was enough to snap me out of the attack. “Sorry,” I muttered, more embarrassed than sorry.
“You don’t have to apologize. We’re almost to the place I had in mind. The owner owes me a favor. I planned to call the order in, and they can bring us out the food. That way, I don’t have to leave you alone in the car.”
“Thank you.” The last time I tried to go on a date with someone, they had insisted on going to an extremely packed restaurant. I’d asked many times if we could go somewhere else. He complained that he’d made the reservation months ago and didn’t want to lose it. So I took a Xanax and went along. It was the worst date I’d ever experienced. My nerves took over halfway through the meal, and I had an attack. The guy got pissed and started yelling at me, which made the attack even worse. A gentleman sitting at the next table started cussing my date out. I wished the floor of the restaurant would open up and swallow me whole. I left, called a taxi, and never heard from the guy again. It was also the last time I’d left my house until this morning.
“No problem. Do you want crab, lobster, or an old-fashioned burger?” Abe asked as he parked his truck.
I glanced at the seafood restaurant. The place looked cute and charming, and I wished I could go inside, but my nerves were too far gone for the day already. “Do they have crab cakes and tater tots?”
Abe nodded. “Yes. They also make a mean piña colada.”
“Perfect.” Abe pulled out his phone and ordered enough food to feed an army. After he ended the call, he looked over to me. “Okay, I want to try something, and if at any point you feel overwhelmed, tell me. Even if you think there might be a slight chance my idea sets you off.”
I frowned. “What do you want to do? Go surfing? Because I can tell you that’s a no-go. There are way too many sharks in the water.” Fort Lauderdale didn’t have many shark bites. New Smyrna, Florida was known more for shark attacks.
Abe’s smile lit up the cab of his truck. “Even if I wanted to go swimming, the water is way too cold this time of year. It might be in the seventies outside, but this Florida boy does not go in the water past the end of August. When I was in the Navy, we had to do a lot of hours training and missions in the cold water. You would think I would be used to it, but I prefer warm water.”
It was time to put on my big-girl shorts. “Let’s do this, but I’m not promising I won’t have a breakdown, and you will get embarrassed.”
His eyes narrowed. “You couldn’t do anything to humiliate me.”
Before I had time to answer, he was out of the large truck and pulled open my door. He held out his hand to help me down. When our skin touched, a surge of awareness went through my body. I’d felt nothing like it before.
He led me down a path to a secluded area of the beach. The weather was beautiful—not too much humidity in the air and a cool breeze off the ocean. “Sit.” His word came out more like a demand, but it didn’t bother me. When he sat down next to me at the picnic table, our thighs touched.
The sound of the waves crashing against the shore was almost soothing. “It’s so quiet here. Where is everyone?”
“Farther down the beach. There aren’t a lot of bars around this area. So the tourists tend to go farther south, and most of the beaches in this area are also private.”
When he reached up and put my wayward strand of hair behind my ear, I was so fucked. There was no way I wouldn’t want to sleep with this man, my brother’s close friend. Locking myself away in my house for years did nothing to take away my desire to still find happiness. My fear to leave the house made it hard to do the things I truly wanted to try.
At one point, before I decided to stop leaving the house, I would try to push myself to do one thing. It would take hours to talk myself into going for a walk in the park. By the time I got home, I was so emotionally exhausted it was easier not to go anymore.
“This almost makes me regret not coming down here sooner.”
The time spent away from my brother weighed heavy on my chest. A large white bird flew out of the bushes next to me, sending my heart rate into a spiral. Abe grabbed my hand. His touch alone settled my racing pulse.
His fingers ran circles around my wrist as he continued the conversation. “Why haven’t you?”
I couldn’t help but roll my eyes. “Did you not witness the panic attack earlier or the bird scaring me half to death? I’m sure my brother told you I have agoraphobia. Hell, this was my first time leaving the house in three years, and I almost died in a plane crash, reminding me why I never leave home. Too many unpleasant things happen on the outside.”
Abe let out a whistle. “Three years? It would be hard for anyone who stayed inside that long.” I dipped my head in shame. Abe placed his two fingers under my chin, and I was lost in his eyes. “Don’t every feel like you need to hide yourself. You need to give yourself time.”
“Please say nothing to John. He still thinks I leave the house every so often.”
“It’s not my place to say anything, but if he asks. I’m not going to lie to my friend.”
