by Beth Reekles
“You don’t have to try to do everything,” he said gently.
“I do, though. I need money for college and so I can keep up with all the bucket-list stuff, which Lee doesn’t get because he’s always had money and it’s never even been a question for him. If he needs a hundred bucks, he just asks his mom and dad. And, like, I know if I went and asked them, they’d give me that money, too, but that’s not the point.”
“I know.”
“And, like, with Linda, you know, I’m happy for my dad. It’s not like I want him to be miserable or whatever. And if Linda makes him happy, then that’s great. But I don’t need her barging into my life and taking over when I had things under control. And at the start of summer, Noah was talking about how, if I went to college in Boston, we could live together. Well, we are right now and look how that’s turning out! We aren’t even speaking to each other! What does that say about us?”
I sighed, fresh tears springing to my eyes just when I thought I was all cried out. I rubbed my face into my knees.
“Everything’s falling apart,” I said, the words muffled by my legs. “And everything’s changing. And I hate it.”
Levi wrapped his arm around my shoulders, pulling me into him, and I let him. I sniveled into my knees and let him hold me and rub his hand up and down my arm soothingly.
“What’re you even doing here anyway?” I asked when I’d finally gotten the tears back under control. I found a napkin somewhere in my apron pocket and wiped my nose with it before looking up at Levi.
He blushed a little and shrugged, his arm still around me. “I just came by to see you.”
“Why?”
“You’re always showing up where I work,” he pointed out with a brief laugh. Then, more seriously, he said, “We haven’t really talked since the water park. I wanted to check in, see if you were okay. Noah was obviously pissed at me—guess now I know why—and I probably shouldn’t have taken the bait and gone at him like that on the track. I wanted to apologize for that, too.”
“Thanks,” I said. I guessed he didn’t really have so much to apologize for, but I appreciated it anyway. Besides, it wasn’t as though he’d been entirely innocent. “You really just came by to check on me? Not for the lobster rolls?”
“You know I came for the lobster rolls,” he deadpanned. I’d brought him one not long after I’d started working here, stopping by his 7-Eleven on my way to pick up Brad, and he’d kept texting me about how much he’d loved it and needed another one. He’d had one the day he’d come with his mom and sister, even though it hadn’t been on the specials menu that day.
“Plus,” he added, “I got the feeling Noah wouldn’t be too happy if I showed up at the beach house.”
I scoffed. “Noah can suck it.”
“Ouch, strong words for someone in love, Elle.”
“Sorry.” I sighed, rubbing my face. “I do love him. I do. I just meant he can suck it because we’re friends, and it’s not like he can stop you showing up to the beach house. Amanda’s been staying with us and if I’m cool with that, then—”
“Yeah,” Levi murmured, then said, like everyone else, “but he didn’t kiss Amanda.”
I glanced at Levi. His cheeks were flushed pink and he hastily withdrew his arm from around me, looking away.
I could feel the awkwardness radiating from him and hated it. I never should have kissed him on Thanksgiving. It really hadn’t been fair of me.
But like I said, I wasn’t perfect.
Hoping to at least lighten the mood a little, I nudged him in the side. “Hey, listen. Thanks for coming to check up on me and putting up with me while I just off-loaded all my stupid stuff onto you like that. You know you can tell me your stupid stuff anytime you need.”
“Yeah, I know.” He smiled at me. There was something withdrawn about it, which I assumed was due to the lingering awkwardness of him mentioning our kiss. We were close, but I didn’t know him as well as I did Lee: he wasn’t always as easy to read.
“Speaking of coming by the beach house,” I went on, “you’re definitely coming by for Fourth of July, right?”
Levi sighed. “I…”
“Oh, please? Please, please, please? The whole gang is coming! Everyone’s going to be there and it won’t be the same without you! Please, Levi?”
He made a show of sighing and rolling his eyes, and then broke into a smile. “Of course I’ll be there. Anything for you, Elle.”
