“Because you know that Roark, who will rule after me, has none of my blood, and he will need it.”
“You... you want me to marry Roark. You brought me back here so that I could bring legitimacy to Roark's claim.”
The old man eyed her calmly.
“Yes. You know Clan Blair, daughter, possibly better than I do, and you know our enemies. You know that if there is the least chance that someone could tear Roark out, they might do it. If he has you by his side...”
Ava was shaking her head.
“No. I cannot marry Roark. We're like siblings...”
The laird's hand on hers closed tightly.
“You will. Do you think I don't know you?”
“Father!” She hated the way she sounded, small and frightened. She was none of those things; she had sworn she never would be.
“You could have had any other life. You could have found someone to marry, someone who didn't know you. You could have left Scotland altogether. For a while, I was afraid you might. But no. You went raiding, and you brought us back cows. You enriched the clan, you served even when you could not stay. And that is how I know you will do as I say. Because you know that Roark needs you. And the clan does as well.”
Ava felt as if she were frozen into ice. This couldn't be happening. She was mute and stricken, and then her hand was torn from her father's. She looked up in confusion to see Nicholas holding her hand instead.
He glared at her father, and then he turned to her.
“Come on,” he said.
She thought that her father would be furious, but instead, he only laughed.
“Go. Think about what I have said. And then come back and tell me how right I am.”
Ava couldn't bear it any longer. She leaped up from the stool and ran for the door, still holding on to Nicholas's hand. She let the door slam behind them, and she kept running, past the confused servants, past the doors, out to the courtyard.
><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><
chapter 32
><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><
The entire time he was in the presence of Patrick Blair, Nicholas had been troubled by the urge to strike a man who was bedridden. It went against every bit of the creed he had known as a knight, but that didn't change it.
No wonder Ava hadn't wanted to return. No wonder Blair had sent men after her.
Ava was trembling like a leaf. She hung on to his hand as if she were going to shake apart. Then, as he watched, she calmed herself. In the thin spring sunlight, she composed herself, and she looked at him levelly.
“I am sorry you had to see that.”
“Ava...”
“Come on.. We should get you what you want, shouldn't we?”
He stared as she strode down into the village, and he hurried after her.
“Ava, we need to talk about what just happened.”
She spun on her heel, her glare as bright as the gleam of sunlight off of a dagger.
“We don't. Because it is none of your business. No matter what you made happen, no matter what part you played or what you think you did, you are not a part of this!”
“Ava...”
“Come on. We're going to see if Clan Blair has your Catherine.”
Nicholas felt a tide of despair wash over him, because in his heart, he knew that she was right. He had brought this on her, and even now, he knew that the consequences of Ava's return were impossible to predict. All he could do was walk after her as she went down into the village.
I have wronged her. I have wronged her, and I have no idea if I will ever be able to make it right.
The thought haunted him as they went from house to house and then into the fields. The fosterlings of Clan Blair were numerous, from all over the country and all marked by the fighting with the English. Some of them looked at him with fear, and others looked at him with anger and hatred. He wondered what he might do with that hatred if one of the girls was Catherine, but as it turned out, that was a moot point. None of them were.
So, this was all for nothing. I brought this pain on Ava... all for nothing.
Nicholas could feel a shadow cast over him, cousin to the one that had found him after he returned from France. He realized that this one was worse. He had little control over what had happened while he was held captive. This, he had caused.
They ended up under a broad oak tree in the field. After Ava had freed them, the last pack of children had scampered for the far end of the meadow to return to the sheep they were tending.
Ava had lost some of the tension that she had carried from her meeting with her father, but Nicholas didn't trust what had replaced it. She looked calm, but a restlessness underneath reminded him of a horse before it ran mad.
“Ava?”
“Come here. There's a place I want to go.”
Nicholas blinked, but she took his hand again, leading him away from the field.
They walked for some little while, until he could smell water. They came to a deep rivulet of what he guessed must be snow runoff, the water's path carved deeply into the mountain. From where they stood high on the bank, Nicholas could see dark spots in the water, spots where the mountain opened up and the water fell into the darkest depths.
Nicholas grabbed Ava, dragging her back. She struggled briefly in his arms, and then she turned to him.
“What in the world do you think you're doing?”
“I don't care how bad it is, Ava, I'm not letting you go into that water.”
She stared at him for several long moments.
“That water is probably cold enough to stop my heart if I went anywhere near it... Wait, Nicholas, did you think that I was going to jump in?”
Nicholas let go of her, feeling more than a little bit like a fool.
“I... I wasn't sure what you would do.”
He thought for a moment that she was going to strike him down for being such a fool, but then, to his surprise, she started to laugh. It wasn't feigned; it wasn't bitter. Instead, it was only Ava laughing in a way that Nicholas had thought that he would never hear again, and it made his breath catch in his lungs.
