by A. M. Brooks
I made it home in record time. On the counter I noticed a new note sitting beside the card and flowers I opened this morning.
Dinner with Jodi! Have a great night. –Dad
I smiled again. I did like Jodi, she seemed good for my dad. It could be the holiday, or it could have been that I’m finally feeling at home at Araminta, but I wanted my dad to find a good person to be with. Everybody should get to experience being happy and being in love. The last thought replayed in my brain. I wondered again for the hundredth time...was I in love with Darrian King? Was this why we kept falling back to each other? Shaking my head, I run upstairs to finish my homework before having to get ready. I wasn’t sure if I loved Darrian, but I couldn’t ignore the pull of him, the way I gravitated toward him even when I hated him. Days like today were the reason I knew there were feelings. Deny it if he wants, but part of my heart knew he felt the same.
When six o’clock rolled around, I was ready. Again, I had to hand it to Lily for picking out something stunning for me. The off-white lace dress was long sleeved for the brisk February weather, the hem came down to my knees. I had chosen royal blue lace-up heels with a little peep toe for some fun. I sent her a quick thank you text. Her reply was instant.
Lily: Of course girl! One of us needs to look hot tonight.
Me: Still not going out?
Lily: No way! I just finished A Walk to Remember and I’m starting The Notebook.
Me: *Cry Face
Lily: O there has been some ugly tears for sure.
Me: If you change your mind you can always meet us for the movie.
Lily: No babe. You enjoy tonight with your boy toy!
Me: Boy toy? Ugh lol!
Lily: ;)
Darrian’s headlights swept up the driveway and I was out the door before he parked. The moment he stepped out of his Jeep my jaw dropped. He looked sexy in his charcoal grey pants and navy sweater. Smiling, I launched myself into his arms. He held on tight laughing before setting me back down to the ground.
“You look beautiful,” he said, pushing a strand of hair back from my face.
“You don’t look so bad yourself, King.” I couldn’t help but blush a little from his compliment. I felt nervous with all the romance in the air. It was getting to me. Darrian smiled as if reading my thoughts.
“We better go, we’ve got reservations.” He lifted his eyebrows with a wolfish grin. I laughed before hopping into the passenger seat.
As expected, the restaurant was busy. From high school couples to elderly couples they were packed in. Flowers and candles decorated the tables and the windows were slightly cracked allowing the sound of the waves to create a soulful background noise. I was thankful Darrian had thought to make reservations as we were sat right away. After we ordered it was just the two of us in our own world. Darrian leaned back in his chair, a relaxed smile on his face.
“Happy Valentine’s Day,” he said suddenly, interrupting my perusal of him.
“Happy Valentine’s Day,” I echoed, smiling.
“Was it a good day for you overall?” he asked, taking my hand in his.
“It was,” I tell him reassuringly. “Thanks to you.”
“A few of the guys were almost pissing their pants when they had to repeat back your messages to me,” he laughed. “I thought for sure TJ was going to pass out his face was so red! He was so embarrassed.” We laughed at poor TJ’s expense.
“Ahh Darrian, I thought that was you,” a man’s voice interrupted us. Darrian instantly sobered. Looking up, I made eye contact with Mr. Jackson. “And Nora Sutton, haven’t seen you since you were little.”
“Hi Mr. Jackson,” I said, nodding politely. His wife was silent next to him shooting looks between Darrian and me.
“Your parents here tonight?” he continued, directing the conversation toward Darrian.
“No, sir,” Darrian answered shortly. His body has gone rigid, the tick in his jaw appearing.
“Hmmm,” Mr. Jackson said as they’re locked in a silent stare off. Shifting in my seat, I notice the air has become uncomfortable.
“Let’s go,” Mrs. Jackson told her husband, tugging on his arm.
“Have a good night, kids.” Mr. Jackson’s eyes narrowed, but he walked away following his wife. I breathed a sigh of relief when they pass a few rows away.
“That was weird,” I said quietly, gazing at Darrian from under my lashes.
