“You're going soft, my girl.”
She jumped a little, glaring at Captain Benning.
The spry old man grinned at her.
“There, you see? The girl I met two years ago would never have let anyone sneak up on her, especially not an old wreck like me.”
“I'm tired and sore from being tossed around in your washtub,” she retorted. “It has nothing to do with Nicholas.”
“Did I say that it did?”
The captain's eyes sparkled at catching her out, and Ava growled at him, getting ready to turn away. She was startled when he hooked his hand into her elbow, catching her as quickly and lightly as he would a thrown ball.
“You must watch yourself, Ava.”
“I watch out for myself all the time, Captain Benning. I have no need of advice from you on how to do it.”
The old man sighed.
“As you will. But that's a man with trouble and grief on his trail. I could see it from the moment he stepped onto my ship. You know that, don't you? And you know as well as I do that the English are on the march again. You're taking a man who speaks like that farther north, and you're not worried? I know you are smarter than that.”
Ava bit her lip because it was nothing but the truth.
“I'm only going with him so far. I'm hunting up some of my men in the North, and he's...”
Captain Benning shook his weathered head.
“Now, I don't want to hear it. I wanted to give you a warning if you would take it, but at the end of all days, my girl, your fate is all your own. The less I know, the less I can give you and your man away.”
“He's not my man.”
The captain snorted, giving her a good-natured nudge in the ribs.
“And I shed my skin to dance with the seals at night. As I said, your fate is your own. Just be careful with it all. I would hate to put into port and find out that you'd been hung off some keep's wall.”
Ava started to respond tartly to that, but Nicholas was calling her, having gotten Cobie to the packed damp sand at the end of the dock. The horse looked positively joyful to be away from the ship, and Nicholas hardly looked less relieved himself.
“Are you settled up with the captain?” he asked.
Ava nodded.
“I am. Come on. We're going north again, and this time, we're not stopping until we run out of land.”
* * *
Nicholas made one or two attempts at conversation as they traveled north in the dwindling day, but he seemed to understand her mood for silence. Their time on the ship had passed in a sensual haze, and now it felt as if the real world were asserting itself, making itself known in the sharp smell of the pine trees and the cutting wind from the west.
They found a sheltered place to make camp for the night, and Ava found herself at the edge of the fire, pacing restlessly like a leopard on a leash.
“We're going to be on Crawford lands by tomorrow,” she said, staring out into the darkness of the forest. “They're good people. They've always got a half-dozen fosterlings roaming the place, and I know they've taken in orphans from the last time the fighting came north. If they don't have your Catherine, they might know of someone else who looks after orphans in the North.”
Ava stiffened when Nicholas came up behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist. There was a part of her, a large part, that wanted nothing more than to relax into him, to share his warmth and to let him soothe away some of the restlessness and concern that was galloping through her like a wild horse.
He would have, she realized suddenly.
Nicholas had a quality to him that made her think of the castles that dotted the Highlands, high and wide and solid enough to withstand attacks from north and south alike. Their walls were as thick as she was tall, and they were nourished by underground streams of water that could outlast any siege. Nicholas would shelter her as well as any castle, and what was more than that, he wanted to.
He made a surprised noise when she pushed away from him.
“Stop that,” she said tersely. “We're not doing that anymore.”
Nicholas looked as if he wanted to reach for her again, but he stopped himself. Instead, he watched her, his eyes hard even in the flickering light of the fire.
“Just like that? Is that a new rule? When we're on a smuggler's ship, we're together, and when we're on dry land, we're not?”
“Don't you get it?” Ava asked, making her voice as harsh as she could. “We weren't even together then. We were just... sharing space. Making the most of a long voyage.”
Nicholas's laugh was dark.
“Just another entertainment to you. Don't tell me that. I know it was more than that for you.”
“Do you truly? Now you think you know my mind better than I do? I have buried men for telling me less than that.”
“I'm saying that I knew we had more together than what you're trying to make yourself believe. The way you hang on to me, the way we talked...”
“So?”
“Ava...”
“It does not matter, Nicholas. None of it. We did what we did because we were together there. Now we're back in the world where simply hearing you talk can get you killed, and me along with you.”
Nicholas looked as if she had slapped him. Ava's heart crumpled for a moment, but then she made herself hard against it. If Nicholas didn't know what he was up against, he could get himself killed. This was for his own good. She could tell herself that at least.
“I would never let that happen to you,” Nicholas said.
She snorted.
“This is not the English army where every man will bow down to you because of where you were born and who your father is. We are in the North. The rules are different here, or perhaps you noticed when you were naked at the inn and those men came for us.”
“If I remember correctly, Ava, they came for you. Don't tell me that you would be completely safe if I wasn't here with you.”
Ava shook her head.
“I have survived that and worse by choosing which risks I wanted to take and when. This isn't one I care to take any longer, Nicholas. You're not worth it.”
