by Dianne Drake
Riku sat up and scooted toward the edge of his crib. Once there, he pulled himself to his feet, but it was difficult. He knew what to do, but his body didn’t always allow it to happen. But Riku was a fighter. He struggled through, and Michi was so proud of him for that. Her son had a strong will, which would help him with some of the adaptations he’d have to make due to his heart.
“Here, let me help,” she said, picking him up and putting him on her hip. “You’re getting so big it’s hard for Mommy to carry you.” Despite his illness, he was big for his age. Was that something he’d inherited from Eric? Eric was tall, broad-shouldered, strong. She’d always known Riku might grow up to be just like his daddy. Maybe even hoped for it. And sometimes she did see Eric in him. In his smile, in the way he observed everything around him. At times she could almost see the two of them together, father and son, so alike yet so different. Her heart warmed when she fantasized them as a family. But afterwards, when her reality returned, along with it came an ache she couldn’t describe because that was when she realized that not only did Eric need Riku, Riku needed Eric. And she’d let them both down.
“So, how about we get you something to eat, then we can play some games?” Then she’d go next door to meet his father and hopefully, sometime in the span of these next two hours, figure out a way to make things right for everyone. If that could happen at all.
* * *
“This is nice,” Eric said, sliding into the booth alongside her. “It’s one of my favorite places to eat. And it’s kind of a small world, your uncle owning it.”
“If you like Japanese food, this is the place to eat.”
“And just like that the fantasy vanishes.”
“What do you mean?” she asked.
“It was nice thinking that somehow in this vast universe we were meant to meet again.”
Of course, their meeting was no coincidence, but she wasn’t ready to admit that. Not yet. “Nice dream, except I’m more rooted in reality.”
“Like I said, the fantasy vanishes.”
“Do you really believe in fantasies coming true?” she asked him.
“I like to think they do. Haven’t really had any proof to back it up, but when I was a surgeon I did witness miracles every day. And fantasies, miracles and wishes are pretty much the same thing. So, what about you? Why so...practical?”
“Because maybe a miracle happens from time to time, or maybe it’s not a miracle as much as a statistic, or odds for or against you.” She’d seen enough of both to be skeptical. Yet Riku was a miracle. She was firmly convinced of that even though she was skeptical of miracles otherwise. But why was she skeptical? Maybe she’d been let down too many times.
“That’s too bad. My dad was like that. The only things he believed in were what he created from a practical perspective. At least, practical to him.”
“But isn’t what you’re doing now based on practicality?”
“I bought two hundred and fifty thousand acres of desert land this morning to preserve a coyote habitat. It was slated to be a casino, but my concern was where that poor coyote would go once it was forced out of its habitat. And in my father’s world there’s nothing practical about that.”
“What about your world, Eric?”
“It makes sense. Not practical sense, but emotional sense.”
“Then you did a good thing, if you’re happy with the decision.”
He chuckled. “That’s not what my advisors are saying. As we speak, they’re probably trying to find a way to have me committed to a home for the pathetically sentimental.” He scooted just a few inches closer to Michi. Not so close that he was actually touching her but close enough he felt connected, and if anyone looked on, they would assume a connection.
“Why did you leave medicine?” she asked him, as the waiter placed menus on the table. “I mean, I heard that you’d inherited a company, but when you’re so good at what you do, the way you were, why give it up unless you’ve lost your heart for it? And judging from what I came to know at the conference, you weren’t the type to lose heart for what you do...did.”
“It’s complicated,” he said. “Something to do with family expectations and living up to the stature of a man I didn’t particularly care to live up to. Also, I think I got myself caught up in something that was always meant to get me caught up. My dad wanted his progeny to take over where he left off, and in one way or another he prepared me for this my entire life.”
“And you like it?”
“I don’t dislike it the way I did at first. The people I work with are good. I’m able to do things I could have never done before.”
“Like your wildlife habitat?”
“That, and low-cost medical clinics. I fund various causes—women’s health care, several sources devoted to finding cures for cardiac disease, especially in pediatrics. It all works out.”
“Then you’re happy?”
“I have what I need. To most people that would be happiness, I suppose.”
Yet she saw such sadness in his eyes. Sadness and longing. “You’re right. It does sound complicated. Do you think you’ll ever return to surgery?”
“That’s the question I ask myself every day as I put on my custom-tailored, five-thousand-dollar suit and wait for a limo to come pick me up for work.”
“Am I detecting some cynicism?”
“More like ambivalence. Sometimes in life you end up doing what you have to do even though it’s not what you want to do. I have hundreds of people in my care now who deserve to have the confidence of knowing that when they wake up tomorrow, they’ll still have a job, and that they can expect pay raises and excellent working conditions. I sponsor scholarships that put their kids through college and pay for medical benefits that no other company the size of mine can come close to.
“So, while this isn’t what I’d originally intended for my life, events and circumstances bring about changes we can’t anticipate. What we do with those changes defines us.” He stopped and took a breath. “So, how about you? Is your clinic growing the way you’d expected it to?”