Only his gaze isn’t focused on me but on the table, burning holes through the white tablecloth. Watching him, I noticed the moment the carefreeness was gone and his face became closed of emotions. When our meal arrived, I tried to make light conversation, but nothing was working to bring Darrian back to me. Taking his cell phone out he began texting, ignoring the food in front of him. Every two minutes the phone vibrated again calling his attention. My heart sank and my hope for the night turned bleak. We decided to skip dessert, which I had been looking forward to buying. Darrian stands quickly and throws a few bills on the table before heading toward the door. I scrambled to keep up with him. I’m worried but also confused and pissed off at his sudden change of demeanor.
Still not speaking we got into his Jeep. Pulling out of the parking lot he finally glanced at me. “Want me to drop you off at home?’
My heart sank. “Where are you going?”
“Looks like everyone is having a good time at Ethan’s,” he answered, shrugging.
“So, no movie?” I asked even though I know what his answer will be.
“I heard it didn’t have the best reviews. We could go to the party though, have a few drinks, dance then I can take you home,” he offered, staring straight ahead at the road.
My hopes for the night have officially been ruined. The romantic plans I had built up in my head are squashed and I feel like crying in my room would be the better option.
Instead, I agreed to go. “Sure.”
Without a word Darrian took the next exit, driving us toward the twins’ mansion.
Ethan wasn’t lying about the turnout, it was the first thing I noticed when we pulled up. Green, red, and yellow lights lined the driveway, cars were parked all down the road. We parked almost a block away in the closest available spot. I had to hand it to Ethan, he knew how to throw a party. Large signs that read “Single,” “Taken,” and “It’s Complicated” decorated the front lawn. I followed Darrian to the door, disappointed again that he didn’t want to hold my hand like earlier. To anyone watching, it would have appeared we arrived separately. Stepping into the house I noticed people in red, yellow, and green outfits, beads, cups, flashing stop lights. Chris Brown’s “Loyal” blared from the speakers.
“I’m going to get a drink,” Darrian said, leaning down to my ear level.
“Okay,” I answered him nodding my head.
“Want one?” he asked. I shook my head no. I’m really not in the mood to drink or party tonight. He shrugged before walking away toward the kegs. I made my way solo through the crowd in search of Ethan or anyone else I would know. I remembered Trent was also planning to be here. Finding both of them wasn’t an issue, Ethan was posted at the corner of the dance floor handing out shots, while I found Trent playing beer pong and clearly doing well. I headed toward Ethan. On the way, I passed familiar faces but no one I knew well enough to stop and chat with. Ethan spotted me as I got closer. His head swiveled around clearly looking for Darrian.
“What are you doing here?” he shouted over the music when I reached him. Stretching on my tippy-toes, I leaned close.
“You didn’t know we were coming?” I asked. He shook his head passing another shot to someone as they walked by.
“Haven’t you been texting with Darrian like all night?”
“No.” He bent closer to me. “Haven’t heard from him. I thought tonight was the big date night?”
I shrugged, sadness was creeping in again just thinking about it. “We ran into Mikayla’s parents. Kind of ruined the mood.” I winced. Realization flickered over Ethan’s face
and I watched him try to control his expression to not worry me. He’s too late.
“I’m sure it’s nothing,” he tried, but I’m already shaking my head.
“Where are they?” He knew what I meant because he was handing off his tray of shots and pulling me toward the back.
“Cabanas,” he answered, leading the way. My stomach dropped as we got closer. Sure enough, Darrian was sitting off to the side with Cody, Mikayla, and Roman. I looked around for Mikayla’s usual boyfriend, but he was nowhere to be seen.
“Yeah, man, got that white girl right here,” I heard Cody announce as we got closer. Mikayla cheered. I could tell she was already drunk or on something. I took one glance around the rest of the back cabanas, Hannah was making out with a guy I’ve never seen at school before. Everyone else must be out with their significant others tonight.
“Why’d you call it white girl?” Mikayla asked, leaning closer even though she’s practically yelling.
“You ever see who’s arrested most often for possession of cocaine?” Roman asked her. She shook her head confused. I can’t help but roll my eyes.
