by Umberto Eco
Letter to My Son we'll play them together. Ah, so you wanted to let us eat cake, eh? All right, M. Santerre, let the drums roll! Tricoteuses of the world, unite and let your knitting needles do their worst! Today we'll play the beheading of Marie Antoinette! You call this perverse pedagogy? And you, sir, antifascist practically since birth, have you ever played partisans with your son? Have you ever crouched behind the bed, pretending to be in the Langhe valleys, crying, Watch out, the Fascist Black Brigades are coming on the right! It's a roundup, they're shooting, return the Nazis' fire! No, you give your son building blocks and have the maid take him to some racist movie that glorifies the extinction of native Americans. And so, dear Stefano, I will give you guns. And I will teach you to play extremely complicated wars, where the truth will never be entirely on one side. You will release a lot of energy in your young years, and your ideas may be a bit confused, but slowly you will develop some convictions. Then, when you are grown up, you will believe that it was all a fairy tale: little Red Riding Hood, Cinderella, the guns, the cannons, single combat, the witch and the seven dwarfs, armies against armies. But if by chance, when you are grown up, the monstrous characters of your childish dreams persist, witches, trolls, armies, bombs, compulsory military service, perhaps, having gained a critical attitude toward fairy tales, you will learn to live and criticize reality. 1964 125
Three Eccentric Reviews Bank of Italy, Fifty Thousand Lire, Italian National Mint, Rome, 1967 Bank of Italy, One Hundred Thousand Lire, Italian National Mint, Rome, 1967 The two works under examination could be de- scribed as ditions numerotes in folio. Printed on both recto and verso, they also reveal, against the light, a delicate watermarking, a product of the most skilled craftsmanship and a technology rarely achieved by other publishers (and then only with great effort and often at disastrous economic risk). Still, while these works possess all the character- istics of a collector's edition, actually an immense number of copies has been printed. This publishing decision, however, has not resulted in an economic advantage to the collector, for the price is still beyond the reach of many fanciers' pocketbooks. The paradox--editions that on the one hand flood 126
Three Eccentric Reviews the market and on the other can be valued only (forgive the expression) by their weight in goldm causes also the eccentricity of their circulation. Per- haps inspired by the example of municipal libraries, the amateur, to have the pleasure of possessing and admiring these editions, must be prepared to make serious sacrifices, but he will then quickly pass the works on to another reader, so that the edition keeps circulating, going from hand to hand. Inevitably the copies deteriorate through use, yet this wear and tear does not diminish their value. It might even be said that wear and tear makes these works more precious, so that those who wish to possess them redouble their efforts and energy, prepared to pay more than the list price. These facts underline the ambitious nature of this publication, which has met with the widest approval, though the venture must be justified by the intrinsic value of the product. And indeed, when the critic starts examining the actual stylistic merit of the works under review, some doubts about their validity begin to surface, even the suspicion that the reading public's enthusiasm is due to a misconception or else inspired by speculative aims. First of all, the narrative is in many respects incoherent. For example, in Fifty Thousand Lire the watermark appears on the recto, symmetrically op- posite the head-and-shoulders portrait of Leonardo da Vinci, and this image can be interpreted as Leo- nardo's Saint Anne or Virgin of the Rocks; but in One Hundred Thousand Lire it is hard to conceive what relation, if any, exists between the apparently 127
