It was my turn to tug on my hair, his words cutting me. “I can’t keep up with you, Aiden. You act as though you care. You look after me. You’re sweet and funny. Warm. All the texts and calls this weekend? I thought things had changed. At least, a little. Then as soon as I cross some arbitrary line, respond to your actions, you shut me down.”
He stepped forward, towering over me. “There is nothing to shut down. You knew the rules, and you broke them. It’s simple. I helped you because you were hurt, nothing more. The same way I helped Emmy.”
“I mean no more to you than Emmy does? You feel nothing more?”
He sucked in a fast breath. “Aside from the physical? No. I told you that already. There isn’t anymore, Cami. There never will be.”
My heart broke. In that moment in the bowling alley, I had known. I was in love with Aiden Callaghan. Totally, utterly in love. He was everything I wanted in my life. I wanted to witness his joy and help him when the world became too much to handle. I wanted to be his everything because he had become mine.
I stared up into his eyes. They stared back, dispassionate and empty. It hit me like a freight train. It was all me. I had read more into it than there was between us.
I had started it, and now I had to end it.
“I can’t do this anymore. I can’t play by your rules.”
His eye twitched and his jaw clenched, but he only lifted one shoulder, not saying anything.
“I’ll act like an adult and make sure our friends aren’t caught in the middle. Can you do the same?”
“Yes.”
I stepped back, knowing if I didn’t leave, I would break. I had lost enough tonight. I wanted to leave with a little pride intact. “Take care of yourself, Aiden.”
His voice was tight. “You too, Cami. See you around.”
I turned and walked away.
I heard our apartment door open, and Dee burst into my room. She tossed my shoes and purse on the floor.
“Dammit, Cami! I’ve been worried sick. You never came back, your phone was in your purse, and I had no idea where you were! We’ve all been looking for you.”
I knew without asking all didn’t include Aiden.
“Sorry,” I whispered. “I couldn’t come back into the bowling alley. I just couldn’t.”
She sat down on the edge of my bed. “Cami-bear,” she murmured, using my old childhood name.
I dashed away the tears on my cheeks. “I’m okay. Sorry I worried you.”
“Aiden never came back either.”
I shrugged, that news hardly a surprise.
“We thought you had gone off together to work this out, but Maddox texted him to say your jacket was with us, and Aiden told him you weren’t with him. He said he saw you get in a cab.”
“One was outside the bowling alley. I had twenty bucks and my key in my pocket from earlier.”
Her phone buzzed, and she tapped at the screen. “Okay, I’ve let Maddox know. He’ll tell Emmy and Bentley.”
She stood and crossed to my dresser, pulling out my favorite fuzzy pajamas. “You get into these. I’ll be right back.”
Too tired to fight, I did as she instructed. When she came back, she was wearing her matching set and carrying two mugs of steaming tea. “Drink.”
I sipped the liquid. “Is there liquor in here?”
“A shot of brandy. It will help you sleep.”
I tugged at the edges of my blanket. “Not sure I can.”
She sipped her tea. “Is it over?” she asked.
I met her gaze. Sympathy, warmth, and understanding met my tormented eyes. “It never began,” I whispered.
She covered my hand. “He cares. I know he cares.”
“Not enough. He told me that.”
“I’m furious with him. Everyone is.”
“No,” I pleaded. “You can’t be. He was honest. He told me there could be nothing but sex between us. I was the one who pushed. I was the one who wanted more.” I shut my eyes as the pain hit me again. “I was the one who fell in love.”
“Cami!” She gasped. “No, baby sister, no.”
I let the tears fall. “Yes. He’s been kind, helpful, and caring. We have amazing chemistry together, but that’s all it is. He doesn’t feel the same, and what I did tonight and his reaction proved it.”
“Why did you?” she asked. “Why did you kiss him in front of everyone?”
I shrugged. “I had too much to drink. He was in such a great mood, and I thought something had shifted in our relationship. I didn’t think,” I admitted. “I reacted. He was so happy, and I wanted to be part of that happiness. I wanted to be close to him.”
“Maddox told me he struggles with trust and emotion.”
“He hides his pain behind jokes. I thought I had started to see the real Aiden when he looked after me. I thought he had started to really care.”
She wiped the tears off my cheek. “Maybe that’s what scared him.”
“Maybe. But he shut down again, and I can’t keep doing this. It breaks my heart, and he isn’t going to change. He made that very clear. Whatever he’s struggling with is too big for me to fight.”
“What are you going to do? He’s Bentley’s best friend, and Emmy is yours. You’re bound to see him.”
“I know. I’m going to be the bigger person. I won’t make anyone choose. He’s really an amazing guy, and I enjoy his company. I’ll be friendly and pleasant. I won’t get too close.”
She brushed my hair back from my face, holding my cheeks in her hand. “I know you, my baby sister. I know how hard you love. How strongly you feel. Can you really do that?”