“I’ve had some changes myself,” she said, knowing this was about to become her now-or-never moment. Surprisingly, she wasn’t as nervous about it as she’d expected. Something about Eric put her at ease.
“Unexpected ones?”
“Definitely unexpected. But good, because they’ve taught me to refocus on what’s really important. Before when we...well, when we were together for that night, I didn’t know what I was about. You were attractive and I wanted you...so I seduced you.”
“And you did a damn fine job of it.”
“But it was a diversion, Eric. An emotional response that didn’t know which emotion to attach itself to.”
“Then what you’re telling me is that I was a practicality?”
Michi shook her head. “No. You were a reaction. I’d always wanted children, and I’d just been told that wasn’t possible, given the severity of my polycystic ovarian syndrome. I was...floundering. Trying to find something to give me some stability. Something that made some sense, even if only for little while, because, trust me, one-night stands are not my normal reaction. But you were so...kind. And I felt so comfortable around you.
“So, I thought that with you I could just have one night that made sense at a time when I was drowning in a whole sea of other things that were making no sense at all. In my twenties, there was plenty of time to start a family. In my thirties, I was stripped of all my options. When we met I just wasn’t coping.”
It was a lot to divulge, considering no one knew any of this. Not even her family. But these were the things Eric needed to know. Things that might help him understand better.
He reached over and took her hand. “For what it’s worth, I don’t think I zeroed in on your vulnerability as much as your sadness. And I understand what sadness can do to a per
son. I’d seen it in the parents of my patients, even in myself. I wouldn’t have taken advantage of you, Michi, if I’d known what you were going through.”
“Well, I’m not very good at putting a lot of myself out there for other people to see. No particular reason other than that’s who I am. So, what we did...it was what I wanted. Connection. Arms around me. Someone who would make me feel that I wasn’t such a failure. And, yes, even though it was just for a few hours. But, other than great sex, which was my escape for a while, that night changed me, Eric. You changed me in ways I never expected could happen. Changes that couldn’t happen to the woman who felt like she was failing at all the things that meant the most to her.”
“And now?”
He let go of her hand and instead put his arm around her shoulder, and even in that innocent gesture, she understood how Eric had gotten to her in a way no man had ever done before. With him she felt safe. Even a bit optimistic, although that optimism might be short-lived. “Let’s just say that work hasn’t come first for a very long time, and it never will again. There are more important things, things that shouldn’t or couldn’t have happened but did.”
“You’ve got my head spinning, Michi, because I don’t understand what you’re talking about.” But it was serious. He could see it in the way her fists were clenched on the tabletop, and the way she avoided looking at him. Was she going to tell him she’d fallen in love that night? That would be nice, because in so many ways, so had he. Except he’d been the one to put it aside for his work, while Michi had stepped away from her work to embrace it, or something like it.
“Sometimes I don’t either, Eric. And what I’ve done...” She took a deep breath. “I’ve hurt people.”
“That’s not possible. That’s not who you are.”
“But it’s who I’ve become.”
“Because of me?” he asked.
“Because of me.” She twisted sideways and finally looked him straight in the eyes. “I had a baby, Eric.”
He blinked, and opened his mouth to speak but closed it again.
“Despite my diagnosis, I had a baby. His name is Riku and he’s changed everything in my life.”
“Then you’re married?” He swallowed hard as he withdrew his arm from her shoulder, pushed himself away from her, then finally braved a look at her hands to check for her wedding ring. But there wasn’t one.
“No,” she said, almost too quickly. “I’m a single mom.”
“If this is what you want, then I should congratulate you. Especially since you didn’t think it could happen.”
“Don’t congratulate me yet. Especially after what I’ve got to tell you.”
A hard knot formed in his stomach. Life had certainly thrown him some curve balls, but... “How old, exactly, is Riku?”
“He’s just a few weeks past his second birthday.”
“Then that night...” Even he could hear the wobble in his voice with that question.
Michi nodded. “Riku.”
“And you didn’t tell me?”
“It’s complicated, Eric. I always intended to, and even tried to, but other things got in the way.”
Right now, he was too stunned to be angry, but he knew that was coming. Could feel it bubbling up inside him. “What things were more important than telling me about my son, Michi?” The boiling anger was rising higher and higher.
“First, there was my pregnancy. It was...” As a passing the server pushed through the door to the kitchen, and for that instant the door was wide open, Michi saw Agnes in there, holding Riku. And Riku looked limp.
A mother’s instinct took over, and with no thought about Eric she bolted out of the booth and into the back room. “What’s wrong?” she gasped, taking her son out of Agnes’s arms.
“Fever, Michi. Too high. It came up quickly, and I was asking Takumi to drive us to the hospital.”
“Who needs the hospital?” Eric asked, coming through the door. Immediately, he saw the child in Michi’s arms and knew it was his son. “What’s his temperature?” he demanded.
