Jace nodded, smiling at me. “I do. I really want to.”
My heart was so heavy in my chest, both with love and guilt.
21
Jace
I’d had this idea for an outing for a while, but now that I’d been given the go-ahead, that outing took on a new shape as I planned the previous evening. I wanted this to be a really nice time, but not too overwhelming. Not like I had the money to take them to Disneyworld but even if I’d had that money, I wouldn’t do something like that—I didn’t want Sammy and Leigh to feel bombarded or too swept off their feet. I wanted this outing to be something that would show Leigh the kind of things we’d do if we were a family together, the kind of weekends we’d spend together.
Maybe it was rushing for me to be thinking long-term. I knew that things could go wrong. I knew that I could mess things up, or that Leigh and I could realize (despite the amazing sex) that we weren’t emotionally compatible, long-term. Hell, maybe Sammy’s father could suddenly waltz back into their lives—he wasn’t dead, or at least, Leigh probably would’ve said if he was. All she’d said was that he wasn’t in the picture. That meant he might be able to come back into the picture.
So maybe there were plenty of reasons for me to go slow. But I wanted to make my intentions clear. I wanted to spend more time with Sammy. I wanted to get to know him and be a positive presence in his life. And I wanted to date Leigh, properly. I wanted to be with her. And if things ended up not working out? Fine. We’d work it out and I’d find a way to still be in Sammy’s life as a friend, because there was no reason that kid and I couldn’t still be friends, there was no reason I couldn’t continue to be a positive person in his lie.
I wanted to give Leigh something that reminded her of our time together when we were younger, but just tramping through the woods with a kid wasn’t really the best time. We weren’t young anymore, able to make love and doze off in the shade of the trees. Instead, I found a nearby nature park that had a pond and planned a picnic accordingly.
Yeah, I could cook, including grilling—and I could make a mean sandwich. I wasn’t exactly going to be auditioning for a culinary school anytime soon, but I was sure that this picnic would be well received.
Sandwiches, potato chips, apples, celery, carrots, peanut butter, a fruit salad, and some cookies—I couldn’t think of a more delicious bag. I also packed a soccer ball for Sammy, and a football and a frisbee, in case he got bored and wanted variety. Finally, I picked up cinnamon rolls from the bakery as a breakfast surprise.
Then I drove over to Leigh’s house in the late morning. No reason that Sammy should have to sleep in on his day off from school.
“Morning!” I called, knocking on the front door.
Leigh opened it, still looking a little sleep-rumpled. God, I couldn’t wait for the day I could fall asleep with her and wake up with her next to me. I couldn’t wait to get to see her with all of her guards down, just being herself. I had never gotten that when we were together before, unless we fell asleep together napping—but it was different, to nap with someone instead of going to bed with them, spending the night with them.
I was such a damn sap when it came to her. If only the guys in my unit could see me now, they’d be laughing their asses off. Or maybe they’d understand—they had their own people they’d been gaga over, too. Not that it would’ve stopped them from teasing me, just like I’d teased them back in the day. Maybe I could arrange for them to come and visit some time, have Leigh meet them, and learn more about the kind of person I’d been when I was in the unit, see what I’d been like for the six years I’d been gone.
We couldn’t get those six years back, but I could do my damn best to make up for them.
Leigh smiled at seeing me and ushered me in. “C’mon inside. Sammy’s just waking up.”
“I brought breakfast.” I held up the box of cinnamon rolls.
Leigh glared at me playfully. “How dare you remember my weakness?”
“What can I say, I’m not above bribery.” I winked at her.
“How’s your knee?” she asked, taking the rolls from me and going into the kitchen.
“It’s good. The doctors told me it would be bad in winter, when it gets cold, that makes your joints stiff. But during the warm seasons it’ll be fine.”
Leigh had a warm look on her face—not pity, which was what I’d been fearing—and she said, “Well, if you ever need help… um, massaging it or putting oil on or anything, you just let me know.”