The moment she uttered the words, it was as if someone had looped a coil of rope around her heart and pulled it mercilessly tight. It felt like a physical pain, and there was something fighting in her to make her take it back. It wasn't true. It could never be true, not about Nicholas.
He physically recoiled from her as if she had struck him. A riot of emotions crossed his face, and then it hardened into something far darker.
He came toward her, and for one wild moment, she thought she had pushed him too far.
Then he pulled her into his arms, one hand coming up to tangle in her short hair and pull her head back. She couldn't help herself. She gasped at the pleasure of his touch, and then his mouth swooped down on hers, claiming her with a hot sensuality that had no room for anything else. There was no room for doubts, fears, pain, nothing.
All that mattered, all that existed, was his touch on her, the way fire spilled through her, the way his mouth swept into her mouth to conquer.
Far too soon, Nicholas pulled away, and Ava couldn't stop from uttering a small and needy cry. Another moment and she would have been his again, but he stood away.
“As you will, then,” he spat and retreated to his side of the fire.
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chapter 26
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Nicholas didn't realize that it was May Day until they descended into the village of Abalas, the seat of Clan Crawford's territory. Under the bright morning light, he could see a maypole erected in the town square, festooned with dyed rope and ribbon, and the crowds had come from all over the countryside to celebrate the death of winter.
“Oh, that will make things easier,” Ava muttered as they descended into the valley on the main road. “Plenty of strangers around. We won't stick out at all.”
It was the first thing she ha
d said to him for what felt like days, and Nicholas wondered if there was something placating about it. After their talk at the fire two nights ago, they had stayed apart from one another, keeping a wary distance and only speaking when they had to. It was a little like traveling alone, but sometimes, Nicholas would look up right into her bright blue eyes and see that she had been watching him just as he watched her.
It was the worst at night. At night, it was as if her body called to his, and a part of him still did not understand why he could not pull her into his arms again, touch her, and give them both the pleasure that they wanted.
Sometimes, it had been like ignoring a fire burning deep in his chest to roll over in his bed roll. Once or twice, he had heard her murmur in her sleep, and the impulse to go to her, to comfort her if she needed to be comforted or to warm her when she was cold was intense.
Instead, he had heeded her wish and kept his distance.
I need to get away from her. I need to find Catherine and leave the North. I am not sure how much of this I can take.
He was unprepared for the joyous brilliance of the Crawford clan celebrating the return of spring. They descended into the crowd, and it felt as if they were being swept up into a kind of life he had forgotten. The crowd pushed them together, and rather than lose him in the crush, Ava caught up his hand and hung on.
Catherine could be here, and the idea of his niece surrounded by this joy and this life fortified him.
Ava led him through the crowd, and from behind her, he could see the men eyeing her as she passed. Then they realized he was trailing along in her wake, and a glare from him kept him away. Ava, somehow, seemed completely immune to this, diving through the crowd until she came to a woman who was handing out ribbon favors while she judged the new baby goats. She was as short and stout as a bale of hay, and her eyes widened when she recognized Ava.
“Here to cause trouble, Ava?” she asked, unconsciously echoing what Kait Riordan had to say. It occurred to Nicholas that while there seemed to be plenty of people who were friendly with Ava, most looked on her with something like suspicion as well. He wondered if it was still something that had a sting, or whether she had learned to ignore it after years.
“Not today, Berry,” said Ava. “I'm here doing some good work, reuniting families.”
“Oh, aye?”
The woman gave Ava and Nicholas a long look, and then, wiping her hands on her skirts, she nodded.
“Come along, and we'll talk.”
Remembering what had happened at the Riordans' keep, Nicholas was resolved to keep his mouth shut, but he needn't have bothered. When they returned to the Crawford keep, which was little more than a large timbered building, Berry Crawford turned toward them both with her hands on her hips.
“And what do you mean bringing an Englishman to my brother's keep, Ava?”
Ava winced. “Is he still so obvious?”
“Wool of an English weave, looking as if everything around him smacks of savagery and barbarism. I guessed, and now I know.”
“I wasn't...” Nicholas shook his head. “Not barbaric, Mistress Crawford. It only reminded me of home in the spring.”
“He's not going to be a problem, Berry,” Ava broke in. “He's looking for his sister.”
Nicholas offered a description of Catherine, but Berry was already shaking her head.
“No girls like that have been here, and there are no girls in our current set of fosterlings either.”
Nicholas frowned.
“None? Can you tell me who else—”
Berry shrugged.
“We all take in children, Englishman, or so Ava must have told you. Any clan might have taken her in, and honestly, some crofter who never comes to the keeps might have done so as well. We are not prone to letting little children starve in the North. She could be anywhere, especially if her new family was forced to move in advance of the English attacks.”
“Her new family—” Nicholas burst out, but Ava's hand was looped over his, pulling him back slightly.
“Thank you for your help, Berry. We won't keep you. We're staying at the inn for the night, I think, if you can give us anything else.”
