Radolf did not touch her again, but he inhaled. “You are a work of art to be appreciated slowly by a man who can realize your worth. My hands would explore and caress the length of your body, the soft lines of your back. Then they would move to your waist and your generous hips. I would suckle the rosy peaks of your breasts. My mouth would devour yours until we would be flesh against flesh. My fingers would rub the bud of your core and bring you great heights of ecstasy. You’d beg me for more and not to stop…as if I could. Right now, I ache for you so much it hurts. Nothing about me, Jaclyn, is a matter of fact for I want you, just as much as I believe you now want me.”
Her breathing raced and her core ached for him, too. She would surrender all if he would just relieve the exquisite longing.
Instead, Wolferton, her Radolf, reached for the belt on her wrapper and cinched it to cover her nakedness.
“What is your intention?” She barely was able to breathe, much less utter a word. Stunned by him and all he alluded to. Sweet heaven and the saints.
“I will return you to your room.”
“Why?”
He kissed the sensitive side of her neck, her skin afire to his tongue. She shivered.
“Because I cannot take your virginity. I don’t want to awaken in the morning, look in the mirror, and hate myself for the undue advantage of a maiden, especially since I vowed to protect you. I no longer am a good-for-nothing rake. I’m proud of who I’ve become. If it is meant to be for us, our guardian angels will make it happen. We’ve been tested, my dearest Jaclyn. Now, hurry, before the entire second floor awakens.”
He opened the door, scanned the corridor, nodded, and ushered her to the bedroom. “Good night, my angel.”
Jaclyn entered her room, not exactly sure what had happened. The door closed behind her. She clasped her hands together, sank to the carpeted floor, and cried. Her fingers raked the Persian carpet. “I’m not even woman enough to tempt him, though he did have an arousal. Was Halifax right that Radolf was so dissolute his manhood responds no matter who the woman is intent on seduction?” Her sobs were pitiful. “All my dreams are broken.”
Chapter Thirty-Nine
The Temptation
Outside her bedroom door, Radolf’s hand still on the knob, he listened to her sobs, and it racked him, split him in two. All that was good in him said to return to his suite. He employed every skill he knew to ignore the pain he’d delivered and waited for her cries to subside.
The soulful moan of a wolf smashed through his heart. “My red wolf, is this a caution or more torture?” His voice barely a whisper, his hand still glued to the knob. “Damn you.” He released the handle and took two steps. The sounds worsened. The wolf howled in mourning.
He stopped, waited a few more moments, and then turned. He threw open the door, entered, and knelt on the floor beside Jaclyn, lifted and held her to him. The portal closed of itself as if the mystical guardians protected them in a sacred web of privacy. Cradling her in his arms, he kissed away her tears, walked to the bed, and laid her on it. He then nestled with her and encased her in his embrace.
“Shush, my Jaclyn. I meant well with good intentions. You need to know that men can and will use women. Hush, my sweet.” He showered her with kisses on her hair, her forehead, her cheeks and then her mouth. “You will be the death of me yet.” Radolf found himself crooning a tune so she would slumber as he rocked her back and forth. It was a lullaby his mother used to sing to him—the words embedded in his soul.
My handsome prince, close your eyes
Go into the land of playground skies
Where all is happiness and joy
The perfect spot for my little boy.
And as you go to nighttime dreams
Where princes play on sunshine beams
You’ll wake up fresh with eyes so bright
My loving son greets morning light.
Radolf closed his eyes at the end of his song. Not so impossible, he envisioned a son with Jaclyn. Of a certain, his past with his father would teach him how to raise a child in the proper way. What if the baby was a daughter? He chuckled for he knew he’d be a fierce protector for no man on earth would be suitable.
