by Tina Saxon
“You’re still bitter about that, huh?” I giggle, pushing myself off the ground. He’s serious. He is not going to help.
He picks the grass out of my hair as I dust off the dirt and grass from my clothes.
Aiden stands really close to me, leaning down to my ear. “No, the real reason I didn’t help was because watching your tight ass run in front of me got my dick hard, and if I would’ve helped, I would have thrown myself on you.” He bites my ear before sucking it. Chills spread over my entire body.
“But we need to go,” he states quickly, grabbing my hand and pulling me forward. He adjusts himself with his other hand as we walk, and I chuckle. He looks down at me with an amused smirk. “You should know not to run from me,” he jokes, squeezing my hand.
I roll my eyes. “If it wasn’t for the damn rock, I would have made it.” I stick my tongue out at him.
“I’m about to give you something to do with that tongue.” His threat sparks a desire deep within me. I let out a soft mewl. “Addison,” he growls. “Your best friend is going to get a little show here in a minute if you don’t cut that out,” he says, adjusting himself again.
“So, how’s Katie?” I say, trying to get his obvious hard-on to become not so obvious. He looks down at me again and throws his head back, laughing. God, his laugh is as gorgeous as he is.
As we walk up to the hangar, I quickly glance down. “We’re good. For now,” he says, winking at me.
Walking into the hangar, Max is helping Sydney put on her jumpsuit. It’s super quiet in here. I tilt my head. I mean, Max is usually quiet, but Syd … she’s abnormally silent.
She looks up and catches me watching them. Her lips curl into a small smile, and she rolls her eyes at Max. “The dominant asshole doesn’t think I can do it myself, so he’s doing it for me.”
I hear Max growl something under his breath, but I can’t make out what it is. But Syd does. Her face turns red and her eyes get huge.
“Ugh. Not in your lifetime,” Syd sneers, stepping away from his grasp. He stands up with a wicked smile and walks over to put on his jumpsuit. “I’m burning up in this thing. I’ll meet y’all outside,” she says, obviously flustered. Max lets out one of his booming laughs.
I’m so enthralled with what’s happening right now I don’t notice Aiden standing beside me, holding my jump suit.
“What’s so interesting?” he whispers in my ear.
“I’m just …” I twist my lips, turning to look at Aiden. “Never mind,” I say, shaking my head. I don’t even know what to think.
I grab the jumpsuit out of Aiden’s hand. Max walks by me, suited up already.
“I’ll be outside with Tink. I need to go over everything with her and get her harness on.” Max’s playfulness is gone. He’s all business now. This is the side I’m used to.
“Why do you insist on calling her Tink?”
He shrugs. “Why not?”
“Really?” I say, my brows furrow. “Maybe for one, it pisses her off.”
“No, when I call her little girl … that pisses her off.” Max chuckles, walking out the door.
I whip around to Aiden. “When did he call–”
My words are cut off by Aiden’s lips pressed to mine. Naturally, I fall into him. I let him explore my mouth with his tongue as our kiss deepens. He bites my lip before pulling back.
“Don’t worry about them. Syd can handle Max, I promise.” He leans his forehead on mine.
I sigh. “If you say so.”
“I do. Now hurry up so I can get you into the sky.” He reaches around and slaps my ass then grabs a handful. “God, I love this ass.” A low growl erupts from his lips as he gives me a quick peck.
“This ass is mine.” My body freezes as my mind takes me back to my hell. “I bet Aiden never had this ass, but I will. I will own this virgin asshole.” The stench of cigarette smoke and the pain as he forces his fingers in me have me gasping for air.
“No!” I scream out. Fight, Addison. “Get the fuck off me!” I push off, fighting to escape the pain.
“Addison!” Aiden’s voice commands, grabbing my arms and wrapping himself around me tightly. When I pry my eyes open, the smell and the pain is gone, but the memory is right in front of me. My body is shaking so badly I’m lightheaded.
“I need to sit down,” I whisper. Instead, Aiden squeezes tighter.