I glanced down at Abe’s thumb as it continued to run circles on my wrist. His touch was distracting me from the world around us. I wanted him to press his lips to mine and make everything disappear. A day ago, I would never have expected to be so comfortable around a man that I would want him to kiss me, outside no less. The way his eyes heated each time he looked at me made me want to get closer to him and learn more about him.
He tilted his head. “What just went through that pretty little mind of yours? Your cheeks are the prettiest shade of pink.”
“Your touch is a little distracting.”
His lip twitched, and he said, “Distracting in a good way?” He reached up and ran his thumb along my lip. “Because I think if it was something bad, you wouldn’t be this pretty shade of pink.”
I closed my eyes and took
a deep breath. “It wasn’t a bad thought.”
“Then why don’t you tell me what you were thinking about.”
Saved by the ring. Abe’s phone buzzed on the picnic table. He stood up gracefully. “Our food is done. I’m not going to forget about the conversation we were having.”
The second he stepped away I missed the touch of his thumb running circles on my wrist. Abe being near me, settled me. Everything scary around me seemed to dissipate into the background.
I watched as he walked a few feet away and hugged a man before grabbing the bags from his hands. They exchanged a few more words before he walked back over to me. He placed a container in front of me, and when I opened up the lid, it smelled so good. When he sat back down next to me, his leg brushed against mine and I could smell his aftershave.
“John’s excited you’re in Florida.”
I inwardly let out a sigh he dropped the conversation from earlier. My brother was something I could talk about and it gave my body a second to calm down. “He is. I’m still worried he will figure out I haven’t left my house.”
“I’m pretty sure your brother wouldn’t be mad at you for not leaving the house. He might worry about it, but that is what older brothers always do.”
“He’s only older by one minute,” I huffed before taking a swig of the refreshing piña colada.
I glanced over at him. There was no sign of irritation or annoyance. Those were two of the most common things I had to deal with. It would be too easy to get lost in his icy-blue eyes. When he winked, my face heated—and not from the Florida sun. The man knew he was sexy as fuck, and my palms were sweating. I was nervous I might say the wrong thing.
“It doesn’t matter if you were older by a few years. John would always worry about you. That’s what family does.” A flicker of sadness flashed for a second, but he blinked, putting back up his smile.
John was the only constant when it came to family. Now he was marrying Annabella, and she would be his focus. I didn’t hold that against my future sister-in-law. “Do you have any brothers or sisters?”
“Nope. I was an only child. When I ran away from foster care, I made a close friend.”
My brother was the only reason Child Protective Services hadn’t taken us away from our dad. He always covered up the fact our father was not taking care of us. When he was twelve, John started working to bring food home so we could eat. We both worried the state would split us up if we went into the system, and John was my only constant. “Do you still talk to him?”
Abe let out a long sigh. “No. It wasn’t a him; it was a her. We married when we were eighteen. Then I enlisted in the Navy. I spent a lot of time overseas. She wanted someone around more. Right before I headed out for a three-month mission, she served me divorce papers.”
“That’s a shitty thing to do.”
“I have no ill will toward my ex. Kacey had a hard life growing up, and we got married too young. I’m not sure I ever loved her. It was more instinct to protect her and getting married made her eligible for my military benefits.”
Talking to Abe was so easy. I took the last bite of my crab cake. His eyes trained on my lips as I swiped my tongue across them. As we sat next to each other the air buzzed between us. Abe had finished his food way before me but didn’t pressure me to hurry. Instead his eyes watched my every move. I was no longer thinking about what might kill me outside. The only thing I wanted was Abe’s lips pressed against mine.
“You’re a good man, Abe.”
He reached over and wiped ketchup off my face. “You wouldn’t be saying that if you could read my mind.”
My eyes trained on his lips, I whispered, “And what thoughts might those be?”
He ran his fingers over my pulse. “I want to taste these pretty plump lips.”
Awareness buzzed in the air, and anticipation bubbled to the surface. The thought of his rough hands running through my hair and holding me tightly made me want to climb onto his lap. Instead, I stayed in place. I ran my tongue over my lips, and he let out a groan. Abe leaned forward and delved his tongue past my lips and teeth to explore my mouth with more passion than I’d ever experienced.
When I groaned, he wrapped his fingers in my blond locks, keeping me close. My breasts pressed against his chest. At that moment, the world around me evaporated. I didn’t worry about another panic attack. The only thing I could concentrate on was Abe’s tongue. He was as addictive as the cooking game I played on my phone.
