by Octavia Kore
“No! I won’t let him take us. I won’t go back.”
There was a growl before the rumble of his purr reached her. “I would not allow anyone to take you, least of all some defective male. You are mine, Esme. No one else will touch you.”
He’s lying. He had to be… right? The Kaia said the same thing before he discarded her. He told her that she was his, but he’d gone on to allow unspeakable things to happen to her, and for what? Esme adjusted her grip on the bar, glancing back at Eina’s bed as the baby began to cry louder.
Xuvri was her father, but he’d hardly interacted with Eina at all since her birth. The one time he’d held her, he looked as if it was the last thing in the universe he wanted to do.
When it came down to it, Esme had to face the fact that, no matter how they made her feel, Ky and Xuvri were strangers. Alien strangers. It didn’t matter that they were her mates, that the universe had decided to tie them together. The only thing that mattered to her now was the little girl lying in the bed across the room and she wasn’t going to lose her.
“You couldn’t even do this one thing right, something your body was made for. I can’t imagine what it must feel like to know something within yourself caused this.”
Esme flinched at the memory. She may have failed the first time, but she would do everything in her power to protect Eina.
“I won’t fail again. I can’t do it.”
“Fail at what?” she heard Xuvri ask. “What does this mean?”
“It is not the time for this conversation,” Ky said.
“Not the time? She’s locked herself in a room with our offspring and it is not the time? There has been no failure, Esme. Open the door.” There was a pained grunt before Xuvri hissed, “And what was that for?”
“If you had taken the time to get to know our mate––”
“She didn’t want me in there,” Xuvri growled, sending shivers down her spine.
“I cannot imagine why.” There was a long pause before Ky sighed. “Please, Esme, I would never let anyone take you or Eina away. I swore I would protect you against anyone. Do you remember that?”
A pang of guilt struck Esme. She’d felt the honesty in Ky’s words when she’d spoken them, had known she meant to keep that promise, but could Esme really trust her own instincts? One moment they were telling her all aliens were bad, and then the next they were telling that at least one of them wanted to protect her. She wanted to believe Ky, wanted to think the female she’d kissed in the washroom would keep her promise, but her baby was crying and her mind was racing.
“Esme,” Ky whispered. “Please open the door. Eina is upset, and I just want to make sure you are both okay. The males will stay in the hall and I can explain what is happening.”
“I can’t… I can’t do it.” Esme felt the tears prick at the corners of her eyes.
“You can. You are so much stronger than you believe. This is my fault. I should have come to you alone, and I am sorry for the pain it has caused. Trakseer is only here to help, but you must know that I would never have allowed him inside if I thought he would harm you in any way.”
Lies. Lie––
Enough! Just breathe. Ten… nine… eight… seven… Esme pinched her eyes shut and pushed back against the shouting within her head. Six… five… four… three… two… one… For the first time since her awakening in the lab, her mind was silent. No one in the hall outside the door spoke, and even Eina’s crying had stopped.
With a cleansing breath in and out, Esme let her mind reach out to brush against those of her mates, tentatively seeking reassurance. Ky’s mind opened for her almost immediately, and she felt her lips tip up at the calming waves that rolled toward her. It was something she’d come to expect from the female in the very short time they’d known one another and it soothed her. There was something beneath it, a fear and worry that she’d caused Esme pain, but Esme shoved that aside.
Xuvri’s mind raced, and just like Esme’s, it was loud, full of noise and something else she couldn’t identify. Like Ky, Xuvri was worried about her. He feared she would leave, that she would take Eina and Ky and he would be left alone again.
She didn’t want that… did she? Esme opened her eyes and stared down at the bar in her hands. If she were perfectly honest, she had no idea what she wanted right now other than for her little girl to be safe, but she had a decision to make. Did she take the risk and trust these aliens? Eina had already finished the rest of the nutrition pack. If Esme didn’t start producing milk, there would be nothing more for the baby to eat.
Not to mention the fact that Esme herself hadn’t eaten anything in who knew how long. If she didn’t eat, she wouldn’t be able to produce milk anyway. They both needed help, and she wasn’t going to let her own fears hurt Eina. With a troubled sigh, Esme spun to face the door, sliding her hand over the latch. She pushed the door open just enough to peer out and caught sight of the female’s worried face.
“Just Ky,” she said, moving aside to allow her entrance. Esme’s gaze met Xuvri’s, and the unmistakable hurt and pain in his eyes brought a tightness to her chest that she didn’t have time to examine.
“Esme…” He reached out a hand, but she shook her head and quickly slid the door closed.
“I’m sorry, Xuvri,” Esme whispered, not sure if he could even hear her.
He’s Grutex. The Grutex can’t be trusted.
“Look at you.” Esme turned to watch as Ky lifted Eina from her bed, cradling her tiny body against her chest as the female ducked down to press her lips to the baby’s forehead. Their xines touched before Ky’s curled around the tips of Eina’s. “I missed you so much, little warrior. Did you behave?”
The bar slid from her hand, falling to the floor with a clang as she blinked back tears. There was no mistaking the love in Ky’s voice. Eina was safe with her, safe with the female who was just as much her mother as Esme was.
