by T. R. Graves
Chapter 9
Circle of Trust, Love, and Loyalty
Carlie
I'm not sure how long Jayden held me like that, but it felt like hours. When I'd cried all the tears I had to cry, I closed my eyes, pulled away from him, and said, "I shouldn't have done that."
I ducked my chin into my chest, knowing my face was red and disfigured from the swelling.
"Yes, you should have, and it didn't hurt anyone. You held it together for Tawney and Gran. The only person who will ever know about this is me, and your secret will follow me to my grave," Jayden swore, like this moment in time would be the olive branch we'd been searching for since the day I'd betrayed him in the ice cream parlor years ago.
"Thanks," I murmured.
Jayden shrugged and right before he looked away from me, I noticed his own eyes and nose were swollen and red. I hadn't been the only one who'd needed to grieve.
Why wouldn't he? He's in love with Tawney.
I put my hand on his arm, and he turned back toward me.
"We'll get through this. Gran's been working on a cure for lymphoma for years," I said, biting my lip before finishing. "I'm going to find out everything I need to know about his research and his discoveries."
With that commitment, I'd made the decision to fight for Tawney's life. I was the great-granddaughter of Peter Panzali and the daughter of Selma Enoche, both Nobel Prize winners. If anyone in the world had the genes and the incentive necessary to make life-saving discoveries, it was me. I stood straighter and took a long, deep breath. I felt better—stronger—than I had in hours.
Jayden studied me. Based on the furrow of his brow and the grit of his jaw, he had lots of emotions battling for control. In the end, he settled on admiration and nodded in a way that said if anyone in the world could save Tawney, it would be someone in my family—and that someone could be me.
I gave him a half smile and said, "You need to get a few hours of sleep. And I'm not sure how much longer I'm going to have all of this adrenaline pumping through me."
It took Jayden a few minutes to consider my proposal. "I want you to sit next to the tree by my tent. If you hear anything, wake me up right away. I'm a light sleeper so I'll hear you if you need me."
"'Kay," I said, turning back toward the camp.
As we walked side by side, we did the talking we should have already done.
"The safe house I'm taking you to is six days away, in good weather and with strong hikers. We're going to have to stay the course and keep Tawney motivated," Jayden explained.
"For the next few days after we stop for the night, I want to work on building a stretcher so we can drag her behind us if she gets too weak to walk," I suggested.
Jayden glanced over at me and said, "That's actually a very good idea."
I shrug. "I try to have them periodically. Why're you acting so surprised?"
Jayden's own shoulders bounced. "It's just that you've changed so much since you've been gone."
"I'm exactly the same person. Your memory is for shit."
"No. No, you're not. The old Carlie would still be angry with me for not taking you up on your offer and coming with you and your family the day you left," he explained.
I still remember the day we left; I'd stood with him near the babbling brook out in the forest close to the campgrounds where we'd always done our survival training.
"I told you then it was your choice. You wanted to stay with Barone and his band of hooligans. We all understood. My tiny little family will never be able to compete with the power you'd have as a Lead Surrogate Soldier. He could offer you that… We couldn't. I get it."
Jayden didn't say anything, but his angry silence told me I'd said the wrong thing. Again.
"Listen, I know we both like to annoy each other, but I wasn't trying to do that. I was just letting you know I understood," I explained.
"You don't know everything you think you know, Carlie. Stop assuming you do," he snapped, his words short and bitter. Then he sped up and got ahead of me. Without a good night or a kiss my ass, Jayden crawled into his tent.
Everything about his mood shift irritated me. I'd not said anything offensive. Yet he acted as if I had. The more I thought about his abrupt moodiness, the madder I got. I was too annoyed to sit next to the tree near his tent, so I defiantly found a tree near Tawney's tent and made just enough noise for Jayden to know I was nowhere near where he'd ordered me to be.
My actions were sullen and immature. They absolutely overrode all good judgment, but I couldn't find it within myself to care. First of all, I couldn't be that close to Jayden without kicking him through his tent. Second of all, I knew it would infuriate him for me to guard the camp while sitting anywhere but where he'd ordered me to sit.
You can suck it, Jayden St. Romaine!
I expected him to charge out of his tent and scold me for being the worst soldier ever, but he didn't. Then I remembered Dad and his expectations of me and was ashamed of myself and my actions. That guilt spanked me around more viciously than anything Jayden could ever had done until his regular deep breaths, signaling he was asleep, made their way out to me.
By then, I had no choice but to sit in that spot as quiet as a mouse, because the first move I made would wake him, would make him think danger was near, would keep him from going back to sleep. Letting him sleep for as long as possible and without interruption would be my only way of making amends without begging for forgiveness.
Which I'm not going to do.
I glanced around the dark forest surrounding us and decided this was the first time ever I'd been assigned guard duty. Dad and Jayden had always assumed the guard would be one of them so their training included that of swapping out that responsibility. They sacrificed sleep and pretended—since back then, there was no real danger—to keep our camp safe.
The dark, quiet alone time with nothing but me and my thoughts was nothing less than torturous. After I stopped considering Jayden and the unintentional offense I'd committed, I worried about Mom and Dad and what they'd faced after they made it back to the capital.
With visions of the worst possible scenarios pinging through my head, something Dad said to Mom suddenly occurred to me and made me angry. Dad had said someone had been beating Jayden pretty bad. When he'd said it, I'd been so worried about leaving Mom and Dad that I hadn't allowed myself to think too much about it. In the quiet of guard duty, it became an event worth fixating on.
I'll find out who's been beating him, and they'll pay, I swore as if I'd not just wanted to hurt him myself.
Sitting under this tree with nothing but the rustling of leaves and the calls of night creatures, I couldn't help but wonder what else Jayden had been enduring since we left. The longer I thought about it, no matter how much Jayden had irritated me throughout my life, the madder I got and the more I wanted to ask Jayden about it.
They'll pay, I swore again silently.
