by Jenny Lee
Unable to deny it, Alexia looked Anna in the eyes. “And if you think I gave him the money just for Balboa’s sake, then you’d be wrong. Anna, I wanted you to see it, but it wasn’t a ploy. I don’t want to play games with you.” He knew this was the moment to kiss her, but he didn’t want to overwhelm her with his intensity, even though he was already overwhelmed himself. “Anna, have dinner with me tonight, right now.”
Anna shook her head. “You know I can’t.” She met his eyes. “Alexia, I’m not saying no because I don’t want to go. I’m saying no because it isn’t right.”
The cab ride was silent after that, and when they pulled up to Madison Square Garden, Vronsky got out and held the door open for Anna, who got out, but not before asking the cab driver if he could wait. “I’m coming in with you,” Vronsky said.
“You can’t. The show’s televised; what if we’re seen together?” Anna didn’t say her boyfriend’s name, but it was obvious that’s what she meant.
“I have to get the box back,” he reminded her. “You’re the one who said you wanted to return my gifts.”
Anna knew she was caught. “Fine, I’ll keep them. But you should go. Now.” Anna wasn’t sure she could handle being near him for a moment more.
He didn’t press her on the matter. “Happy Valentine’s Day, Anna,” Vronsky said, embracing her before she had a chance to refuse him. Anna inhaled his heavenly scent even though she knew she shouldn’t.
“Happy Valentine’s Day, Alexia,” she murmured back, before pulling away from him and running into the Garden.
When Vronsky climbed back into the waiting taxi, the driver glanced at him in the rearview mirror. “Man, how did you let that pretty thing go?”
“I haven’t,” Vronsky replied, speaking the only truth he knew. Vronsky pulled out his phone and texted his cousin Beatrice his next move, hoping it would be checkmate. Need assistance. Need house party ASAP. Maybe country house?
Her reply was immediate. No doubt, Boy Scout. Costume party?
He replied, You’re the boss.
How was V-day?
Vronsky sighed, more like a groan, and sent his cousin one last text. Woof!
XIII
Although Kimmie had now spent an entire week in bed, she still didn’t feel better when she and Lolly arrived at their dad’s brownstone on Sunday night. Her father took one look at his pale, skinny, youngest daughter and immediately pulled out his phone, calling his ex-wife to discuss what was going on. Kimmie sat on the steps, her chin propped up on her hands, listening to the conversation start to get heated between her parents, her mother blaming him for not taking her to the doctor earlier. She stood and went upstairs to her room, not caring that her parents were fighting, not caring about anything at all.
An hour later, her sister knocked on the door and asked if she could come in. Kimmie didn’t answer, so Lolly entered. Seeing Kimmie was already in bed, Lolly walked over and climbed under the duvet. “Mom hung up on him twice, but he called her back both times,” Lolly reported. “She answered, which means she’s really worried about you. You know how one of Mom’s favorite things is to ice Daddy out.”
Kimmie just nodded, too tired to care about her parents’ squabbles, even when she was the topic of discussion.
Lolly was worried about her little sister, too. At first, she felt it was an attention-seeking, oh-woe-is-me move on Kimmie’s part, and she was too busy with her own life to get involved. But Kimmie did look pretty gnarly, and now that it was hitting week three Lolly had changed her mind. “Kimmie, do you want to talk about it?” Kimmie turned away, not wanting to show the tears that were now falling down her face. “Please,” Lolly pleaded. “It might make you feel better.” More silence. “Look, I know I haven’t been a great big sister lately, and I’m sorry. But I’m worried about you.” Lolly reached out and touched her little sister’s hair, which she used to be jealous of because it was so much thicker than her own. Now Kimmie’s hair was limp and needed a good shampooing. “Hey, if you take a shower, I’ll give you a blow-out with my new Dyson Airwrap. I’ll beachwave your whole head and then we can take dope slow-mo videos to post. Or how ’bout I give you a mani? Steven got me some fire nail art stickers from Korea and you can have first pick.”
“No thanks,” Kimmie said, sniffling. “I just want to sleep.”
