I burst out laughing. Dawn could always make me laugh. Sometimes, when I’d been pregnant, she’d made me laugh so hard that I’d had to stop because it had hurt too much. Andy had always joked that Dawn was going to make the baby come early, that I’d laugh so hard I’d just go into labor then and there and the baby would pop out.
“I’ll see you at five, then,” I told Dawn, and we signed off.
Sammy, meanwhile, was climbing up the ladder to the slide. “No monkeying!” I yelled. Sammy loved to try and crawl up ladders the wrong way, or hang upside-down from places he shouldn’t, and basically use play equipment in the opposite way from how it was intended. It felt like if I took my eyes off him for a moment, he was going to break a bone.
Sammy waved at me, letting me know he’d heard me, and then kept playing. We were the only ones in the park right now, and it was nice. Peaceful. I had nowhere to be until we went to Dawn’s, so…
I let my eyes drift over to Main Street. This side of the park bordered it, and I could see everyone walking up and down. I would never admit it to anyone but Dawn, but this bench was a great spot to people-watch and get the gossip. In a small town like this, everybody knew everybody’s business, and there was always something to talk about. Not usually anything too insane, not like… murders or cheat scandals or that soap opera kind of nonsense. More things like… petty squabbles, which friends were having a fight, that kind of thing.
Huh. That one guy walking down the street—it was crazy of me to think but he almost looked like—
The man turned and my heart felt like it came to a dead stop as I realized that my eyes weren’t deceiving me. That was Jace. That was Jace.
Shit, what was he doing here!? No word for six years and suddenly he just turns up out of the blue!? What was I supposed to do?
My heart thumped wildly, a flood of memories hitting me. I’d been wildly in love with that man. But wildly in love or not, he had left, and now I had… well, I had Sammy.
Sammy was Jace’s kid.
I’d never told him. I’d never told anyone besides my parents, Andy, and Dawn. Of course, there was plenty of speculation in the town and I was ninety percent sure that everybody had figured it out anyway. But it wasn’t any of their business, and everyone had been very kind and supportive to me, so it really didn’t matter in the end, did it?
But it mattered now. Sammy’s parentage very much mattered now, in this moment, as Jace Atkins walked closer and closer to me. Sammy and I were the only ones in the park, an observation that had been so peaceful a moment ago and now filled me with dread. There was no way that Jace wouldn’t see us as he walked by. I knew that six years could change a lot about a person but I didn’t think I’d changed so much that Jace would fail to recognize me. I’d recognized him, after all, and just by his profile.
Jace seemed to just be wandering around, looking at all of the buildings, taking it in. Yeah, not much had changed in the last six years. He was probably wondering how this tiny little place could stay the same, just be frozen like this. I had no doubt he’d seen a lot of the world and was marveling at what a small and quaint place his hometown was.
Don’t be cruel, I told myself. Jace had hurt me, badly, when he’d left. But he had never been a cruel person. He had never been malicious. I couldn’t put that kind of label on him now, no matter how tempting it was.
Maybe he wouldn’t see me. Maybe he would just pass by, occupied by looking at everything else. Why would he look at one random woman on a park bench? Maybe…
Jace turned towards me and my hopes were dashed as I saw him stiffen in surprise, staring at me.
Great.
Once upon a time—six years ago, to be precise—I would’ve done anything to get Jace’s attention. I would’ve considered lighting my hair on fire if it meant he would’ve noticed me. But now, if he noticed me, that meant he would notice Sammy, and I was far from ready for him to learn that secret.
Jace started walking towards me. He looked like he’d seen a ghost. He also looked annoyingly handsome. He’d been good looking before, in his early twenties, but now… now he had finished filling out. There was a lot more muscle on him than there’d been before, and he had a bit of a wager to him, like he felt truly comfortable in his body now, instead of like a puppy still sort of figuring out how everything went. His dark hair was a bit shorter now, but it suited him. The longer, floppier hair had worked when he was younger, but now this combed, styled look made him manlier.