Max and Sydney are standing in the doorway, staring at me, concern in their eyes. I want to close mine out of embarrassment, but I’m afraid of who will be waiting for me behind the darkness. I fight back the tears, but I don’t have enough strength. They fall freely down my cheeks. I bury my face into Aiden’s chest. Both our chests rise and fall with heavy breaths.
“I’m so sorry, Addison.” Aiden’s voice hitches.
Guilt spreads through me like a raging inferno. My tears break into waterfalls. Just when I think the memories are fading, reality proves me wrong.
“I don’t know how to make it stop,” I hiccup through my tears. “I’m sorry.”
Aiden’s arms release me, his hand hooking around my neck. As he guides my chin up with his thumb so I’m looking into his eyes, he says, “Do not apologize. You didn’t do anything wrong.” His voice is soft, but his hardened face tells me he’s fighting his emotions. Anger. Sympathy. Guilt. All of them tear at my heart. I don’t want him to hurt. I want him to be free of my nightmare, but I don’t know how to do that if we’re together. I squeeze my eyes shut in frustration. Why is it the second something goes wrong, I doubt us being together?
I look down and dig the palms of my hands into my eyes. Shaking my head slowly, I groan. I hear the door close, so I assume Syd and Max went back outside.
“Addison, I love you,” he whispers in my ear. “We’ll get through this. Together.” He raises his voice to make sure I hear the last part. I sigh. If only it was that easy. “Stop. You remember last time you tried to run from me? You fell.” He chuckles. I look up to his eyes and softly smile. His beautiful, emerald green eyes glisten with wetness. “Let me be here for you. To catch you and lift you up. Let my love fill your dark spaces. If you would just let me in and stop fighting with yourself.” I exhale shakily as his thumb caresses my cheek. “Fuck, Addison. That’s for me to decide. And I choose you. I will always choose you. So stop running.”
The depth of his words reach deep inside me, his love encompassing my fractured heart, sending pulses through it to wake it the hell up. Any doubts that I have about Aiden start to shred, piece by piece. This man in front of me, who is handing himself to me without any reservation, is the breath I need to help me heal. I can’t live without it.
I can’t live without him.
A tear escapes down Aiden’s cheek. I take a deep breath in and out. “I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I’m happy that fate led me to you.” He laughs, bending over and kissing my nose. He knows how I feel about fate. He’s silent as he waits for me to gather my thoughts. “I can’t imagine you not being in my life. The love that I have for you scares the shit out of me.” I look away from his emotional eyes as I declare one of my biggest fears.
“I understand that,” he says softly as he guides my face back to his.
“We … we have so much more to talk about, but I can’t right now,” I say with so much vulnerability in my words. I’m emotionally drained. I need to be more stable to talk about how deep that love is. “But…” I pause, taking in another deep breath, “…I’ll stop running. Please be patient with me.”
“Addison, there’s no rush. As long as I’m by your side.” He holds my face in his hands and pours his love into a kiss. A beautiful kiss. Tender, soft, and loving.
“I’m going to need a few moments to gather myself,” I say. He smiles and nods in understanding. I walk to the bathroom, letting it close behind me.
I look like hell, I say to myself when I see my reflection in the mirror. I redo my ponytail, pulling it into a bun, and splash cold water on my face. Gripping the outsides of the cold sin
k, I stare at myself in the mirror.
You are not a victim. You are a survivor.
I close my eyes and repeat my mantra over and over. A soft knock interrupts my current pep talk.
“Addie,” a voice as soft as the knock says, “I’m coming in.” Syd walks in and closes the door behind her. I sit on the toilet seat, and she props herself up on the counter. “Hi.” She smiles. Her jumpsuit is unzipped halfway, hanging off her hips.
“Hi,” I say back, folding my hands in my lap.
After a few silent seconds, she asks, “Wanna talk about it?”
I know I should talk about it, at least that’s what the doctors say. I shouldn’t keep it bottled up inside. Their words run through my mind. I blow out my cheeks. “Aiden said something and it triggered a memory.” I start rubbing my temples. “I don’t want Aiden to feel he has to walk on eggshells around me, not knowing what he’ll say or do that causes one.”