Chapter Twenty-Five
That night, after I helped clean and close up the restaurant, I sat back on the rocks for a while, where just a few hours ago I’d taken a long-ass break from work to have an admittedly very one-sided heart-to-heart with Levi.
I checked my phone, having ignored it until now.
A few messages from Lee, but none of them too important or pressing.
A couple from my dad. How about dinner next week with Linda? Did I mind that she would be joining us for Fourth of July? He really thought I’d like her if I got to know her but he understood I had a lot going on right now and he understood this might be weird for me….
Two from Levi. Some baking joke in meme form, followed by: Glad we got to chat earlier! Hope your day got better x
Nothing from Noah, but I was surprised to see one from Amanda. In all caps.
WILL YOU AND YOUR DUMBASS BOYFRIEND PLEASE SORT YOUR SHIT OUT. I CAN’T KEEP LOOKING AT HIS STUPID POUTY FACE. ALSO I’LL BE BACK AT THE HOUSE TOMORROW AND WILL BRING MORE WINE—SHALL WE KICK THE BOYS OUT AND HAVE A PROPER GIRLS’ NIGHT?
Then: Sorry for all the caps, his stupid face and all the whining just make me kind of nuts. Like, why is it so hard for him to just TALK TO YOU?????? Also, you SHOULD TALK TO HIM TOO. Love ya! xxxx
I laughed a little. There was a definite irony to be found in the fact that while Amanda had been such a big part of me breaking up with Noah last year, she was the one trying to help pull our relationship back together now and looking out for us. She really was a sweetheart.
And…I really did need to talk to Noah and clear the air.
I was just turning my car on when a headlight swept around the corner of the road and the familiar noise of Noah’s motorcycle drew near. I blinked, startled, killing the engine and jumping out of my car as he parked his bike and climbed off, tossing the helmet aside.
“Noah—”
I barely got his name out before he crossed the distance between us in a few strides, wrapped his arms around me, and pulled me into a searing kiss that set my entire body on fire. All the tension and the irritation that had been hanging around me for the last couple of days went up in the flames, too, scattering like embers on the breeze, and I forgot everything that had been bothering me as his mouth moved over mine.
When we finally stopped for breath, I uncurled my fingers where they’d fisted in his jacket.
“Hi,” I whispered.
He chuckled. The sound reverberated through his chest against my palms. “Hi.”
“Is this the part where you apologize and I apologize and we try not to do this again?”
He smirked, his mouth still against my skin. “It is. Should I have music? Roses?”
“You’re telling me you didn’t bring a boom box, John Cusack?”
“Who’s John Cusack?”
I laughed, nudging my lips back against his. Eventually he drew back, holding my face in one hand, the other brushing stray hairs back where they’d fallen out of my ponytail.
“I know the bucket list is important,” Noah told me. “I know this summer is important for you and Lee. I know it’s a big deal, you not going to Berkeley. I promise you, I know. It’s just…I miss you?”
“Are you asking me or telling me?” I couldn’t resist saying. He was too easy to tease sometimes—and teasing Noah was too familiar a habit to let go of, even during a more serious conversa
tion like this one.
He groaned, leaning down and pressing his forehead to mine, his eyes shut. “I get it, I do, but it’s hard seeing you make so much time for Lee when I want to spend time with you. I know it sounds stupid, because I see you every day and we sleep in the same bed together, and it’s not like we’re never around each other, but it just feels like it’s been a while since it was just us two, you know? Without a whole crowd hanging around us, or without you needing to run around looking after your brother or doing stuff with Lee or working. And I’m not trying to say you shouldn’t do those things…but I miss you.”
“I miss you, too,” I told him. I knew exactly what he meant.
“And it’s hard for me to watch you running yourself into the ground, trying to make everyone happy.”
“I’m not…”
Okay, maybe I was. A little. Just a very little.
I smiled, nudging my hand against his chest again.
