And then everything went to pieces as she exploded into a wild orgasm that ripped through her body like a tornado. While she was still gripped by those blissful spasms, he gave a strangled cry and a jet of hot liquid pulsed into her. They vibrated as one, joined in the same circuit of electric pleasure.
He settled his body over hers, cradling her in warmth while she shuddered out the last remnants of the orgasm. They cuddled together with his cheek against hers, their breaths mingling. The stale air of the closet surrounded them with stillness.
“Gotta say, I never thought getting married would mean having sex in a closet,” he mumbled.
She gave a shaky laugh. “Are you complaining?”
“Fuck no. That was fucking incredible.”
“I’ve never heard you swear so much,” she teased. “And you were giving Jason a hard time about that.”
“Yeah, well, I try to keep that side of me in the closet.”
“Ha ha.”
He helped her up and they both fixed their clothing before they stepped out of the closet.
“I think I’m going to talk to Jason,” she said as she headed for the bathroom.
“Good luck with that. Jason doesn’t talk. If you really want to talk to someone, try Petey.”
“But Petey’s not the one I’m worried about. Thirteen is a terrible age. I just want Jason to know he has one more person in his corner.”
At the door of the bathroom, she turned and realized he was right behind her. He’d unwittingly followed her across the room as they talked. She made an impudent face at him. “I need my privacy now, if you don’t mind.”
“Right. Of course.” He stepped back, looking startled that he’d almost walked into the bathroom with her.
She got it. That feeling of connection between them was a powerful thing. Breaking it even for a moment made her feel…empty.
Chapter Twenty-Three
When Gretel had first formulated the marriage plan, she hadn’t thought about how it would feel. She’d only thought about how it would help.
She definitely hadn’t thought that it would mean much to her. Marriage was a state her mother flitted in and out of, like changing from day wear to evening wear. For her father, it was a way to present himself to the world, which was why his wives got younger and younger. Gemma was only about ten years older than Bethany.
But it turned out that being “married” to Zander was…fun, even with the asterisk. She loved knowing that she had an ally who she could turn to. Zander always took her seriously. He had to, after all. It was in the agreement. All she had to do was say “whipped cream,” and he’d stop everything and they’d go off and have an argument. Sometimes she’d win, sometimes he would, but most of the time they worked out some kind of compromise that satisfied both of them. Or neither of them.
In which case they usually found that some time in bed helped them move on from the issue, whatever it was.
It turned out that married life was busy. The boys always needed something—rides, food, Band-Aids, something. And then there was the winter-in-Alaska factor. Everything took longer because of the weather conditions. Driving to town could take as long as an hour if they had to shovel out the Suburban, which meant they all had to get up earlier so they could have breakfast.
She got into a routine with Zander in which she fed Niko and made breakfast smoothies while he got the morning fire going and made lunch for the boys. He either drove the carpool and did errands in town, or he spent the day in his workshop. Sometimes he took his snowshoes and went searching for more antlers in the snow.
Danny D got sick of the winter weather and went home to Molokai, so Gretel picked up more shifts at the Wicked Brew. She’d gotten such a big response to her call for local acts to perform at the coffee shop that she changed her plans and turned the event into a talent show. Everyone loved that idea, so she made up flyers and posted them around town.
Local Talent Competition! Come cheer on your friends and neighbors at the Wicked Brew. Free coffee and Fifteen cent cookies! Winner gets free coffee for a month!
Zander helped her set up the sound system—honestly, the man had skills in so many different areas. When the night came, she was thrilled at the turnout. Ten acts had signed up. They ranged from singers to comics to a fire dancer and a spoken-word poet.
When the fire dancer performed, everyone trooped outside and stood in the snowy parking lot. She lit the tiny jets embedded in a hula hoop and spun fire until sparks flew through the dark winter air.
Everyone cheered and stomped their feet, though they might have just being trying to keep warm.
The musical acts were pretty good, mostly of the folk singer-songwriter variety. Toni from the Olde Salt brought her marimba, which filled the space with its resonant, rhythmic tones.
Harris Badger played a song on his fiddle, something so mournful it brought the audience close to tears. It evoked lonely nights at sea, cold wind across the ocean, lost love and pining for yesterday.
Maya, standing with Gretel near the coffee counter, clapped for him proudly. He gestured for her to get up and perform with him, but she refused.
“What do you play?” Gretel asked her, surprised. Maya had never mentioned a talent for music.
“I used to sing with him,” she said. “But I’m the police chief now and that ain’t happening.”
“What? Why not? Are you worried it would destroy your intimidating reputation? Because it wouldn’t. You’re too intimidating for that.”
“That’s not exactly it.” Maya sipped from her latte. At first Gretel thought she wasn’t going to say anything more, but then she confessed, “I get bad stage fright. I’ve been known to freeze as soon as everyone looks at me. It’s not fun.”
“What about when you’re on the job? Solving crimes and laying down the law?”
Maya shrugged. “It’s all about the uniform. I put that on and I’m Officer Badger, not the introverted Maya who gets hives when performing.”
“Chief Badger,” Gretel reminded her.
“Right. Thanks.”
