by T. R. Graves
* * *
It had been hours since we'd left the barn at the Coxes' farm. The dawn had come and gone, and the sun was sitting high up in the sky. We'd been tracking our way through the woods for at least eight hours. I was craving a drink of water in a way I'd never craved anything in my life, but I refused to show the first sign of weakness.
The late spring day, its unseasonal heat, and its one hundred percent humidity were stifling. The sweating caused by the toxic combination only made me thirstier.
Like me, Tawney had her light-brown hair pulled up in a tail and its loose ends worked into a ball and piled onto the top of her head. The strays were caked onto her cheeks and forehead and dripping wet. As I watched a bead of sweat trickle from a strand of hair, over her brow, and into her eye, I instinctively wiped my own brow.
My cousin had always been frailer than me. Her weaknesses were invisible to anyone looking in from the outside. It was the people within our circle of trust who knew and understood how hard it was for her to keep up when we hiked long ways or for long periods of time.
During our years of survival training, Jayden had always gone out of his way to keep an eye on Tawney and pretend as though he needed rest breaks so she wouldn't have to ask for them… so she wouldn't collapse beneath his unrealistic expectations.
The fact that he'd not stopped the first time or catered to Tawney's frailty by slowing down the tiniest bit was a reminder of just how much danger we were in. Pure adrenaline was all that had kept us going this far and this long.
When Tawney took a stumble, one that she had a hard time coming up from, anger lanced through me.
I stopped next to her, offered my hand, and yelled in Jayden's direction.
"She needs to rest!"
He was so lost in his world that I'm not sure he would have ever noticed that he'd lost his entourage if I'd not said anything. Shaking himself from his daze, he looked behind him, toward us, and furrowed his brow.
Tawney saw Jayden's disappointment as he looked down at his watch, one that was doubling as our navigation, and sighed.
"I-I don't need to rest, Jayden. I can keep going," Tawney said weakly.
Visually, Jayden performed a critical assessment of my cousin and nodded his head. "Carlie's right. We've gone long enough. Everyone needs a break."
Gran didn't wait for any more permission. He dropped down next to a log and leaned his head back, closing his eyes and looking like he'd just sprawled out on a luxurious bed of feathers instead of a hard ground covered with moldy bracken.
Tawney and I quickly followed his lead. As soon as I was off my feet, I understood how Gran could look so contented. My feet throbbed in relief to be weightless and still. I wasn't sure I'd ever be able to get my shoes back on if I took them off or I'd have done just that and massaged the arches, balls, and heels of my feet.
With the respite we'd been granted, every muscle in my body relaxed in gratitude. I could barely breathe much less move or speak. At least, that was what I'd sworn until Jayden pulled from his backpack four bottles of water. As soon as I saw them, I contemplated leaping over Tawney and Gran and snatching all of them from his hands. I was sure I could drink every last drop in all of them and still be thirsty.
Jayden saw how thirsty we were and tossed one to each of us. I caught mine and had it downed within a minute. As I'd suspected, I greedily wanted more, but I was sated enough and lucid enough to know I'd had all I needed.
As if Jayden were superhuman, he stayed upright and protectively walked circles around us. He, making me hate him more than ever, looked like he could hike another eight hours and never break a sweat.
If he hadn't been glancing nervously in the direction from which we'd come, I'd have thought he was calm and casual as ever. It was then I admitted to myself that nothing was as it seemed with Jayden.
When Jayden mentioned Isaiah earlier, I'd known exactly whom he'd been referring to. I'd met the Surrogate Isaiah Manniless several times. Every time, Isaiah had leered at me like he was as desperate to be with me as I'd been for water a few minutes ago. The last time, the only time Jayden had been around, he'd eyed me with that curled-lip smirk, and Jayden had gotten in lots of trouble with Dad.
"I'm here because your father and President Barone told me to wait here," Isaiah had informed me after he'd scared me nearly to death when I'd run into him wandering uninhibited and unannounced through my house.
I'd just returned from school and hadn't expected anyone to be home. Finding him had been more than just a little frightening. Once my racing heart had slowed, I'd walked toward the kitchen. "Would you like to have a snack? I'm starving," I'd said over my shoulder.