Jaclyn snuggled closer to his chest and moaned something unintelligible, and he answered her with a yes because he didn’t want her to awaken. The contentment he now experienced was a new elation. His spirit soared to the clouds. His thoughts spread wings of a future. Radolf kissed her earlobe and whispered in the softest voice he could manage, “Because of you, I dream of a life I want, but until now never thought believable. If you indeed were mine lawfully, do you know what I would do? I’d make it so you’d never have to seek comfort anywhere but in my arms. I love you, and no one else on this blasted earth will do. I want you pinned beneath me…naked with blatant lust for me, to thrust myself in your warm core, begging me not to stop. It’s good you can’t hear me speak these words. If you did, would it shock you? It certainly shocks me. In my past, words were never a necessity. With you, they are the emblem of my soul.”
For a moment, his mind returned to the battlefield and his last confession to a war chaplain. He was sure that he would not survive the battle, and his contrition was heartfelt and long. The holy man listened with great patience and said, “You have an ominous regret, my son. Only you can chase away your demons. No one else can do that for you—not man, woman, or beast. You’ve suffered pain, loss, hurt, and heartbreak. You have asked forgiveness, and I have granted it in the name of our maker. Now, forgive yourself. Go and sin no more.”
Recurring footsteps in the corridor sounded and Radolf realized that daylight would come and he should be gone. Every time he attempted to extract his arms from her, she sought them. Inch by inch, he did manage to break away. Her moan stilled him. Again, he slipped his feet to the edge of the floor so he could leave. Her eyes flashed open and then closed again. Still asleep, Jaclyn beat her arms into the pillow, incoherent words escaped her lips. In silence he waited, assuming she experienced a bad dream. When her breaths subsided into a softer pace, he tiptoed toward the door, muttering, “Jaclyn mine, have faith in me—in us. I want to believe all will be well. Now if I can convince myself…”
The dog, Loup, was the silent witness to his testimony of love.
Radolf opened the door and, to his consternation, encountered his sister. Camille gasped. She rushed her hand to her mouth to stifle a scream. He closed the door, went to her, and spoke the truth, “It is not what you think. I have not compromised her in any way. She had a shock. I provided comfort, nothing more. You know I do not lie.”
She leaned in against him. “I know, but it still surprised me. Radolf, what are we to do? Neither of us can go on this way. There has to be a decision made about you and Jaclyn.”
“I’m not sure. It’s out of our hands now.” He released her and noticed she had a letter in her hand. She followed his gaze. “It’s Halifax’s letter to Jaclyn. She left it on her vanity. I wanted to return it before she awakened.”
“You read her private letter?” Even he wasn’t sure why he was concerned.
“Yes. I did it for Jaclyn’s good.”
“Then you must be honest with her when you return it.” He wanted to rip it out of her hands and absorb every word.
“Don’t you want to read all he alleges so you can defend yourself?” Tears formed and fell.
“No, because then I would have every reason to kill him.” Radolf turned to leave. “She’s had bad dreams and is soundly asleep. You may want to return it now, and she won’t hear you. I will not speak of it. The choice is yours, and I do not want to know. She trusts us.”
“Yes, I know. Brother, do you love Jaclyn?”
He could not hide from her question. Yes. Yes, A thousand times yes. “I never felt worthy of her until now.” His simple answer astounded him.
“But if you do, Radolf, as your sister, I tell you that you are a good man. I believe tonight you did nothing wrong with her, for I know your heart. Only
you can chase away your demons. No one else can do that for you. You’ve suffered, have asked forgiveness, and our maker granted it. You told me about the Chaplain. Forgive yourself.”
He fisted one hand into the other palm. “I’ve betrayed my best friend’s trust in me as her guardian. My duty is to honor and to protect her. I love her in every imaginable way, but I have not made love with her. That would be a mortal sin, but the temptation is great.” He averted his sister’s sharp eyes. There, he’d admitted the profound words.
“Denying temptation is not sinful, but the conscience of the decent man that you are.” She paused, then went on, “Radolf, are you all right? It pains me to see you suffer so. I give you full permission as your sister to unlock your past so you can embrace your future with Jaclyn, the woman of your dreams. Captain Moreux would sanction your marriage if he were alive.”
“You believe this truly? Swear to God.”
