***
I believe it was a Saturday afternoon when David summoned the courage to find his way to Amy's apartment to make the situation unmistakably clear. David thought to himself: I have to be blunt, there can be no misunderstanding. Regardless of the hurt feelings, Amy must know where we stand so I can make a go of working things out with Jennifer.
As David stood in his kitchen, sipping from a Gatorade bottle, he was over processing and over dramatizing (at least he thought at the time) his upcoming discussion with Amy. Leaning on the counter, David found himself staring off into to nowhere while his mind raced. He let time tick by quicker than he would have liked. He thought: funny how time bears down on you when you have decisions to make; when you're bored and doing nothing it's as slow as molasses, but when you have things to do it rushes in and takes its toll. Perhaps this is what the theory of relativity is really all about? David wondered if Einstein ever thought about putting the human mind into the equation. He decided to look that up later as he was letting himself get off on a tangent; he needed to focus on the task at hand.
David spun around quickly to the refrigerator and put the half full (he's a half full, rather than half empty kind of guy you know) bottle of Gatorade on the top shelf. As he closed the refrigerator door he took a deep breath and moved quickly to the front door. He felt just a little dizzy as he closed it behind him.
"Buck up buttercup", whispered David to himself, as he took deliberate steps towards Amy's apartment. The distance seemed to extend with every closer step he took, and even became like a tunnel that was narrower at the end than where he was currently. It was quite nerve racking for him.
With a loud (in fact overly loud) rap, rap, rap on Amy's apartment door, David realized there was no going back now. He found himself looking at the ground and toeing at a pebble like he so often does when he's nervous. Kicking himself, mentally that is, David tells himself he has to be more confident (at least in appearances) than that and stops the act physically; while still thinking the act mentally.
After some time with no answer David decide to knock again. Again rap, rap, rap; louder than he normally would, but still no answer. He leaned a little closer to the door to see if he could hear anyone moving about inside ? he did not.
"Crap", said David under his breath. He thought: I got myself all built up for this and now she's not even home. David wondered if he could muster up the chutzpah to bring himself back to Amy's door when she was home. He had a feeling of serious doubt about that. This feeling left him with a profound feeling of shame. I should have more courage than this, thought David.
While his thoughts were of disappointment, his gut was relieved as he spun around from Amy's apartment door; realizing he wouldn't have to face the awkward situation after all. David hadn't even taken a full step when he heard the door open behind him.
"Well David ? what a nice surprise," Amy seemed genuinely happy to see him. This made David's stomach turn over and his throat seize up. He would have been happier if she would have told him to get lost. With her happy to see him attitude, there was no way (at least he couldn't quickly think of one) he was going to get out of being the bad guy.
As David turned around to face Amy he felt like his head would just keep spinning around, bounding back and forth like a bobble head doll. David had an eerie feeling of d?j? vu and then realized, at that moment better than any moment he could ever remember, just exactly why he loathed confrontation.
After some time of David standing there before Amy with a perplexed look on his face, Amy said: "Well David ? don't just stand there on my door step looking like a lost orphan or something ? come on in".
As he took a full step into Amy's apartment he first thought about what Jennifer might think if she saw him going into to Amy's place. He then thought how, while not very polite, much easier this would have been on him if he would have just called in the bad news. He nearly laughed out loud when he thought he could have even written a "Dear Jane" letter. But ? that wouldn't be easier on Amy so he knew he'd just have to bite the bullet and get this over with.
Amy stepped lively to the kitchen and leaned on the counter, bending strategically at the hip, accentuating her curves.
"You like a drink ? David?" Amy had that come hither look and overemphasis on his name that she so often uses to allure.
"Umm well ? I ?," David thought he knew what he would say but couldn't seem to get his mind and his mouth to cooperate. He found himself quite relieved when Amy interrupted him.
"Well I'm gonna have one and I'll make one for you too," she was, as normal, taking charge of the moment; controlling the interaction.
Amy moved slowly towards the refrigerator, holding her eye contact with David almost the entire time, even as she reached for the door handle. She pulled out two beer bottles and located the magnetic church key (as she likes to call it) that was on the refrigerator door.
David thought, well a beer wouldn't hurt much. He wasn't surprised at all though when she reached for the kitchen cabinet and pulled out her trusty whiskey bottle. "Boilermakers just seem right today," said Amy with a grin. David thought, quite judgmentally he felt, any day is probably a good day for Amy to have boilermakers. He was a bit ashamed of his rude thoughts of Amy but decided not to harp on it ? as he needed to keep his focus on the task at hand.