“White girls,” Cody answered laughing.
“Oh my God!” Mikayla stood suddenly when we arrive behind them. “Do you ever go away?” Obviously, her words are directed at me. Ethan wrapped his arm around my shoulders.
“Give it a rest, Mik,” he said, blowing her off.
“Well, can’t she take a hint?”
“She can speak for herself,” I announced before perching myself on the armrest nearest Darrian. I felt him stiffen next to me, but he doesn’t look my way. Roman’s gaze is also studying me but he doesn’t say anything and I don’t look his way.
“Whatever,” Mikayla huffed before sitting down next to Cody. I noticed Cody has a miniature clear baggie with a white powder inside.
“You’re up, man,” Cody said, handing the bag to Darrian with a set of keys.
My face turned red from anger, but I kept my mouth shut. I silently begged him to turn it down, but of course his dark hand reached out accepting the drugs from Cody. Ethan is frozen next to me. I know he doesn’t approve, but he doesn’t stop it from happening. Like a scary movie I can’t take my eyes off Darrian even though I know the bad part is coming. I watched as he dips the end of the key into the substance before bringing it up to his nose. One nostril covered he quickly and silently snorts off the key before shaking his head. Deflated, I looked down at my hands as the baggie is passed around the circle. One more pass and they’re all flying. Mikayla is practically giving Roman a lap dance, Cody and Darrian were talking a mile a minute about the championship game again. Ethan sipped his drink watching me over the rim of the glass. Darrian’s hand had returned to my leg tracing circles over my exposed skin. I wanted to rebuff him, I wanted to yell and shove him away, but I’m torn, again feeling responsible to make sure he is okay, to make sure he stayed alive. My skin was tingling, anger simmering on the top, but I pushed it down. Later.
Two hours later, I glanced at my cell phone realizing I needed to get home. I’m the only sober one from what I can tell. I leaned over to Darrian knowing I’m about to ruin his buzz.
“I need to go,” I told him. His smile faltered as he looked at me. His eyes are glazed, his pupils completely covered the grey iris so that only a sliver of the color is visible.
“Okay,” he said, standing. “I’ll take you.” I let him lead me toward the house, Ethan sends me a small wave as we walked away. I felt Roman’s eyes on us, but he doesn’t speak, and I don’t turn around to acknowledge him.
We were quiet as we walked toward his Jeep. A few people we passed call out greetings to Darrian, but I’m invisible. I hugged my arms closer to my body, trying to contain the anger that is ready to explode.
“Wait,” I said before he stepped into the street to get to the driver side. He stopped and waited for me. A confused expression on his face. I took the keys from his hand before nodding toward the passenger side.
“I’ll drive,” I told him before getting into the front seat. He didn’t say anything as he rounded the back before getting in and slamming the passenger door closed.
“I can fucking drive, Nora.” The first words he’s spoken to me since we arrived.
“You’re high, Darrian,” I reminded him, pulling smoothly from the parking spot.
“I can handle myself. I don’t need you to protect me.”
“I’m just making sure you get home alive.” I couldn’t even look at him while I maneuvered us through the traffic that is always present.
“Why don’t you just say why you’re really upset,” he egged me on, I can feel his intense stare on the side of my face. Only I’m not going to fall for it. I shook my head, not speaking.
“Just say it.” His voice changed from almost calm to pissed off. “Just say you’re pissed because your dream romantic evening was ruined because I wanted to actually have a good time.”
“I didn’t realize dinner with me was such a hardship for you,” I answered, barely holding back the bite in my tone.
“Fuck,” he said laughing to himself. “Whatever.”
The rest of the drive to Darrian’s house we didn’t speak. Tears pricked my eyes, but I held them back, frustrated, and angry. I was angry at myself for thinking tonight would be different. I was angry that seeing Mikayla’s parents had sent Darrian over the edge enough to use again and to use in front of me when he knew how I felt. I wanted to shake him and make him see he didn’t have to please everyone. My heart hurt knowing no matter how hard I was trying to make things work with Darrian he was continuously holding me at arm’s length. The flowers and the romance were meaningless if he’s only doing it to appease me. He was becoming an addict and only I could see it. To everyone else, he was just partying and being young. As we pulled down his street, I took out my phone and sent a quick text to Lily asking her to pick me up at his house. Her response was an instant ‘of course’ followed by frowny faces. I felt horrible pulling my best friend out so late. Another strike against Valentine’s Day.
