by Octavia Kore
“We don’t have parents,” Xuvri said.
“What do you mean?”
“Most Grutex do not understand the concept of a parent because we don’t normally reproduce, at least not in the way you view that term. We are born from tubes and raised by the few females who remain. They and a group of scientists are our caregivers until we are old enough to be selected for a specialty training. When a Grutex dies, he is merely reborn into another body. This is not my first life, but it’s the only one I think I’ve ever actually lived.” Xuvri’s nostrils flared as he stared down at Eina. “The only joy I’ve ever experienced was the hunt of the warrior, the rush of stepping onto the battlefield, but nothing in all of my lives could compare to what it’s like being a sire and a mate. Nothing has ever made me feel the way I do knowing that I’ve found you and Ky.”
Xuvri’s words nudged at something in her mind, plucking at the memory of something Esme heard during her escape from the Kaia’s ship. “The Grutex are basically immortal, right? Like some sort of space vampires.”
“Like what?”
Esme shook her head, embarrassed that the words had even left her mouth. “Forget it. Nuzal and Erusha were two of the scientists from the lab who helped us escape, and they mentioned something about how every Grutex in existence was really born generations ago. I honestly don’t remember much of their conversation that day with everything else that was happening, but I know there was talk about the tubes and how your memories from previous lives were transferred… It kind of went a little over my head at the time.”
“Aside from the scientists and those who oversee the process, we know very little about the specifics of the rebirth. It isn’t something a warrior concerns himself with.” The end of Xuvri’s tail slid over his thigh and Esme watched as her massive, intimidating male began to pluck at the long barbs that ran along the tip. “Each time it’s happened, I’ve lost something… memories I know I should have are fragmented or missing altogether. There have been days I’m not who I think I am… who I should be. I don’t know who the real Xuvri is anymore… but I want to be the one who comes out when I am with you. I want to be him all of the time.”
His gaze was filled with such fierce determination, but beneath that, Esme felt his uncertainty. I’m right there with you, she thought as she commanded her suit back up. There was so much to take in, and just when Esme thought she was finally catching up, her alien mates threw something else at her. “Do you remember how many lives you’ve lived?”
Xuvri dropped his tail to the floor and shook his head. “I can’t remember that far back.”
“That many, huh?” Esme grinned at him. “Leave it to me to be mated to an alien older than Adam himself.”
“Who is Adam?” The way Xuvri’s eyes narrowed and his claws tapped against the plating on his thigh really shouldn’t have amused her so much.
Esme’s laugh filled the room. “Are you jealous of Adam?” she asked, her brow arched playfully as she slung her legs over the side of the bed.
“No,” he told her.
When his eyes darted away, Esme leaned forward, patting his chest with her free hand. “You don’t need to worry about him, Xuvri. You’re the only male I want.” The moment the words were said, Esme froze. God… when had that happened?
That revelation stuck with Esme for the rest of the day. It took up space in her mind while she sat with Eina beneath the shade of one of the big twisted trees. Xuvri and Trakseer stood guard, watching the forest around them.
When she asked about the safety of the woods, Trakseer snorted, telling her that there was a reason most of his people lived within the walls of the village. He told her stories of beasts as tall as himself with massive fangs and claws like daggers who could swallow a male whole and about the small, innocent-looking creature who was the villain in many a youngling’s bedtime stories. They had mouths on their necks that opened up like doors with row after row of needle-sharp teeth.
Esme wondered what it might be like to raise Eina there, to have her grow up with these stories passed down to her by Ky’s people. A week ago, you were running away from aliens, terrified that you were going to be forced to live among them, and now you’re daydreaming about raising your alien daughter on an alien planet with your alien mates in a village full of aliens. The irony of her situation wasn’t lost on her.
Bedtime was one of the most awkward things Esme had ever experienced. Up until then, she’d had Trakseer to run interference and distract them both, but now they were alone and Eina was sound asleep in her crib. Ky breathed softly in her sleep, and Esme leaned in to the press a kiss to her cheek, hoping this wouldn’t last much longer. She hadn’t realized just how much she relied on Ky until she wasn’t around.