He also looked… harder. Not in an angry way, just… like he’d been through a lot. Like the soft edges of him had been filed away. I noticed as he drew closer that he was walking more slowly than he used to and was being careful with his left leg. Not like he was limping—in fact like he was actively working to not limp, to make his leg move the way that it was supposed to.
Jace stopped in front of me, and the two of us stared at each other for a moment. I figured he must have something to say, if he was coming over, but he looked to be at a complete loss for words.
“Leigh,” he said at last. “It’s good to see you.”
I nodded. I had no idea what to say. I couldn’t lie and say it was good to see him, but I also didn’t want to be hurtful. “What are you doing back in Greenville?” I hoped I didn’t sound too panicked or accusatory.
Jace cleared his throat. “I’m actually here to stay. I retired from the military and came here to help Dave—you remember my uncle—help make his contracting business into something. He wants to retire, so… it was good timing.”
Oh. He wasn’t just here to visit, which would’ve been bad enough, but I supposed I could’ve managed that. He was here to stay. What was I supposed to do with that!?
“How’ve you been?” he asked, and I braced myself. I knew he was going to ask about art school, about all of it, and I didn’t know how…
“Mama!”
My eyes flew from Jace to Sammy, who was lying at the foot of the slide, holding a skinned knee.
I dashed up from the bench and ran over to him. “Oh, baby, did you get a little too adventurous?” I brushed him off and then took his knee in my hands. “Here, I’ll kiss it better, and then we’ll put a fun band-aid on it.”
Sammy sniffled but let me kiss his knee and then picked out a Batman band-aid to put on the scrape. It wasn’t anything bad, no worse than some of the other scrapes he’d gotten into from climbing everywhere. “Can I get a hug too?”
“Of course, you don’t need to get scraped up to get a hug from me.” I opened my arms and Sammy stepped right in, and for a moment I forgot all about Jace standing there. Sammy and I were close, partly because I devoted so much time and care to him, partly because he didn’t have another parent or any siblings. I would never have traded him, not for anything.
“You’re okay,” I told him. “I bet you can’t run to the swings and back.”
Sammy could never resist a challenge, and he was off again, shrieking with glee. I grinned, watching him, and then became aware of another presence.
Oh, shit, Jace.
3
Jace
I’d been so stupidly caught up in Leigh, in seeing her again, that I hadn’t even noticed the kid playing on the playground until she ran over to him—responding to his cries of Mama!
Leigh was his mother.
It was like a punch in the gut, and I’d had plenty of those so I knew what it felt like. I’d almost rather have my other knee be blown out than have to see this. The kid looked to be around five years old, which meant Leigh must’ve moved on pretty damn quickly after I’d left. That… that made me feel sick. I’d always thought of Leigh as mine, but it was clear she wasn’t, not anymore.
The other part of me, the more logical part, reminded me that I’d left, and I had never stayed in contact. What else was she supposed to do? Wait around in the vain hope that I’d return or write? But still—to have a kid that old, to have moved on so soon after me—had our bond meant nothing to her?
Maybe
he had been a rebound, or something, and then it had developed into something more. Who knew? I couldn’t blame her, I told myself firmly. I wasn’t going to judge. I’d given her no reason to hope. She must’ve been pretty angry with me after I’d up and left. People did crazy things when they were emotional.
Leigh and her boy hugged, and then the boy was off again, running around, making Leigh smile. The way she looked at him—she clearly adored him. He must be her whole world. It tugged at me, but I still had to wrestle down the stupid jealousy that I was feeling. Keep it together, man, for fuck’s sake. You’re thirty years old, you’re an adult. Act like one.
Leigh stood up and we regarded each other for a moment, both of us clearly at a loss for words. The moment stretched on, becoming painfully and obviously awkward.
“Cute kid,” I managed at last. Fuck. Cute kid? That was all I could say?
Leigh nodded. “Thanks. He is.”