She laughed until she ended up sitting on the bank. Several long moments passed before she could get up again, wiping her eyes.
“Surely, you know me better than that by now,” she said, leading him down the side of the rivulet.
“I suppose I was afraid. That tends to destroy the ability to think straight.”
“I suppose it does. Ah, here we are.”
Here turned out to be an old cottage, half-grown over with vines, the windows broken and jagged. It had a look of disrepair to it, and Nicholas looked it over closely.
“Why are we here?”
“It’s been abandoned since my father was a boy. It was sound, but no one really liked the idea of living so far away from the village. Made it perfect as a place where I could play”
“Oh? What games did you play here?'
Nicholas felt his heart squeeze to imagine it. It was too easy to imagine a little girl with Ava's black hair and bright blue eyes darting in and out of the ruins, dangling her feet into the icy water and racing along the banks. She would have imagined dragons. Perhaps she would have imagined friends as well, and that made Nicholas ache for her.
Ava took his hand and tugged him into the cool interior of the cottage. It was less musty than he thought, more like a bower than a ruin from the inside.
“The games I played here as a little girl are nothing compared the ones I want to play with you.”
Nicholas turned just in time to catch Ava as she threw herself into his arms, her hands coming up to tangle in his hair, her mouth seeking his.
After so many days without her, it was overwhelming. He felt like a starving man at a buffet, and all he could do was hold her, kiss her, and let the passion that raged through him have a moment of free rein.
Heaven above, but she felt so overwhelmingly good. Her body was the perfect mixture of softness and strength. What
was even more intoxicating was how well she was growing to know him and how well he was growing to know her. It was an amazing thing to have her so close to him, when he had been worried he would never again touch her skin.
Nicholas drove his fingers through her short hair, tugging away the cloth that covered it. There was a moment where he was certain he could not bear to have her clothed. The instincts roaring through him told him to tear the rest of her clothes off and to the blazes with the consequences. He needed her bare to him, needed his mouth on her skin, his hands full of her.
Then, somehow, Nicholas reined himself in.
He jerked himself back from her, his hands on her hips holding her still. Ava made a furious sound, her gaze meeting his. There was a shimmer of tears in her eyes that made his stomach lurch.
“Ava...”
“Why not?” she cried. “Why would you stop us? Don't we both want this?”
Nicholas sighed. Gently, he cupped her face in his hands, using his thumbs to swipe the tears from her eyes. She swallowed hard but did not sob, turning away from him.
“Of course, I want you. I want you so much I think I might go mad with it. Stopping now feels like a fire in my belly, with my entire body screaming fury at me.”
“Then why—”
“Because having you now would be a betrayal. I don't sleep with women who don't want me, Ava, and right now, you don't.”
“I do! Of course, I do! Heaven above us, I am so tired of men telling me what I want!”
“You don't!” Nicholas said. “Or if you do, I can't feel it. I look at you now, and I see a woman who wants a distraction. You look like you would go pick a fight with Edward himself if it would let you stop thinking about what is going on. You look like you might run across the country to get away from it.”
“Why is that such a bad thing?”
“It's not. But I won't... I won't make love to you simply because you're trapped. It would be cruel to you. And I would hate myself for it.”
Nicholas didn't speak of the less than honorable part of him that didn't care. He had suspected that his feelings for Ava were already far stronger than the knightly code of ethics he had been reared on. There was a not-insignificant part of him that didn't care about anything as long as Ava wanted to be in his arms. He would fight anyone, ignoring practically anything if it meant he could hold her and love her again.
Ava did not need to know that, however.
Reluctantly, she nodded.
“If you won't, you won't.”
She turned away from him, and started to walk up the stream, back to the meadow.
“Where are you going?”
“Back to the keep, of course. You are going to need supplies before you leave, won't you?”
Nicholas stared at her. Ava stood as straight as a spear. She was still the same woman he had known all this time, but something about her made him think of the ancient ruins that dotted his country and hers.
“Leave?”
“Yes. To continue your quest to find Catherine. Or perhaps to give up on it and to return to England or to Edward's war. I do not have to worry about you and Roark killing each other at least. Clan Blair holds well-clear of such things.”
“Ava...”
“You barely have any supplies left, and the nearest holding with anything like supplies for you to buy is going to be on MacTaggart territory. They will not welcome you, I can tell you that for nothing, not with your accent being what it is. So, we must get you prepared now.”
“No,” Nicholas said, taking her hand. “We're not doing that.”
“We're not?”
“No. We're leaving this place. Both of us. Together.”
><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><
chapter 33
><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><
Ava knew that she was in shock. The revelations of the day had hit her like full-body blows, and if she allowed herself to think of what they meant, she might simply sink into a place where she became a statue and never moved again.
Nicholas had prevented her from doing that. Nicholas, with his plan to escape. He had mentioned making his way through the mountains, and that was what had finally made her laugh.
