by Laney Powell
He sighed. “Yeah, I was supposed to be at the station this morning.”
I sat up. “Don’t be late on my account!”
Nate laughed. “I’m already late. It’s the first time since I started there. It’ll be fine.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes. Come here and let me make you late, too,” he said, reaching for me.
Now it was my turn to laugh. “No, I have to get up. Muffins aren’t going to serve themselves!”
“That’s right. If you don’t have the apricot muffins ready to go, the entire town will revolt.”
We laughed together. One of the things I had to keep was the apricot muffins. Dave and Clara both told me, separately, how popular they were. Clara also confided that initially, they’d been a mistake, but they sold out in record time, so she kept making them.
And who was I to mess with something that worked? “I have to get a shower, and then—”
“You’ll have breakfast with me before we both go to work,” Nate said.
“I will?” I asked.
“Yes,” he said firmly. “Go get your shower.”
I felt like skipping as I went to the bathroom. I took the fastest shower known to man and zoomed through getting ready. Although my room door was closed, I could smell the delicious smells of breakfast beyond the door.
When I came out into the kitchen, Nate was spooning eggs onto two plates that already had bacon and toast. He looked up. “I hope you don’t mind I made myself at home.”
“Not at all,” I said, trying to think about the last time a man had cooked for me. Shawn never did. He figured since I cooked all day, it was because I’d love nothing better than cooking. Or he’d take me out to dinner. There was something comforting about another cooking for you.
“You cook all the time,” he added. “So, I thought I’d cook.”
Jesus. He was perfect.
We sat down at the counter and ate quietly. Nate nudged me. “You’re awfully quiet. Is there something wrong with breakfast?”
I turned to him, smiling. “No, not at all. It’s nice to have breakfast with you.”
His smile broke across his face like the sun coming out after a cloudy day. “Likewise.”
We finished eating, and Nate excused himself to go to the bathroom. I gathered up the dishes, and busied myself at the sink, feeling shy. When he came out, I didn’t turn around right away. He was behind me, arms around my waist, and nuzzling my neck before I had any more time to dither.
“I gotta go,” he said. “But I’d love to see you tonight.”
“I’m working, but afterwards, I’d like that,” I said as his hands stroked under my shirt. “Get to work.”
He pulled away, spinning me around. “Oh, I will.” His grin was wide.
“And maybe use some discretion?” I asked.
“You mean I can’t take out an ad that I finally got together with the hottest women I’ve ever met?” He pretended to pout. “Well, I suppose I can contain myself.”
He was so exuberant it made me nervous. “OK.”
Nate pulled me close and kissed me. “Everything’s going to be fine, Serena.” He kissed me again. “Trust me.”
I blinked, and he was halfway to the door. “I’ll see you tonight!” He looked like a kid as he bounded down the steps. I could hear him whistling.
Trust me.
Oh, shit.
Trust me.
Not again.
* * *
Even though my hands felt numb, and I felt cold, I went downstairs and got the bakery ready for the day. Pulled the tables outside, got the apricot muffins ready, and set out the bowls of water for the dogs. There wouldn’t be as many as yesterday, but it was already hot, and I liked people sitting out front with their dogs.
Plus, I needed something to keep my mind off my whirling brain. I knew that not every man was Shawn. But Trust me? Really? Did they all say that? I’d read Shawn wrong for years, apparently. I didn’t know Nate all that well. Carla thought he might be a player.
Last night, and even this morning—they’d been incredible. He was great in bed, and thoughtful.
But I couldn’t take the risk. Not again. I’d just have to stop this before it really got going. Because if I was wrong, I couldn’t pick up and leave town. I was stuck here. So was he.
This had to end now, before it ended badly.
Nate
I walked into the fire station, whistling.
“You’re late,” Carmine said.
“Hey, I was on rocket duty last night. I had to go home, get cleaned up.”
“So why didn’t you?” Carmine asked, plucking at my still sooty shirt.
I shrugged. “Something came up.”
“Go shower. I’m not smelling your stink all day,” he said.
I was glad that most of the guys weren’t in the bay. I didn’t need any hassle.
Not that it would have mattered. Serena had made my day—probably all the rest of my days, if I was lucky. She was amazing. Last night—and this morning—that was how I wanted to spend the rest of my life. I knew that sure as I knew my own name. She was The One.
Hopefully, she felt it too, and it wouldn’t take us long to get on the same page. But if it did, that was all right. I had time. I could wait.
The day passed with me only half there. I kept thinking about Serena, about our time together. Every sound, every gasp, each movement. The replay button was on an endless loop in my head. I could still smell her. She smelled like vanilla, and cake.
Thankfully, we only had a few calls in town to deal with small issues, and when it was time for my shift to end, I ran to the showers, eager to clean up and go find Serena. Not just to rip her clothes off and spend the rest of the night with her, but to talk with her, be with her.
I’d never felt this way before. Honestly, I didn’t think I’d ever feel this way, even as I wanted it. But here it was, and I couldn’t wait to see her again.
When I walked to the bakery door, she already had the door locked and the lights in the front down. I could see Serena moving around in the kitchen. I knocked, and when she looked up, I waved.