“I can’t wait for next year.” He sighed. “I know we’ll both be busy with classes and stuff, and you’ll have new friends to hang out with, and maybe work, but…it won’t be so crazy.”
“Yeah. No flash mobs or race days.”
“And like I said, we could…we could maybe see about living together. I know it hasn’t been, like, the easiest thing, but I don’t think we’ve done that bad, right?”
“Even though I stole your side of the bed?”
Noah laughed. “Yeah.”
“Yeah. I don’t think we’ve done too bad.”
“I’ve missed you,” he breathed again, kissing my nose and drawing a giggle out of me. “I hate fighting with you like that.”
“Me too.”
“But I will fight for you,” he told me.
I was touched, and the intensity of his gaze along with the sincerity behind his quiet words made my heart skip a beat—but I still snorted with laughter and buried my head in his chest. “And you think I’m the cheesy romantic.”
“I thought you liked me being all romantic and shit.”
“I like you,” I told him, plain and simple. “So…how about we head back home and I show you just how much?”
“Now that,” he said, kissing me once more, “sounds like something I can’t pass up.”
* * *
• • •
The next day, I wasn’t working until the dinner shift. Noah had promised Amanda he’d meet her for breakfast, but he lingered in bed a little longer than he should’ve to cuddle and make out with me. I’d fallen back to sleep after he left, the stress of the past few days catching up to me all of a sudden. Judging by the glaring sunlight that poured into the room even though the blinds were shut, it had to be almost lunchtime by the time I finally woke up again and dragged myself out of bed.
I didn’t even bother to wash my face or clean my teeth before stumbling out to the lounge. Lee was lying on the couch, playing a game.
“Look who decided to join the land of the living,” he said. “Nice hair.”
I patted it, feeling how tangled and messy it was, lifting a good couple of inches away from my scalp. Wow, I must’ve been a great sight for Noah to wake up to this morning.
Ignoring Lee’s comment, I fixed myself a coffee and looked around. It felt as though I’d hardly been here the last few days—I wasn’t sure when the beach house had turned into such a junkyard. Pizza boxes were stacked up by the window. Empty mugs and cups were dotted around. Clothes I could only assume were dirty littered the floor.
It surprised me. Rachel was pretty uptight about us keeping things clean. Had she not been around much the last few days, too? Had she decided to give up?
Or, more likely, had Lee managed to turn this place into such a mess just this morning alone?
“You wanna maybe tidy up in here?” I asked him.
“Okay, Mom. I’m kinda busy right now.”
“I’m serious, Lee. I thought your parents said they have buyers coming this afternoon? And that guy’s meant to be coming to measure for new flooring…”
“He can measure around some mess.”
“Lee!”
“Fine,” he grumbled, pausing the game and tossing aside the controller. He surveyed the room for a second before starting to gather up trash. “And the buyers canceled just this morning. For the record.”
“What? But that’s…that’s, like, the eighth time people have canceled viewing this place.”
“Guess they keep changing their minds.”
“Lee, are you…Have you…”
“Careful, Shelly. You know if you finish that question, you’re gonna get an honest answer.”
I sighed, throwing up my hands and going back to pouring my coffee. “You know what, you’re right. I’d rather stick to plausible deniability, thanks.”
“Good choice.” He threw me a smile. “So what time do you want to leave tomorrow?”
“What?”
“Tomorrow,” he said again, pausing to look at me. The enthusiasm froze on his face, his features stiffening. The hopeful lilt in his voice faltered only slightly as he chuckled and said, “You know. Tomorrow. Our trip to Berkeley?”
Oh, fuck.
“Elle?”
I was the biggest asshole in the world. I couldn’t believe I’d forgotten all about the trip this weekend. We’d had it planned for ages now, and here I’d been thinking I had a Saturday clear of bucket-list plans. I hadn’t even questioned it. I’d just sort of assumed Lee had plans with Rachel or something.