Amy sat the beer bottles in front of David and said: "Tell you what hon ? I'll poor and you open," as she handed him the bottle opener. David complied as if following boot camp orders; acting without thought.
David couldn't help but notice that Amy's shot glasses were double sized. He thought about how if he takes a double shot and then downs a beer it will be like going from zero to a hundred miles an hour. He almost liked the thought of that as he hoped it would calm his nerves and keep his mind from wondering to all the negative possibilities of where the conversation was about to go.
Immediately after David and Amy took their shots and downed their beers (and Amy was surprised David drank his beer down as fast as her), David said: "Amy I came over to let you know we're just going to have to be friends. I've met someone and I'm ? well interested in her and I just want us to be friends." David realized just how abrupt and blunt his statement was but let his quick buzz wash away his cares.
"Wow smooth talker ? you must have grown a new pair to get up the nerve to waltz over here and tell me that," Amy looked extremely angry and her tone was harsh.
"Well ? I ? I've ? I guess I've said my peace," replied David quickly but in a soft fragile voice, almost whispering. His tone made him sound quite venerable, and he knew it. David prepared himself for the worst.
"It's that Jennifer girl isn't it ? that tease of a hussy ? that little BITCH!" Amy's question sounded more rhetorical so David, quickly thinking back to his rhetorical lesson from Frank, decided not to answer. He just stood there with a look that said: I think we're done here.
"You know what you gutless son of a bitch ? why don't you just get out of here. I don't need to hear this crap from a little weasel like you. Hit the road ? !"
Amy kept on spewing rude things laced with profanity as David stepped out of her front door. When David heard the door slam hard he glanced back over his shoulder expecting to see empty space, instead he saw Amy striding quickly in the direction of Jennifer's apartment.
With a feeling of both humor and fear he thought: this is going to be quite a sight. He quickly decided not to hang around and see it though. David closed the door of his apartment and took cover in his humble abode, so to speak. He was surprised at how quickly Amy moved to end their conversation. It wasn't easy, but at least it was quick.
Amy felt her anger build with each step she took towards Jennifer's apartment door. She was nearly at a full run when she quickly stopped in front of the door and more pounded than knocked on the door. When only a few seconds went by (though to Amy it felt like a long time) she pounded again, only this time much harder.
Inside Jennifer was startled. Who in the world would be pounding on her door like that? Only someone with an emergency ? she hoped there wasn't a fire or something as she moved quickly across her living room to the door. As she turned the handle she thought she should have checked the peep hole first, but she was caught off guard by the whole situation. Jennifer wasn't very excited about finding a red-faced Amy Helmer on her door step. She immediately realized there was indeed a fire to be put out ? well of sorts anyways.
"I'll tell you what little Missy," Amy started in without so much as a hello. "You move right on in and think you can just take over the place, huh"?
Jennifer figured this was as good a time as any to not answer a question ? so she remained silent.
"You're quite the piece of work girly." Amy paused. Jennifer was surprised at this pause. It was almost as if Amy was thinking; contemplating the situation, rather than just continuing to rush headlong into a diatribe. It was not to be though.
"Just remember something Jennifer," Amy had a soft tone now as she leaned in close to Jennifer. In fact she was almost whispering as she invaded Jennifer's personal space.
"Just remember Jennifer ? paybacks are a bitch." Amy then leaned back away from Jennifer, crossed her arms and said: "He's all yours, I've gotten what I want from him anyways and it wasn't much to speak of really. So good luck to you and your precious David, you can both go to hell." With this Amy turned and left, leaving Jennifer standing in her doorway with a lost look on her face.
Jennifer wondered, as she closed her front door, if this threat was supposed to bother her. As if she was going to sit around worrying about Amy's bitch of a payback that may or may not be coming down the pike. Jennifer didn't think it was funny, but she did feel numb to Amy.
"She has no power over my feelings, thoughts or actions ? not now ? not ever", said Jennifer aloud as she walked to the kitchen. "No power over me what so ever." Jennifer realized that's really what people like Amy Helmer were looking for ? power over others, especially negative power. If you don't give it to them then they will eventually fade away as they find easier prey elsewhere.
A Modern Love Page 46