“I’ll see you around then, I’m sure.” My throat was crammed full of questions that I just couldn’t find a way to ask. What was she doing here instead of in NYC? What had happened to art school? Who was the father? I didn’t see a wedding ring on her finger—was she married? Was the father in the picture? What about Andy and her parents? What was her kid’s name? Was she happy?
You don’t have a right to ask those kinds of questions, I told myself hotly. Before I could say anything stupid or make more of a fool of myself, I walked away.
Leigh didn’t call after me or try to talk to me more, and I wasn’t surprised. I’d left her. I had to just keep reminding myself of that. I’d left her. I couldn’t hold anything against her after that.
All night, though, she was in my mind. When I’d expected to be haunted by Leigh, I hadn’t realized it would be literal. I’d just expected the memories to be there. I’d gotten used to the memories, thinking of her while I was overseas, wondering how she’d been doing. My superior officers would be shocked at me as I paced up and down in my house, did push-ups until my arms ached, took a shower, hit the punching bag, took a shower again, and then finally went on a long walk through the woods out back of the house. My equilibrium had always been steady, I’d never let emotions get in the way on a mission. I had been commended for my steady hand and cool head.
Now five minutes with Leigh and I was spinning out of control. Congratulations, she’d done what enemy snipers and bombs couldn’t manage.
Walking out in the cool, peaceful woods helped a bit. But I couldn’t full shake the haunted feeling. I had come back here thinking that Greenville was the same, that it was still the home I’d left, but now I saw that wasn’t the case. Leigh was with someone else, right in front of me and yet unattainable. And the kicker was that I had no one to blame for it but myself. If I’d made an effort to stay in touch with her, maybe this wouldn’t have happened. It was all my own idiocy.
I wasn’t going to back out on my uncle and I couldn’t change course, but I also couldn’t help but wonder if this plan of mine was doomed before it even really began. If just this short time with Leigh was setting me off like this—who knew what more exposure would do?
4
Leigh
Thank God we were going to Dawn’s. I needed to tell her absolutely everything before I broke down into a panic attack.
“Spaghetti?” Sammy demanded the moment we got into the house.
“Now, is that how you greet someone?” I asked, taking off his jacket and his shoes and hanging up the former on the hook by the door.
“Hi, Aunty Dawn,” Sammy corrected himself, beaming up at Dawn. He knew he had her wrapped around his little finger.
Dawn laughed, bending down to hug him. “Heya, Sammy boy. And yes, I have spaghetti ready to go, cap’n!” She saluted him, and Sammy saluted back, grinning. “Go wash your hands!”
Sammy ran off to do so, while Dawn stood up. Her face immediately got serious. “Hey, you okay? You look kind of… stressed.”
That was probably putting it lightly. “I’ll tell you after we get Sammy settled.”
“Is anything wrong? Is Sammy okay? Your parents?”
“Everyone’s fine, nobody’s hurt, it was just… you’ll see.”
Dawn pursed her lips, but seemed satisfied that there wasn’t anything dire, and led me into the dining room. We got Sammy settled, and happily eating his meal, and our own dinners in order.
Then Dawn looked over at me, arching an eyebrow.
I sighed. There was really no way to beat about the bush on this. “Jace Atkins is back in town.”
Dawn’s jaw actually dropped. “Jace? In town? Are you sure?”
“I’m sure.”
“It could be a rumor…”
“No.” I rubbed at my forehead. “I saw him. At the park. He walked right up to me.”
Dawn’s face became sympathetic. “Oh, honey.” She glanced over at Sammy, then looked back at me. “Does he know?”
She didn’t have to clarify. I knew what she meant—the only thing she could possibly mean. “I don’t think so.”
Had Jace figured out that Sammy was his kid? I wasn’t sure how he could have. Sure, if he thought about timing, maybe, but… six years was a long time. Why would he assume that Sammy was his? And Sammy was still young enough that I didn’t think it was too obvious that he had some of his father’s features. You kind of had to wait until the kid got older to tell, unless you had a baby picture of the parent handy to match.