“You cannot lead us through the mountains,” she said. “They're treacherous, and they have claimed many an Englishman. Even our own people will go missing sometimes if they do not walk wary.”
She had thought that that would dismay him, but instead, he looked pleased.
“Then I suppose you must do it. Tell me how to get the supplies we need and when the best time to leave will be, when the least number of people will notice us.”
It was only then that she realized that Nicholas had wanted to break her out of her stupor. He had seen what her father's revelation had done to her. He knew that she needed to focus, so he gave her something to focus on.
“You know me far too well, don't you?” she had asked.
Nicholas smiled, pleased.
“I like to think I do.”
In the end, they decided to leave just before first light. There was no way she could maneuver the mountain paths in the dark, not when she was looking out for both Nicholas and Cobie. They needed the light to descend safely and to make the best time they could. The sooner they got out of the Paper Mountains, the better it would be for them.
“Will your father send John and Kerr after us again?”
“He might, but we'll be ready for them. If you haven't noticed, Clan Blair is mostly very wary of me. I imagine that we could scare them off if we needed to.”
In fact, the only person Ava was certain she couldn't scare off with her cousin Roark. She was glad he was spending the night with some of the men up in the high pasture. It would keep him out of the way for at least a while. Then, by the time he was back down, she and Nicholas would be gone.
That evening, after she had bid her father a formal goodnight, she showed Nicholas one of her favorite spots. There was a hatch left in the roof of the keep by the men who built it, making it easier to take care of the roof repairs. She showed Nicholas how they could climb the ladder and sit on the roof, surrounded by the stars and the night. She laughed at the thought of Roark being told about her escape and her father's plan.
“Lucky for him. He wouldn't want to marry me anyway.”
“Were you two close?”
“Sort of. His parents were killed by reivers when he was only a young boy. He's some kind of relation to the Blairs, but I think he might also be part MacRae or MacReady. He was almost silent when he came to us. We played together. He talked more. He's like a brother to me.”
Nicholas let out a soft breath.
“Good.”
“Good? Why's that?”
“Because then I won't have to slit his throat if he looks at you wrong.”
“He doesn't mean me any harm,” Ava said with a laugh. “He knows nothing of my father's plan, I know it.”
“That wasn't what I was worried about,” Nicholas murmured, and Ava stifled a giggle.
They managed to get a few hours of sleep, and then at first light, Ava crept into the guest room where Nicholas slept to wake him. It occurred to her in an absent kind of way that they moved well together, silently and aware of each other as they would be of their own limbs.
She had collected supplies for them from the kitchen, and she had made sure that Cobie was stabled close to the courtyard, where they could reach him. She wished that they could take another horse as well, but she refused to steal from her own clan.
Her own clothes, of course, were another matter.
Nicholas grinned when he saw that she was back in her trews and tunic, a cloak slung around her shoulders and a sword belted at her hip.
“I had forgotten how good you look like that.”
Ava turned so he wouldn't see the pleased blush that spread over her cheeks.
“I had forgotten how much easier it is to move when I'm not hampered by yards and yards of wool. Come on.”
<
br /> They made their way through the silent village, and Ava felt something sinking deep within her. Every time she left the land where she was raised, she felt lighter, as if she was leaving something holding her down. Now, though, it was like every step she took was through mud. She kept looking behind her, toward the keep and what her father wanted for her.
“You don't have to leave if you don't want to,” Nicholas said.
She almost hated him for how very understanding he sounded.
“Of course, I want to leave. I wasn't made to be some laird's wife, some lady of the keep!”
“But you could be if you wished.”
Nicholas came to a stop, turning to look her in the eye.
“If you want to leave, that is one thing, Ava. But you have been offered legitimacy, something that I think, once upon a time, you wanted.”
She glared at him.
“You are the one who said we would leave here together!”
“Yes. And I have been thinking about it. I only want you to be sure, Ava. You are legitimate now. This is more than you have ever been offered. Some would say that it was everything. I... I don't want you to walk away from it without—"
Ava threw herself into his arms, planting a hard kiss on his lips. She felt the fire spring up between them, eager as a hungry wolf. It had been so long. That desire could be ignited with a single look, a single touch, a single kiss.
“I know what I am sure about,” she murmured into his lips, and Nicholas nodded jerkily. If she looked into his eyes just then, she knew that they would be blown dark and full of desire. She would be able to see herself as he saw her in their reflection.
Instead, she pulled away from him, and together, they walked down off the mountain.
I don't know what happens next. All I know is that for now, I am not alone. I am with Nicholas.
Then there was the scrape of a boot on the trail ahead. Roark stepped out, his hand on his sword.
“Good morning, Ava,” he said calmly, and Ava felt the world tilt under her feet.
><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><
The Highlander’s Promise (The Highlands Warring Scottish Romance) (A Medieval Historical Romance Book) Page 16
