by Natalie Ann
“I’m glad it has been,” he said.
“Why’s that?”
“Because if you were with someone else, then I wouldn’t be in this car with you getting a second chance. We wouldn’t be able to talk about this like adults and figure out where things went wrong and how to do it again.”
“Always were so logical, weren’t you?”
“It is what it is and we both just need to let go of things. Not forget them. Not push them aside. Just let go of the mistakes and learn from them. Know that we made them and maybe it’s shaped us into better people because of it.”
“I don’t remember you being the smart one of the two of us.”
“I think we’re both pretty smart,” he said.
***
Matt hoped he was saying all the right things. Maybe if he wasn’t, they could fight like Dena said.
No, he never liked fighting. Not even with his parents.
He’d always been one to talk his way out of something or argue his point, but never downright fight about it.
Never to the point he took a stand and wouldn’t back down.
Not until the night of his accident.
Had he learned things? He had.
He learned if he didn’t speak up, if he didn’t say what he wanted and what he expected, then no one heard him.
So maybe Dena was right. Maybe he should have made his voice louder back then. Instead he’d say things, she acted like he was joking, and he’d go along with it.
He was to blame for that too.
Not anymore though. He was speaking his mind like he’d been doing since he’d been back.
“So any plans of things you want to do this weekend?” he asked.
“We really only have tomorrow. By the time we get to the hotel, I’m just going to want to check in and get some dinner, then mess up the hotel bed. We’ve never had hotel sex before. I just realized that.”
It was on the tip of his tongue to say he’d had it and he was sure she’d had, but he knew she meant they’d never had it together and bringing up past lovers wasn’t the way to stay on her good side at all.
“Well then, we’ve got to make it count tonight, don’t you think?”
“We’ve never had a problem making it count before,” she said, winking at him.
They’d gotten to the hotel, checked in like she wanted, then went to the restaurant downstairs for dinner.
Once they were filled up on food, they filled up on each other and fell into a contented sleep.
In the morning, they rolled around some more, with him finally asking, “Do we really need to leave the room today?”
“Come on,” she said, slapping his naked ass. “The sun is out. It’s chilly, but a great day to sightsee.”
She threw the covers back and stood up naked, beckoning him to do the same with a crook of her finger. He’d realized at that moment she could get him to walk across a broken-down weathered wooden bridge fifty feet up and not blink an eye if she was standing on the other end curling her finger at him.
When their shower was done, breakfast eaten, they made their way out of the hotel.
“Where to first?” he asked.
“Let’s do the Echo Lake Aquarium and Science Center. Then we can walk the marketplace and get some lunch and make our way down to the waterfront.”
“So you had been planning this whole day out,” he said, tweaking her nose.
She’d said he was the planner, but it was always the big things. His career path, where he saw himself. He never planned on what he was going to do for a day or a week in advance. Hell, he didn’t even know where he was going to be living soon, only that he’d have to make arrangements to get all his possessions out of his apartment in New York. Not that he could say that to her right now.
“Not really,” she said. “When we decided to come here for the weekend I looked up what there was to do. Those three things were in the top eight, so why not do it?”
“Why not?” he said, grabbing her hand and heading on their way. To him, this weekend was just another step in the right direction for them. A lot of time spent together and getting along.
In Her Heart
A few weeks later, Matt was getting sick and tired of calls and emails from Randall on when he was coming back. He’d gotten to the point he was ignoring most correspondence unless it had to do with a case.
It wasn’t just Randall calling and emailing him though; it was other partners. It was colleagues. He figured Randall was putting them up to it and it was more annoying than anything.
What he’d rather focus on was talking with Dave Lawson on the purchase of his practice.
He’d met with him twice, they’d been throwing numbers around, and he’d even met with the other two attorneys on staff.
Even though Dave talked about wanting to sell, he was having a hard time letting go and was considering holding on to the practice for a year and letting Matt transition to the ownership. It sounded like a great idea, but Matt was ready to be on his own.
He wanted to call the shots. He wanted his own cases. He wanted to be the boss.
So today he and Dave were going to try their hands on negotiating one more time.
“How about I maintain ownership and a small percentage of the fees, but you pick the cases, you assign them and you run the office. With my help of course,” Dave said.
“I could use your help in the beginning running the office. I’ve never done it before and I know it takes a couple of hats that need to be swapped around. I don’t even have a problem with you staying on and collecting a small commission, but how about six months? By then if it’s not working out, I can leave or you can change your mind.”
Dave scratched his chin. “Do you think you’ll want to leave?”
“I don’t plan on it, but I don’t want to work for someone else and if I can’t buy your practice that is ultimately what I’m doing.”
“I see your point. I think we can agree on six months. My guess is you’re looking at needing a bank loan. Have you made an attempt at that yet?”
