“You needn’t despair, Raffe. There may be a way to resolve your problem, but that is not our priority at the present moment,” Safiya urged. “We will find a way after this is done.”
“How? Do not claim you will unravel the curse yourself,” Zalaam interjected. “We do not even know which djinn cursed the Levi family. That secret was lost many decades ago. I highly doubt even you would be able to unearth it.”
Safiya smiled strangely. “I will do what I can and inquire where I must.”
“Another empty promise?” I wheezed, desperate for some space to think.
“I will not lie to you. The odds are slim, but that means there is still a chance.”
“Raffe, it will all be okay,” Santana cut in. “Let’s just go for a walk and talk this through.”
I shook my head, preparing to flee. “No. I need to be alone. Don’t follow me.”
“Raffe, come on, we can—”
“I don’t want to talk! I want to be on my own. I can’t even think here, with all this djinn energy all over the place.” I offered her an apologetic look, but I really did mean it. I couldn’t talk about this… yet. The wound was too fresh.
Safiya removed her hand from my shoulder, and I ran. I didn’t need to hear any more. Safiya had known the truth and she hadn’t said a word. She had let Kadar and me think it would all be fine. That it would be a clean slate, regardless of the intricacies of Erebus and djinn magic. Well, I wouldn’t believe in false hopes again, because it only hurt that much more when the dream came crashing down.
Twenty-Nine
Kadar
I always said you should never trust a djinn. I fed my thoughts into Raffe’s head. We stalked together through the darkened desert, the oasis at our back. Nobody had followed us after Raffe had gone all dramatic and made a dash for it, and that suited me fine. I didn’t want to be around anyone right now, either. Safiya gave us hope, and now I wanted her head on a pike. “Fuming” didn’t even begin to cover it. “Livid” might’ve been more fitting.
“Shut up!” Raffe barked. “Now’s not the time to be a smartass.”
I’m just saying… I told you so. Surprisingly, being right didn’t make me feel smug. For once, I hadn’t wanted to be. Raffe might not have known my private thoughts, but the prospect of having Santana all to myself had been tantalizing, and Safiya had whisked that plump morsel under my nose and snatched it away again. I hated her for that. Loathed her, in fact. Stupid old witch, trying to pull the wool over our eyes.
“Please… just stop. I don’t want to hear ‘I told you so.’ I don’t want to hear any of it.” Raffe lowered his head against the biting wind. “You might be inside me, but you’ve got no idea how this feels.”
Why, because I’m a heartless monster? I replied.
“You know I didn’t mean that.” Raffe rubbed his eyes, weary to the core. He wasn’t the only one. “I realize it sounds stupid, since I only started believing in the possibility about two seconds ago, but Safiya made me put all my eggs in this basket.”
And now there’s yolk all over the place? I offered a bitter laugh, but Raffe didn’t bite. He wasn’t listening to me. No, he was on the Santana train, bound to nowhere good, and he wouldn’t be getting off until he was ready to stop wallowing. Mortals loved a satisfying wallow—like hippos in river slime.
“My whole future with Santana rested on this, and now it’s gone. This freaking hurts, Kadar.” Raffe came to a sharp standstill, heaving ragged breaths.
Easy there, pal. I know it hurts… I feel it, believe it or not. My heart is your heart. I sense when someone has taken a sledgehammer to it. I tried to offer some comfort. What could I say, I had a soft spot for the guy. Years joined to him would do that. He’d snuck in and lodged his prongs deep. It was like brushing past a shrub and getting a pesky burr on your back. And, call me sentimental, but I wouldn’t pluck him off even if I could. I might have wanted him to pluck off from time to time, but he and I were one.
What have I turned into? My worst nightmare—a soft djinn. Ugh, spare me. I kept those thoughts to myself.
“This sucks, Kadar.” Raffe breathed into the chilly night.
You know, it’s not all bad, I mused so he could hear.
“What do you mean?” Raffe snuffled. Yeesh, if he started the waterworks, I’d have to lock myself away until he got his act together.