Lolly was now officially concerned. She had apologized, a rarity for her, and even offered Kimmie access to her mani/pedi kit, which her little sister always pestered her for. “Name it, Kimmie, and I’ll do whatever you want. Or better yet, ask me anything, and I promise I’ll answer truthfully. Seriously, the more embarrassing the better.” Lolly almost burst into tears with relief when this finally got her sister to flip back over and face her. She gave Kimmie a big smile of encouragement. “I’m glad that worked, because if it didn’t, I was gonna have to remove the X-Acto knives from your art box.”
“Is Vronsky with Anna now?” Kimmie asked, hating herself for wanting to know.
“What? No! Of course not!” Lolly replied sharply. She knew her tone was too strong, so she continued more gently. “I mean, as far as I know they haven’t seen each other since that night at the club. I asked Steven about Anna yesterday, and he said she was in Boston this weekend seeing her boyfriend. She goes up once a month.”
Kimmie digested the news but said nothing, annoyed she had even asked. It’s not like she really cared what Vronsky did anymore. The last few days she hadn’t even thought about him that much. She had pinched a few of her mom’s Ambien when Danielle was off at her Bar Method classes. She had only been taking a half at a time, but she liked that they gave her dreamless sleep.
“I’m sorry he hurt your feelings, Kimmie, but that guy is so not worth all this misery.” Lolly handed Kimmie a Kleenex to wipe her runny nose. “Are all your tears really just for him?”
“What does that mean?” Kimmie asked. “Just say it, Lolly.”
Lolly took a deep breath, careful to keep her voice calm and nonjudgmental, theorizing that perhaps part of Kimmie’s misery stemmed from a second boy besides Vronsky. She knew from Steven that Dustin had planned to ask Kimmie out on the night of Jaylen’s party, but his end goal had been to ask Kimmie to his senior prom, which despite being a tad cliché, she found endearing. Dustin left the club so early that night that she and Steven both assumed something had happened between him and Kimmie. It had only occurred to Lolly in the last day or two that perhaps part of Kimmie’s misery was wrapped up in the fact that she had rejected Dustin’s advances for Vronsky, only to get dissed by Vronsky immediately afterward. This one-two punch of bad timing was enough to knock anyone on their ass. Perhaps Kimmie was rueful over her lost opportunity with Dustin, who wasn’t as babe-a-licious as Vronsky but was vastly superior in intellect and character.
Kimmie listened to her sister’s theory with interest, surprised that Lolly had spent so much time pondering her well-being. Lolly usually spent all her free time thinking of how to make herself look better and which perfumes would make her smell better for her dumb boyfriend. Kimmie wondered if there was a scent that stopped your boyfriend from cheating. “Hey, can I ask you another question?” Kimmie asked.
“Sure,” Lolly said. “Go ahead.”
“What happened on Valentine’s Day? You came home so early that night.”
It was now Lolly’s turn in the hot seat, and she wasn’t pleased one bit. Lolly wanted to tell Kimmie it was none of her business, but she knew that she couldn’t. She had agreed to answer any question, so she had to stay true to her word. “Let the record show I know you’re changing the subject because you don’t want to admit I’m right about the Dustin thing.” Lolly sat up and fluffed her pillow for a moment, stalling as she decided whether to tell her sister the truth. She hadn’t even told Miley and Hannah the real story, but she thought perhaps she should take her own advice and air her problems. “Okay, Steven rented us a room at the St. Regis for Valentine’s Day so we could have a super romantic night together.
But when I got there, he wasn’t feeling well. I was disappointed, but what could I do, you know? We rented a movie on pay-per-view, ate room service, and just cuddled and stuff.” Lolly stopped, not really wanting to recount the rest of her story.
“And then what?” Kimmie asked, showing the faintest spark of her old self.
“And then we started fooling around … one thing led to another and in the middle of his special V-Day present he lost it.” Lolly said the last part in a rush, her cheeks flushing in embarrassment.
“Lost what?” Kimmie asked, innocently.
“Think about it, Kimmie,” Lolly urged. “He lost it … as in…” Lolly held her index finger straight up in the air and then let it drop slowly down.
“Ohhhhhh,” Kimmie said. “Ewwwww.”
