“Here, these are for you. Who is your new admirer?” asked the sparky receptionist resembling a barmaid with her platinum blond hair and false eyelashes.
“Haven’t a clue.” Pat grabbed the card. He was persistent.
“Well, who sent them?”
“That is my business. I don’t want the news spread around the village. You are like the Evening Telegraph when you find fresh gossip.” Sue was not affronted.
“I’ll find out if you go anywhere.”
“Enjoy trying. He may not want to go out with me anyway. He just left a number.”
“If it is Josh and he has sent two bouquets he is definitely interested. I would accept an invitation from him. He is a bit quiet and introverted but a real hunk.”
“I’ll suggest he takes you out then if he asks me. Put these in water for me please. They will brighten up our waiting room for the clients.” She vanished before her crazy friend could ask any more questions.
Damn that man. She was trying to forget him. It was easier said than done. He had left an imprint on her mind, those sad eyes and gentle smile. He was a hunk with a body honed for warfare but he was too dangerous. She would refuse him politely again.
She arrived home after evening surgery tired and ratty. A hot bath, a good book or film and she would be ready for bed. She dreaded his phone call but he did not ring that night nor the next night.
What she didn’t know was he was terrorised by nightmares and the next day disabled by headaches making it impossible for him to leave his bed. The appointment with the shrink was tomorrow. He swallowed what seemed like a dozen painkillers and texted her telling her he was sick but would call when he was well.
He took a cab to his shrink’s office the next day. The man directed him to a study. “Sit down please Mr Ward. My name is Mike. I served in Helmand so I am going to cut the crap and just ask you to explain how you feel this morning. It will give me an idea of how you are coping with any issues you have.”
“I feel like crap myself. I couldn’t drive. Nightmares during the night. No sleep and chronic headaches during the day are stopping me doing anything productive. I am on two weeks leave but that may be extended.”
“When did the nightmares start?”
“Three weeks ago. After the explosion, I felt nothing emotionally. It wasn’t until I got home and started to think about what I wanted to do with my life that they started. His headache started pounding again and he put his head between his hands. Vomit rose in his mouth as his body heated up again, memories trying to push into his mind.
“Buggar this. I can’t even talk about it.”
The shrink handed him a glass of water. “I think you have done well even coming here knowing this might happen. You need something to calm you down. I am a psychiatrist and will prescribe something quite gentle and suggest you take some soothing drinks at bedtime, instead of alcohol. Are you drinking much at the moment?”
“Too much but I don’t want to aggravate my head so I will cut it out and follow your suggestions.” Anything to get rid of this bloody pain.
“Go home now and rest. I am sure I can help you get over these issues. I will write to your medic and explain you are accepting treatment and can be helped. It will be your decision whether you intend to go back or leave the army. We’ll make an appointment to meet the day after tomorrow unless you need to see me earlier. Don’t hesitate to ring me if you need me.”
At home he took the pills he had been given and went to bed. The shrink had been realistic and would help him if he went back, he had felt no pressure on him from that guy. As the pills began to work his anxiety level slowly dropped. It was an easy solution but only temporary. At least he now knew what had triggered the attack, it was the thought of going back.
Chapter Eight.
Pat looked at the phone. He was ill. For some darn reason, she worried about him. She ought to ignore the text and carry on with her life but she was confused. She liked the man. It wasn’t his fault she didn’t trust military men. To tar them all with the same brush was immature. She just didn’t want to get involved with one again.
Her military boyfriend had been the opposite of Josh, a forever smiling, happy go lucky fellow who made friends with everyone; the first man to get up and buy a drink for his mates; the last to weave his way home from a night at the pub. He suited the military life to a ‘T’ and he was a good officer, leading from the front so his fellow officers said.
He had not understood when she said she was lonely waiting for his furloughs. He expected her to stay in at nights or just to go out with other squaddies’ wives and girlfriends in safe company. He had got quite angry when she said she wanted to go out with her single unattached friends. He didn’t trust her.
She found out the bloody hypocrite was two-timing her. He had another girlfriend at his base. She dumped him. Last time she heard of him, he had shacked up with his girlfriend and was staying permanently with her, when he wasn’t on operations. She had been a young green girl but had learnt her lesson and had packed her bags and gone to uni.
For four days she ignored the text then her conscience pricked her.
She sent a quick text.
Sorry to hear you were ill. I hope you are better now.
The reply was immediate.
I am better thanks, now I have seen a doctor. The dinner still stands if you are up to it. I need some company. I have been given a few more weeks leave.
Pat mulled this over. She heard he had spent months in the hospital recovering from the bomb injury. Apart from a few facial scars he looked okay and had walked briskly from the firework display. She wondered, were his injuries mental? Had the Doc convinced him his behaviour was abnormal and he needed to see a shrink. She hoped so. She’d heard that he had been involved in two fights but he was not a natural bruiser so something must have caused that change in personality. She should stay away from him.
She texted back.
Sorry I am too busy for the next few weeks.
Josh was an intelligent guy; he could read between the lines but he was disappointed.