The thing is… I hesitated, terrified of going full sap. But he needed to hear this. And I needed to say it. The thing is, Raffe—even if we could separate, I don’t know if I’d actually go through with it.
“You wouldn’t?” Raffe sounded shocked, his brainwaves thrumming with surprise.
I laughed quietly. I’ve been with you since you were born. I existed before you, but not long enough to get used to it. I’m still a kid, in djinn terms, though don’t go spreading that around or I’ll singe the skin off your tongue. Being with you is pretty much all I’ve ever known. Nobody knows you better than I do, even Santana—much as she’d argue against that. Hell, she’d probably set up a quiz to test the theory, and I would have to embarrass the crap out of her.
Raffe chuckled despite himself. A good sign he was coming out of his wallowing hole.
You and I share all the fleshy goop of a body, the pulsing gray matter of a brain, and the intangible whatever of a soul. I know you down to your bowel movements, much as I wish I could be anywhere else when those rumblings get busy. I snickered, feeling Raffe bristle in disgust.
“Kadar, seriously,” he complained, but I ignored him.
We share a past, from you crapping your diapers, wiping your snotty nose, and skinning your knees to the here and now—this present that we share. I paused. But we have a future, too. A future that I don’t mind sharing with you, even though we sometimes hate one another’s guts. And, for the record, when it comes to your bowel movements, I REALLY hate your guts.
“Can you leave my bodily functions out of this? It’s taking the positivity out of what you’re saying,” Raffe complained. Whiny little man-child that he was. My whiny little man-child.
Hey, I’m just trying to emphasize that I’m with you through the rough and smooth. We are two halves of a whole, like a brain split down the middle. And, you know what, I’m okay with that. I sighed begrudgingly. Besides, I doubt I’d have a chance with Santana on my own. She likes the two halves. She gets the sweet and the spice, wrapped up in one. At least, this way, she stays in my life. And so do you. I may be a whippersnapper in djinn terms, but I’m too old to learn new things, like living without a host.
“That was almost cute.” Raffe smiled, his body sparking with new motes of optimism.
Careful, I warned. Call me cute and I’ll have to get ugly.
“Inspiring, then,” he replied.
I can cope with that. I put my feelers toward his heart, which slowed to a steadier pace. And it’s not a total loss with Santana, either. She has a smart head on that fine, fine figure of hers. She isn’t worried about the future. She just wants us. At first, I thought that was mortal stupidity, but maybe she has other plans.
“Santana has other plans? What other way could there be with her and me?” Raffe switched back to avid wallower, which instantly riled me up. I hated him when he went all pathetic. It made us both look bad.
“Maybe you could ask me, mi amor, instead of pushing me away.” A voice cut through the air as a figure emerged from the darkness. The woman herself. Santana Catemaco, Mexican queen of my dreams. Damn, she looked good. Good enough to eat. Another reason things might not work out if I tried to steal Santana for myself. I hadn’t tasted human flesh in a long time, but the craving never truly went away. And she would taste delicious. One crazy moment of temptation, and she’d be barbeque. Raffe keeping me in check served us all better.
Raffe hung his head. “What other way can there be, mi ciela?”
“We could adopt. I’ve been thinking about it more lately, and it makes a lot of sense. There are so many children in this world without a
family, and I could love them and give them a place to call home, with you,” she replied. “Who cares if they come from my friggin’ womb? I certainly don’t. They don’t need to look like us to be loved by us, Raffe. That’s why I’m not worried about our future. We can build a big family with kids who need our help.”
Raffe, stubborn as ever, shook his head. “You’d be happy with that? I don’t believe you. I’ve seen the photos of all your nieces and nephews, and the way you talk about your Mexican heritage. I don’t want to deny you your own children because of my curse. What if you change your mind one day? What if you feel unsatisfied? What if you resent me because I can’t give you what you want?”
Then you don’t know her at all, I whispered instinctively.
