***
Jennifer had been coming and going from work at odd times, so as not to give David the opportunity to bump into her in the courtyard. She wasn't ready to talk; not at all. However, David, being the persistent fellow he is, just kept trying, and eventually he managed to cross Jennifer's path as she came home from work one evening, quite late actually.
"Hi Jennifer, how are you?" David had a pleased tone in his voice, but he also had that slight tone of ? where have you been! You know that question without a question some people get in their voice.
"I'm quite fine, thanks. You?" Jennifer wasn't rude but not inviting either. She kept walking through the courtyard but not at too brisk of a pace.
"I'm good, thanks, haven't seen you around much lately."
"Been quite busy, David."
"Oh," David sort of watched her walk by him slowly then fell in behind her, but not too close.
"Hope things are going well for you," David was throwing out the line for a chit chat, but Jennifer wasn't taking the bait.
"Fine, thanks," Jennifer found it difficult to be short with David but thought it appropriate.
"Did you give up running; with your busy schedule?" David was sure she hadn't but thought maybe she was just taking a break.
"Umm ? yes, yes I have ? well taking a rest anyway," Jennifer immediately felt dirty as it was not like her to tell even a little white lie. She was actually running each day as usual only on a different route and at a different time so as not to have to talk with David. Not yet, not ready, no no no, she thought.
"Oh, just too busy at work, huh?" David wasn't trying to pry but just couldn't help himself.
"You could say that." Jennifer slowed her pace a bit but kept walking as she was nearing her apartment door. David following her seemed somewhat pathetic to her, but she understood why he was.
"I didn't think you were the kind of person that would let work get in the way of your life," David immediately realized his words were judgmental. He recalled a poster he saw once with a picture of a man with his mouth wide open and a shoe with an arrow into the mouth; it read "insert foot here".
Jennifer came to a stop almost immediately after David spoke. She turned around slowly, deliberately really. David thought for a second he should duck or something.
"Did I miss understand you, David, or did you just insult me?" Jennifer knew he meant no true insult, but she was in a poor mood. She wouldn't have been happy with anything David said really.
"Oh ? I ? ah ? I meant no harm ? what I meant to say was, was ? well I've just not seen you around and I was hoping we could run tomorrow or something." David did indeed sound a little pathetic, or maybe it was just confusion.
"Or something?" Jennifer was taking offense to anything David said, picking apart his every word. She didn't let David go on.
"I'll tell you what, when I get better at coordinating my "life" and my "work" I'll give you a holler and let you know. Sorry, but until then I'm going to have to keep to my break from running and anything to do with "something"." Jennifer said this very politely, not as if scolding him or shutting him down. More as if scolding herself. It was a bit odd how she said it. The words by themselves were kind of a "tell off", but the way she said it left David feeling ? well, Ok.
Jennifer said a polite goodbye and entered her apartment. David stood there for just a moment, took a deep breath and then headed towards his apartment.
As David closed his front door and spotted his recliner he felt quite lost. As he sat down for a rest he began to go over the conversation he just had with Jennifer. It was more of a chase he thought. I couldn't get her to stop and talk, she just kept going; that's not like her. But then do I really know her that well? David was doubting this.
No, no ? I know her well enough, he thought. I mean she's pretty straight forward. You don't usually have to wonder what she's thinking. Should I just take her at her word about being busy? Probably. But then again, even the best person can avoid things they aren't ready to discuss. Maybe we went too fast on that Chinese buffet date. Maybe I ? went too fast. Who knows?
All David really did know was that he was disappointed. That feeling permeated his entire being. He leaned back in the recliner and looked at the ceiling. The room was dead quiet and he could hear his own breathing. He had a little lump in his throat and a strange tired feeling coupled with nervous energy; as if he was in a hurry to be tired.
Wait a minute. David popped forward in his recliner. Do you think Jennifer saw Amy and me by the pool? That's possible, he thought. Boy that would be awkward now wouldn't it?
David had some time to think about the whole Amy thing and while he was caught in the moment by the pool he really had no interest in her now. He was ashamed for allowing himself to be swept up like that, and he won't let it happen again.
I'm not interested in Amy; Jennifer is a far better match for me. Jennifer's a far better person all around, and while Amy is attractive I really find Jennifer more so. She has so many more attractive things about her. She's attractive inside and out. Jennifer's real ? yes that's a good way to describe her. She's a real person ? solid as a rock, intelligent, caring, sweet, honest, straight forward, just a genuinely good human being. Someone a guy could think about settling down with. That's what I want really. I know that now. David was feeling good about that thought, but then bad again when he wondered if he's somehow messed up his chances with Jennifer Holmes. He knew patience was necessary in this process, but he didn't like it a bit. The waiting really is the hardest part, he thought.
While David was thinking through his situation, Jennifer was making dinner; nothing special tonight, just a small salad and some fruit. Oh yah, and her standard ice water.
Jennifer was thinking about how she's distancing herself from David. While she knows it's necessary for her at the moment, she still doesn't feel very good about it. It just feels wrong to be even remotely rude to people, she thought. I'm not used to behaving that way. I always thought that if I was rude to people it would be on accident, not on purpose, not thought out. I hope this is not a sign of things to come. Like as I get older I deal with difficult times by being rude to people and pulling back into a shell. She quickly let this thought pass as she knew what she really needed was simple ? time.
"I just need some time, that's all," Jennifer said this out loud as she took a bite of her salad, enjoying the tang of the Italian dressing.
As she moved from her salad to the fruit; a small peach to start, she wondered if David and Amy were seeing each other. Jennifer had gone to such efforts to avoid the people around The Villa, especially David and Amy, that she had no idea really what was going on. She doubted David was seeing her though. She felt she knew him well enough to know he wasn't a two-timer. She thought, he wouldn't be seeing her and then approach me like that earlier. Would he? She then thought about their lovie dovie discussion on their date and got angry thinking about Amy and him kissing by the pool. That was kind of two-timing; maybe not by definition but close. She was frustrated. Mostly at letting herself get frustrated.
As she finished off the peach and moved on to a perfectly ripened banana Jennifer thought again, I just need some time. Time, time, time. And maybe some good advice. Yes! I could really use some good advice too.
A Modern Love Page 38