“No,” Matt said. “We haven’t finalized a purchase price. I thought we could work on that too today. I’ve got money put away, but I know I’ll need cash flow and such to just run the operations and pay the staff.”
“We’ll factor that all in. Let’s get down to business. What do you want to know first?” Dave asked.
They’d spent the next several hours going over the practice’s books, their fees, their salaries and the profit that was made. It was much stronger than Matt had believed it would be. By the time they were done, he felt he had a good grasp of what the future was going to hold.
Whether Dena was part of that future or not—and he hoped to hell she was—he still knew where he was going from a career standpoint. When they’d gone away for the weekend, he’d still had no clue, but now he did.
And that was more than he could have said months ago.
***
Dena was running late from work, but she wanted to stop in and see Matt. When she drove by his house she noticed he was just pulling in himself.
She followed behind him and got out. “Sorry. I should have called first,” she said, “but I wanted to come over and see you.”
“Never a problem,” he said. “Do you have plans tonight?”
“Actually, I’m on call. I swapped with Rene for the night because Cole got called in. It’s only tonight though.”
“Okay. Dinner?” he asked.
“No. I just wanted to see you, but I’ve got a bunch of stuff I need to do at home. I’m later than normal because I ran to the cottage to check on the women there so Rene could get TJ from daycare on time.”
“I thought Cole watched him?”
“Only when he isn’t working. Other times he goes to daycare.”
Matt just shrugged. She figured it was a boring conversation for him. It seemed a little bit like from before where they just wanted to be around each other and didn’t care if they
talked about anything important or not. The most important thing was they spent time together, not what they said to each other.
Even when they went away to Vermont, she hadn’t been sure what to expect.
Some of it was like it’d been when they were younger. How they fell back into those routines of having fun and enjoying their time, but in a different way now.
She’d never thought she could be this happy again.
And she sure the hell never thought it would be with Matt Winters!
“Well, come inside and give me a kiss then, if that is what you wanted to do before you leave on me.”
“Gladly,” she said.
The minute they were in the door, her arms were around him, her lips pressing on his and their bodies molding to each other.
It was a move that she’d dreamed of so much over the years. Of coming home at the end of the day and knowing he’d be there for her. Or that she’d be waiting by the door for him ready for a kiss and a hug and conversation about their days while she got dinner on the table.
Those thoughts were all playing back in her head again and she was wondering…would it be so bad to think about the future with Matt again?
Yeah, it’d only been a few months, but it just seemed like forever in her mind. Even in her heart.
Matt stepped back out of her arms, took his jacket off and set his keys and phone on the kitchen table. “I’ll be right back. I’ve got to run to the bathroom,” he said, laughing.
They’d never shied away from conversations like that either. Always joking about life in general.
The minute he was out of the room, his phone went off and the nosy person she was, she leaned over to see a text from Randall. She couldn’t read the whole thing with his screen locked, but she saw enough of it.
I get it. You’re playing hardball. Call me to discuss your partnership.
She felt her face pale as if she’d come home and realized her mother was gone and wanted to kick herself for believing in Matt again. In believing he was here to stay.
That he was going to be honest with her again. That there were no secrets.
Didn’t she say that if they fought more that she’d have an understanding of him? Didn’t he agree that he never pushed much? That it was important they learned from their mistakes?
Then why was this happening all over again? Why didn’t he tell her this was a possibility?
Sure, she figured he’d never go back to Randall’s. Not under the current situation. But if he was being offered his partnership, wasn’t that what he wanted all along?
He didn’t even have the decency to tell her it was in the works. That it was even a real option. All he said was he had things he was looking into.
Of course he wasn’t going to tell her this was one of them. He knew she wasn’t leaving here. That she had no intention of it at all. Or was he hoping now that she loved him he’d be able to convince her to leave?
How could she be so stupid?
“Sorry,” he said, walking back in the room. “I’ve been holding it for an hour it seemed.”
“Yeah,” she said quietly. “I need to go anyway.”
“Are you okay?” he asked. “You look pale. Do you feel all right?”
“I’m fine. I’ll talk to you later,” she said, walking out the door and to her car in the driveway.
She was proud of herself for making it home before she let the tears fall. There was only one thing left to do. This time she would be the one to end things.
Flying Away
The next morning Matt was just stepping out of the shower when he heard knocking at the door. He couldn’t imagine who it was this early.
He finished getting dressed and hurried down there to see Dena. “What are you doing here? Everything okay?”
“We need to talk.”
He didn’t like the sound of that. Or the look on her face. “Come on in. Do you want some coffee?”
“No. I don’t have a lot of time. I need to be to work in thirty minutes.”
Now he really didn’t like the sound of it. That she came here to talk but wasn’t going to let him have the time he felt he might need.