“Don’t say ‘Ewwwww.’ It wasn’t his fault. I read about it online and apparently it’s a thing that sometimes happens to guys. He was probably freaked out from all the pressure of Valentine’s Day.”
“Well, it wasn’t your fault, either.”
“I never said it was! Of course it wasn’t my fault. Why would you say that?”
“I don’t know, because you were the one … it doesn’t matter, I’m sorry.”
“Because I was the one what? Giving it? You think it’s my fault?”
“No, no, no, I was just making sure Steven wasn’t blaming you, because if he did I’d be pissed and kick his ass.” Kimmie regretted displaying her newfound hatred of men in front of her sister. She had been flip-flopping between abject sorrow and man-hating rage for several days now.
The last thing Lolly wanted was to start a fight, so she gathered all her strength and reined herself in. “Kimmie, no, Steven didn’t blame me. But he did get all weird and locked himself in the bathroom for a long time complaining about his stomach, but I think he was hiding in there.”
“You mean he was crying in the bathroom like a girl?” Kimmie snorted. This was the closest she had come to feeling joy since the downward spiral of her life had begun.
“Kimmie, stop being a psycho meanie! I don’t know what he was doing in there, but the whole night was ruined. I tried to talk to him about it but he refused. So, that’s why I came home early! Now I’m upset, too, but I guess that’s what you wanted. Are you happy now?” Lolly didn’t mean to yell at Kimmie, but her Valentine’s Day shit show was something she desperately wanted to forget. She kept telling herself that it wasn’t her fault, but how could she know for sure? Even though she tried not to think about “Brad,” she couldn’t help wondering if Steven had ever had this problem with her.
Lolly watched as her little sister’s bottom lip started to quiver and a new flood of tears streamed down her cheeks. Good God, Lolly thought to herself, and I always thought I was the biggest crybaby of the family!
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry,” Kimmie wailed. “I swear I wasn’t trying to make you miserable, too. I’m sorry I’m such a bitch. I just feel so … so … wretched.” Kimmie rolled herself over onto her stomach and gave a half-hearted scream into a pillow.
Lolly rubbed her little sister’s back and told her it was all going to be okay. She knew Kimmie didn’t mean to make fun of Steven, and it was common for someone who was hurting to lash out and hurt the ones they were closest to. “Well, you’re lucky you still have time before you have to deal with stupid penis problems,” Lolly offered, trying to find something to lighten the mood. “Seriously, you should put off having sex as long as you possibly can. It’s just so complicated and confusing. I mean, like, don’t we have enough to worry about as girls without adding sex into the mix?”
Lolly felt Kimmie’s back grow stiff below her hands. She wasn’t exactly sure how she knew, but she did. Lolly was aghast and unable to hide her horror. “Oh god, Kimmie, you didn’t!”
Kimmie flipped over onto her back, still covering her face with the pillow and nodded her head up and down. It was true, her sister had guessed the terrible dark secret shame that was ruining her life. It wasn’t just the regret of dissing Dustin moments prior to being rejected herself. It was also the regret of losing her virginity to Vronsky the week before the party where he dissed her for Anna K. Kimmie would have done anything to take it all back if she could. Anything at all.
XIV
Lolly wished she had never gone into her sister’s room. She was totally shocked over Kimmie’s revelation and had no earthly idea what she was supposed to do or say now. This was when it sucked to be the older sister. Sure she had a few years on Kimmie, but she absolutely did not have more experience in the sex department. In fact, now that Lolly thought about it, it seemed that her little sister had lost her virginity before she did. This made her feel both worse and better in alternating waves, an emotional seesaw she wanted to get off of as soon as she possibly could.
How lame that your little sister lost her V-card before you did!
How sad for her that she lost her V-card to Count Vronsky of all people! Though Lolly knew of at least four other girls who were in the same boat.
Meanwhile, still hiding beneath her pillow, afraid to look her sister in the eye, Kimmie’s thoughts were also cycling through a Ferris wheel of anxiety.
She thinks I’m a slut.
She’s probably going to use this against me forever; I shouldn’t have told her.