She frowned.
What in the ever-loving hell?
For a moment, Serena didn’t move, and then she came to the door. Years of watching the enemy to see what was coming next told me that I wasn’t going to like it.
“Hey,” she said, standing in the doorway. She didn’t move, or invite me in, or come to me for a kiss, or anything. The alarm bells were going off like a bomb siren. If I was with my old SEAL team, someone would be screaming, “Mission abort!” into the headsets. And we’d all get the hell out of there. We left no one behind.
Right now, I felt like the guy who was going to be left behind. Shit was heading sideways, and I was helpless to do anything but watch and see where it all landed.
“How was your day?” I smiled, hoping that I was just out of practice and was reading the signs all wrong.
“Busy,” she said, the frown making a crease between her brows. Her eyes were skittering all over the place, and they were red. Like she’d been crying.
“Me, too, but I couldn’t wait to come and see you,” I leaned against the door jam.
“Listen, Nate—”
Holding up my hand, I stopped her. “Serena, whatever you’re going to say, it doesn’t matter. We had fun together. And that’s it. Am I right?”
She stared for a moment; her eyes bright. Then she nodded once, then again. Her lips were pressed together.
I shook my head, letting my breath exhale. “Why?”
She started to speak.
“No, wait.” I held up my hand again. “It doesn’t matter. You’re an adult, you can make whatever decisions you want. I’ll just say thank you for a wonderful evening, and I’ll go.” I looked in her eyes.
There was something there, something I didn’t understand. But if she wasn’t willing to tell me, and try and sort it out, there was nothing I could do. I sure as h
ell wasn’t going to force it. I’d been told to shove off more than once. There was no sense in dragging it out.
“I’m sorry,” she said quietly, never taking her eyes off me.
“So am I,” I whipped around so fast I was surprised I didn’t fall on my ass, or my face, and stalked back to the fire station. Betsey was in the back of the station house, and I threw myself in her, gunning her as I left the parking lot.
“This sucks,” I yelled as I pulled out onto the highway and drove. I didn’t know where I was going. I didn’t care.
I just needed to get the hell out of here.
There was no good way to watch your dreams get smashed to shit. Even though they were tiny dreams, in their infancy—there were there, and now they were gone. Better for me to go drive and let some of the disappointment ease away. Otherwise I’d end up hitting something, and that wouldn’t help me in any way.
Damn it all to hell.
Serena
I watched Nate stride away, anger in every aspect of his movement. Even angry, his body was a work of art. I got goosebumps, thinking of the time I’d spent with that body, naked.
Trust me.
But his words, and his too-cocky grin—it was too much. I’d seen it on Shawn, and then his father—and then later, when Shawn came over to try and explain things to me. Nothing good ever came of someone who told you, “Trust me.” Certainly nothing good from men one had gotten naked with.
But he didn’t seem like Shawn. Or anyone else I’d ever met.
Several moments later, I was still standing at the door. I’d locked it behind Nate, but I saw his big gray car pull out of the fire station, tires squealing.
I stepped closer to the door without realizing it immediately, my hand out. But for what? I’d just sent him away. Away from me, from us, from anything more.
Oh, God. I’d made a mistake, hadn’t I? I stepped back from the door, not wanting to be seen mooning in my own doorway and stumbled when I backed into one of the chairs. I sat down with a thud, thinking. Had I made a mistake? I’d been so sure this morning when I came down here that this was the right thing to do. I’d tried to call Pris, one of my closest friends and a fellow Spar Islander, but she hadn’t been home. Or answering. I didn’t have anyone I could bounce this off of.
I felt the stupid tears that had been on auto play all day slide down my face again. If this was the right decision, why had I spent the entire day going into the bathroom to cry? Lying to my customers and telling them my allergies were on a mission to get me?
What if I was wrong?
How long I sat there, I didn’t know. It got dark, and the square out in front of the bakery took on a deserted air. After the bustle of the last three days, people were ready to go home and put their feet up.
Except me. I couldn’t get past the idea that I’d acted out of a fear that had nothing to do with the man who’d walked away, after I sent him, from me.
What if I was wrong? What if—I looked up, hearing the sound of a noisy engine. I got up and went to the door. I could see a car heading toward the bakery. I watched as it got closer, and then with a sharp turn, the car braked to a halt in one of the spaces in front of me, lights shining onto me and blinding me.
I couldn’t see who it was, and then the door slammed as the lights went out. I blinked at the shift into darkness.
The banging on my door made me jump, and I blinked again to clear my vision. It was Nate, and he had a determined expression on his face. I took a breath and unlocked the door.
“Can I have ten minutes of your time?” He asked.
I was surprised, because this wasn’t what I was expecting—although I didn’t really know what I was expecting. I nodded. “Come in,” I said, stepping away from the door.
He strode in, and I could feel the anger coming off him. He turned to face me, the streetlights highlighting the angles of his face. “Listen, I’m not trying to force you into something you don’t want, or anything like that. I’ll stand right over here, but I want to talk. It’s totally up to you if you don’t want anything to do with me, but I don’t think I’m an asshole to ask what happened between this morning and tonight?”