He'd followed behind me and said, "Sure."
I'd assumed that while I stepped into the walk-in pantry to retrieve a snack meant to tide me over until supper, Isaiah would wait where he'd been standing near the island. Rather than do that, he'd followed me into the rather small pantry and studied the options himself. I'd pretended to ignore him, but his proximity made that nearly impossible.
"How about some pita chips and hummus?" I'd finally asked.
When Isaiah didn't respond, I glanced back at him. He was staring—leering—at me, studying me much more intently than either of us had studied our snack options.
"Do you know how pretty you are, Carlie?" he'd asked.
Glancing away, I'd shrugged and tried my best to act as though he and his question hadn't made me uncomfortable.
"Pita chips and hummus it is," I'd sung, grabbing the chips, attempting to squeeze my way out of the pantry.
Isaiah had put his hand on the doorframe, blocking my exit.
"You're the only Procreate girl I've ever met who doesn't treat Surrogates like they're less than them," he'd mumbled after leaning into my ear.
"I reserve the right to treat all assholes as if they are less than me. Other than that, I don't believe there's any difference between Procreates and Surrogates. We all have hearts, souls, and the facilities to know and understand the difference between right and wrong," I'd said, hoping honesty would gain me passage out of the pantry.
"Yeah. That's what I mean. You treat St. Romaine as if you actually consider him your equal."
I rolled my eyes. "Isaiah, I've seen you at the ice cream parlor. You always have several girls hanging off your arms and onto your every word."
"They see a pretty face they'd like to date… maybe even roll around in the hay with a time or two. They don't see me as a long-term option. You're not like them. St. Romaine is one lucky son of a bitch," he'd whispered close enough to my ear that I could feel the warmth of his breath.
Swallowing my fear, I'd pulled back and said, "You do know Jayden, right? I'm not his equal because he has no equal. My goal in life is to be half the person he is."
Isaiah closed what little distance there was between. "He has an equal. It's me. There's nothing he can do that I can't do better. The only thing he has that I don't have is you… a Procreate who'd put his wellbeing before her own."
I'd put my hands on Isaiah's chest and said, "I'm not here to debate who is the better fighter. I can tell you that you seem to have the wrong impression about Jayden and me. We're like brother and sister. Not boyfriend and girlfriend."
Isaiah put his hands over mine, imprisoning them to his chest.
"That's all the better. He won't give a shit if you and I hook up, and hook up is what I'd love to do with you," he'd said before leaning over and kissing me on the lips.
I'd been too shocked to move out of the way, to stop the kiss, to do anything but stand frozen in my spot while he'd kissed me thoroughly, sliding his hands around to my back and pulling me into him.
One minute he'd been kissing me. The next he'd been sprawled out on the kitchen floor, holding his bleeding nose and glaring up at a very angry Jayden who'd been standing over him and looking as if killing him was a very real possibility.
Before I could reason with Jayden and let him know Isaiah hadn't harmed me—n
ot really—Dad and Barone had come barreling into the kitchen. Since neither man had known about the kiss and I'd been too embarrassed to mention it, there was an assumption that Isaiah and Jayden's long-standing rivalry had finally escalated to the point of brutality.
"JAYDEN ST. ROMAINE! I won't have fighting in my house or in front of my daughter. Apologize to Soldier Manniless and retire to your quarters. I'll meet you there later," Dad had seethed.
Hating to see Jayden in trouble for doing nothing more than coming to my rescue, I'd stepped forward. Jayden shook his head, silently pleading for me to stay quiet.
Before I could say the first word, he'd bowed elegantly toward Isaiah and said, "Please forgive me, brother. I should not have lost my temper like that."
Just like he was today while pacing around Gran, Tawney, and me, he looked calm, cool, and composed. The exact opposite of what he'd been when he'd snatched Isaiah off me, punched him in the face, and threw him to the kitchen floor.
That was the very reason I didn't trust his facade. There could be a burning inferno inside Jayden and no one would ever know. Much like he managed his body and its ability to tolerate physical challenges, he had learned to control his emotions in such a way that no one—not even those closest to him—would ever really know what he was thinking or how he felt.