It became obvious to Esme that this heat and the sleep Ky was going through wasn’t exactly the period she’d been picturing. Not only had the bleeding been minimal by most standards, it had only lasted a day. Esme had checked up on her off and on before bathing the female one last time and redressing Ky in the pants she’d been wearing.
That day, Esme talked the males into taking her back outside. Eina was curled up inside the sling, nestled against Esme’s chest as she walked in circles around the wreckage of the ship. Xuvri was at her heels, unwilling to let her exercise on her own, and after the stories Trakseer shared with them yesterday, Esme wasn’t going to fight him. They made it all the way back to the entrance of the ship where Trakseer stood guard, his back propped against the dirty exterior, when the stench hit her.
Esme looked down into the sling and tried her best not to gag. “Oh, God,” she said, slapping a hand over her mouth as she laughed. “That’s quite possibly one of the worst smelling poops I’ve ever encountered.” That definitely had to be the work of the nutrition packet.
“The joys of younglings.” Trakseer grimaced as Esme lifted the infant from the sling.
“I can change her.”
Esme turned to look at Xuvri, trying her best to mask her disbelief. “You’re going to change her diaper?”
“Yes.” He frowned down at her, reaching for the baby. “I am capable of changing my offspring.” The look of offense on his face was comical.
“I never said you couldn’t.”
She watched as Xuvri nestled Eina into the crook of his neck, the baby’s new favorite place to sleep, his hand just beneath her wings. “Stay here and rest. I will be back soon. You,” he said, narrowing his eyes on Trakseer, “don’t let anything eat her.” Esme snorted and rolled her eyes at his back as he disappeared through the entrance.
“I will bet you a whole stillasa fruit that he gets urinated on,” Trakseer said with a mischievous gleam in his eye.
Esme shook her head, not willing to bet against her mate… even if she’d been thinking the exact same thing. With a sigh, Esme sat down not far from the male, reclining back on her elbows as she looked up at the sky through the canopy of the trees. The nightmare from the other day still plagued her. Normally she could shake off a bad dream, but this one was persistent. It had felt so terrifyingly real that even now, with the sun shining down on her and the noise of the forest filling her ears, Esme still trembled.
It’s just your fear and anxiety getting to you, Es. He can’t hurt you anymore.
It was nothing more than a nightmare, right? Nightmares and dreams didn’t come true. They weren’t real.
Cold dread crept through at the realization that Eina had once been a dream. She’d dreamed of her so many times in those cells and in the transport ship after the escape. This wasn’t the same, though… was it? That monster had no idea where she was, and even if he did, the Grutex would never challenge the Venium by showing up on their doorstep in search of her.
Esme glanced over at the other male. “Trakseer?”
“Yes, little human?”
“Have you ever heard of people dreaming about things that haven’t happened yet?”
“There is something among my people, a rare gift bestowed by the g
oddess, that allows some to dream of their mates, to bond with them through their minds before ever meeting. Is this what you mean?”
Esme shook her head. Xuvri spoke of seeing her and Ky in his dreams, of confusing their images and thinking he’d found his mate in Laurie, but Esme couldn’t recall dreaming of either of her mates before.
“No. I’m talking about… premonitions? Seeing the future, maybe? I’m not really sure what this was, but I’ve had a dream come true before and I just can’t shake this one.”
Trakseer moved quickly, crouching down at her side, his expression suddenly serious. “What have you seen?”
“I…” Esme turned away. She hadn’t even shared the details with Xuvri. “I’m honestly not sure exactly what I saw, but I’m scared that if it does come true that Eina is going to be in danger, and I can’t let that happen.”
Xuvri told her his worst fear was losing Eina and here she was keeping this dream from him. If this was nothing more than the paranoid dream of a first-time mother, Esme risked disrupting the fragile bond that was forming between father and daughter. She didn’t want Xuvri to go back into his shell, to distance himself from their baby again out of fear.