MISREADINGS Hellenic woman in the watermark and the portrait of Alessandro Manzoni. Is the woman perhaps his Lucia interpreted in a neoclassical style, painted or engraved by an earlier artist like Appiani, who had somehow foreseen the creation of Manzoni's hero- ine? Or could she be but here we sink to the most obvious and scholastic allegory--the image of an Italy that has some filial connection with the Lom- bard novelist? An exaggeration of the political activ- ity of the author of Carmagnola or a typical avant- garde device reducing ideology to language (Manzoni father of the Italian language and hence father of the nation, etc., etc.--a dangerous syllogism in the style of Gruppo 63 !). The narrative incoherence can only put the reader off, and in any case it will have a deleterious effect on the taste of the young, so we must hope that at least they and the less educated classes will be kept well away from these pages, in their own best interest. But the incoherence goes deeper. In the context of such fastidiousness, whether neoclassical or bour- geois-realistic (the portraits of the two artists and the landscapes of the verso seem based on the canons of the cheapest sort of socialist realism: a concession to the policies of our center-left coalition?), it is hard to see any reason for the violent insertion of the exotic motive "Payable to the Bearer," which evokes the vision of an African safari and a line of blacks laden with bales of merchandise, forming a queue to obtain something in exchange for their extorted la- bor, a scene right out of Rider Haggard or Kipling and surely inappropriate to the subtext here. 128
Three Eccentric Reviews But the incoherence found at the level of content appears. also at the formal level. What is the purpose of the realistic tone of the portraits, when all the surrounding decoration is clearly inspired by psyche- delic hallucinations, presented like the visual diary of a Henry Michaux journey into the realm of mesca- line? With vortices, spirals, and undulant textures the work reveals its hallucinatory purpose, its determi- nation to summon to the mind's eye a universe of fictive values, of perverse invention . . The obses- sive repetition of the mandala motif (every page in- cludes at least four or five radiating symmetries of obvious Buddhist origin) betrays a metaphysics of the Void. The work as pure sign of itself: this is the end result of contemporary literary theory, and these editions confirm it. Perhaps there are collectors who aspire to gather these pages in a volume, potentially infinite, as happened with Mallarm's Livre. Vain effort, because the sign that refers to other signs is lost in its own vacuity, behind which, we suspect, no real value exists. An extreme example of the cultural dissipation of our time. These works have been received by readers with an approbation that in our opinion bodes only ill: the taste for novelty conceals the aesthetic of obsolescence--of consumption, in other words. The numbered copy that we have before our eyes still seems to promise us, through the number that distin- guishes it, the possibilities of possession adpersonam. Which is a fraud, because we know that the current aesthetic taste for conspicuous consumption will soon 129
MISREADINGS lead the reader to seek out more copies, other print- ings, as if to find in constant exchange the guarantee that the single copy cannot provide. A sign in a world of signs, each of these works becomes a way to distract us from things. Its realism is bogus, as its psychedelic avant-gardisme only hides deeper alien- ations. In any case, we are grateful to the publisher for having sent us these free copies for review. 1967 L'Histoire d'O (Draft of a Review for Ladies Home Journal) How much time, and how much trouble should a woman take in preparing herself for an evening with her fianc? We have already dealt with this problem several times in our column, but we are prompted to address it again after the publication of this little book, probably the work of a famous international visagiste who has coyly chosen to hide behind the pseudonym of Pauline Rage. One reason the book can be recommended is the attention it devotes to details of toilette often ne- glected by how-to books and women's magazines, even though such details are of supreme importance. Our readers therefore can find helpful hints about fixing iron rings around ankles and wrists, accessories usually ignored since they require a great deal of care to ensure they are fastened securely. It's a great mistake to rely on the guarantee of some masked 130
Three Eccentric Reviews blacksmith; for excellent devices can be found at any beauty .salon, or else by telephoning SADE, the Society for Assistants in Deflowering and Emascu- lating, who will send a masseur to your home within minu