Since I was familiar with Jayden and Isaiah's history, I was confident that a meeting right now between the two of them, especially if it was one where Isaiah had been ordered to take us into custody, would end in death for either Jayden or Isaiah. While I was sure that Jayden was the strongest and fastest Surrogate on the planet, I wasn't willing to risk his life on my rose-colored assumption.
I was snapped from my thoughts when Tawney wrapped her arms around her stomach.
"Are you okay?" I whispered.
Nodding, she put her water bottle to her mouth and tilted it. When she did, her hands shook so bad that I was sure all of the water would spill out and onto her shirt. Quickly and without taking a good drink, she put the bottle back between her legs and let it rest there. Rather than let anyone see her shaking with exhaustion, she was opting to stay dehydrated. I couldn't imagine why. Jayden had never given her a hard time in her life.
Hell, he'd probably even throw her over his shoulder and carry her if she'd agree to it… which she'd never do.
I was confident he would just leave me behind if I couldn't keep up. Where he'd always had the patience of a saint with Tawney, he'd demeaned and berated me at any point he felt I was showing any sign of weakness. There'd been more than one occasion when I'd wanted to knock his beautiful head off his perfect shoulders.
I might not agree with President Barone's plans for a nation of perfect people, but I couldn't deny the fact that he'd done everything right when it came to Jayden St. Romaine.
There were several noticeable differences about Jayden. One thing that hadn't changed was his uniform. He'd always worn the same black soldier fatigues, an all-purpose jacket and pants with so many pockets I'd wondered on many occasions if he'd actually needed a backpack.
Ignoring the fact that Jayden was apparently going against Barone—Only because Dad ordered it, I quickly reminded myself—Jayden was military to the core and usually kept his hair shaved into a close crew cut. Today, his hair was longer on the top than I'd ever seen it. If I'd been asked my opinion, I'd confess that I liked the length. The military cut coupled with his inflexibility made him too harsh. The new longer bangs coming nearly down into his Surrogate jade-green eyes made him heart-stopping.
Surrogates' telltale sign was their unnaturally green but amazingly beautiful eyes. Eye color and height were the only visible traits both Jayden and Isaiah shared. Where Jayden was dark-haired and dark-skinned, Isaiah was blond-haired and bronze-skinned. Both were stunning, but my preferences were bundled up into a nice, neat package with Jayden St. Romaine.
Dammit! Why do I keep thinking about Jayden like he's my boyfriend… like I want him as a boyfriend?
I wasn't sure I'd fixated this much on him when I'd actually had a crush on him. I assumed my every thought was of Jayden for two reasons. First, we were finally back together, and second, it was a coping mechanism meant to keep me from focusing too hard on my parents and what they were going through.
With those theories bouncing through my mind, the scientist in me perked up and began taking mental notes for future experiments.
I wonder how much stress a normally functional person could undergo before they crack? I'll need to maintain a daily journal describing my emotions every single day so that some objective party in the future can analyze the person I was on day one (today) with the person I become after all of this is over, I thought rationally.
In the planning stages of my experiment, I knew I'd need to describe my feelings, my thoughts, my behaviors, and my physical condition. I didn't yet have my research journal, but I was too excited about the experiment to let that stop me.
Feelings. My feelings.
I was understandably anxious.
Thoughts.
My thoughts were all over the place. One minute, I was in the here and now. The next, I was remembering all of the steps that led us to the here and now.
Behaviors.
I was committed to doing whatever I had to do whenever I had to do it in order to follow Dad's orders and hopefully see our family back together soon.
Physical.
I was doing a good job of keeping up with Jayden during our hike until we hit the six-hour mark without food, water, or rest. Then I began to slowly but surely shut down.
Finished with today's journal entry (still needing to write it down), I nodded my head in satisfaction. I was glad to have found something I could focus some time and attention on besides this run for our lives.
Interrupting my thoughts, Jayden squatted near me. "You should be doing a lot less musing and smiling to yourself and a lot more resting because we're not stopping again until dark."
I slanted my eyes his way.
"Are you suggesting I can't think?"
Jayden's look was pointed. "Oh, I'm not saying that… if your thoughts stay focused on all the survival training you've endured and you come up with ingenious ways for us to stay cool during the day, warm at night, dry during the rain, hydrated, nourished—"
I put my hand up. "I got it. The good news is that even the most controlling person in the world—i.e. you—can't control someone's thoughts."