“Then maybe you don’t know me at all,” Santana echoed sadly. “I love you, Raffe. I don’t love imaginary children we don’t have. I want a family with you, you dope. And I don’t care how that happens, as long as we’re both alive and in love and together. Just because my children won’t be born in Mexico doesn’t mean I won’t share my history and heritage with them. And I’d hope you would share yours with them, too.”
“I just wish it didn’t have to be this way,” Raffe mumbled. “I feel so guilty, whenever we talk about the future. I don’t know if that will ever go away.”
“Raffe, listen to me.” She moved closer and grasped his face in her hands. I felt his heart lurch, filled with the usual warm fuzzies that she instilled in him. “I love you. I don’t want to lose you. I almost did, on that rooftop, and it nearly killed me. So, you can think again if you plan to end this relationship because of something I don’t care about, or if you think I’ll just let you go. I love you too much. I can’t be without you. Please, don’t make me.”
Raffe gazed into her eyes while I piggybacked on his vision. “I thought we could be free. I thought I could fix this.”
“We are free, mi amor, and if it’s not broken, it doesn’t need fixing.” Santana kissed him, sending shivers through me. The best kind. “Dios mio, I even love Kadar, in my own weird way. I’d miss him if he disappeared. He is a part of you—a big part—not some tumor that needs removing. I am happy to love both of you, until the end of our days.”
“But…” Raffe faltered.
“If you mention children again, I will kiss you until you shut up.” Santana smiled. “When we reach that point in our lives, we’ll find some kids out there who need us. I mean, look at Harley and Jacob. If they’d been adopted by the Smiths from the get-go, just think about how different their childhoods might’ve been. We can be the Smiths in that scenario. I don’t need my own baby. I genuinely don’t. This isn’t a lie to make you feel better—as long as I have you, and we have kids around us someday, I’ll be the happiest woman alive. So don’t you give up on us, because I won’t want any of that without you to share it with.”
Time to heave up whatever you’ve got in that stomach, I chimed in. It wouldn’t have been right to just let them have a sappy moment. That wasn’t my style.
Raffe chuckled. “Kadar wants to barf.”
“Well, Kadar can shut his trap for a while. He’s caused enough fuss tonight, and he’s not ruining this for me,” she replied, which made me grin. I liked her sass.
“Do you really mean it?” Raffe focused his attention again.
She nodded. “I really mean it. I want you, and whatever family we end up with. I don’t give two hoots that they won’t share our genes. Between us, our babies would probably be crazy, anyway.”
“Then… I believe you.” Raffe tilted her chin up. “I won’t try and push you away anymore. And I won’t keep wishing things were different, though it might take me some time to fully come to terms with it.”
Attaboy! I cheered.
“I love you,” Santana breathed.
“I love you more. I don’t ever want to be without you, either.” Raffe leaned in and kissed her slowly, prompting me to connect to his nerve endings so I could feel what he was feeling.
She sank into our arms and pressed close, matching the passionate rhythm of his kiss. Her arms looped about our neck, and her fingertips ran through our hair. Giddiness pinballed through our shared veins, while the warmth of her chased away the icy chill of the desert, leaving a contented glow.
For a fleeting moment, no barrier separated me from Raffe. He was me, I was him, and we were kissing the woman we loved. And I found myself thanking the djinn who’d bound us together. Without this curse, I would never have known what it felt like to love and to be loved.
Thirty
Raffe
We couldn’t stay out in the desert forever, much as I’d have liked to kiss my love until the sun came up. I’d had some sense knocked into me by Kadar and Santana. Just because severing ties with Erebus didn’t benefit me, per se, didn’t mean it wouldn’t benefit the djinn. They deserved freedom. It was selfish of me to wallow in my personal gripes, when they had the possibility to end their collective enslavement to their creator. Even if it meant Kadar wound up weakened, too, without the independence payoff the others would receive.
Feeling much better than I had, I returned with Santana to the oasis. And it looked as though our timing couldn’t have been better. The various djinn had all returned to the center, though they still muttered amongst themselves.
“Which way do you think they’ve decided to go?” I whispered to Santana.
“Hard to tell,” she replied.