She’s going to tell Steven. He’s going to tell Anna, and hopefully she will find it so disgusting she’ll never speak to Vronsky again.
Steven’s going to tell Dustin to prove that I was never good enough for him. I’m a fallen woman. A fallen woman is a slut, right? I don’t even know what a fallen woman is! I’m so dumb!
Lolly bit the bullet and broke the silence. “Kimmie, we need to talk about this.” Lolly watched as the pillow now shook from side to side. Lolly grabbed the pillow and ripped it from her sister’s clutches in one fast yank. Kimmie was so surprised she yelped, making a noise so silly that the two sisters looked at one another and immediately burst out laughing. Once their giggling fit got going, they couldn’t stop, and soon they were both rolling around on the bed laughing so hard they were clutching their stomachs. Lolly got the hiccups and started coughing, and Kimmie had to jump up and run to the bathroom before she peed the bed.
When Kimmie returned, she brought her sister a Dixie cup of water from the bathroom. Lolly normally wouldn’t drink tap water, but her throat hurt from her coughing fit. Or maybe it hurt from her activities of last week … served her right for listening to some online sex guru about practicing her knobjob technique with a carrot. It was now imperative that she deal with the issue at hand, which in the wake of their laugh attack they could do openly and honestly. This was by far the closest the two sisters had ever been in their lives.
“Did you tell him you were a virgin?” Lolly asked.
“No. I thought he would ask. Or he would know, but he didn’t realize until it was too late and then he sounded freaked out about it, and so I lied and said I had done it once before. Last year while I was in Nevada. With my coach.”
“Kimmie! You said that? Are you crazy? Holy shit, is it true? That was a lie, right? I don’t think I can take it if you tell me your skating coach molested you.”
“No, gross. Of course not. Coach Paul is so gay. I lied. I don’t even know why. It just came out.”
“Well, thank god for that at least, I mean, not about you lying, but whatever, what’s done is done. Jesus, Kimmie. Technically you got your cherry popped before I did,” Lolly said, looking down at her nails. She had picked the nail polish color Like a Virgin Pink yesterday at the salon. This made her smile in a sad way.
“Shut up! You’re lying.”
“Why would I lie about something like that?”
Kimmie was shocked, having assumed that Lolly and Steven had been having sex regularly for a year now. Unable to stop her meanness, Kimmie thought: Why else would a catch like Steven still be with her if she wasn’t putting out?
As if reading her sister’s mind, Lolly said, “I kno
w it’s weird, but it was just easier to let people think we were boning. I would have told you the truth but you never asked.”
“Is it too late to ask now?” Kimmie quietly questioned.
Lolly told her she had been waiting to “do the deed” until she knew she was emotionally ready. She had wanted to be certain she was madly in love with the guy before she went all the way. Basically, she wanted it to be special, since it was a one-shot-once-in-a-lifetime kind of thing. She watched Kimmie’s face as she told her all these things and was secretly satisfied to see her sister’s eyes grow wider and wider in surprise, but once Kimmie got over the shock of it all, it sunk in that her own experience was as far from Lolly’s as one could possibly get. And if Lolly’s first time having sex was all about love, then what did that mean about her own first time?
XV
The Greenwich Academy library was the last place Vronsky expected to find his cousin Beatrice after school on a Monday, but when he rounded the magazine racks, he saw her sitting at a table against the wall, clacking away on her gold MacBook.
Sensing she was no longer alone, Beatrice looked up from the essay she was plagiarizing from her stepbrother’s theology paper. “Of all the libraries, in all the towns, in all the world, he had to walk into mine,” she said to her cousin. “What up, cuz? Nice helmet head.”
Vronsky ran his fingers through his hair and flipped her off in jest, then sat down across from her, placing his motorcycle helmet on the table between them. “Naughty girl not answering your favorite cousin’s texts after posting a Close Friends InstaStory about sneaking out at two A.M. last night. I had to ride out here to make sure you weren’t floating facedown in some drug dealer’s hot tub.”
“Please, I could snort the whole school under the mirror-topped table,” Beatrice quipped. “And you only texted me, like, a few hours ago. I’m a busy bee, V, you know that.”