“I like performing, but I know people who don’t. I’ve heard the trick is to imagine the audience naked.”
Maya looked at her with horror. “You think I want to see this crew naked? No, thank you. Well, a couple exceptions, maybe. Looks like you snagged one of those exceptions.”
Gretel clicked her coffee mug against Maya’s. “No argument from me. But Zander’s not the only hottie here. I see quite a few others.”
“Yes, and you never know when I might have to arrest them.”
They laughed and clicked their mugs together again.
“How do you feel about neurosurgeons?” Gretel asked. “My friend Ian Finnegan—”
“You mean the one with the crush on you? The one who limped back to Anchorage after you broke his heart?”
“That’s a huge exaggeration.”
“I heard he’s got an obsessed patient after him. You want me to get in the middle of a man and his biggest fan?”
“Well, you do carry a weapon—”
“This talent show was a good idea,” Maya interrupted as she surveyed the crowded cafe. Clearly she wasn’t interested in Gretel’s dating suggestions. “The winter can be long and lonely here. Anything that gets people together in a positive way has got to help. Oh no. What’s Old Crow doing?”
The weathered old fisherman was making his way to the mic.
“He told me he’s a storyteller.”
“Oh, no doubt.”
Old Crow launched into a local legend about a native tribe that had disappeared into a glacier in Lost Souls Wilderness. “Some say it’s just a tall tale, but my mother saw them leave with her own eyes when she was a child. They prepared for years, the elders say. Their leader had a vision one night, that the only safe place for his people was a new place. One with a sky made of ice and rivers of crystal.”
Gretel was so wrapped up in the story that she jumped when Bethany tapped her on the should
er.
“Can I talk to you for a sec?” her sister whispered.
They stepped into the back corridor so they wouldn’t disturb the rapt audience. One look at Bethany’s face and Gretel’s stomach dropped. She didn’t look at all happy.
Gretel crossed her arms in a preemptive defensive gesture. “What’s up?”
“You and Zander got married? Actually married? What is going on with you, Gretel? Daddy’s freaking out. So is Aimee, which is freaking Daddy out even more.”
“I don’t know why they’re worried about me getting married, when they’ve done it a total of seven times between the two of them.”
“Okay, forget about them.” Bethany’s clear brown eyes were filled with concern. “You’re my footloose, free-spirit little sister. I’ve never once heard you talk about wanting to get married.”
“Well...” Gretel wetted her lips. No one’s opinion mattered to her more than Bethany’s. “People change.”
“That much? That quickly? Are you okay?”
“Do I seem not-okay?”
Her sister scrutinized her with an extended doctor’s-eye head-to-toe survey. “You seem okay,” she admitted. “On the outside.”
“The inside is fine too. I know it may seem crazy, but we have our reasons for getting married. It’s what we both want, so you don’t have to worry.” She hesitated before plunging onwards. “Do you like Zander?”
She held her breath waiting for the answer. It shouldn’t matter; Bethany barely knew Zander, after all. But she’d always looked up to her big sister.
“From what I’ve seen, sure. Nate says he’s a great guy. This is about you, not him. Why do you want to tie yourself down? I don’t get it. This isn’t you. I mean, are you in love with Zander? Is that it?”
Good God. Her sister really knew how to cut to the quick. Was she in love with Zander? She honestly had no idea how to answer that question. And she couldn’t lie to Bethany. “I’m not sure,” she muttered.
“Isn’t it the kind of thing you should know before you get married?”
The hint of criticism burned. “Hey! Who are you to talk? You and Nate faked a relationship before you got together! And I supported you. I always support you.”
Bethany threw up her hands. “You did. But that was different. He was helping me out of a bind.“
“Then it’s the same.”
“So you’re trying to help Zander, is that it? Something about his brothers? Gretel, I know you have the kindest heart in the world, but that’s going too far. You should be flitting off to Bali by now, or lying on a beach in Hawaii. Your mother—”
“Don’t bring up my mother. I know the drill. She’ll buy the tickets, she’ll pay for everything, all I have to do is smile for the camera or for her rich friends or—” Gretel stumbled over the lump in her throat. “You think you know me, Bethany. But maybe you don’t know everything.”
Something flinched across Bethany’s face, an expression of shock or regret or—Gretel couldn’t really tell because her eyes were blurring.
“But I appreciate your concern,” she finished. Turning away, she headed for the tiny bathroom.
“Gretel!” Bethany called after her. But she didn’t stop, because she couldn’t bear any more of that big-sister criticism.
She told Zander about that conversation while they were curled up in his bed. The rising wind keened and beat against the windows, but in the cocoon of the bed, Gretel felt safe and warm and astonishingly content.
“I don’t blame your family for being worried,” he told her. “My parents would be too.”
“I understand that. I do. It’s just…I wish my own sister could have a little more faith in me. I did think about this. We’re not just reckless crazy kids.” She turned onto her side and lifted herself up on one elbow. “Are we?”
“I don’t know. I don’t think so. Would reckless crazy kids have a multi-point agreement written in Sharpie?”
That got her laughing. “Probably not.”
“Is there something I can do to help? Want me to talk to your mom?”