“I’m sorry,” Esme murmured, wrapping her arms around her middle. “I shouldn’t have kept her from you. I shouldn’t keep her from––”
“Stop. You do not have to apologize for keeping our young safe. That was your duty, and you carried it out.”
Had Esme reacted like this on the ship, the other humans would have been annoyed. Being around so many people who were feeling scared and angry had wreaked havoc on her both mentally and physically. It magnified her own emotions, causing outbursts and making her seem frantic and volatile.
On more than one occasion, she’d lashed out at Jun and her alien mates even though they weren’t the ones who deserved it. Esme heard what some of them called her, what they said about her, when they thought she wasn’t around.
“She’s crazy.”
“She’s nuts.”
“She lost her mind in the lab.”
Had they not gone through horrors of their own? Had their time on that ship not changed them as well? She could feel their fear, feel how scared and angry they were, but they judged her for not instantly trusting their alien saviors.
“I know you wouldn’t do anything to hurt her. It’s just… I saw that guy out there and––”
“I have already told you there is no need to apologize, and I mean that. You shared your story with me, and I neglected to consider it when I brought Trakseer back with us.” Ky brushed her lips against Eina’s forehead before her eyes found Esme’s. “I am sorry. There is no excuse for my oversight, but I promise I will do better.”
“I am sorry.”
Esme stared, stunned into silence by those three simple words. When was the last time someone had apologized to her without following it up with “but?” “I’m sorry all those horrible things happened to you, but…” Ky had made no excuse, hadn’t tried to lay the blame at Esme’s feet.
“Thank you,” she murmured, not realizing she’d started crying until the tears fell onto the black suit that covered her chest. Esme didn’t know how to explain to Ky how much that apology meant to her, but something told her she didn’t need
to.
Ky took a couple tentative steps before Esme closed the remaining distance. Maybe she was stupid or naïve, maybe she shouldn’t trust Ky or Xuvri or any of these other aliens, but she wanted to. This fear that hounded her at every turn was exhausting, and she’d been carrying it around for so damn long.
Esme pressed herself against the other female as Ky’s free arm wrapped around her shoulders. When they were together like this, it felt like nothing else in the world mattered. She thought of Xuvri out in the hall and her heart ached. It wanted him in here with them, wanted their family to be complete, but the rest of her was still unsure.
The soft brush of Ky’s mind against hers was soothing, and she opened herself up, allowing the female to share and feel her own thoughts and emotions. The understanding and support that moved through Esme stole her breath. Ky dropped a kiss on the top of Esme’s head as she bounced Eina in her arm. The infant stretched, arching her back and straightening her legs as her little face scrunched up into a scowl.
“I watched Xuvri make that same face earlier,” Ky whispered against Esme’s hair. “Like sire, like daughter, no?”
Esme chuckled, wiping a stray tear from her cheek as she watched their baby’s mouth open wide on a yawn. She might not have known Xuvri long, but it was hard not to see how much of him there was inside of their daughter already.
“We gathered some fruit for you, and I brought back a few bunches of the herb.” Ky stepped back, her gaze fixed on Eina as she whispered something in a language Esme didn’t understand. “There is something important I would like to speak with you about. It is something I realized I had not thought to share, something I forget those outside our village, and even the dome, might not go through.” The female jerked her chin toward the mesh bag lying on the ground near the end of the bed.
With all the chaos of their return, Esme hadn’t even noticed it. Ky slipped the sling she’d made earlier over her head, adjusting it so that it draped across her chest before laying Eina inside. Esme reached down to grab the bag, grunting at how heavy it was. Even with both hands, she was barely able to get it off of the floor. She wouldn’t deny that she was starving, but this much food seemed like overkill.
“God, did you leave any fruit on the trees?” she huffed, dragging it over to the bed.
Ky laughed, reaching down to take the bag from her and lifting it as if it were nothing. “There is plenty more out there.” The female sat on the bed, crossing her legs beneath her as she set the bag down in the middle of the mattress. “Come sit with us so we can talk while you eat.”
“Is this about that rainbow demon in the hallway with Xuvri?” Esme asked, crawling up beside them and watching as Ky selected a lumpy green fruit from the bag and began cutting it open with a knife she pulled from her belt. Ky smirked at the nickname, and Esme pressed her lips together to keep from grinning back like a fool.
“He plays a part in it, yes, but this is about something that will happen to me very soon.”
Esme took the slice of fruit Ky offered her, sniffing it before nibbling the end. It wasn’t like any fruit she’d ever had, rich and salty, with a beefy flavor that made her long for a loaded baked potato to go with it. Shoving the rest of it into her mouth, Esme looked up at Ky, waiting for her to continue.
“I am aware of some of the differences between our species thanks to my brother’s female, but I admit I do not know everything about you. For the Venium and those in my tribe like them, finding our mates means more than simply finding the person or persons you will spend your life with. It means the start of a physical change that allows us to reproduce.”
“Oh…” Esme worried her lip as Ky passed her more fruit. “What’s going to happen to you? Has it already started?”