She twists her lips and nods her head, thinking about what to say. “I know you don’t want to talk about …” She pauses, but I gesture that I understand where she’s going. “So maybe you need to tell Aiden certain things that might trigger a memory.”
“I was doing so well with Lexi around, not having these memories or nightmares.” I sigh.
“It’s not a surprise that you’re having them with Aiden,” she says, looking at me with her eyebrows up. “Y’all’s relationship is on a different level than yours and Lexi’s.”
“Okay, smartass, I know that,” I say sarcastically. She laughs. “I’m sorry I’m putting a damper on today.”
She hops down and stands in front of me. “Stop apologizing, Addie. I heard what you were saying to yourself. You are a survivor. So don’t let what happened to you run your life. You are in control, even if you do have a few missteps along the way. And you have a gorgeous, bad-ass man who loves you more than the air he breathes.” I smile. That’s exactly the way I feel about him. “Now let’s go out there and get ready to watch me get smashed by the Hulk himself.” Leave it to Syd to make me laugh. “I mean really, if he so much as trips when we land, I’m doomed,” she says with wide eyes and flailing hands.
“Max is not going to trip,” I say. “But speaking of Max, he acts different around you.” I don’t even know how to explain it. Syd’s description of him as dominant seems to be right on target. I stand up and walk behind her out of the bathroom.
“He’s just an annoying, overgrown boy. That’s all,” she says, handing me my jumpsuit.
You sure that’s it? I narrow my eyes at her vague explanation. She shrugs.
A sound of popping grabs my attention out the window. I don’t see anything, and I can tell it’s not super close, but I can definitely tell it’s gunfire.
I turn to find Syd zipping up her jumpsuit. “Did you hear that?”
“Yeah. That’s Aiden and Max,” she says scrunching her nose. “He needed an … outlet.” Her voice is hesitant. I know she would never lie to me, but I understand her hesitancy.
I pound back the guilt that wants to surface. He just needed a minute, too. A song comes into my head that I heard the other day. I wanted to send it to Aiden then because it’s exactly how I feel, but I chickened out. I wasn’t ready. I am now. I grab my phone to text him.
ME: Unsteady by X Ambassadors
I unload thirty rounds before I calm down. When Max found me outside pacing with my arms around my neck, he didn’t ask questions. He just brought me to the gun range.
It’s exactly what I needed. To put power back in my hands when all I felt was failure. Failure to protect Addison. Failure at not watching what I say. Just plain failure.
I know everything that happened. I read the goddamn report. I know. I put the gun down, dropping my head, as I lean on the table. The sun beats down on me as sweat beads form on my forehead.
“Fuuuckk!” I yell.
“You feeling guilty about this is about as fucked-up as Addison feeling guilty.” Max’s words come from behind me. I turn to see him leaning against a post with his arms crossed.
“It’s my fault she went back there.” I rest against the table, my shoulders dropping. “To see the pain in her eyes, the fight in her body … I wanted to kill someone, again,” I grind out, scrubbing my hand over my face.
“You and me both, brother,” he says. He clears his throat. “But you don’t have a clue what’s going to set her off, so it’s pointless to think it’s your fault.”
Fuck. He’s right. I think. I don’t know. I should know what might set her off and avoid that at all costs. I groan in frustration. How the hell am I going to do that when I can’t keep my hands off of her?
“I don’t know what to do,” I say, kicking dirt around.
“What you’re going to do is hold on tight and be there for her. You both are so stubborn, it amazes me how perfect you are for each other.” He chuckles. I blow out a breath, giving him a slow nod.
My phone dings. Pulling it out from my pocket, I see I have a text. I close my eyes and shake my head. This woman. The smile on my face doesn’t even come close to how I feel right now. I pull up the song and listen.
How ironic Max is telling me to hold on. Like letting go is even a possibility. She reeled me in the second I saw her. Then I had to taste her and I was lost. Gone. I never knew what it felt like to crave something so badly and not be able to have it until she left. She’s slipped through my fingers, twice. I will make damn sure it doesn’t happen again.