“I so swear, brother. Somehow, I believe you two were ordained to be together. Don’t fight what you feel. Show her. Jaclyn knows goodness when she sees it.” She ran to him and hugged him tightly. “It would make me happy too.”
He withdrew from Camille. “There’s much on my mind. If she feels the same about me, I’m a fortunate man.”
Happiness overwhelmed him. He returned to his room with a jaunty stride.
“Don’t spoil the visit by the Dupree’s. She looks forward to the reunion. Share these happy days here with her,” Camille called out to him.
Good day, sister.”
Good day, brother.”
Chapter Forty
Prisoner of Love
Jaclyn didn’t want to think about the night before but couldn’t help relive all that happened. The chemistry between her and Radolf could explode into a cataclysmic event at any given moment. He had spent the night in her room, and after he raised her from the floor, he managed to calm her frazzled emotions with his song. The words of love from his mother crushed her with the message.
To lay aside him tantalized her good judgment. The spicy scent of his skin, her head against his warm chest, and the sensation that crept along her spine when he held her, filled her with desire. They were parted by a thin silken cloth, so close and yet so far. She shivered with delight in remembrance of the intimacies and implications since they portrayed all her future could be with him.
She overheard Radolf’s murmured conversation with his sister outside the door but could not understand the words. His actions belied his words and sent a river of heat from her head to her toes. Blasted emotions taunted her.
The door opened, and through partially closed eyes, she saw Camille enter the room. It was still too early to wake fully. Camille placed Halifax’s envelope on the vanity and turned to leave, but Jaclyn wanted honesty between them and needed to speak her feelings. “Good morning, it is a bit early.” She sat against the plush pillow.
“Morning, my dear. I did not want to wake you. I have a confession to make. I ask your forgiveness in advance for I’ve acted like a defensive mother hen in protection of her chick from the wily fox. I had no right to read Halifax’s letter and infringe on your privacy. It will not happen again.” She sat on the coverlet and took Jaclyn’s hand. “Older than you, but perhaps not wiser, I shouldn’t interfere, but I worry that you will succumb to Halifax’s considerable charm and will be hurt.” She wiped at her eye and dismissed a tear.
Jaclyn embraced the woman who cared for her, and whispered, “No harm done. If I didn’t want to share it with you, I wouldn’t have left it where you could read it.” She paused to weigh her further words, and then leaned back. “Are all the harsh things he says about Radolf true?”
Camille withdrew from the embrace and stood. “I can’t say that there was no truth in Halifax’s allegations. I do believe that my brother took the blame for many of our father’s indiscretions. When Radolf was a teenager, he probably engaged in inappropriate behavior, but when Halifax referenced Isabella, he misrepresented the facts. Radolf was an admirer of hers, and she was his first love. He treated her with courtesy and utmost respect. When he looks out from his study, it is she he remembers, for that was their special place away from his father’s and servants’ eyes. He’s told me so.” Camille raised her hand to her mouth. “The story is not mine to tell, but you might wish to ask my brother about the specifics.”
She walked to the drapes and opened them. “It is a fine day. It would please me if you made every effort to enjoy this time with Miss Dupree. Don’t let anything or anyone spoil the visit for you.” She stood back. “Shall I send Sedona to you?”
Jaclyn nodded. “Camille, please don’t worry about me. I’m not fragile nor am I addled in the brain. I’m not sure if I wish to rush into a marriage without total knowledge of the man, whoever he is.”
She slipped out of bed, donned her wrapper, sat at her vanity, looked in the mirror and asked, “Do you think I’m pretty? This mole on my cheek is a flaw.”
Camille went to her charge, leaned over and touched the back of Jaclyn’s shoulders, and spoke to the image reflected, “No, you are not pretty. My dear girl, you are beautiful and have a good heart. If it means anything, I think your beauty mark adds to your uniqueness. I love you for the joy you’ve brought me.”
Jaclyn reached for Camille’s hand. “I love you too. Please don’t let him force me into a marriage with any man.”
