It would be just like when we were out in the woods together as kids. Brought into our child’s room, a representation of the love and the place that was so special to us…
Still standing in the doorway, I paused. Huh.
It was a crazy idea. True. Maybe not even an idea I’d normally entertain. But I’d fucked up big time in just leaving without a word all those years ago. And then I’d fucked up again, getting so angry yesterday, not thinking about Leigh’s side of things and thinking only about my hurt. I had to do something big and grand to make it up to her. Something that would show that I loved her, and Sammy, and that I’d meant it when I’d said I wanted to be a part of their lives, permanently.
Was it crazy enough to work? It just might be.
I called Rachel. She’d been rather… well. Distant, I guess you could say, since the whole thing. Like she was blaming me for it. I could understand her embarrassment but it wasn’t my fault that I didn’t have feelings for her.
“Jace,” she said, her voice cool. “What’s up? Everything going all right with the house?”
“Everything’s great, just about finished.” I cleared my throat. “Listen. I have an odd proposition for you.”
“You’ve realized the error of your ways and you want us to date after all?”
“Ah, no. You’re a wonderful woman, Rachel, really you are. And you’re going to make someone very happy. But I’m in love with someone else. I always have been. And I’m going to be with them. It’s not about you, or anything against you, and I hope that you do find someone who appreciates you.”
Rachel sighed. “Well, I’m not going to just get over my feelings with a snap of the fingers, but I suppose I can learn to live with this.” She paused. “So what is it that you wanted to proposition me with, since it’s not the fun kind?”
“I want to buy your house from you.”
There was a very, very long pause on the other end of the phone. “You mean… the house that you’re… fixing up for me? The house I just bought?”
“Yup. I’ll buy it from you, above market price, no questions asked, no negotiating. I have the money.”
The funds from special ops that I’d been sitting on all this time, carefully investing and expanding, were finally going to pay off. I’d been thinking of this house as mine, in a way, as I worked on it, and with Leigh’s special touches on it… I couldn’t let it go to Rachel. I just couldn’t.
“And when you pick out your new place,” I added, “I’ll do whatever renovations you want for free.” I had no doubt I could drum up enough business to cover whatever I’d lose from doing the free work.
Rachel made a suspicious noise at the back of her throat, like she was trying to find some hidden catch and didn’t know what I was up to. As if I really would’ve been tricking her with this, like I wanted to screw her over.
“I have to admit it’s a tempting offer,” Rachel said.
“You’d get all your furniture back, by the way,” I told her. Then I winced, remembering the bed. Well, I wouldn’t need such a big bed, really, but… it was already there… and Leigh and I did have sex on it… “Although maybe not the bed, it was a tough fucker to get into the bedroom, not sure it’s worth trying to get it back out again.”
Rachel laughed, sounding amused in spite of herself. “I’ll think about it. Like I said, it’s a tempting offer.” She paused. “Are you sure you don’t want to consider another kind of deal?” Her voice wasn’t quite a purr, but it did lower a bit, get softer.
“Like I said,” I told her, mirroring her own words just now, “I’m in love with someone else. I want to live the rest of my life with them.”
Rachel was silent for a moment, then said, “It’s Leigh, isn’t it?”
That took me aback. “Was I that obvious?” I couldn’t even find it in me to lie.
Rachel made a sound that wasn’t quite a laugh, more like she was trying to laugh and the sound got stuck in her throat. “Leigh runs out of the house, you reject me and then go running after her… I’m not stupid.”
Okay, that was fair. “You’ll find someone, Rachel. I’m sorry that it’s not me.” But not too sorry. “But you’ll get someone.”
“Thanks,” Rachel said, and she sounded like she meant it this time. “I’ll think about it, Jace. I will.”
She hung up, and I pocketed my phone. I had to make a stop at the local jewelry store. Fuck, of course if I stopped by the one that we had—the only jewelry store, and one that specialized in all those healing rock crystals and things, big hit with the tourists in the summer—then everyone was going to know what I was up to. The older woman who ran it had been around since I was a kid, and she was friendly as fuck. Everyone was a gossip in this town. My intentions wouldn’t be hidden.