Trakseer reached out a hand as if to rest it on her shoulder before seeming to think better of it and yanking it back. “Listen to me, you are not my mate and Eina is not my youngling, but I will protect you both with my life if need be. Ky may have left the village, but that does not mean we will abandon her or her family.”
“Why would you do that for people who don’t even seem to like you very much?”
“Whether they like me or not matters little,” Trakseer said with a shrug. “Ky will always have a place among us and, as her family, so do you, Eina, and even Xuvri. If you are afraid, if you need protection, come back to the village with me.”
“This isn’t some ploy to get us to move there and help you repopulate or guilt trip Ky into taking over her priestess duties again?”
The male huffed. “Ky would never have to be pressured into that. She has always been a caregiver, and it does not seem like that has changed at all in the short time she has been gone. If you do decide to come to the village and you find it is not to your liking, we will not hold you against your will. Just know that as long as you remain in this forest, you will never be alone or without protection. Every single life within Una’s domain is precious… even the life of a tainted one.”
Maybe living in the village wouldn’t be such a horrible idea. They could have a home, a life, protection, and safety from whatever haunted her dreams. “Thanks, Trakseer. I’ll talk to Xuvri and Ky about it.”
With a nod and a quick glance over his shoulder, the other male stood and wandered back to his position near the door. He didn’t seem to like being near her for too long, but maybe that had something to do with Xuvri’s constant growling and posturing when he was around.
Esme found it interesting that Ky and Trakseer’s people seemed to dislike the Grutex too. On Earth, people disliked them because they were invaders. They murdered and kidnapped humans, destroyed lives, but what had the Grutex done to these people to earn them the name “tainted?” She made a mental note to ask Ky when she woke up what the history between them was.
The trees here were nothing she’d ever seen, but they dredged up old memories that she hadn’t thought about in years. When things with her father had gotten bad, Esme’s grandpa offered to take her one summer. He’d lived on a farm, and from the stories he’d told her, the empty fields surrounding his old home had once been filled with crops and cows. Grandpa had laughed uproariously when he’d called those his “haydays,” but Esme hadn’t gotten the joke back then.
Being on the farm had allowed her freedoms she wouldn’t have enjoyed living back home with her parents. There were massive trees at Grandpa’s, and he’d even taught her how to climb them. He might have been an old man in her eyes back then, but he’d scurried up the trees like a little boy, a smile on his face and his eyes sparkling with laughter as he reached a hand out to help pull her up. Esme climbed every single tree on his property that summer, and the memory of it made her smile.
How long had it been since the last time she climbed? Esme frowned, unable to remember ever doing it after that summer. As a child, this place would have been amazing. It still is amazing, she told herself. What was stopping her from enjoying this? Esme got to her feet and dusted her hands off on her hips as she eyed the closest tree. Sure, they weren’t Earth trees, but if Ky and Xuvri could climb them to gather fruit, then why couldn’t she?
Esme reached up, wrapping her hands around the base of the lowest branches and tugged. It moved some, but not enough for her to think it couldn’t support her weight. With her toes wedged into a crease on the twisted trunk, Esme lifted herself off the ground.
“What do you think you are doing?” Trakseer asked from her back.
A squeak of surprise slipped from her lips and Esme turned to find herself staring up at the rainbow-hued male. “I’m climbing the tree.”
Trakseer frowned down at her. “Why?”
“Uh…” She glanced up into the canopy and spotted one of the fruits her mates gathered. “You bet me fruit that Xuvri would get peed on, so I’m going to climb up there and get one.” There were some things in life that were guaranteed, and Xuvri being peed on by an infant the first time he changed her diaper was one of those.
“I bet you a stillasa. They do not grow on this tree or any other tree close by.”
“Okay, then we’ll just have to settle for whatever that one is up there,” Esme said, pointing to the fruit.
“I will get it for you.”