His sessions with the shrink had proved more fruitful. He had been able to discuss the day of the explosion and the death of his best mate. His headaches had come again but were less extreme. He was no longer crippled by them and didn’t have to go to bed.
Normally an active man, he was bored shitless. He rang a mate and they went to the gym at the country club; pumping iron and a swim helped to drive the stress out of him. If he slept better, he might go each day when he could drive.
His mate was a bit of a lad, joking him out of his melancholy.
“How about we go and pick up some birds? We can go to the Crown. You haven’t been kicked out of there yet.”
“That is right, rub salt into the wound.”
“I hear the new barmaid is a looker.”
Josh smiled; he had never known his friend to be without female company for more than a few days. It might be fun. If only he could shake off this lethargy and enjoy life again. He was not a man given to navel gazing; he was an action man and usually lived each day as if it were his last. Now, it was as if a cloud had enveloped him and made each day dark, grey and dull. He could barely drag himself out of bed each morning. He needed a change of scene and to meet new people. If Pat was disinterested, then he could find someone else, he didn’t flog dead horses.
Chapter Nine.
“Hey look over there. It is Pat, the girl who helped you during the fireworks.”
Josh groaned. Did everyone know about that incident? This was why he disliked living in a small village. Everyone knew one’s business.
“She is with her nutty friend. She changes her hair every few months and no-one knows what new fashion fad she is going to follow.” The lady in question had pink and mauve streaks through her platinum blond hair and bright pink lipstick like a young Marilyn Monroe. She could carry off the look, with her beaming smile.
/> Sue noticed Josh. She nudged Suzanne. “Your admirer is over there. Shall I wave him over?”
“Shush. Don’t you dare, I’ll kill you if you make him notice me.” She sat back further in the corner but her friend sailed over to the bar. “Hi Paul. Introduce me to your friend.”
“Sure, this is Josh back from serving abroad. Josh this is Sue, who works in the vet surgery.”
“Pleased to meet you Sue.”
“Would you like to share our table. Pat is with me. She needs a laugh. She put down one of our most loved patients today. It’s not all cuddling kittens.”
“I’d love to.” He wasn’t going to miss this chance. She wouldn’t be able to get away easily. He had time to convince her he was not a nutter nor a ‘wham bam thank you mam,’ sort of guy.
Pat shrunk back but the three headed straight for her. Damn you Sue. I hope you suffer for this. She plastered a smile on her face and made room for them. How soon could she leave this place?
“Sorry I could not answer your text immediately. I am much better now.”
“Great.”
Paul said, “We went to the gym. Superman here is fitter than me despite being in hospital for months.”
“I have to keep fit in my job. I can’t sit still for long anyway. I get the fidgets.”
“He was always in trouble at school for fiddling with things and cheeking the teachers.”
“You were the teacher’s pet, I don’t think. You had more detentions than me.”
“The army saved him from Borstal. His dad despaired of him.”
“I like a man who is a bit of a lad,” replied Sue, batting her lashes. “I was always in trouble as well.”
“What were you like Pat?” asked Josh. She looked uncomfortable. Did his presence make her feel uneasy?
“Revoltingly well behaved for a teenager. I wanted to be a vet and had to get excellent grades. I wasn’t bright enough to fool around and still get good grades. I had to work hard at school.”
“That’s the beauty of the army. You can study but still work and get paid. A good social life as well and it is easy to make friends.” She could see he missed his mates and had enjoyed his life. What made him so sad now?
“Where did you serve?”
“Iraq, Kosovo and Afghanistan.”
“It must be so dangerous. You are so brave," gushed Sue.
Josh looked uncomfortable. His brows creased and eyes were closing as Sue rattled on continuously, giving him the third degree. Pat loved her but she could be overwhelming. Josh didn’t encourage her and Sue gave up.
“Let’s dance.” She pulled up Josh, giving Pat a “If you don’t want him, I do,” look. Pat shrugged.
She let Paul take her on the floor. He wasn’t a bad dancer if you ignored him looking down one’s cleavage. He clearly had a high opinion of himself, as a Romeo. He was another one who talked about himself all the time.
The music changed to a slow dance. Josh saw his chance. Pat looked bored. His mate was great with the lads; sport, girls and cars went down well with the guys but intelligent women tended to find him shallow.
“My turn I think,” he said before she could return to her seat. A strong pair of arms twisted her to him, his hands around her waist and shoulder. She didn’t resist. It would look bad. What harm would it do to dance once with this man?
Josh had felt like running. The music had pounded in his brain and Sue was domineering, asking invasive almost intimate questions. Pat, by contrast, was quiet, the dreamy music inviting her to close her eyes and sway in his arms. He had thought her thin but the loose clothing she wore hid substantial curves. He wanted to bury his head in her clean vanilla and honey smelling hair and nuzzle her skin. Her complexion shone with health. She was what he needed to chase away the memories of blood, dirt, and sand.