“It’s one-oh-four,” Agnes said, looking at Michi. “And he’s beginning to sound congested, so I put him back on his oxygen and upped it a little higher than usual.”
“I told him,” Michi said as Eric moved to lay his hand on Riku’s forehead. Tears streamed down her face as he took Riku into his arms and ran from the restaurant, holding onto his son for dear life.
Running was faster than driving or calling an ambulance, and in those few minutes, when he didn’t wait for Michi to catch up, he cursed the world and the universe and Michi for keeping this secret. And even then the anger hadn’t boiled up as much as he knew it still would. Why? Because he had a son who needed him. A son he had fallen in love with at first sight. A son who made him feel every bit the father he’d never expected to be.
“We’re going to get you taken care of, Riku,” he said as he burst through the emergency room doors and ran straight to the area sectioned off for pediatrics. “Your father will make sure you’re taken care of.”
“This is my son,” he said to the attending who came to put Riku into one of the emergency beds. “Take good care of him.” His son, he thought as the doctor carried Riku away. He had a son. And he was a father.
Eric turned as Michi caught up to him, and he saw the tears streaming down her face. Now wasn’t the time, he realized. Their son was sick and that stopped everything else in the world. Now he understood what Michi had meant when she’d told him there were things more important than her medical practice. Because now, in his world, there was nothing more important than Riku.
“They’ll take good care of him,” he said, slipping his hand around her waist and pulling her into him. She needed his support as much as he needed hers right now, because their son was sick. Their son...
But soon, very soon, the inevitable reaction would happen. The anger. The frustration. The hurt. All of it. Because yet another person in his life had manipulated him. And it was Michi. The last person he’d ever thought would do that.
Maybe that, above all else, would be the biggest hurt.
CHAPTER FOUR
HOURS SEEMED LIKE DAYS, and she hadn’t been allowed in to see Riku yet. They were still testing him. So, in the waiting room, Michi paced one way while Eric paced another, neither of them speaking. Eric not asking any questions because his anger was as obvious as his fear. And she was offering no explanations or apologies as right now they would fall on deaf ears, and she really needed Eric to hear her. But they were there together and, for the moment, that was the best either of them could do.
It was only after one of the nurses reassured them that Riku was stable but still had another hour of tests ahead that Michi and Eric both decided to go to the cafeteria for a break. As they were standing in line, he to pay for his coffee, she to pay for her tea, she finally broke the silence. “Don’t you want to say something? Or ask me any questions?”
He turned to face her. Kept his voice low. Kept the anger on his face in check. “Other than knowing you hid my son from me, what else is there to ask? If I asked why, would you tell me? If I asked if you’re sure he’s mine, would you try to hide another truth from me?”
“He’s yours,” she said. “There hasn’t been anybody else since we...”
“Great,” he said, fishing a couple of bills from his pocket to pay for his coffee, then another couple to cover her tea. “You’re capable of telling the truth, if that’s what you just told me.”
“I’ve never lied, Eric. I’ve just never—”
“That’s right. You’re the one who doesn’t put herself out there for others, aren’t you? Not even for the father of your baby.” He went to a secluded table in a far corner of the cafeteria and sat down. Then stood back up and pulled out a chair for her when Michi caught up to him. Damn old-world manners, he thought. Even for someone who’d d
one what she’d done.
“It was a bad pregnancy, Eric. I almost lost Riku several times. I was flat on my back for so long, not moving except when necessary, exam after exam, close calls... I spent most of the pregnancy after the first trimester in bed. And while that’s no excuse for what I did, or didn’t do, you do need to know what was going on with me. My intentions at the start were to let you know. But when it got bad...”
“I’m sorry for that,” he said, his voice gentle. “I might not have been able to help, but I would have been there for you if I’d known. I’m not the kind of man who would turn my back on something like this.”
“I was confused. Fighting a battle I didn’t know how to fight. And after that one night together, remembering how adamant you were about not having any kind of involvement in your life, what was I supposed to do? Take you at your word, which was what I did? Or risk reaching out, only to be rejected? Emotionally, I wasn’t up for that, Eric. I was fragile, and I wasn’t able to handle any more than I already was.”
“I’m sorry for what you went through, Michi. There are no words to express how I feel about that. But no matter what I’d told you, I had a right to know. Don’t you understand that? Riku isn’t just yours. He’s mine, too. You carried my son for nine months, and now, two years later, the only reason I know anything is through a series of coincidences. What if we hadn’t had that chance meeting in the coffee shop? Would you have gone back to Japan thinking you could save your secret for another time? Or forever?”
“The coffee shop might have been a coincidence, but I was going to tell you, Eric. I was struggling with how to do it. And, yes, not telling you would have been easier. Especially after making it through a bad pregnancy and hysterectomy, only to find out Riku was so ill. I think at that point I was beyond coping. It was all I could do to get myself from one moment to the next. But it was it was never my intention not to tell you. I just didn’t know how or when. And I was scared...”