That made heat spread through me, but not the usual heat I felt when I looked at Leigh. It wasn’t about wanting to have sex with her (although I definitely did want to have sex with her), it was… just happiness. She wanted to help take care of me. She wanted to help look after me. Just like I wanted to look after her.
It gave me hope that we could really make something serious out of this.
“We should take your car,” I pointed out as Leigh took the cinnamon rolls and I heard thundering down the stairs.
“Morning kiddo,” I said to Sammy, who appeared to have smelled the food and looked bright eyed and bushy tailed.
Sammy waved hi to me, his eyes glued to the cinnamon rolls. I laughed as Leigh rolled her eyes. “You’re having fruit first, baby boy. Up you get.”
“You’ve got the booster seat,” I added, finishing my thought about why we should take Leigh’s car.
Leigh gave me an odd look, like she was pleased and surprised by the thoughtfulness. “Good idea.”
I wanted to keep working at it until that kind of thoughtfulness from me didn’t surprise her, it was just what she expected. I wanted her to get used to me in her life again.
Sammy devoured his food, making me chuckle and my heart swell. He was such a damn cute kid. How could anyone have not wanted him in their life? I knew it was probably fuckin’ unfair of me, but I was angry at the father, whoever he was. He should be here, helping out.
But then again, if he had been, I wouldn’t have this chance with Leigh and Sammy. And I fully intended to make the most of it.
“Where are we going?” Sammy asked as Leigh buckled him in and I loaded up her car with the food and supplies.
“It’s a surprise,” I replied, winking at him.
Sammy tried to wink back but only ended up blinking a few times. I stifled my laughter and got into the driver’s seat as Leigh buckled herself up, smiling softly at me. I wanted her to always smile at me like that.
The soft little oh that left Leigh as we pulled up beside the park and the pond made me grin, made soft warmth spread through me once again. I felt so… damn fucking soft around them. Being in the military, seeing all that bullshit, it had hardened something inside me. Made everything inside of me sharp and harsh.
But now, being with them, just soaking up how happy Sammy was at the smallest, simplest things, the way he saw the world—seeing how I could make Leigh happy and how she was accepting me despite my absence and the new, hardened parts that lurked inside of me—it was making those harsher parts melt like ice, revealing gentler parts that I had forgotten about and left neglected.
“This is beautiful,” Leigh admitted as we got out of the car.
“You always did love nature,” I pointed out.
“So did you.” She had a smile on her face that made me suspect she was remembering the things we would get up to in the woods together.
“Too bad we can’t explore nature like we used to,” I teased, opening up the trunk to get everything.
Leigh snorted. “You think you’re real funny, don’t you?”
“I know I’m funny.”
We set up a bit away from the pond so that we wouldn’t get any of our things wet, and Sammy immediately latched onto the balls and frisbee. “We’ll play catch!” he held up the soccer ball triumphantly.
I didn’t have the heart to correct him that you didn’t call it ‘catch’ unless you were throwing the ball, not if you were kicking it. I took the soccer ball from him and kicked it around
, keeping it from him, teasing him as Sammy chased after it, finally kicking it to him and letting him kick it back and forth with me.
“Can we go swimming?” he asked, kicking the ball to me and pointing at the pond.
I kicked the ball back at him. “Nah, it’s too cold. Besides, you go swimming in pools.” Swimming in ponds or lakes wasn’t a bad thing as far as I knew but better safe than sorry with a little kid, right?
“Aww.” Sammy pouted at me, and that just was not gonna work. I ran at him and scooped him up, tossing him lightly into the air and catching him, and Sammy shrieked with delight.
“Oh my God,” Leigh blurted out. “Be careful!” She was laughing, though, smiling at us as I tossed Sammy again, then set him back down safely on the grass.
Sammy was giggling wildly. “Again!”
“Nope, not too many times, bud, or your head might pop off.”
Sammy’s eyes got big and wide. “Really!?”
“Yup, so we have to be careful.”