Berry shook her head.
“You may try your own Blairs, of course. Didn't your own brother bring some fosterlings in after the fighting a few years ago?”
Nicholas could almost see the way her own clan's name made Ava flinch, but he could only stare at her. He managed to hang on to his words until they were walking out of the keep again, and then he rounded on her.
“The Blairs take in children?”
“You heard Berry; everyone does,” Ava retorted.
“Why didn't you tell me?”
“Why should I?” she spat back. “I told you where I would take you and what I would do. Caradoc lands are just north of here. I have introduced you to two of the largest clans along the road north, as I said I would. I have made the introductions, as I said I would. I never said I would take you to Clan Blair's territory.”
“Ava—"
“No!”
Her shout startled a rabbit out of the bush nearby. Nicholas remembered something about it being lucky to see a rabbit on May Day, but he hardly felt so lucky right now.
Ava looked startled by her own shout, shaken and a little pale. If Nicholas hadn't been focused on the idea that Catherine might be with Clan Blair, he would have been worried. He had never seen her look like that.
“There's few more places we can check, and then we'll be in Caradoc lands,” Ava said finally. “After that, we're quits, Nicholas.”
She took a deep breath and turned on her heel, striding down toward the celebrating village.
After a moment, Nicholas followed her.
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chapter 27
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The inn was doing a brisk business, but Ava finagled them a closet-like room at the very top of the stairs, a place hardly bigger than the berth that she and Nicholas had shared on Captain Benning's ship. She was cautious about letting anyone know too much about Nicholas, but given the merry mood of the holiday, she probably could have said that he was a wild man come out of the forest and not gotten much of a reaction.
When they were settled, Ava was prepared for another fight, but Nicholas offered her his hand.
“Will you come lie down with me?”
She knew that the answer should be no. It seemed as if so many of the problems she had with Nicholas, so many of the things that had led to their worst fights and most hurtful moments, all came from lying down with him.
However, there was nothing angry or recriminating in his eyes. Somewhere deep down, she knew that there was the passion that seemed to stretch between them, but that was put away, perhaps in a place where neither of them would ever reach for it again.
I want to lie down with him. I want to touch him. I'm so tired...
Wordlessly, Ava took his hand and let him pull her into the narrow bed. It was hard, and the straw ticking not overly fresh, but still, it felt good. What felt better were Nicholas's arms around her, holding her, comforting her in a way that she could feel right down to her marrow.
“Talk to me,” he said softly.
“I told you before, I'm not going to—"
“No. Just talk to me. I don't care about what. Tell me about your favorite thing to eat, or something you once saw. Tell me what you think of me; I won't mind if you have to swear. Just... talk to me. I hate it when you are quiet.”
"I have to admit, quiet doesn't come easily to me."
Despite it, Ava rested against him, her back snugged against his chest, and one hand clasped loosely in his.
There had been so few moments like this in her life. Being still like this, being soft. She wasn't accustomed to it, but she found she didn't hate it. She tasted it like she would a piece of buttered bread spread with honey, and then she smiled.
"I'll tell you about the first cow I ever stole,
how's that?"
"All right."
"I was only seven years old, and my mother was still alive. She was... she was beautiful then, before she got sick. Black hair, blue eyes like a summer day, and when she laughed, it didn't matter who heard her, they fell a little bit in love."
"I can picture her," Nicholas said.
Ava scoffed.
"You've never seen her like. Don't pretend, Englishman."
"I might argue about that, but go on."
"It was a fair much like this one but harvest instead of spring. There were no gangling little baby animals, but instead, there were the prizes from the local herds, so fat and glossy. She had dressed me up in a red dress she had made from the leftover fabrics of her own gown. I was so excited to wear it, especially after she plaited my hair with flowers."
Nicholas chuckled and nuzzled at the back of her neck.
"You sound adorable."
"Small things usually are. But since I mostly went around looking like a little ragbag, I suppose that was why the two local boys didn't recognize me. I was dashing through the crowd, and I heard them speaking about my mother."
Ava swallowed hard. Somehow, she had forgotten this was part of the story. Then she realized that she had never told this to anyone she cared about before. She didn't care what most other people thought.
Nicholas, however. She didn't know what she would do if he was cruel about her mother. She dreaded it.
Nicholas squeezed her gently around the middle.
"Were they speaking ill of her?"
"They were."
"Did you strike them down in all your seven-year-old rage? They deserved worse, but then I can imagine you at seven. I still might not pick a fight even if you were that small."
Nicholas spoke with gravity, and it made Ava laugh, elbowing him lightly in the ribs.
"Don't pick on children at all! But you have the right of it. They weren't kind, and I hated them so. I wanted to attack them, but they were almost twice my age. The only thing I could think of, however, was to take their cow."
"Was it a good one?"
The Highlander’s Promise (The Highlands Warring Scottish Romance) (A Medieval Historical Romance Book) Page 13