I type a few responses, deleting them just as fast as I type them. Grow some balls, Roberts. Tell her how you really feel.
ME: I want forever, so letting go isn’t an option.
I tuck my phone back into my pocket and notice Max waiting for me in his Jeep. I hop in and put my aviators on.
“You good?” he muses.
“Little nervous,” I reply, running my hands down my shorts. “I hope I didn’t just run Addison off.”
Max laughs out loud, grabbing my shoulder. “You haven’t run her off yet, and that’s saying a lot since she shot you.” He laughs again as he starts the Jeep and drives back to girls. I’m never going to live that down. I can just imagine everyone telling our kids that story one day. Our kids. Damn. I’ve never even thought of having kids, but just thinking about Addison having my kid excites the hell out of me.
My leg is shaking. I check my phone just in case I didn’t feel it vibrate. Nothing. Why am I so nervous? It’s not like I asked her to marry me.
Fuck, might as well have, I told her I wanted forever.
I throw my head back on the seat, looking up at the clear blue skies. I can’t think of one emotion that I haven’t had in the last couple hours.
Lust. Fear. Pain. Guilt. Anger. Excitement. Love. Nervousness.
To say she owns me is an understatement. We park and I let out a long sigh. I stand tall. I’m a confident man. Even if Addison doesn’t see forever right now, she will.
When I walk into the room and see her zipping up her jumpsuit, her eyes dart up to mine. I stare at her, looking for … anything. Everything.
“Stop trying to read me.” She smiles, inching toward me.
“What? That’s my job,” I say innocently.
“Well, Agent Roberts, what do you see?”
“I see a gorgeous woman who wants forever with me.”
“I didn’t say what do you hope you see,” she giggles, standing right in front of me.
“Ouch.” I clutch my chest, looking down at her. “You wound me, woman.”
“Well, let me fix that.” She stands on her toes, bringing her lips to mine. Her lips are soft and full … and perfect. I try to hold back and not devour her. Let her take the lead. When she pushes into my body and her hand wraps around my head and runs through my hair, I lose that battle.
I pick her up and her legs wrap around me. I can’t get enough of her addictive taste. I’m starving for her; every second I’m not with her, the hunger is insatiable. That can’t be normal. Right?
“Oh!” I hear Syd say as she opens the door. “I guess I’ll give y’all a minute.” She giggles, backing out of the room.
“I need more than a minute,” I murmur, pulling back, gazing into her eyes.
“How about forever?” she whispers.
I think I just felt my heart skip a beat. I think the flush of adrenaline tingling throughout my body has left me speechless. Hearing those words come out of her mouth spins my world off its axis.
I wait for a but …
Instead she smiles. “Did I shock you that much?” She chuckles.
“Yes. No. Yes.”
She raises an eyebrow. “I’ve never heard you so indecisive.”
“I was just waiting for your stipulations. You’re never easy.” I grin.
“I don’t know about that. You got me in bed on day four.”
“If you think that was easy, you need to experience a hard-on for four days. I was in fucking agony.”
Our laughter must be Max and Sydney’s cue. They both walk in.
“If you plan on us getting to the beach house before midnight, we need to get moving,” Max states.
Syd’s face jerks to Max. “What? You’re going to the beach house?” She looks quickly to me and Addison, her eyes wide.
Addison hops down out of my arms and shrugs. “I didn’t know, but there are three rooms there. Plenty of room,” she says, trying to reassure her. She mumbles something under her breath, and Max laughs and shakes his head.
Addison doesn’t get it. Doesn’t see it yet. But I know Max better than anyone. There’s a shit storm brewing, and I’m not sure I can even stop it. Damon and Max are going to have to figure this out on their own.
Addison claps her hands. “I’m ready. Let’s go,” she says, grabbing my hand.
After going through our checklist of making sure everything is set, we head to the plane. Stone is checking off his own list with the plane. I’m relieved he’ll be flying us up. Hudson, the other guy on Max’s team who can fly, thinks he’s Evil Knievel. I’m all about an adrenaline rush when I’m by myself, not so much with Addison.