I wrinkled my nose and almost stuck my tongue out at Jayden but thought better of it at the last minute because Tawney was watching us intently.
I promised Dad I'd help Jayden. Turning into a petulant child is not what he'd want me to do.
I could have sworn I saw Jayden's lip twitch in amusement before he turned away from me and went back to Surrogate Soldier guard duty. I wanted to forget my earlier promise to my father, pick up my empty water bottle, and lunge it at his beautiful head.
Thirty minutes to the second after we'd begun our break, Jayden said, "We need to get back on the move. Put your empty water bottle in your backpack. When we come to the next brook, we'll refill them."
I noticed that now that they were empty, he didn't have a problem with us carrying the bottles in our packs. I wondered if he'd take them back from us once they were full again.
Probably. He has to take the brunt of everyone's load or he's not happy.
I didn't have to ask about the safety of drinking water from the brooks. I knew from our survival outings that in our backpacks there were enough iodine packs and possibly even nutrients to keep us alive in these woods for weeks even if we never killed the first animal or came across the first water source. The problem was taste was not a consideration when it came to our nutrients. It was whatever packed the most protein in the smallest package. It would be like eating cardboard, but we'd do it if we had to.
When I stood, the muscles in my legs sang some serious protest. As much as I hated to admit it, Jayden had been right. I should have be
en doing physical training while I was in the lab with Mom. Even with everything I'd been doing, it just wasn't enough.
At least, not enough to keep up with Mr. Superhuman.
Refusing to make that confession to Jayden, I sucked in a deep, determined breath, walked over to Gran, and put my hand out so I could help him up. Gran may have been in his late seventies, but he was in great shape. Because he'd exercised every day of his life and kept himself up, he'd been able to take every single step that day without the first complaint. Still, he looked tired.
"Gran, do you need me to carry your backpack for you? I will."
Gran, a man of few words, spoke when he had something important to say. During our good-byes, the only words he'd uttered were those to my mother, and they were, I love you, my dear. I love you to the moon and back and until my last breath. It was quite nearly my undoing.
"I may be an old man, but I can still carry my load," he said grumpily.
Grumpy was something I could deal with because I knew exactly how to brighten his mood. I leaned up and kissed him on his soft cheek, noticing it was more sunken than normal.
Just as I'd suspected, he softened, smiled back at me, and chuckled tiredly.
"Tawney, what about you? Can I carry your backpack for you? Mine feels like it barely weighs anything," I lied, shaking it as if that were all the proof she needed to see it was light.
I didn't mention the other backpack that included my personal belongings because everything in it was considered nice-to-haves. If it were necessary, I'd begrudgingly lighten my load and leave all traces of it deep in this forest.
"I got this, Carlie. Besides, you already have two packs. What's in the one you packed?" she asked, staring at it curiously.
I smiled. "I knew Mom would only pack the basic necessities so I had a backpack hidden away that had all of the things I considered essentials."
Tawney eyes widened enviously. "I wish I'd have thought to do that. What all did you take?"
"My reader, a journal, my computer, and some pictures," I replied quietly so Jayden wouldn't be irritated at me for talking too much.
"After we get where we're going, I might borrow the reader, if you don't mind. I left mine back at the farm."
I hugged her shoulder. "You can borrow it anytime. I loaded it for both of us," I shared.
Interrupting us, Jayden, who was suddenly right next to us, said, "Are you two ready to get moving or do we need to stand here gabbing a little longer?"
Tawney's cheeks flushed, and for the hundredth time since I'd promised to be his loyal soldier, I wanted to jump on his back like a wild banshee and squeeze his neck until he lost consciousness. He knew how easily embarrassed Tawney was. He also knew that she worshiped the ground he walked upon. It was one thing for him to chastise me. It was another for him to give Tawney a hard time.
Before I could tell him what I thought of him, he was walking in the direction we'd been traveling all day, and Tawney and Gran were obediently following behind him. Not wanting to be outdone in the loyal soldier compartment, I got over myself and followed behind all of them just like I'd been doing all day long.
Man, can he be an ass?