I parked the Jeep in its normal place before we got out. He didn’t bother to say goodnight, he didn’t bother to ask how I was getting home. I watched him sway to the front door before it banged shut causing me to jump. Hot tears skated down my face. I pulled my jacket closer to my body and sat on the curb to wait for Lily. Tonight played over and over in my head. I had no idea where I went wrong. After Mr. and Mrs. Jackson walked away, I tried engaging Darrian again, tried to bring things back to the two of us, in the moment. I had tried hard enough right?
Thankfully Lily drove like a maniac and she arrived ten minutes later. I climbed in, my body shaking from crying.
“What happened?” she asked quietly as we pulled away from the curb. I told her everything from beginning to end. Keeping the secrets and lies pent up wasn’t helping me when I couldn’t eat or sleep because I worried constantly. Lily remained quiet while I told my life story, not leaving anything out. I even talked about my mom which I never do with anyone. I guessed the last therapist had been right...eventually one day everything would erupt from me if I didn’t talk about it sooner. Even after we reached my house, we sat in the car while I spilled my entire history to Lily.
“Nora, you need to tell Darrian about your mom. If he knows where you’re coming from maybe he will understand better,” she said, running her hand down my arm.
“I just, I just wanted to help him. He doesn’t need drugs Lily, but he doesn’t see what he’s worth because of his parents,” I told her, brushing away my tears again.
“He cares about you, girl, anyone can see it. In his own fucked up way he cares about you. I just don’t think he knows how to handle that either. None of the Kings do. It’s like their parents permanently screwed them up by building expectations and making them untouchable to everyone else. Look at Ethan... do you know why we’re on a break?”
I shook my head. “You didn’t say anything. I didn’t want to pry.”
“It’s because he kept making stupid comments about how much pussy he was going to score once he went to college. Like he purposely said these things to make me upset.”
“It’s like they have no idea how a relationship works. They don’t trust anyone,” I said.
“No one but their friends,” Lily agreed with me, a sour look on her face as she said it.
“You’re in the friend group though,” I pointed out to her.
“Not really,” she said shaking her head. “Taylor is. I’m just the little sister always hanging around.”
I leaned my head back against the headrest, a steady throb was building behind my eyelids.
“Thank you,” I told her quietly.
“Anytime,” she replied. I unfolded myself from her car and watched as she drove away. The house was quiet when I walked inside. The clock on the microwave read midnight. I crept up the stairs even though I was sure my dad wasn’t home yet. In a daze, I stripped and laid under the covers before going over my conversation with Lily again. I knew she was right and I needed to have a conversation with Darrian. He needs to hear the information I’ve held onto to understand why I pushed as hard as I did. I needed to be completely vulnerable to him. Fear trickled down my spine while I laid there thinking about opening up to him even more. With our track record, any information could be used to hurt me, especially if he isn’t thinking clearly. I fought with myself as I laid there tossing and turning the rest of the night.
Darrian didn’t meet me in the parking lot the next morning, not like I expected him to. I paid close attention to those around me, waiting to see if the tide had already changed, except no one was acting differently toward me. I let out a shaky breath when I spotted Ethan in the halls and he raised his chin at me. Must mean I haven’t been exiled again. I quickly shoved my stuff in my locker, ignoring the decorations that had made me so happy yesterday. Looking around I, noticed everyone anxiously looking at the office and whispering between themselves. Curious, I stood on my tiptoes in order to see over the locker bank. Two fully dressed police officers stood talking with Principal Kerry inside the office. They looked to be in a heated argument, the principal’s face was red and his arms were flailing wildly. I noticed one of the officers was wearing a vest with white block letters DTF on the back.