But did it really matter?
I was going to tell Leigh as soon as I could. What was the problem with others learning about my plans if I had every intention of making this permanent? What kind of guy would I be if I was going to tell this person that I wanted to be in their lives and then be shy about other people knowing? What if I wasn’t willing for anyone to know about it? What kind of asshole would I be?
I’d be a goddamn coward is what I’d be, and I wouldn’t really be showing my dedication to her. So let them talk. Let people gossip and figure out what I was doing. I didn’t care. The only person I cared about was Leigh.
I left the house, closing it up and locking it. I had a jewelry store to get to.
28
Leigh
It had been a rough week, to say the least.
I hadn’t heard from Jace in all of that time. I’d gone back to work after that first day, since I couldn’t leave Andy too high and dry, and he’d apologized and seen the error of his ways, all that jazz. And the work did distract me, I had to admit. It was helpful to have that to lean back on.
Sammy had been a good distraction too. Always energetic, like usual. I focused more on him—on playing with him and even doing some art with him. I’d enjoyed doing the mural for Rachel’s kid’s bedroom, and I found that I really wanted to do more of my art than I had before. Maybe Jace was right and I could really make something out of it…
And there I went, thinking about Jace again.
I put Sammy to bed, glad that he wasn’t asking about Jace. He had asked, the first couple of days, surprised when I dodged questions about how and when we’d be seeing Jace again. Clearly Sammy loved him. It hurt to know that Jace had made such an impression so quickly—normally I’d be happy about it but now—
Getting myself a glass of wine, I settled at the kitchen table. I didn’t feel comfortable enough with myself to lounge on the couch, so to speak. I had too much on my mind. Resting my elbows on the table, I sipped at the wine, wondering what to do next—if I should do anything next.
The mural was just about finished, thank God. I could leave it just as it was, really, if it would be that uncomfortable for Jace and me to be in the same space otherwise. Rachel wouldn’t notice the difference. I would, since I was the artist. I knew how I wanted it to look when it was finished, the difference between that and how it looked right now. But Rachel wouldn’t care and neither would her daughter.
Jace had encouraged me to continue my art, and I’d thought… well, in the back of my mind I’d considered the possibility of working with him, sort of as a partner. Or like an independent artist that could be a sort of… bonus to the people that he was working with? He could tell his clients about me and my art, and the clients could hire me to do that art for them, murals for their walls and such… mostly for kids, I figured… But now that possibility was probably out the window. I hadn’t heard from him all week.
He had to still be angry with me. His silence spoke volumes. I hadn’t even seen him. Not at the grocery store or walking down the street. Our town was pretty small but it wasn’t claustrophobic. You could avoid seeing someone if you really wanted to—you just had to put a bit of work into it and be careful. Clearly, that wa
s what Jace was doing.
It made me sick to my stomach. I wasn’t sure if this wine was helping or just going to make it worse. I wasn’t really a ‘drink to forget the day’ kind of person. I preferred to have some alcohol to enjoy it, and to get a little buzz sometimes when I wanted it. Not just to drown my sorrows.
I couldn’t quite believe it had only been a week. The six years without Jace had been bad, no denying that. I had cried for days after he’d left—quietly, to myself, going on long walks in the woods because only Dawn knew why I was so upset. I hadn’t told Andy or my parents about my relationship with Jace until after I’d realized I wasn’t just throwing up because of nerves and missing him, but because of the pregnancy.
But I had gotten used to it, and I’d had Sammy to think about. Now… now, this week, was somehow even worse.
I took a slightly-larger-than-usual gulp of my wine. At least before I’d had no idea what Jace would be like as a father. All of that… that lack of knowledge, that ignorance… only in hindsight did I realize it was truly bliss. Because now I knew exactly what Jace would be like as a father. I knew how he would soften up, how he would be playful with Sammy and dote on him. I knew how supportive he would be, of me as a mother and of me as an artist. To have all that, and then have it taken away, was so much worse than never having it at all.