“I promise. As of this moment, let’s prepare for your friend and her father to arrive and enjoy the time together. My brother is content here, and you’ll get to see his finest side. It’s as if his past never belonged to him.” She turned away, and as she departed, said, “Goodness, I have a lot yet to do.” She closed the door behind her.
Sedona soon arrived and prepared Jaclyn for the morning’s activities. Jaclyn wondered how she would face Radolf considering the intimacies they shared during the night. Heaven help her, for a few short moments, she would have stripped herself totally naked in front of him. Why did it feel so good if it was bad? Would she blush at the sight of him? How could she act nonchalant as if she didn’t want him to do so much more to her? What about the guardian angels? Did they know and see everything? She wondered if they could read her mind. Should she go and speak to them? Should she ask if she was predestined to share his life?
“Botheration, I am going daft. I’ll tell Josette everything and see what she suggests. Yes, that’s it. It will be like old times, but I dare not tell her about the guardians. She’d never believe it.”
Josette was a year younger than she but much older regarding romantic experiences. Yes, they’d sneak off and talk.
Later, when Jaclyn entered the breakfast room, Camille attended to last minute details with the staff, and then sat for a cup of hot tea. She sighed. “Major Anderson has been invited to dinner this evening. Most likely Radolf wants to pair him with your friend. I’m sure he’s still in a matchmaker role.” She took her serviette and blotted her lips.
“But I thought you were enamored of the major?” Jaclyn asked.
“I think him a fine man. What will be will be. Don’t worry your pretty head. All is in order. I’ll go check now with Cook.” She arose and pressed her skirt with both hands. “Radolf left early to make his rounds. He indicated he’d be back for the Dupree’s arrival, so I don’t expect him back for a couple of hours.”
The sound of hooves along the circular drive stopped her stride.
Jaclyn ran to the window. “It’s Josette and her father.” She couldn’t help giving a tiny squeal of delight.
Camille said, “I hadn’t planned on an early arrival. Come, let’s go to the veranda and greet them. The servants will prepare tea. I’ll make excuses for my brother.”
Jaclyn skipped across the slate veranda floor and stationed herself near the door. Halbert was in his usual livery and stood erect. A footman waited at the bottom of the steps to assist their departure and to direct the other servants to unload the luggage.
Camille walked toward Jaclyn. Befo
re the coach door opened, Jaclyn could no longer contain her happiness and ran to the top of the steps. Monsieur Dupree descended with Josette not too far behind him. The two girls met halfway up the manor steps, hugged, squealed, and brought the manor house to life.
Introductions performed, they went into the drawing room. A banal conversation ensued, but it was obvious Jaclyn wanted to escape somewhere with Josette. But neither did she want to be rude and offend.
Jaclyn extended a deliberate coquettish smile. “Josette, I do believe your father has gotten more handsome. Either that or I’ve missed the sight of him. We’re thrilled at your visit.”
“Miss Jaclyn, you seemed to have matured into a beautiful woman since last we met. I’m delighted to see you in such happiness.”
“Thank you, I’ve been fortunate.”
Camille chimed in, “You’ll have to tell Miss Dupree about your horse-riding experience. The conversation about your accident should keep the two of you occupied for a while.”
“Lady Hattersley,” Monsieur Dupree said, “my daughter has spoken all the while during the carriage ride. It’s a wonder she can still utter a word.”
“Youthfulness abounds, it seems. Josette and Jaclyn have a lot to discuss, I’m sure.” Camille offered him tea, and he accepted with relish.
“Jaclyn, we stopped at a local inn for refreshment, and we met a gentleman who claims to know you.” He placed the teacup and saucer on a table.
“I don’t know any gentlemen in this area. We only arrived a few days ago.” She wrinkled her brow. “Does he have a name?”
“Lord Halifax,” he stated, casually. “A prosperous young man, it would seem.”
“Father, words don’t explain him.” Josette turned to Jaclyn. “His chiseled body came from a marble statue, and his hair was golden enough to rival any Greek god. You’ll have to tell me all about him since it appears he’s infatuated with you. Were your ears ringing?” asked Josette.
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