“No. She’ll just get hysterical on you and you won’t know how to handle it. You’re such a guy’s guy. You’d crumble in a hot second.”
He reached over and tugged her on top of him, then adjusted the blankets snugly around her. “I can handle her. I’ll grow my beard out and wear an old blood-stained hunting jacket and forget to shower for a month. I’ll bring her a hunk of raw venison. Either she’ll love me or she’ll run away screaming.”
Gretel giggled against the warm skin of his chest. “I would honestly pay you good money if you would do that. The expression on her face would be worth every penny.”
“That’s a whole other negotiation. Right now I’m focused on this one.” He cupped her ass and slid her up and down his hardening shaft.
“I’m open to that negotiation. What are your terms?”
“How about two orgasms for you?”
“In exchange for what?”
“An orgasm for me?”
She snickered as she moved her hips in sync with his hands. “You’re not really up on the whole negotiation thing, are you?”
“I have my own techniques. I figure if I give you everything you want, you’ll give me everything I want. It’s been working so far.”
“So true.” She shifted her position, dragging her sex across his erection, then settling its swollen tip at her entrance. “Know what I want right now?”
“I can guess.”
He guessed right. So very right.
Chapter Twenty-Four
It didn’t take Gretel long to see that Jason wasn’t going to tell Zander if something was wrong. But she’d managed to get some smiles and laughs out of the boy, so she set her sights on the next stage—getting him to open up.
She figured the best approach was to join him in his natural habitat—the snow. She asked him to show her his ski run workout. As soon as they were gliding down the trail, Jason turned into a different person. All of his snarkiness vanished and he turned into a confident, joyful kid.
They skied for a while in comfortable silence broken only by Jason pointing out a flock of chickadees chittering on a spruce tree, or Gretel asking where he got his skis. He went on a long rant about how hard it was to get good equipment in Lost Harbor, and how frustrating it was that at thirteen he wasn’t allowed to work as a deckhand yet, so he’d done yardwork all last summer to earn enough for a new pair of skis.
“What about when you’re on the ski team? Can they hook you up with the quality gear?”
“Sort of. It’s really more Coach Stern who gets the good deals.”
She caught a note of hero worship in that wistful statement. It was enough to get her curious. Zander had told her about his theory that Stern and Sterner were the “other options” mentioned by Susan Baker. But nothing further had developed, so maybe their marriage-with-an-asterisk had done the trick.
“It must be great having such incredible ski coaches. Are you excited for next year?”
Jason herringboned up a short hill, then waited for her at the top. She wasn’t nearly as good on her skis, and slid back a few times until she finally managed to crest the hill. He wasn’t even breathing hard, but instead of mocking her he gave her a sweet smile. “I’m used to this hill.”
In that moment, she saw the true Jason, the sweet boy trying to balance puberty, grief, and everything else in a teenage boy’s life.
Maybe she should just plunge right in.
“Jason, is everything okay with you and Zander? You know Zander, he just won’t talk about it. He’s…old-school, you know. Are you angry with him?”
“No! I mean…maybe. No.”
Okay, that was clear as mud. “Is it because of me?”
“No! You’re…nice. Arrgh.” He jabbed his ski pole into a snow bank with a growl—reminding her of the grumpy side of his older brother. “It’s nothing.”
Ah-ha. So there was something.
They skied
around a fallen log slumbering under the snow. “Well, it’s not nothing, but I understand if you don’t want to tell me.”
He held onto a tense silence as they skied along the trail. She could practically feel the emotion wanting to burst out of him.
“A lot of people don’t know this, but I’m incredibly good at keeping secrets. If there’s something you want to get off your chest, I promise I will never tell anyone.”
“It’s not a big deal,” he muttered. “I just—I want to ski. That’s all. And Zander …”
She ducked under an overhanging branch. “Zander doesn’t have a problem with you skiing, does he?”
“No.”
She waited. Just be patient. He wants to talk.
“Zander wouldn’t understand. He’d be…hurt.”
“Hurt? Because you want to ski?” None of this was making sense. “Maybe you should give him a chance. Tell him how important it is to you.”
“There’s no point!” he burst out. “He thinks I’m just a kid. Just a little brother on his chore chart.”
“Oh Jason, I really don’t think—”
“All he wants is the Ross family to stick together. That’s all that matters to him. And he left the Marines to take care of us and—”
“Oh my God.” Gretel stopped in her tracks and clapped a hand over her mouth, her ski pole dangling to one side. The pieces all clicked into place like a gear shift in motion. “It was you.”
“What?” Jason slid to a stop and angled his skis around to face her. “What do you mean, it was me?”
She stepped her skis closer to him and fixed him with a dead-serious look. “Jason, answer me honestly. Do you want to go live with Coach Stern and Sterner?”
He shot her an agonized glance. “How do you know about that? Does Zander know?”
“He suspects. But he talked to them and they didn’t say—”
He shook his head. “That’s the thing. It was my idea, not theirs. I thought it would help my skiing. But they said I’d have to get Zander’s permission and I know he’ll say no. He’s all about “the Ross brothers.” But it’s not like I want to leave the family or anything. I just want to be closer to school and get all the training I can and—”
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