tes. You must make certain that the iron causes those unsightly red weals, the drops of blood and the chafed wrists and ankles that your Special Man is so crazy about. The ring should be secured just as our grannies used to buckle their chastity belts, not too loose and not too tight. Only a gentle little nip to create that allure of tense haughtiness along with the moist, frightened-gazelle look, and Mister Right is yours! Even greater care (allow at least an hour before your date arrives) is a must when it comes to attach- ing a golden padlock to your labia majora. Madame Rage's book shows clearly how this operation can be performed in a few, easy steps. Unfortunately, she doesn't list retailers that carry the item in ques- tion, but if you rummage carefully through Mom's trunks up in the attic, you may make some amusing discoveries. A woman who knows how to love is bound to be clever in recycling odds and ends, put- ting them to new and thrilling uses. And now a final reminder (the book is full of fantastic advice on this subject): Be imaginative and decorate your body with all sorts of long bloody gashes, using your little boudoir whip with the stud- ded thongs. The best whips come from Barcelona, though lately the rival Hong Kong whips have been the rage (but beware of the imitations from East Germany). When you're making these marks, how- 131
MISREADINGS ever, don't overdo it. The book explains clearly how your man can add more love marks, especially if he counts melancholy English gentlemen among his best friends. We're assuming he works for some multi- national and is highly connected. Otherwise, Mme. Rage's advice is best forgotten, because her book is aimed, after all, at the upmarket reader. If you're not in that class (face facts!) you might try another first- rate booklet, Official List of Infirmities and Mutila- tions Acceptable for Exemption from Military Service. It's available to our readers from its publisher, the Ministry of Defense. 1968 D. H. Lawrence, Lady Chatterley's Lover Finally a breath of fresh air. Your reviewer's over- whelming sensation is a chaste and modest emotion as he begins speaking of this book, which has just arrived on his desk like a comet at Bethlehem in the murky firmament of obsessive contemporary erotica. In a galaxy of Justines tortured by the latest Mar- quises d'O and of Emanuelles carrying out the most refined experiments in coitus interruptus, and of mul- tiple couples who copulate and recopulate in geo- metric swappings, in an era of magazines for women only (but read obviously by men only) and sado- masochistic comic books, an era when a film can create a scandal only if a heterosexual woman, fully dressed, is happily married to her husband who works at the First National Bank (giving the well-to-do an 132
Three Eccentric Reviews uneasy hint of the irreparable decadence of their behavior), and as human sexuality becomes the object of excessively scrupulous examination in the pages of Our Sunday Visitor and sexual congress for the pur- pose of reproduction now arouses psychoses far be- yond the worst descriptions of Krafft-Ebing--here, at last, is a clean, straightforward love story, abso- lutely unsophisticated, the sort of read our grand- mothers used to enjoy. The plot is simple: a noblewoman, brought up (and revolted) by the consumer values of our tech- nological era, falls in love with a gamekeeper. Ob- viously the gamekeeper comes from a different background, an earthly paradise totally uncontami- nated, with no notion of the pollution of the atmo- sphere (though he is not unaware of sexual pollution) or ecological mutation. Their love is pure, a series of marvelous experiences, free of the slightest hint of perversion, an encounter between the sexes strictly according to the laws of nature, as in those old- fashioned love stories now read only by the fanatics of nostalgia, determined to rediscover in the jumble of secondhand stalls those tales that the culture in- dustry no longer dares reprint because of its ambiv- alent, cowardly conformism to anticonformity. Here, then, is a book the younger generation should read. It would help them form a cleaner, more modest view of life, entertain genuine feelings, not adulterated, and develop a taste for simple, hon- est things, like the smell of new-mown hay or baking bread. A book, too, for frustrated, restless wives, for 133
MISREADINGS happy brides, and for wandering husbands seeking a basic redefinition of family life. A book for dissatis- fied couples in search of truth. A book whose limpid, sober pages, free of all fetishistic gratification, point the way to a healthier relationship, rejuvenating it, supplying its vexed boredom with the fundamental values that any normal person wishes to see restored. The narrative style is occasionally marred by dec- adent mannerisms, and we would advise the author to follow less blindly the debatable sophisms of Mar- shall McLuhan in conducting his analysis of contem- porary society. Here and there some residual traces of class consciousness emerge, for example, the au- thor's embarrassment in describing the relations be- tween his leading characters. He would do well to work for more realism in his handling of the erotic scenes, which to our contemporary taste seem tied still to the apron strings of Victorian pruderie. He should tackle a theme of this sort more freely, boldly calling acts, situations, and parts of the body by their real names. All the same, this is a book of great power, of great idealistic breadth, open, innocent, delicately romantic. Reviewers will unhesitatingly recommend it as required reading in the schools, as an antidote to the excesses of contemporary eroticism now as- sailing our tender and vulnerable young people. This book is a timely reminder that uncorrupted values such as Life, Nature, and Sex still exist and can be perceived in their virginal and virile reality. 