“It has, but the cramping I have experienced is only the beginning. Within the last day or so, my breasts have begun to swell.” She gestured to her chest. “Which is another sign.”
The change was so subtle that Esme hadn’t really noticed the swelling amid the chaos of the last few days. “Is that all?”
“No. These are only the indicators that our transition is approaching. These signs can appear days or weeks before, and we use that time to prepare ourselves for what is to come.”
“And what exactly is that?”
“We call it the sleep.” Ky grinned as she held a small piece of fruit up to Esme’s lips, placing it on her tongue when she obediently opened her mouth. “It is not very original, but it is accurate. The change that occurs within us uses so much of our energy that it forces our bodies into a deep sleep.”
“For how long?”
“It is different for everyone,” Ky said with a shrug. “Some only sleep for a handful of days while others may stay asleep for weeks. That is why it is important to eat as much as you can before it happens and to make sure you are surrounded by people you trust.”
“So, you’re sort of hibernating?” Esme asked.
Ky’s lips puckered as she considered. “It is similar, but during the sleep I will bleed. Not much,” she said quickly. “A small amount here and there, but I do not want you to be concerned. This is normal, and it means that I will be able to carry young, to grow our family.”
The words slammed into Esme, knocking the air from her lungs and leaving an ache in her chest. Ky was going to go through puberty from the sounds of it, and this meant that she would be able to get pregnant… to give Xuvri more children.
“This upsets you.”
“No,” Esme said quickly, but she knew from the look on Ky’s face that the female didn’t believe her for a moment. This upsets you. It hadn’t been a question. “Yes… a little bit.”
Ky nodded slowly. “I worried about this.”
“Why?”
“I do not wish to ever cause you pain, Esme, and I worry that this would do just that.” Ky took Esme’s hand, brushing her thumb over the backs of Esme’s fingers. “I have waited my whole life to bring offspring into the world, but if the price of that is your sadness…” The female frowned as she shook her head. “I am not sure that is something I could live with. I think… I think that I could be content with just Eina.”
This female, this alien female, who she’d barely known for more than a few days, was telling her that she was willing to give up her dreams of having children because she was afraid it would upset Esme? Did the thought of watching someone else carry children and give birth upset her? Sure, but that didn’t mean she expected everyone else to never have babies again.
“Ky… I would never ask you—”
“You do not have to ask.”
For a split second, Esme felt Ky’s raw emotion skate across her mind. It was there and gone so fast that she questioned if she’d just imagined it, but the look on Ky’s face as she stared down at Eina told her otherwise. The pain and despair were so intense that they brought tears to Esme’s eyes. How could this female ever think she would agree to this—that she could ever want this?
“A monster took away my choice, Ky. I don’t want to feel responsible for taking yours away.”
The bed dipped as Ky leaned in to rest her forehead against Esme’s temple. “I wish that I could change what happened.”
“Me too.” God knew she wished that more than anything, but what good had that done her? “I’m still trying to wrap my head around this whole mating thing, but if we do this…” Esme gestured between them. “If we see this through, then we’re a family, aren’t we?” She looked down into the sling and met a pair of sweet red eyes. “I wasn’t pregnant with Eina, I didn’t give birth to her, and I’ve only known her for a couple days, but she’s the most important thing to me. I love her more than anything. I’m not saying it would be easy or that I wouldn’t struggle, but… I want you to be happy too.”
Esme turned her head so that her lips brushed against Ky’s, and her body tingled with awareness as she opened herself to her mate. My mate. It was such a crazy thing to think that. The only other mated trio she knew was Jun a
nd her males, but she hadn’t exactly tried to get to know them very well. Esme knew virtually nothing about what it meant to be mated, how it all worked and what was expected of her, or really anything about the male and female she was now bound to through Eina.
The warmth of Ky’s palm against her neck sent a thrill through her, and Esme closed the gap between their lips just as the female cupped her jaw, pulling her close. “I am so blessed and thankful Una led me to you.”
Esme pulled back, letting her eyes roam Ky’s face as she tried to absorb the emotion rolling off of her mate. She didn’t understand much about their religion yet, but if the goddess had brought her here, then she figured she was pretty thankful herself. Ky’s chin trembled and her eyes turned misty as she adjusted a wriggling Eina.
“There is something else, a small thing really, but it is one thing I learned during my time within the dome that humans may not be familiar with. During this time, when a female’s body begins to change, she and her mate will begin to put off a scent.” Ky frowned, as if she were searching for the right word. “A pheromone. It is not strong now, but after the sleep it will increase. I am unsure how this will affect you, but my people, we become… aroused. Very aroused. Desperate, even.”
So Ky was going to wake up horny and ready to mate after being passed out for God knew how long. Great. And she was going to be alone with Xuvri and the baby the whole time. It was true that the male intimidated and sometimes scared her, but she felt like the greatest danger at the moment was her own mind.
Esme wondered if even the small amount of pheromones Ky said she was putting off had anything to do with the budding attraction she felt for them. There were so many questions she wanted to ask, so many things she wanted to know, but Esme decided to put that aside for now. So much was happening and she needed time to process it all before adding even more onto her plate.