“I have to. Emmy is my best friend, and I can’t lose her.”
“I’d like to have a serious conversation with Aiden.”
I wrapped my hands around her wrists. “No. You can’t be mad at him. You have to promise me you won’t treat him any differently. He’s damaged, Dee. Something hurt him so much he can’t love anyone the way I need him to love me. But I think it hurts him too.”
“Not as much as you’re hurting. I hate to see you hurt.” She sighed. “I was worried this would happen. I knew you were going to fall in love with him.”
I smiled through my tears. My sister always knew. She had looked after me for as long as I could remember. She had worried about me, taught me how to be a better person, and always put me first. She was loving and protective. This time, though, she couldn’t protect me. I had done this to myself.
“I’ll be okay.”
“I have to go away next week, and then I’ll be gone again for the court dates. I have no idea how long this case might drag on. I don’t want to leave you like this, Cami.”
“I’ll be fine. I’m a big girl.” I scrubbed my face, wiping away the tears. “Tomorrow is a new day, right?”
She kissed my forehead, leaned against the headboard, and tugged a pillow on to her lap. She patted her knee, and I laid my head down, sighing as she stroked my hair the way she had done for many years when I needed comfort. When she began to sing, I let go, the tears soaking the pillow. I cried out my sorrow, her gentle voice a balm to my aching heart.
It lulled me into sleep, into dreams filled with warm eyes, and a voice that whispered my name.
Sunshine.
Cami
Frustrated, I dumped out the contents of my drawer, searching for my cuff. I was certain it had been on my dresser, but I couldn’t find it anywhere. I had worn it last week when…
I sat down heavily, thinking of the last time I saw it. The day at the bowling alley. I had no recollection of taking it off when I got home, but I didn’t have many memories of anything after the parking lot and walking away from Aiden.
I must have lost it. I rubbed my weary eyes. I seemed to be losing everything these days. I misplaced notes, lost assignments, and had a difficult time concentrating in class. I looked for items, both at home and school, frustrated by their loss, simply to discover them later that day or the next morning in spots I had sworn
I’d checked a dozen times. I had lost my knapsack, only to have Louisa find it in the hall where I had stopped to read something on the bulletin board. I hadn’t even noticed I put it down. Twice, I had left my locker open, even though I swore I had snapped the lock shut. Add in the fact that last night when I got home, after I changed, I had come into the living room and noticed I hadn’t shut the front door behind me. It stood ajar, the light from the hallway spilling into the room. If Dee had been there, she would have read me the riot act. She was meticulous about our safety and locking the door.
Now, it seemed, I had lost my cuff. It wasn’t expensive, but it meant a lot to me. Emmy had made it for me, the three bands of leather tooled with crystals of my favorite colors, and I wore it often. I would have to tell her it was gone. Tears threatened, and I wiped them away angrily. I rarely cried, yet it happened too often these days, and over the stupidest things.
In the kitchen, I filled my mug, glancing at my phone. It was Tuesday, which meant lessons with Aiden. Emmy was shocked when I told her I planned to go with her. I had told her the same thing I’d told Dee. What happened between Aiden and me was between us, and they weren’t allowed to be angry with him or treat him any differently. I refused to drag them into my mess. I texted Aiden and told him I wanted to continue, if he was okay with the idea, and his reply had been short.
No problem.
The truth was, I dreaded going, but I was doing it to prove a point. I liked the way Aiden taught us, and I needed to show I was okay—even if it was a lie.
The heavy skies and rain hitting the windows matched my mood. Dee entered the kitchen, rolling her suitcase behind her.
“Hi, Cami-bear.” She smiled. “What were you doing in your room? Digging for buried treasure?”
I poured us each a coffee, shaking my head. “Looking for something.”
“What now?”
“My leather wraparound Emmy made me.”
“Did you find it?”
“No.”
She shook her head. “Huh. You are having a total shit time these days. I hate it.”
I lifted my eyebrows in surprise. My sister didn’t often swear. With a grin, I patted her hand. “It’ll get better.” I scowled at her suitcase. “How long will you be gone this time?”
“A couple of weeks, I think. Court dates start next week. Depends on what happens. We’re trying hard to get this group to settle out of court. It’s going to drag on for ages, otherwise.” She huffed. “The only people who will make money will be the lawyers. It’s a shame.”
“I’ll miss you.”
“Me too, kiddo.”
“What time is your flight?”
“Not until noon. Maddox is going to drive me.”
I leaned my arms on the table. “What is going on with you two? And don’t tell me ‘nothing.’”
She shrugged and sipped her coffee. “We have an understanding.”
“Which is?”
She picked a small piece of lint from her blouse. “You know how I feel about romantic love, Cami. I have no room for that in my life, nor am I interested in the chaos it brings. Maddox feels the same. We have a great time together, and neither of us is interested in pursuing anything more.”