I’m going to say fifty-fifty, which means another tedious few hours of pointless discussion, Kadar interjected. They’ll come back again, and again, and again, until they have the majority that Safiya clearly wants. Politics are the same with every advanced species.
Zalaam made a beeline for me, leaving the gathering of what I presumed were Qareen—the type of djinn Abdhi had mentioned Kadar might be.
“Leonidas urged me to follow you, but I convinced him to give you some peace and quiet to attend to your thoughts,” he said. “Although, I feared you would not return in time to hear the verdict.”
“I needed a moment to have some sense kicked into me, that’s all.” I flashed Santana a grin, which she returned. “Where do you stand on all this?”
Zalaam puffed his chest out. “Actually, there have been many persuasive arguments while you were gone. And, I hate to say it, but I think I may be coming around to the idea.”
“Seriously?” Santana blurted out.
“I am quite serious, yes. I merely hope it does not get us all annihilated.” Zalaam’s red eyes flickered with concern. “But, as many of my fellow djinn have hammered into my brain, even so a swift annihilation would be better than enduring a slow, unavoidable death. Perhaps this sickness is making me lose grasp of my faculties, but I have begun to agree. I will not spend my last days wasting away in a coven infirmary. It lacks dignity, and if we are to die, a djinn must die with dignity.”
“That’s a noble sentiment.” I glanced at the rest of the djinn, trying to gauge which way they would swing. It really was impossible to tell.
“The two of you seem alarmingly happy, despite our dire straits,” Zalaam commented, scrutinizing Santana and me. “That must have been quite the epiphany you had out there.”
Ah, is that what the old folks call it? Kadar joked, making my cheeks flush.
“We had a lot to discuss,” I managed to say, burning with embarrassment. “And we managed to resolve our problems.”
“Ah. I had no idea there was trouble in paradise.” Zalaam’s lips curved into a smirk.
“Not anymore,” Santana cut in. “We’re peachy.”
Zalaam nodded, still smirking. “I am pleased to hear it. I do not think Leonidas could have abided a mopey son had things gone awry. And he has a great deal of respect for you, Santana—I am sure he will not mind me saying so. We would not have wished to go through this rigmarole with some other young lady, on the slim chance Raffe ever managed to dig himself out of his pit of despair to attract another mate.”
&nb
sp; Santana stifled a giggle. “Good to know.”
“It surprises me that Raffe is not as competent with women as his father was during the prime of his youth,” Zalaam went on, making me wish for quicksand beneath my feet. Kadar cackled internally. “Though perhaps that is more a failing of Kadar than Raffe. The animal magnetism often rests with us, rather than our hosts.”
I’ll show him animal magnetism! Kadar yelled. I’m beast enough to wrench out his heart and stuff it down his throat, if he doesn’t keep his opinions to himself.
The elected djinn stepped forward before Kadar could make good on his threat. He hadn’t liked having his sex appeal questioned by his father. Even now, he broiled in my belly, using my intestines as a punching bag. I ignored his tantrum, focusing on the djinn as they prepared to make their decision.
The city of Salameh fell silent, and it felt like everyone held their breath. I certainly did. A motion like this could be huge—the biggest scheme ever taken on by the djinn as a collective. The atmosphere grew thick with anticipation, with anxiety and excitement mingling in the breeze.
Safiya stood and addressed the trios of spokesdjinn. “Have you reached a conclusion?”
The Ifrit council went first. “We have made the unanimous decision to unite against Erebus and go to him in Tartarus. We choose not to serve him again, no matter the consequences.”
The Marids went next, towering over the oasis like shadowy megaliths. “We also choose to unite against Erebus, though we have an addendum to the words of the Ifrits. If Erebus grants us freedom, we may choose to serve him on our own terms, in return for additional power.”
Thirdly came the Qareen. “We are in agreement. We will unite against Erebus and win our liberation. But, like the Marids, we have an addendum. We may choose to align with mortal beings if we desire, as we have done in the past. That is who we are, and we see no reason why that should change.”
Harley Merlin 12 Page 24