I pulled out another chair and sat down in it. He wasn’t going to take any beating around the bush, and I wasn’t sure that I blamed him. Last night had been spectacular, and as far as Nate knew, we’d parted on good terms with the promise of more this morning.
“Serena,” his voice was gentler, “I’m trying to understand what I did. Something went wrong, and I don’t know what it was. But I’m guessing I did something. I’m asking you to tell me, so I know what it was.”
I sighed. “You did,” I said, looking up at him.
His shoulders visibly dropped. “What?” he asked, even more quietly than before.
“How much of my sad history do you want to know?” I asked.
“How much of has to do with what happened today?” Nate responded.
“All of it,” I said.
He pulled out a chair. “Then I want to know all of it.”
I stared at him. His eyes were bright even in the darkness of the bakery. He looked sincere. So I told him. How the last two men who had said ‘Trust me’ to me had lied, lied through their teeth, and said it anyway, to smooth things over, to make things easier for them.
When I stopped talking, Nate looked out the window. He’d leaned forward with his elbows on his knees while I spoke, never taking his eyes off me. Now he rested his chin in his hands as he gazed out onto the quiet street.
I didn’t say anything. At this point, I felt I’d said enough.
He finally sat up and looked at me once more. “Do you like me?”
“Yes,” I said, without even having to think about it.
“What’s my name?”
“Nate?” I asked, not sure where he was going.
“Exactly. Nate. Not Shawn, not Shawn’s dad, not some loser who let you down.”
I opened my mouth to object, to say something, but Nate continued.
“I’d really like the chance to screw things up on my own. I’m not perfect. I have the worst family baggage ever. You can’t tell because I keep the lid on that shit shut tight, but it’s there. If you meet my family, there won’t be any hiding it. But that’s not me—just as your past is not you, and I’m not your past. You’re not mine. We’re us, and we deserve the chance to just be us, together. Because I like you, too, Serena. A lot. More than I’ve ever liked anyone else.” He stopped and laughed. “I feel like I’m in seventh grade, asking you to check a yes or no box.”
I laughed with him. “I know what you’re saying,” I said.
“Then give me a chance. Give yourself a chance, hell, give us a chance. I can’t promise anything to you. I won’t. That’s a potential lie. But I promise to be honest, and if I feel like I need to change things, I’ll tell you. Upfront. No lying, no telling you to trust me. I will promise you one thing,” he said. “I will never use that phrase with you again. But you don’t know that—you won’t know until you give us a chance.”
Tears pricked at the corner of my eyes at his heartfelt words. “I’m scared,” I said. His honesty made me feel I had to offer him the same.
“So am I. I’m older than you, and I’ve never had a serious relationship. Too busy blowing shit up around the world. I could be complete crap at this. But I figure no one is perfect, and the best kind of relationship is where you can make mistakes together, and still be OK.”
I was on my feet before I knew it, moving toward him. He got up and took me in his arms, holding me close to him. I could hear his heartbeat, and it was loud, and steady, and strong. I liked the way it felt to have Nate Devine holding me. He was steady, and strong.
Maybe he could be that for me. Maybe we could be that for each other. Nate was right, however. I’d never know unless I gave us a chance.
“Please don’t toss my ass out of here,” Nate said into my hair.
I took a breath, and the next step into my
future. “I won’t be tossing you out. In fact, I’d really appreciate it if you’d stay.”
He held me away from him, and I could see the grin that spread across his face, practically lighting up the room. I felt an answering grin on my own face.
“Best decision you’ve ever made,” he said.
“Thanks for coming back for me,” I said.
“I never leave anyone behind,” he said, and then he leaned down to kiss me.
“Big bang boom!” came a gravelly voice from outside the bakery.
We both looked around to see Dick Freeman. He was wearing a sparkly cowboy hat that I would bet was red, white, and blue. Because I couldn’t help myself, I looked down. The pouch saving him from complete nudity sparkled too.
“Dick! You’re a little late with the holiday look,” Nate called out.
“No sense in wasting good sequins,” Dick said. “If I gotta wear ‘em, might as well get use out of ‘em.”
“Good plan,” Nate said, trying not to laugh.
Dick tipped his hat at us as he walked away. “Big bang boom!” he called over his shoulder.
Nate and I looked at one another and laughed.
“Big bang boom,” I said.
“I can demonstrate that very thing, if you’re interested,” Nate said.
We ran up the stairs to my apartment hand in hand.
One Year Later (ish)
Nate
I finished up work at the station, grateful that the past month had been quiet. We’d made it through the fourth of July celebration again, although Serena and I hardly saw one another. She was so busy she’d taken on help at the bakery, and unlike last year, the citizens in and around Milltown kept the party going all month long.
With August here, and the temperature high all day long, people were finally starting to stay indoors and stopped trying to blow off important appendages. Which was great. It meant that I wouldn’t be interrupted.
Because tonight was going to be a game changer, one way or the other.
Serena had—thank God!—given me and us a chance after my impassioned plea that night in the bakery. She was scared, and I could see it. But she trusted me, just enough for me to make sure she would learn to trust me more.
