“Your visit is unexpected, but also opportune.” Lindsey exhaled, his expression serious and resolved. “I’d like to tell you something that may change the way you view me. Will you at least listen, Caroline?”
“Yes.” Caught in ambivalence about her own troubles, she welcomed the chance to wait a few minutes before telling Lindsey about her father. She watched him closely, desperately trying to decipher the emotion in his eyes.
“My father was a plague.” Lindsey swallowed audibly. “As I already shared when we visited Kingswood, he made my mother’s life a living hell. The only way I escaped his tyranny and abuse was to stay out of his path until I was able to leave permanently. Upon his death, when his will was read, he attached contingences to my inheritance in the form of a legacy. He has particular demands, despite he’s buried in a cold grave. He’s tasked me with recovering three specific pieces of artwork, as they constitute a bulk of the earldom’s wealth.”
“Artwork?” She didn’t want to interrupt, and yet the similarity in subjects was too uncanny.
“Yes.” He stepped closer, his eyes narrowed by the forlorn grimace on his face. “And there is an additional condition as well.”
She waited, though each second stretched unbearably.
But something changed in that moment. A decision was made. His forehead cleared and his eyes grew sharper as he matched her attention.
“I haven’t located the paintings, so the second task hardly matters.” He reached for her hand and drew her up from where she sat. “I can hardly offer you a future when my present is chin-deep in chaos.”
She wouldn’t add to his misery. She’d find another way to help her father. Still, her emotions were strained, and she yearned to feel close to someone. Not someone. Only Jonathan. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s not for you to worry over, love.” He stroked a fingertip down her cheek. “I just needed you to know that my every decision has been forced. Now, how can I help you?”
He already carried the burden of his own future. She wouldn’t add her troubles to the list. Rising up on her tiptoes, she pressed a kiss to his mouth. She needed comfort. That was all she would accept from him right now. And from that strength she’d find a way to salvage her family’s honor.
She didn’t object when he gathered her into his arms. She’d called herself a fool a thousand times for believing there could be something lasting between them, yet when she looked into his eyes, she saw her heart reflected. Whatever reason he’d had for neglecting to contact her hadn’t come without a cost. But could the reasoning he’d supplied be the truth? Could he care so much for her?
She turned her face toward his. His thickly lashed eyes, dark with secrets and intent with ardor, held her captivated. For several moments they didn’t move. His gaze mesmerized her. Their breath mingled while the air became fraught with undeniable longing. He brought his palm up and cupped her cheek. His touch possessed a gentle, trembling restraint that nearly stopped her heart, as if she were precious, fragile, and he barely able to control his desire.
Chapter Twenty-Five
He couldn’t solve all her problems, deeply entrenched in a series of complications of his own, but he could offer her comfort, and from there work to free her from worry. He hadn’t lied. He would employ every recourse to assist in extricating her father and family from whatever concerning scandal threatened them. He would work to clear the flash of indecision in her eyes, and when she was ready to share the details, he would do everything in his power to spare her family the embarrassment she feared.
But there was more to it than social responsibility and access to resources. His feelings were involved. Whether he liked it or not, and he liked it more than he should, he cared for Caroline deeply. Dare he label it something more? It wasn’t as though he’d ever experienced anything akin to love and could recognize its symptoms.
“I will assist you in every way possible, love.” A shiver ran through her and he imagined her relief too great to measure. He wanted her despair to vanish, her emotions to calm, at least for one evening. “Caroline.”
Her slender brows twitched with curiosity and her eyes traveled down to his mouth in wait of what he would say—or do.
“You’ve turned me inside out.” He had no other way to explain the longing that settled all the way to the marrow of his bones whenever he envisioned her and relived their intimacy. “I want you.”
Words failed him; they sounded more clumsy than eloquent.
He smoothed a wayward tear away with the pad of his thumb, her rose petal skin soft beneath his touch. She didn’t pull from him. He stroked across her cheek, his fingertip trailing to the corner of her mouth, her lush lips ripe and tempting, so close to his.
“I have no control over my emotions when I think of you with another gentleman. But it isn’t jealousy, at least not completely. It’s more that I consider you mine. I have since that very first evening in Albertson’s study. I know I have no right to these emotions, and I’ve treated you poorly. For that I apologize.” His voice dropped low, his next words more a wish than a command. “Tell me you feel the same. That you have feelings for me as well. Otherwise I’ll never speak of my misplaced affection.”
“I do.”
She needn’t say more. He brought his mouth down on hers. It was a hungry kiss, anxious and forceful, but as he licked into her sweetness, he never knew such immense pleasure.
He still wore his coat, unprepared to find Caroline in his drawing room, unprepared for the intensity that gripped him. He couldn’t bring her close enough, taste her deep enough. He pulled her against him, as if by some sleight of hand he could bring her into him, every pure and innocent quality into his dark heart, not to ruin or exploit her, but so he might begin again, so that he might be renewed, like the earth drinks the rain and flourishes.