Wrong.
He had plans with me. Big plans. Huge plans.
The absolute most monumental plans of the entire summer.
“Seriously?” he cried, reading me way too easily.
“I’m sorry! I don’t know how I forgot about it. I really don’t, Lee. And I’ve made plans with Noah….We have reservations at some fancy restaurant your mom recommended, and we were gonna head out to that chocolate shop he took me to last year for my birthday.”
“Of course you have plans with Noah,” he said dryly. He dropped his pile in the garbage and unearthed a laundry basket from under a bunch of throw pillows and started gathering up the clothes instead, snatching them up one at a time.
I gulped, seeing Lee’s face all scrunched up. He was angry, sure, but it was worse than that—he was plain old upset. I really couldn’t cope if he started to cry.
I’d thought forgetting about eighties mini golf had been shitty of me, but this…this really took the biscuit.
“Noah,” he snapped, “who you’re gonna see, like, literally all the time next year. Noah, who you can hang out with any other day aside from tomorrow. It’s just really…It’s real fucking rich, you know, Elle? You gave me shit for applying to Brown because of Rachel and then you went and did the exact same thing, only worse, because you kept your Harvard application secret from me.”
“Lee—”
“I honestly thought we were done with all that after I found out about you dating Noah behind my back. But, nope, you did it again. And you’re doing it again now.”
Here it is, I thought. The anger that had been simmering away since I’d told him about Harvard, that he’d been working so hard to crush down and ignore in favor of an epic, fun summer.
“I’m sorry,” I told him again. “Lee, I am, but I’ve…It’s not like that. I’m not sneaking around or anything. I just made a mistake this weekend…and with mini golf. I messed up, okay? But we talked about college. You said—”
“I know what I said!” Lee erupted, tossing the laundry basket down now. It spilled onto its side. “I’m super proud of you, Elle, but I’m allowed to be pissed off, too, okay? Excuse me for being upset that our plans for college have gone to shit so you can live it up in Boston with your boyfriend.”
He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. My hands were trem
bling now, but all I could do was wait, let him say his piece.
“I know you’re trying to make up for it with the bucket list, Shelly, and I appreciate that, but…it’s not…I hate that it feels like a last-ditch effort to rescue our friendship, okay?”
“Whoa, hold on. Since when did our friendship need rescuing?”
“Since you went on this manic one-woman mission to give us the best last summer ever before we start college!”
“Because I thought that’d make you happy and make up for me not being at Berkeley!”
“You know what would make up for you not coming to Berkeley? You going there with me this weekend.”
“I already made plans with Noah. I genuinely can’t believe I forgot tomorrow was Berkeley, but it was an honest mistake. Noah and I really need some quality time this weekend, you know? It’s just been a bit tense with everything going on. You get that, right? What about Sunday? We can go Sunday instead.”
I was working, but I could try to swap my shift with someone. And I had a bunch of stuff to do, but that could wait. We’d talked about going to the arcade again and I was supposed to look after Brad so Dad could go to dinner with Linda, but I could make it work. Noah could totally look after Brad for a little while till we got back from Berkeley; Brad would love that, I knew.
But Lee informed me, “I have plans on Sunday.”
“Oh. Oh, r-right.”
“Can’t you change your plans with Noah?”
“I…”
He took my silence for what it was: that I was choosing not to do that.
“We can’t do Berkeley another weekend, Lee? What’s the rush? We’ve got all summer.”
“The plan,” he said through his teeth, “was to go to Berkeley tomorrow. And that’s what I’m gonna do. You do whatever you want, Elle.”
“Lee…”
He kept tidying, saying nothing, not even looking at me. I knew better than to push him or keep apologizing.
When had my life turned into this circus act of spinning plates? And why was it that every time I got a handle on Lee’s plate, I lost control of Noah’s? When did it become so hard to manage being Lee’s best friend and Noah’s girlfriend?