1971 134
The Discovery of America DAN: Good evening, folks. Here it's 7 P.M. on the 11th of October 1492, and we're linked directly with the flagship of the Columbus expedition, which by 7 A.M. tomorrow should put Europe's first thalatan- aut on a new land, a new planet, if I may be allowed the metaphor, that Terra Incognita so many astron- omers, geographers, cartographers, and travelers have dreamed of. Some claim that this land is the Indies, reached from the West rather than from the East; others say it's actually a whole new continent, enor- mous and unexplored. As of now, in a joint effort, all our TV networks will be transmitting around the clock, twenty-five hours. We're linked with the te- lecamera installed on the flagship, the Santa Maria, and with our relay station in the Canary Islands, as well as with Sforza TV in Milan, and the Universities of Salamanca and of Wittenberg. Our guest here in the studio is Professor Leonardo da Vinci, the famous scientist and futurologist, who will provide a running commentary, explaining the 135
MISREADINGS technical details of this extraordinary venture. But first a word from Jim. Jim? B: Well, Dan, as you know, unfortunately we won't be able to see the actual landing. Our camera's attached to the figurehead of the caravel, but the antenna, in the crow's nest of the mainmast, can't be activated until after the lookout has sighted landfall and the sails are furled. Where are the three caravels now, in their epoch-making voyage? I tell you, we're all holding our breath while we follow this adventure, the most dating exploit of all time. It's the beginning of a new age, which some columnists have already suggested calling The Modern Era. Man is emerging from the Middle Ages and is making a major break- through in his intellectual evolution. Obviously, the crew at Cape Canary feel the same way we do . But I'd like to hear from Alastair Cook, who has just arrived from London especially to take part in this historic broadcast. Alastair? Can you hear me? ^L^ST^m: Loud and clear, Jim. Can you hear me? gin: Alastair? ^L^ST^m: Yes? You hear me? gin: Go ahead, Alastair. We've got audio. ^^s^m: As I was saying. Yes, I hear you splen- didly. It's a tense moment here at Cape Canary. The position of Christopher Columbus's three galleys-- Ba: Sorry to interrupt, Alastair. Actually, I don't believe the ships are galleys. They're-- ^.^s^m: Hang on, Jim They're telling me . there's such a racket here in the control center. Three hundred scalzed Carmelites are simultaneously saying solemn High Masses for the success of the 136
The Discovery of America voyage. . Yes, mmm, yes... You're right, Jim. They're not galleys. They're xebecs. A typical Med- iterranean vessel used for-- jM: Urn, Alastair. . over the audio I'm heating the word "caravels" ^L^ST^R: How's that, Jim? I've lost you. . You can't believe the confusion here What? Oh, right. As I was saying, he h
as three caravels, the Nina, the Pan--no, the Pinta, and the Santa Rade- gonda . . jM: Er, Alastair, the press kit says it's the Santa Maria. ^L^ST^R: Right you are, Jim! One of the boys here is saying the same thing. But there's a difference of opinion about whether it's the Santa Maria . In any case, a caravel is a typical Mediterranean vessel, and our technical department has prepared a scale model. . By the way, this uniform I'm wearing is from the Spanish navy. How do you like it? Now, the caravel, as ! was saying, is-- I: Sorry to interrupt you, Alastair, but Professor Vinci's here in the studio with us, and he can perhaps tell us something about the caravel from a propulsion point of view . . LEONARDO: Deman retep taerg a . . g: Hang on a minute, control room. Professor Vinci has a kind of, well, you might call it. a quirk � . . He talks from fight to left, so you'll have to reverse the ampex. If you recall, we arranged a nine- second delay for this reason, between recording and transmission. Ready with the ampex? Can you hear me? Roll it! 137