All those people who said it was better to have loved and lost didn’t know what they were talking about. What bullshit. I’d been better when I hadn’t known.
My phone buzzed with some texts from Dawn, which I ignored. She’d been checking in with me all week, and I appreciated her support, but I just couldn’t talk to anyone right now. “You should go talk to him,” she’d kept telling me.
I couldn’t do that. What could I say? Beg him to forgive me again? I couldn’t think of anything that I hadn’t already said. Dawn had suggested I do a painting or something else artistic for him, as an apology gift, and just say that I was sorry.
“You have good points,” she’d said. “You really do. But that doesn’t change the lying to him. And yeah, I get why you did it. I’m sure he does too. Once he’s thought about it. But you still need a proper apology.”
I wasn’t sure if I could do that… yet. Cowardly of me? Maybe. I’d give it another week, I supposed.
God, I missed him. I finished off my wine and pushed the empty glass away from me, ignoring the temptation to go in and have some more. It had only been a week and yet I already wanted to cry from the lack of his hands on me, his mouth on me. The lack of his steady presence and warm smile.
Was this how my life would be now A lonely ache that never let up, never eased? A pain that I would just have to get used to soldiering, like Jace’s knee injury?
A knock at the front door made me jump in surprise. Who could it be at this hour? The person knocking was being quiet about it, probably knowing that Sammy was asleep.
It could be Dawn. That was probably what her texts were about—her warning me she was coming over. Dawn knew I was refusing her comfort and isolating myself in my misery, dammit. She was a determined person when it came down to it. Well, I’d just tell her that I meant it and I didn’t want anyone to be around. And then I’d probably let her bully me into watching some fun, cheesy television with her. Maybe it would be good for me.
When I opened the front door, however, it wasn’t Dawn. It was Jace.
I could feel my eyes going wide as I stared at him. For a delirious second, I wondered if he was actually real.
“Sammy’s asleep,” I blurted out, even though I knew that would be obvious to him, given the time. Was he there to see Sammy? He must be. After all, he knew the truth now. Whatever he thought about me, I was sure that Jace would want a relationship with his son.
Although, he had to know that Sammy would be asleep by now, so his being here didn’t make sense…
“I know.” Jace gave me a small but tentative smile. Like he wasn’t sure he was actually allowed to look at me like that anymore. Of course he was, though. I was the one who’d lied to his face, he hadn’t lied. And how could he have made up for leaving me alone to raise Sammy, how could he apologize for that, if he didn’t know that there was anything like that to apologize for? I was the one at fault, here.
“Can I come in?” Jace asked. I nodded, stepping aside to let him and closing the door behind him.
“What is it?” I asked. “I—I should probably apologize, I know, but I haven’t—I didn’t think you wanted to see me, so.” It was a bad excuse, I knew that, but I didn’t know what else to say.
“You don’t have to apologize,” Jace told me.
I stared at him, confused. “What do you mean? Of course, I have to.”
“I’ve been doing a lot of thinking, actually.” Jace shoved his hands into his pockets, leaning on his good leg. I gestured for him to sit down, but he shook his head. “I really have been thinking a lot about what you did, and why you did it, and how I behaved.
“And honestly, I… I’m hurt that you lied to me. I’m not going to pretend otherwise. But I did some thinking and I understand why you did.” Jace took a deep breath. “I left you, without a word, without talking to you about my plans. I felt… I felt like there wasn’t going to be any room in your new life for me, and I wanted to give you the chance to go to art school and be free without having to worry about me or anyone else you might’ve left behind. I didn’t want you to feel stuck or torn between two worlds.
“And I wanted to do my own thing, to leave town for a while and find out who I was. So yeah, I enrolled in the military, and it wasn’t my smartest choice, but at least I managed to make something out of it—and it was selfish of me to just leave you and assume that I knew how you felt, and it was selfish of me not to think about how you’d feel.