“He didn’t ask about it, anyway, he just… took one look at the kid and then left.” He wouldn’t have done that if he thought Sammy might be his, would he?
“Wouldn’t it be obvious?” Dawn asked, her forehead wrinkling.
“Only if he knew Sa… the age,” I said, stopping myself before I could slip up by saying Sammy’s name. If Sammy heard his name he’d realize that we were talking about him in some way and he’d start actually paying attention to what we were saying. “But he doesn’t. And kids easily look different ages when they’re young. You can’t really tell.”
“Fair enough,” Dawn conceded. “How do you feel about it?”
“Terrified.” Not that I was scared of Jace, I just… I didn’t want him to find out. That would stir up a whole ton of issues that I didn’t want to deal with. “Not in an… he’ll hurt me kind of way. I just don’t want him to know.”
“How could he possibly not know?”
“Look, nobody knows what role he played in my life, except for you and Andy and my parents. And I don’t see any of you telling him. The others in town can gossip all that they want but it’s just gossip and Jace knows better than to listen to that.” Or at least, he used to know. “Besides, he might change his mind about coming back here. He said he was in town to help his uncle with his business but… maybe things will change and he’ll want to leave.”
After all, he didn’t find it all that hard to leave the first time—and the first time, you could argue, he had a much better incentive for staying behind. Or so I liked to think. I could be wrong, maybe I wasn’t a good incentive to stick around.
“Okay…” Dawn didn’t seem all that convinced. “Are you going to tell him?”
I shook my head. “It doesn’t hurt anyone to keep the secret. Jace made it clear that he didn’t want me to be a part of his life when he left without a word so… I think it would only upset him to find out the truth.”
“How did he seem when he saw that you had your… new life direction?”
“I’m not sure. He seemed a little—it was hard to read him. He’s not the same person that he was six years ago.” I knew that I wasn’t the same person, either. People changed. Especially in an environment like the military. That had to have left some kind of mark on him. “I’m not going to burden him with this knowledge. If he didn’t want me, then why would he want—my addition? You know? And I don’t know what kind of person he is now.”
“Jace is a good man.”
“He was, when we knew him. But he was just a kid then, we all were.”
Not that we were all terribly old and wise now, but at the very least, we had a bit more life experience under our belts. “Six years is a long time. I don’t know—and with the military, you don’t know what kind of stuff he’s seen, what kind of person he’s become. We’ve been doing fine without him and we’ll keep doing fine.”
Dawn shook her head. “I feel like keeping it a secret will just make it blow up. That’s how it always works. It’s easier to just be honest upfront even if it’s scary.”
“I appreciate the advice but… I’m damned if I do and damned if I don’t. If I don’t tell him, then there’s the possibility of it… blowing up in my face, like you said. If I do tell him, there’s the possibility that he’ll react poorly, or it’ll become a—a thing, I can just imagine the drama… Andy’s going to kill him, for one thing.”
My brother hadn’t reacted well to Jace just up and leaving without a word, especially once he found out that Jace and I had secretly been together, meaning Jace had dumped me. Once Andy had learned I was pregnant, he’d gotten even angrier. At me, at first, for not using a condom, for not being on birth control, for being reckless—but he’d soon calmed down and apologized and switched his anger over once again to Jace for not being more careful with me, for dumping me, for not caring about any of us enough to even say a proper goodbye.
I couldn’t blame Andy, but I wasn’t looking forward to the dust up when it inevitably happened.
“You want to know his intentions,” Dawn replied. “That’s valid. But Jace has always been a good guy, and if you tell him—he can start pitching in. Financially, if nothing else.”
“I’ve always provided well,” I shot back, feeling a bit miffed and defensive. My parents had helped out, yes. The whole community had. I’d had to live with my parents for the first couple of years. But I had made it work and we were doing good now. Sure, we didn’t have a lot of money to spare, I had to be smart about it, but I wasn’t in a panic every month. Sammy was well taken care of.
Second Chance with Brother's Best Friend: A Single Mom Secret Baby Romance Page 2