“Well, go on,” he said, wanting her to get it out.
“I think we need to take a break from each other.”
“What?” he asked. He knew his jaw was hitting the floor. How could it not? This was coming out of left field. There was no warning. No signs. No explanations at all. This must be what she had felt like all those years ago.
“You heard me. We’re moving too fast. You still don’t know what you’re going to do and I’m not sure I can handle it until you decide.”
“I didn’t know I had to tell you all my moves when I don’t even know what they are. Why does one have anything to do with the other?”
“Because you don’t know where you’ll land and I’m not flying away,” she said firmly, crossing her arms.
“I don’t recall telling you you had to.”
“No, you didn’t. But I can’t take the heartbreak again if you decide it’s not what you want here. If you decide to stay and then regret it. I can’t have this all on my shoulders.”
“Where is this coming from?” he asked. Everything had been going so well in his mind. Things were lining up. He was down to the last few details with Dave and couldn’t wait to tell Dena about it. He was just working out how to tell Randall.
“It’s always been in the back of my mind. Never far and you know that. We’ve talked about it.”
“We’ve talked about taking it slow. We’ve talked about needing to trust each other again.”
She snorted. “Yep. Trust. Honesty. Those are words I needed to feel from you and I’m not sure I am. Or that I can.”
“Now I really want to know what the hell is going on,” he said firmly. She wanted to fight? She was about to get one.
“I can’t trust you to stay. I can’t trust you to tell me everything going on in your life.”
“Do you tell me everything going on in your life? You didn’t tell me for weeks your mother called you and when you finally did—when you had no choice because she called you again in my presence—I didn’t get pissed off over you keeping that secret.”
“That’s not the same thing.”
“Isn’t it? I thought people in a relationship told each other everything. People who loved each other didn’t keep those things secret.”
“Exactly!” She started to stalk around, her eyes filling with tears. “People who love each other don’t keep secrets, especially one as big as you being offered the partnership you’ve wanted your whole life.”
“Where did you hear that?” he asked, knowing his face just paled.
“Were you offered it or not?” she asked.
He wasn’t going to lie. “Sort of.”
The tears let loose on her now. “I was right. I can’t believe you didn’t tell me.”
“Being offered something doesn’t mean I’m going to take it, Dena. And you didn’t tell me how you found out about it.”
He hadn’t told a soul. When he got that text, he’d sat on it for a few hours and then replied back that he and Randall needed to talk.
Their conversation didn’t directly bring about an offer that Matt would have hoped for at one point in his life. It was just Matt saying he wasn’t playing hardball, but he wasn’t ready to return either. It was as simple as that.
Then it hit him. The text. He never heard the text come in. It wasn’t until an hour after Dena left that he even remembered he’d left his phone on the kitchen table and went to get it. She must have seen it.
“Have you been looking at my phone? Do you trust me so little you had to stoop that low?”
He never expected that of her.
“I didn’t do it on purpose. I don’t even know your password. It flashed on the table and I glanced down. I saw what it said.”
“And just like that, you assumed something without even asking me if it’s true.”
“You just said it was.”
“No,” he said. “I said he sort of offered it. I called him back a few hours later. We talked and no official offer came through which is good because I wouldn’t take it. I told him I wasn’t ready to come back. You know he’s been trying to get me to come back and I’ve said I’m not ready. I haven’t lied or deceived you one damn bit about that.”
“But you haven’t said you aren’t going back.”
“I believe I said I didn’t know what I was doing, but going back there wasn’t going to happen because I had no future there.”
“Because you couldn’t get your partnership,” she argued. “If he is offering it, then you’ve got a reason to go back.”
“It doesn’t matter what I’ve got to say right now. You’ve got your mind made up. You don’t trust me. You don’t want to listen to my side of it at all. Nothing.”
“Trust is hard to earn back when it’s been so damaged,” she said.
“Then there is no hope for us at all, is there?” he asked, knowing that the pain he’d felt when he broke it off with her before was nothing compared to what he felt now. He had control of that situation; he didn’t have control of this one.
“I guess not,” she said and walked out his door.
How the hell had this all gone so wrong when he finally thought he’d gotten it right?
***
Dena didn’t know what she was expecting when she went to see Matt this morning.
She knew what she saw on that text and he didn’t really deny it. Maybe she thought that he’d say, “No, I turned him down and I’ll never go back. I’m here to stay. I’m here for you. I’ll keep saying it until you believe me.”
Yeah, that was naive on her part. She got that now. He still could have said those things, but he didn’t.
He gave no indication of what he was doing in her life. How could she trust he wouldn’t leave when he made no attempt to stay permanently?
She pulled out of his driveway and drove to work, the tears flowing down her face. It hurt worse this time.