“How about you two come over here and eat something?” Leigh suggested, pointing out the food that she’d laid out.
“I hope I got stuff that you guys liked,” I said, picking Sammy up under my arm and bringing him over as Sammy laughed and playfully kicked at me.
“Definitely.” Leigh smiled as I set Sammy down and collapsed next to her. Sammy was eager to dive into the food, and I felt… accomplished, in a really weird way. Yeah, it wasn’t like I’d gone out and hunted this food down, all that shit, but I’d provided for them. I’d given them this great day, and it made me feel proud of myself, pleased.
After eating, Sammy climbed up into a tree, while Leigh and I watched, keeping an eye on him in case we needed to help him get back down. “He’s so damn energetic.”
Leigh laughed. “Yeah. It’s hard to keep up with him sometimes.”
I shifted so that my back was against the tree and curled my fingers, coaxing Leigh over to me. She smiled and crawled across the blanket, settling between my legs, her back to my chest. I wrapped my arms around her and imagined, for a moment, that this was how it always was.
I’m going to marry Leigh. The thought was solid in my head, no hesitation. I wanted to marry her, and be a father to her child, to Sammy. I was done with death and violence, I was done with war. I wanted to forget all of it, to move on, and be with the one girl I had ever been in love with. I wanted to be their family, and have them be mine.
Now I just had to see if Leigh felt the same way.
I had to be careful not to overwhelm her. She had her kid to think about. But I also wanted it to be obvious. I wanted her to see that I wasn’t just hanging out with them when I felt like it and I wasn’t just around for the sex. I wanted her to be expecting me to propose, rather than be surprised by it. I wanted her to have no doubt that I was here to stay.
Then we’d be a proper family, all three of us. And we could have every day be like this.
22
Leigh
I couldn’t believe how perfect this day had been. The picnic was lovely, and it was clear that Sammy thought the world of Jace.
Who could blame him? Jace was so attentive. He seemed to really like hanging out with Sammy and to have fun with him. It gave me such… such relief. Even though there was still a part of me in the back of my mind that screamed in guilt. Jace didn’t know that Sammy was his son, after all. I did feel bad about it, really I did.
But at the same time—it was like he didn’t even have to know. He already was so good with Sammy and seemed so ready to… to just step up and be a dad to him. He played with Sammy all day, throwing the ball, kicking the soccer ball, helping him climb trees, keeping an eye out for him. And he always told Sammy to listen to me about things like eating vegetables first. He respected my authority.
God, how could such a perfect man have waltzed out of my life for so long, left me with such heartbreak, and then waltzed back in like a dream? It felt like I had two completely different chapters in my life. In one of them, Jace had just up and left with no word. In the other, he was everything that a woman could dream of in a husband and a father. How could I reconcile the two?
I wanted to believe that he was really here to stay. And for the most part I supposed I did. But just like there was a part of me that felt guilty for not telling Jace the truth about his son, there was a part of me that held back and was scared that Jace would walk out again and leave us. Sure, things seemed to be going well. But they’d seemed to be going well last time, too.
You don’t have to make a choice right now, I told myself. Relaxing back against Jace and watching Sammy play up in the tree… it was all so peaceful. It wasn’t like I had to make a decision right away. I could keep going with this and see how it went.
But he longer it did go on, the more attached Sammy would get—and the more attached I would get. I was already pretty attached, honestly. How could I not be, when Jace was the only man I’d ever been in love with, and now he was back here being perfect again?
I’d have to be careful with my heart. I wanted to hope, I wanted to sink into this and trust that Jace would always be there and that this was permanent… but I was still scared.
When Sammy finally started to show signs of getting tired, we packed it all in and drove back to my place. The key with kids, I’d found, wasn’t to wait until they were really tired. You waited until they started slowing down only a little bit, while they were still having fun, and took them home, then. Otherwise they’d be so tired that getting them ready for bed would be an absolute nightmare.