He shifted his left hand and wrapped it around my waist, pulling me in closer. I turned on the bench and draped one leg over each side so I could be closer still. My legs spread across the seat, begging for him to press against me. His fingers spread across my back, pulling up the hem of my shirt, so his hand was against my skin.
Our lips parted, and he broke the kiss. The kiss that ignited every cell in my body. A moment of clarity swept through my fogged brain. I’d just kissed my brother’s best friend in public and liked every moment.
“Fuck. I’m sorry I shouldn’t have done that.” He pulled away.
And just like that, I knew it was too good to be true. His words were like a bucket of cold water being dumped on me. “I think it’s time you take me to my brother.” My words came out clipped and to the point.
“Addie.”
I didn’t wait to hear what he had to say. Keeping the tears at bay was hard. There was no way a man like Abe would ever fall for me. For the first time in years, I’d forgotten how damaged I was—only for Abe to remind me.
Abe was running to catch up as I climbed into the truck.
“Goddamn it, Addie. We need to talk.”
“There is nothing to say. I would like to see my brother now.”
Abe let out a sigh and got in the truck.
ABE
I arrived back at Blackwood to find John, Brock, Antonio, and Matt in the conference room. Annabella greeted Addie and me when we walked in the door then took her upstairs to the apartments. I was the only one not using the second bedroom in my place, and I’d told John that Addie could use it.
That was before I’d messed everything up with the kiss. Her cherry lip balm was still on my lips. She’d taken my words the wrong way and wouldn’t let me explain. I shouldn’t have kissed her in the open without waiting to get to know her. The hurt in her eyes had almost made me crumble. She would be going back to Boston on Sunday, and next week, I would head out on another mission. If there wasn’t a mission, I would ask Antonio for one so I didn’t sit around thinking about the blonde I couldn’t have.
“Did you hear a word I said?” Antonio ran a frustrated hand through his hair.
“Sorry, boss.” No point in lying. Antonio would read right through it. My boss pushed a grenade across the table. The device wasn’t like the typical grenade—it was smaller, about half the size—but the company pushing them said it would pack more power. Jayden and Antonio had gone out to a test site to test the grenades, and half of the grenades were duds. Stark Night was selling inadequate military equipment. It looked like they’d been given a large amount of bad ammo and gear too.
“I was saying Zane went up to DC this morning to meet with his brother.”
Zane’s brother was the president of the United States. He was also my partner when we went into the field. In most cases, we worked together. “Do you want me to head up to DC and help?” It would get me away from the blond-haired beauty I wanted to lock away in my room.
Antonio eyed me for a second before he shook his head. “No, I sent Kat. I know I’m going to probably regret it and have to fly up and get her out of some bind. Zane promised he would make sure she doesn’t kill anyone. They’re both supposed to be back here first thing in the morning. Since tomorrow is John’s wedding, I didn’t think I should send you.”
I thought about offering to go to DC one more time, but then my friend and boss would start asking too many questions—things I didn’t want to talk about. Feelings were something to be left bottled up insid
e and never let out. They would only show my weakness.
“What is our next move?” I asked before I reached across the table and grabbed the small grenade. It felt so light in my hand. When I turned it over, Stark Night was written in small print on the back. I had to wonder why they would even put their name on the faulty equipment.
“There’s not much more we can do until Zane gets back from DC. Stark Night is buried under layers of shell companies. It will take me a while to find the actual owners and location,” Brock said.
I remembered a label on the box of ammo. “Why not go to the address on the label?”
“It’s fake,” John replied. “That was the first thing we checked out this morning, but the address is abandoned land owned by the government. Whoever sent the packages doesn’t want it to come back to them. We also tried calling Stark Night, and nobody answers.”
What a fucked up situation. “Are we sure this is a legit contact and not somebody sending us equipment. Maybe someone is trying to take Blackwood or AA Security out.”
It wouldn’t be the first time. Blackwood and AA Security were given the top contracts other mercenary companies wanted. A little over a year ago, someone had tried to kill Antonio because they were angry that he’d gotten a contract to help take down a terrorist in Afghanistan. It turned out they were working with the terrorists and wanted to assist while getting paid by the US government.
“That was what I thought at first,” Brock grumbled. “I contacted a couple people out in the field, and the government is using the technology right now.”
John pushed a piece of paper across the table. “Addie was also looking into the same thing. The only thing she would give me was this list. She wasn’t sure what was going on yet and wanted to do some more research.”
I recognized the names of a few companies on the list. One was large, and we’d used their equipment for years. “Are all these companies sending bad product? Maybe it’s the manufacturer they are using and not the actual companies.”