She slid her arms around his middle, roamed her palms over his back, surveying every muscle and ridge. Her shy yet bold touches aroused him like nothing he’d ever experienced. He wanted to lower her to the rug before the hearth and undress her, worship her endless legs and luscious breasts bared to him, all silky skin and velvet blush.
Blood surged to each cell in his body. His cock twitched, every muscle invested in the thought, despite he knew he could never expect such a gift.
He broke from their kiss and she whimpered, her mouth following after his for the slightest moment before she blinked her eyes open.
“I’ve missed you. I didn’t know what to believe.”
“I’m a fool, Caroline. A fool who has fallen in love, something I doubted would ever come to pass. A condition I never wanted but now realize I can’t live without because you’re worth any risk.”
Emotion gripped him, his chest all at once too tight. He should tell her to go home before he said something scandalous and ruined the moment, before he succumbed to his basest desires. Yes. He would send her on her way and pay a proper call tomorrow, that way she’d never doubt the sincerity of his confession. “Come upstairs with me. Do you want that, love?”
Damn his tongue for not listening to his brain.
“No matter how heavenly your kisses, I can’t go upstairs with you.” Her mouth hinted at a smile.
He released her and strode to the door, closing the latch with a snap echoed by the clock in the hall as it chimed the midnight hour. “That was the correct answer, of course.”
He removed his coat as he returned and took her hands, her fingers fast to lace with his before he tugged her down to the overstuffed divan.
“So what are we to do now?”
He rather hoped she wasn’t still discussing the problem that brought her to his door. “I can suggest a few things.”
Her throaty laughter had his body screaming with desire. His mouth hungered to taste her skin, trail kisses down her neck, and laze caresses across her full breasts before he caught a pale pink nipple between hi
s teeth.
“We can begin like this.” He turned his body so they faced each other, and with their eyes matched he kept his mouth above hers in anticipation of another soul-searing kiss.
Her breathing hitched and he growled his pleasure before closing the space between them. This kiss was unhurried. This kiss spoke more clearly than any words he’d tried to assemble earlier. He nibbled across her plump lower lip, his tongue at play near the corner until she opened and allowed him to delve into the sweet hollow of her mouth, their tongues tangled in a sensual rub. He released her hands and lowered his palms to her hips. He needed to anchor himself, all the while in want of more.
When he finally broke away, they remained nearly nose to nose, their breathing matched, and he suspected the thunder of their hearts as well.
“Jonathan.” Her breathy entreaty caused his whole body to pay attention. “I think of you all the time.”
“And I, you.” His whispered confession sounded far too intimate for kissing in the drawing room. Still, happiness welled in his chest for having heard her admission. “You’ve kept me awake too many nights.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t you dare apologize.” He almost smiled.
“You visit me in my dreams.”
“At least one of us is getting sleep.” This time he grinned.
“But I don’t want to sleep.”
“Nor do I, love.”
“But…”
She sighed and he tensed, all of a sudden unsure of what she would say.
“What are we?”
Silence answered her question, the definition of their relationship still mutable. He wanted her. That much he knew. Despite their age difference. Despite his impending financial crisis and conditions of inheritance. Or her health concerns. Despite it all, he knew one thing with certainty.
“We are…inevitable.”
He didn’t allow her to comment, practically finishing his answer on her lips. She could only have agreed as she returned his attention with equaled fervor. Though she hadn’t spoken of love as he had. She’d never said the words.
He deepened the kiss, relishing her intoxicating fragrance, treasuring every little whimper and sigh, her delicate gasps and the stroke of her tongue as sensual as warm velvet, embracing the heat that seared him from the inside out.
This time they came apart more slowly, each reluctant to withdraw. She brought her palms up over the planes of his chest, her touch incendiary even through layers of linen and wool. She didn’t speak but instead played idly with his cravat, loosening the knot and slipping the neckcloth free to discard over his shoulder.
“I want to touch you the way you touched me.” An impish smile played on her mouth, ripe and swollen from their kissing. “To bring you pleasure.”
“Minx.” He swallowed and drew another shaky breath, cautious not to read more into her words than intended.
She repositioned so she was partially draped over his thighs and he finished the task by tugging her onto his lap.
“I want all of you at the same time. Climb up, love, and trust me.” He moved so her knees bracketed his hips and she straddled him. “That’s it. The same way one would ride astride.”
“Astride? Women hardly—”
“You know what I mean.”
She settled on his thighs, her skirts gathered and separated. “I’ve seen horses mate.”
“Have you now?”
“This isn’t how they do it.”
“Indeed.” He closed the distance between their mouths, all the while his fingers at work on the laces and ribbons that kept her concealed from him.
* * * *
He gave a growly chuckle, a low rumbled sound that reverberated from his chest and chased away the thunderous beat of his heart against her palm. When she looked at him, he wore that legendary half-smile, the one that caused a bevy of butterflies to take wing in her stomach and tickle her knees into mutiny. But she was seated now. Across his lap. And then they were kissing again. And kissing again. They kissed until she wasn’t sure if she drew her own air or just breathed him in with each inhale. It was a never-ending kiss.