To my surprise, when I took Sammy inside, Jace offered to help. “You go do whatever it is you need to do, clean up the house, whatever. I’ll get him ready for bed.”
“Oh.” I was so surprised, I blurted out, “Okay,” without even thinking about it.
For a moment I was worried—Jace had been in the military, he hadn’t been raising a kid. Would he know how to be patient and make it fun? Would he know how to handle Sammy?
But after I tidied up the house, took care of some laundry, and stored the leftover food in the fridge, I followed the sound of Sammy’s laughter and Jace’s warm, low voice to find Sammy in the tub, Jace playing with his rubber duckies, giving them voices and having them act out little scenes.
For a moment I just leaned against the doorframe, watching them. I didn’t want to have to put a stop to it, but Sammy needed to get to bed on time or we’d all be suffering the consequences later.
“Bath time’s over,” I said, keeping my voice cheerful. I didn’t want Sammy to think he was in trouble, after all. “Time for bed!”
Sammy sighed dramatically. “Can I have a story?”
“Sure, you can have a story, if you dry off and brush your teeth and put all your toys away.”
Sammy looked over at Jace. “Can Jace read me a story?”
My heart clenched. “Um, that’s up to Jace.”
“Sure thing, but you gotta do as your mom says.” Jace had a soft smile on his face as he looked at Sammy, and it felt like my heart was going to collapse in on itself from the emotions crushing it.
I let Jace clean Sammy up and drain the bath, and then once Sammy was safely tucked into bed, Jace read him a couple of stories. His voices were… well, he was a man, with a deep, rough voice, and he was certainly no actor. But it was hilarious to watch him try. And I couldn’t help but watch. This had been the kind of thing I’d dreamed about, when I’d first learned I was pregnant. Back when I’d still sometimes imagined, in times of weakness, that Jace would return and I could tell him about his child and we could be a family.
Could we still be that?
Jace finished up his story and I went in to tell Sammy goodnight. “Did you have a fun day?” I asked, tucking him in.
Sammy nodded, yawning a little. “Mama, can Jace play with us a lot?”
“If you want that, we can certainly try. Jace has his own life, he has a job and everything, so he can’t play all the time. But he can keep c
oming over.”
Sammy nodded. “I’d like that. Jace is my friend.”
“I’m glad. Jace is my friend, too.” A very different kind of friend.
I kissed Sammy goodnight and turned off the lights, gently closing his bedroom door. Normally I left it open and just turned off the hall light, so that I could easily hear him if he needed me, but he had his nightlight by his bed, and I really didn’t want him to overhear Jace and me—if the evening ended up going the way I thought it might.
Jace was lounging on the couch downstairs, idly scrolling through his phone. He looked up when he heard me on the stairs, setting the phone down and smiling up at me. Ugh, how that smile made me melt. “He’s all good?”
“Yup. Didn’t even try to convince me that he wasn’t sleepy. You really tired him out earlier.”
“He’s energetic.”
“Sure is.”
Jace stood up and walked over to me, and I found that my next words came out in a whisper. “Thank you, for making today so great. It was really—it was just great, it was.”
He had a warm but determined look on his face. “I want to make every day just as great.”
That sounded—so permanent, like he was thinking about the future, like he wanted to stay, and that was what I wanted, it was all that I wanted—I was sure my heart was beating a hundred miles an hour as Jace’s hands dropped to my hips and he pulled me in, pressed us against each other.
“Sound like a good plan to you?” he asked.
Oh God. “Yes,” I whispered, and then his lips were against mine and all thought flew out the window.
There was no way that we were going to get all the way upstairs right now, but I didn’t even care. I wanted to have him right here, in the kitchen, like the irresponsible, lovestruck people that we weren’t. Well, the former, anyway. I was pretty lovestruck myself.
Jace’s hands were greedy on me, and I laughed into his mouth. “You’ve been thinking about this all day, haven’t you?” I teased him, trying to keep my voice low.
Second Chance with Brother's Best Friend: A Single Mom Secret Baby Romance Page 12