He was raw masculinity under that quiet exterior; his tight chest was like a band of steel and his biceps bulged under his tight tee shirt. He didn’t brag but she guessed he had tales to tell if one gained his trust. He was not like his friend. He preferred to remain in the shadows, self-deprecating, but she realised that he was the one she would trust when the chips were down.
His arms were tense, his pulse racing and his body rigid when they first danced; alert, his eyes moved around at any sound. This calm looking man was a bag of nerves under that detached exterior. As the floor cleared for the few slow-dancers she felt his pulse and heartbeat slow down. He lost himself in the music, relaxed now, focusing his attention solely on her. He gently stroked her hair and she rested her head on his shoulder, feeling warm and secure in his arms. The music came to an end. She blinked as if waking from a trance and he guided her back to the seat.
“Let’s get another round.” She noticed he brought back coke while his mate was drinking beer.
“On the hard stuff?”
“Meds. And if you are going to drive me home go slower or I’ll take a cab.”
“Pat lives quite near you,” intervened Sue trying to help.
“She can give you a lift……” A dark look stopped her in her tracks. Stop matchmaking.
“I can easily take a cab.”
“No, I’ll take you. I go past your flat.” Damn Sue, trapping me. Josh was nice but she didn’t want to start anything yet. Not with a military man who would vanish quickly out of her life.
“I need to go soon; I have an early surgery tomorrow.”
“I am ready. These meds make me sleepy.” He got up. “I will soon be able to drive when I am off these meds.” He didn’t want to admit the real reason why he was hitching lifts and taking cabs. Only the doc knew he was taking counselling. It wasn’t the sort of thing a ‘real man’ admitted, especially a tough squaddie.
She drove an old Land Rover, juicy but spacious. “I visit a lot of farms and there is a cage in the back to take animals if an ambulance isn’t necessary. It’s very comfortable and I don’t do many miles.”
“They are my favourite cars, barring sport cars. I drive an old MGA. I hardly ever use a car so I want to enjoy my driving. It’s fast and manoeuvrable for its age. I bought it when it was a wreck and did it up.” So, he was a petrol head then, more comfortable with machines than people.
“When I leave the forces, I will buy a place big enough to do up old cars. At the moment I only need a small flat with two rooms if friends want to stay.”
“What will you do?”
“Don’t know yet. I don’t want an office job. I like the fresh air but want my mind stretched. Many vets go into security. I am thinking of something related to IT and security. I have taken an IT degree.”
“Are you going back soon?” He changed. His eyes went cold, as if her words had touched a nerve. He was shutting her out again; his face impassive and hard.
“I don’t know. I have to discuss that back at base.” He quickly changed the subject as she turned into his cul-de-sac.
“Can I offer you a coffee? I enjoyed your company. Paul is great but can be hard work when he is all go.”
“Likewise, with Sue. She has a great work ethic but when she gets something into her head, she won’t let it go.”
“Like matchmaking?”
“Yes.”
“She probably thinks we are a good match and knows I am interested.”
“Sometimes the people are right but the time is wrong.”
“Okay, I guess that is my answer.” He gently pulled her toward him and brushed her hair out of her eyes. “Thanks for making the evening great.” He kissed her cheek and jumped out and walked up the path, waving to her as she drove off.
Pat, drove faster than she should, taking her exasperation out on the car.
“Why not have a coffee with him,” a little voice asked her?
“Because it would lead to more. He would want a date.”
“What is wrong with going out with a hot guy? You were almost glued to him on that dance floor.”
“He’s on meds
. You saw how he behaved when the fireworks went off. He’s nice but a nutter. He can be violent. He threatened that man at the pub.”
“He can be helped.”
“Yeah and he will leave. He is still wedded to the army. He is a nice guy but under that civilised façade is a machine, dedicated to his goals. I’ve met them before; some are self-obsessed, lousy lovers. Their job comes before everything. They just want temporary relationships and they use you.
I’m forgetting him. I have some good friends; a great job and I can meet reliable men if I go out more. I don’t want to be the girl waiting at home, fearful he is going to be hurt or he will find another woman.”
“You’re a coward. You’re not the first woman to be cheated on, nor will you be the last. Most women forget it and move on.”
“I am not most women.”
She stomped into her home surprising her flatmate. “You came home early.”
“I was tired and gave someone a lift.”
“Was it a good evening?”
“On the whole, although Sue opened her big mouth and tried to matchmake me with someone.”
“Ah, I thought something was niggling you. Didn’t he bite?”
“Oh, he bit alright but I didn’t want him. He was great. Didn’t make the situation difficult which made me feel guiltier.”
“He sounds a gentleman.”
“And a hottie but he is military. So, we are finished before we started. I am going to bed.”
Chapter Ten.
The sessions progressed well with the shrink. He discussed the explosion that had injured him and killed his best friend.
“I kept asking, why did it have to be him instead of me. I had offered to walk that road but he said no and I stayed in the jeep. He stood on a bomb. I should have been there.”
Escaping The Shadows Anthology: Shenanigans'19 @ The West Midlands Book Signing. Page 23