Her palms were still flat on his chest. His heart had resumed its fierce rhythm and she was intoxicated on the heady pleasure, sitting astride his powerful thighs, her skirts parted and her body responsive to his every touch.
She didn’t object when he unlaced her gown and lowered her bodice. Nor when he slowly peeled away layer after layer, until only her short stays and chemise remained. She wanted him to see her, revel in her, the same way she yearned to explore his body and taste his skin.
She broke their kiss and watched his expression as she nimbly set to work on the laces binding her breasts. His Adam’s apple bobbed. His jaw pressed tight. For a renowned rakehell and infamous scoundrel, he seemed to struggle to keep his desire on a leash. A rush of pride swept through her at the victory.
“Caroline.” His voice had gone husky, and the rasp cut through the heated air between them. “Allow me.”
He placed his fingers over hers and continued to untie the laces. Her heartbeat pounded in approval, and down below a distracting ache, an insistent longing, caused her to wriggle in impatience.
“You’ll bring about my untimely death if you do that again.” He may have tried for a stern tone, but the devilish look on his face defeated the effort. “And I cannot die before I’ve tasted every inch of you.”
The manner in which she sat was naughty indeed. Beneath her skirt, with her thighs draped over his, she was open to him. Completely exposed, the slit in her drawers hardly a barrier. Were he to move his hand beneath her skirts and find her, stroke her, she would come apart at his first touch.
She didn’t know how to define their relationship. Oh, she knew in her heart she loved him, and he had just tonight confessed the same, but could they have a future together? Perhaps, perhaps not.
Lindsey was a complicated man. He’d agreed to help her without the slightest hesitation. He was reputed to be a rakehell, a waster of women and an arrogant libertine, and yet he was the first gentleman to ever treat her as an equal.
Not to mention his kisses.
She gloried in his kisses, each one delicious and skillfully adept at offering unending pleasure.
They might not have forever, but they could have this evening. It wasn’t as though he could truly ruin her. She was already ruined. Barren. Incomplete. Lost in these thoughts, she startled when he spoke again. A muscle flexed beneath his sleeve and desire rippled through her.
“I’ve kept myself closed off for so long, my emotions inaccessible, it became a comfortable habit.” He released the laces he held and brought his fingers to her chin. “Then along came you, and every defense I believed kept my heart unreachable was breeched, plundered and ruined without my permission, done so quite permanently.” His voice held an intensity she’d never heard before. “You’ve caused my complete undoing, and yet I can’t feel a whit sorry for it. If I could go back in time, I’d find you sooner, Caroline.”
She smiled, her pulse thrumming. “So where do you envision yourself in the future?”
“Much the same as right now.”
He answered immediately, and she forced herself to remain silent. Once an unrepentant scoundrel, always one, she supposed. Another comfortable habit, no doubt. He continued, no matter disappointment pierced her heart.
“Beside you.” He stroked his thumb across her lips, holding her silent though she didn’t dare interrupt. “With my arms around the woman I love.”
His answer surprised her. Thrilled her as it shot a shiver of anticipation to her core.
“I love you too.” Her words were whisper-soft and spoken from the heart.
“Caroline.” His voice sounded strained, though his gaze smoldered.
“Yes.”
“I alread
y told you I love you, but damn it, I need you too.”
His words undid her more than his kiss. These words were easy to understand, and from there on all conversation ceased and instinct took over.
Chapter Twenty-Six
He was a jaded, unrepentant rogue. At least, that’s what his reputation declared. But now, in his drawing room with Caroline atop his lap, it could have been the first time he ever touched a woman, his physical reaction so intense. Emotion was the cause. He’d suffocated any kind of tender feeling in his need to remain indomitable and inadvertently walled up his heart. But no longer. He loved her. He loved Caroline. The thought unnerved and enthralled him. It was both an invigorating and paralyzing realization. But now was not a time to examine his discovery.
His cock strained painfully against his falls. His body hummed with radiant energy. His mind blanked and his fingers became clumsy. He managed, with her help, to undo the inconvenient trappings of her underclothes, and her breasts bared in front of him caused him to clench his teeth so tightly his jaw ached. The simple task of undressing her had proven spellbinding, but the sight of her delicate, creamy skin convinced him he dreamed. Longing squeezed his chest, making each breath difficult, a piercing pleasure, the notion he could touch, taste, arouse, fast to remind she waited for him. He struggled to maneuver his shirt free, the linen thrown over his head and discarded so they could connect skin to skin, the plush velvet at his back a ready buffer for the force of their joining.
He cupped her breast, the silky weight naturally formed to fill his palm, and her eyes fell closed as she relished the contact. She was exquisite, all willowy grace before him and unyielding strength beneath. She was perfection.
He brought his mouth to her breast, laved his tongue across the ruched tip as hard and eager as his cock beneath too much cloth, presently nestled against her bottom. He suckled and she whimpered, a broken moan of pleasure-pain, and he smoothed his fingertips over her shoulder, memorizing the curves, reveling in the sweet softness of every dip and arch from her clavicle to her shoulder blades. She threaded her fingers through his hair, holding him against her heart, each indrawn breath an aphrodisiac.
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