“You had every right to be unsure when I came into your life again, and you had every right to wonder if I was going to stay in it or not. I think it was… better this way, almost. Because it meant that I came to… to realize that I wanted you and Sammy in my life on my own, not just because he was my son and because I felt a sense of obligation. I genuinely want to be with the both of you.”
My breath caught in my throat. “You still…?”
Jace nodded. “I… I want to apologize for my anger.”
“No, no, it was understandable. I should’ve told you sooner. You shouldn’t have had to find out like that.”
Jace gave me a bigger smile than before, this one unbelievably fond. I could feel myself melting inside. “God, you’re such a good person. Do you understand that, Leigh? You’ve always been so good to me. You’ve always been everything I’ve ever wanted.”
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I could feel my eyes getting wet, and I tried to keep myself under control. I didn’t want to just burst into tears and miss anything.
Jace took a deep breath. “I know that there’s been a long time between… then and now. And I know that I wasn’t there for you when I should’ve been. But I’m here now, and I never stopped loving you. I’m sorry I didn’t show it and I didn’t reach out.”
To my shock, he pulled something out of his pocket—a small black box—and got down on one knee (his good knee, I noticed). I had to grab the edge of the kitchen table as my knees swayed a bit. I hadn’t imagined this. I hadn’t even begun to hope for it.
“Wait, wait.” I held my hand out, stopping him before he could go any further. “Before—you have to be sure. I want you to be sure. I mean… this is so new. You only just got back. What if you change your mind? Are you sure that you don’t want to… date a bit first?”
Jace shook his head, another smile spreading across his face. “I don’t think I’ve ever been surer about anything. I wanted you all of this time. I shouldn’t have let you go before, I shouldn’t have assumed that you wouldn’t want anything. I just let you go, like it was nothing, and that was the worst mistake I’ve ever made. I want to make it right now and have things be the way that they should be between
us. I want you and Sammy in my life, for the rest of my life.”
I could hardly see anything in front of me with the tears that were standing in my eyes. This was everything I hadn’t even dared to let myself imagine. I had wanted it so badly, and the possibility of maybe not having it—it had been too painful, so why think about it? But now it was happening. My wildest dreams were coming true.
“Leigh?” Jace asked. As if he even needed to ask. As if he really couldn’t be sure. He opened the box, revealing the ring to me—a beautiful one that made my breath catch. “Will you marry me?”
I nodded, my hand clapping over my mouth as the tears flowed freely down my cheeks. I felt a bit embarrassed at having such a reaction—but then again, this was six years of dreams I had stuffed down and ignored, all coming true at once. I dared anyone else not to cry a bit, too.
Jace got to his feet at once, practically springing to them like he had coiled springs in his legs. He took the ring out of the box and slid it onto my finger. Instead of one big diamond in the middle, the ring had a tree carved onto it, with a few tiny diamonds scattered on the branches, like stars peeking through the forest at night, or magical shining leaves. I understood immediately why he’d chosen it. Since I was a painter, and helped out at the hardware store, I’d be working with my hands a lot, and a larger stone would possibly make my hand catch on things. It would get in the way. And the tree—for the woods, and how special they were to us.
“Where did you even get this!?” I asked, bewildered. How long had he been planning this? Had he had this ring the whole time?
Jace wrapped an arm around my waist to tug me into his side, his other hand still grasping my fingers. He was staring down at the ring like he couldn’t quite believe that it was actually on my hand, that I had accepted his proposal.
“Not long. I went into the jewelry shop, the one on Main, and took a look at what they had. You know how it’s full of nature-themed stuff, crystal healing, all that jazz. So I went in to see what they had, I was pretty sure she’d have… some kind of plant-themed ring of some kind. So I found this one—and I knew it would be fucking perfect, and I asked her, could she add some gemstones to it? Would that ruin the ring? And…” Jace gave an embarrassed smile, his cheeks going lightly pink as he blushed. “She knew right away what I wanted it for. I’m pretty damn sure the entire town’s talking about it now. Wondering who I’m giving it to.”
Second Chance with Brother's Best Friend: A Single Mom Secret Baby Romance Page 15