“Oh no you don’t! I’m more than capable of getting one myself. I practically lived in trees.” Okay, maybe that was an exaggeration. A major exaggeration, she thought.
The male glanced back to the entrance of the ship and grumbled something under his breath. “If you fall or get injured, your male will murder me, and then when Ky awakens from her sleep, she will ask the goddess to bring me back so that she can murder me.” The look on his face said he was going to stop her, so when he offered her his hands, Esme was stunned silent. “Come, I will give you a boost.”
A wide grin split her face, and Esme placed her foot in his hands before hoisting herself up into the thicker branches. The muscles in her arms screamed in protest, and the bark dug uncomfortably into the soft skin of her palms as she struggled into position. Holy hell, was she out of shape or what?
Not wanting to admit defeat, Esme pushed herself forward, holding onto the branches for dear life as she bit back curses and tried to control her ragged breathing. Apparently, nothing reminded you that you were no longer a child like trying to climb a tree. How had her grandpa managed to do it?
By the time she reached the closest fruit, Esme was sweating and outright panting. She planted her feet on the branch beneath her and stretched as far as she could. “A little closer,” Esme whispered to herself as her fingers brushed the bottom of the fruit. She took a step forward, but when the bark crumbled beneath her, Esme’s foot slipped over the side. Her heart launched into her throat as she clutched at the branch in front of her.
“Careful!” Trakseer hissed from the ground.
“I’m fine! It’s okay!” Fine, my ass, she thought to herself. Let’s try not to die.
With a deep breath to steady herself, Esme reached out again, snatching the fruit and letting out an excited whoop. She dropped it into the empty sling she still wore and began her slow descent. Once she reached the lowest branch Esme dropped down, landing heavily on her feet.
I did it! Yes!
The sound of rustling undergrowth and angry chirps were the only warning she had before an obviously pissed off creature launched itself at her feet. Esme screeched, jumping back toward the tree as it rushed forward. There were long barbs on its back like a porcupine’s, and each one of them was standing straight up.
“Shit! No! Go away!” she shouted as she danc
ed away, trying her best to avoid the bill-shaped mouth that snapped at her ankles. Trakseer’s booming laugh filled the forest, and as much as she wanted to glare at him for finding humor in her fear, Esme wasn’t about to take her eyes off the porcu-duck long enough to do so.
“Calm down,” the male chuckled, plucking Esme from the ground with one arm. “She is only trying to defend her nest.”
“What the hell is it?”
Trakseer made a soft rumbling noise, and the animal bristled one more time before backing away. Three sets of wide eyes stared out at them from the brush as Esme watched the creature disappear. “Feondour females might look fierce when they have young to look after, but they are relatively harmless,” he told Esme as he set her back on the ground. “At least you held onto your prize.”
She didn’t miss the humor in his voice. “Relatively harmless to you and your freaking armor,” Esme grumbled, pulling the fruit from the sling and slamming it into his chest.
“Wait!” he called, clutching the fruit to his plating as he began to laugh again. “Don’t you want your galging?”
“Keep it!” she said, heading toward the entrance and shoving it open. Xuvri had already been gone longer than she’d expected, and Esme was pretty sure she’d had enough of the outdoors for one day. Between Eina’s diapers and Ky’s cloth coverings, Xuvri was getting a lot of practice when it came to changing and cleaning, but she still worried that he might not be ready to do this on his own.
“Hey, you need help?” she called out when she stepped into the room. Esme’s mouth dropped open a second before she burst into fits of laughter at the scene playing out before her.
The look Xuvri shot her as he held their diaperless daughter in the air in front of him did absolutely nothing to help, and when Eina began to pee down her wiggling legs, Esme lost it.
On the morning of the third day of Ky’s sleep, Esme woke up drenched in sweat and feeling as if her entire body were on fire. Her body throbbed with need, desperate for release, and if it hadn’t been for Eina’s hungry cries, she might have ignored her swollen and achy breasts in favor of sliding across the bed to curl up next to Xuvri.
