I haven’t been inside that little room since I graduated high school. I’m afraid to look up close at the monster I left behind. But maybe this book will help many interrogate the monsters that live inside us all.
Thank you for reading.
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
This book has haunted me for almost twenty years, and so many people have helped me translate it to the page. It took a village and an army, and I’m eternally grateful.
I couldn’t do this without the support of my parents. Thank you for dealing with teenage me. Thank you for always saying yes and helping me chase my dreams. None of this would be possible without you.
The biggest thanks to my agent, Victoria Marini. Thank you for always going over every cliff and down each rabbit hole with me. Your endless support and enthusiasm and nudges and pep talks are the reason I’m here. Thanks for always having my back.
Massive thanks to my editors, Emily Meehan and her niece Annabel. Thank you for embracing my world, understanding its complexities, and starting this journey with me.
The largest and most massive and gargantuan thanks to Kieran Viola, who is the streamliner-of-bulls@$t, the fixer-of-broken-things, the brilliant, the talented, the most patient editor in the whole wide world. Thank you for understanding my brain, my anxieties, my neuroses, and the things I want to dig into. This book wouldn’t be the book without you. I feel so lucky. I am a better writer because of you.
Marci Senders, brilliant cover wizard, your design will change how little brown girls feel about themselves forever. You’ve changed the worldview of so many little ones who look like me. Thank you for this gift! You are profound. You are wonderful.
Thank you to the whole Freeform team: MaryAnn Zissimos (the magic maker who is the best champion ever!), Deeba Zargarpur, Anna Leuchtenberger (made me fall in love with copy editors), Seale Ballenger, Elke Villa, Holly Nagel, Dina Sherman, Andrew Sansone, Mary Mudd, and Shane Rebenschied. You are amazing and put so much love into everything you do. Thank you for taking such great care of this book and helping it find its readers.
Thank you to my We Need Diverse Books team. You are my people and I wouldn’t be here without you. Ellen, oh you are a force and you always feed me the most delicious Korean food and make sure I am powered up to do this important work. I will never leave you. Lamar Giles, thanks for always sending me Idris Elba pictures and helping me push through these deadlines. I appreciate you. Olugbemisola Rhuday-Perkovich, you are the angel on my shoulder. Thank you for your wisdom, guidance, and friendship.
Thanks to all the folks who have had my back and given me so much love, support, and advice along the way: Zoraida Córdova, Marie Lu, Elsie Chapman, Nicola Yoon, Tracey Baptiste, Scott Westerfeld, Renée Watson, Adam Silvera, Karen Strong, Justina Ireland, Alex Gino, Preeti Chhibber, Laura Lam, Ann Marie Wong, Sabaa Tahir, Megan Shepard, Daniel José Older, Leigh Bardugo, Kami Garcia, Marie Rutkoski, Danielle Paige, Heidi Heilig, Elle McKinney, Amalie Howard, Gretchen McNeil, Nicole Brinkley, Jenny Han, Roshani Chokshi, Kate Elliott, Samira Ahmed, Rhoda Belleza, Veronica Roth, Tiffany Liao, Sarah Enni, Kate Hart, Brandy Colbert, Holly Black, Rainbow Rowell, Victoria Schwab, Miriam Weinberg, Tara Hudson, Lisa Amowitz, Kate Milford, and Anna-Marie McLemore.
Jason Reynolds, let’s see if you read the whole book and find your name. Thanks for the trolling, and the wisdom. Memoirs, ha-ha!
Phyllis Sa, you’re up for every challenge, and I so appreciate your joining me on this journey. Thank you for translating my wild ideas into visual and web space. You are magic and I am so grateful for you.
Justine Larbalestier, your friendship is invaluable. Thank you for your wit, honesty, counsel, and faith. I am lucky to have a friend like you.
To my Madcap boos—Natalie C. Parker, Tessa Gratton, and Julie Murphy—love y’all to the moon and back. Thank you for always filling up my cup, being my safe space, and always letting me be me.
To my travel wife—Renee Ahdieh—thank you for always looking out for me and being my very first blurb. Always have your back, love.
To my bunker boos—Nic Stone, Ashley Woodfolk, Tiffany Jackson, and Angie Thomas—thanks for the daily laughter and love and loyalty. Y’all have made this writing game more tolerable.
Riddhi Parekh, thank you for being in my life for so long and dealing with me.
To my work wife and CAKE partner-in-crime and sister, Sona Charaipotra, thanks for always leaping into the dark with me and being down for every wild idea. We’re doing what we said we’d do. Thank you for helping me make my dreams come true and being on this roller-coaster ride. I’m too ambitious for my own good, but you get me and always say yes. Creating stories with you has changed my life forever. I love you.
And thank you to the readers. I appreciate your joining me on this journey.
Copyright
First published in Great Britain in 2018 by Gollancz
an imprint of The Orion Publishing Group Ltd
Carmelite House, 50 Victoria Embankment
London EC4Y 0DZ
An Hachette UK Company
This eBook first published in 2018 by Gollancz.
Copyright © Dhonielle Clayton, 2018
Map © Virginia Allyn
The moral right of Dhonielle Clayton to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act of 1988.
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without the prior permission of both the copyright owner and the above publisher of this book.
All the characters in this book are fictitious, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.
A CIP catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library.
ISBN (eBook) 978 1 473 22398 1
www.dhonielleclayton.com
www.gollancz.co.uk
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