“So, what, you’re together?”
She met my gaze steadily. “No. There is no ‘together.’”
“This sounds familiar to me, Dee-Dee.”
She grinned at the use of my childhood name for her. “No, there is a big difference, Cami. You believe in love. You want it. In fact, sometimes I think you want it so much, you see it in places where it is not.”
“Like Aiden?”
“I think maybe your heart overrode your head on that one, yes.”
“You don’t want to love someone?”
“I’ve seen first-hand the devastation caused in the name of love. Growing up, I witnessed it. Mom was so wrapped up in Dad that when he left, nothing else mattered. She stopped living. I saw it at school with crushes and breakups. I see it daily at the office in the family law department. This case I’m on now, they’re destroying each other over money. People who claimed to love each other. It’s not for me, no. I will never put my heart out like that.” She paused and gave me a pointed look. “Maddox and I understand each other on a different level from most people. We’re both fine with the status quo. We like each other, enjoy the time we spend together on occasion, and that is about it.”
“And the sex?” I asked boldly.
She didn’t flinch. “Amazing. He’s a very passionate lover.”
“That satisfies you?”
“I know it’s hard for you to understand, but yes. We’re different, Cami. You feel things with your heart and soul. You dive in with both feet. You’re…unconditional.”
I dropped my eyes to the table, tracing the stained wood. “Do you think I’m like Mom? She was always overboard with everything.”
She covered my hand. “No, Cami-bear. You’re not. Mom was mentally ill. She couldn’t help herself. The manic episodes, the forgetfulness, all of that was because she was unwell. If she took her meds, then she was fine, but the problem was she’d stop taking them.” She took a sip of coffee. “I know you were young, but she and Dad fought all the time about her meds. I think it was what eventually drove him away.”
I asked a question that had burned inside me for years. “Why didn’t he take us with him?”
“I don’t know. I think he needed to walk away and leave everything, even us, behind. He sent Mom money, even when he remarried. But he moved away and wanted nothing to do with us. The money stopped a few years after she died. I never found out why, or even bothered to try. I think he decided his obligation was done.” She looked sad. “For years, I hated him. Now, I think he was just a man who made a mistake. He protected himself the only way he knew how, and perhaps he wasn’t as cold and unfeeling as I thought.”
She lifted my chin. “You have a huge heart, Cami, and such capacity for love. But you aren’t unstable like Mom. Although I’m different from you, I’m not the unfeeling person Dad was either. Why they didn’t love us the way they should have will forever be a mystery, but we’ve done all right, haven’t we? We have each other and a decent life. We’re both smart and kind. At least, neither of us is in jail,” she added with a wink.
I wanted to tell her my fears—all the odd things happening to me lately, like forgetfulness, misplacing things, not remembering to lock the door. But I couldn’t. She was going away for work and already stressed over the task she faced. I’d talk to her when she came home.
I forced a smile. “At least there’s that.”
She wiped away a tear and stood. “Wow. Intense conversation for this early in the day. I’m going to grab a shower, and I’ll tidy the place before I go. It’s a bit of a mess. I’ll call you tonight, okay?”
I hugged her hard. She smelled like home and love to me.
“I love you, Dee-Dee.”
She hugged harder. “Back at you, Cami-bear.”
“You never told me that!” Louisa snapped, slamming her book shut.
I shook my head. “I’m sorry?”
“You never told me your hair wasn’t permanent. I didn’t know you used some sort of product!”
“You never asked.”
She tugged on her hair, the purple streaks now a faded shade of mauve. The dark color had begun to fade as well, but I refrained from telling her I preferred it lighter. “That’s why it doesn’t look like yours!”
“I wasn’t aware you were trying to look like me. I thought you did it on a whim, just for a change,” I challenged.
She tossed her head, ignoring my words. “What is the product you use?”
“I’ll have to look at the name. I order it online.”
“Send it to me.”
“Please.”
“What?”
I drew in a slow breath, trying to find my patience. “If you ask someone for something, be polite and say please.”
Instantly,
her shoulders slumped. “Sorry. Please send it to me.”
Mollified, I agreed.
The snarky, demanding tone returned to her voice. “Today, when you get home.”
I rolled my eyes. “When I think about it, I will send it to you.”
She grabbed her books with a huff. “I’ll do it myself. I can find it fast.”
She hurried away, almost mowing Emmy down in her rush.
I leaned my head in my hands, exhausted. Louisa was like a hurricane at times, the way she blew up and stormed off. It was hard to keep up with her emotions.
Emmy sat down. “Someone is in a mood.”
I picked up my coffee. “She always is, it seems.”
“You okay? You look tired.”
“I’m fine. I was up early. Dee leaves today, so we had coffee before I came to school this morning.”
“Ah.” She opened her sandwich, taking a bite. “Are you sure about tonight?”
“Yes. Aiden is a great teacher.”
“It won’t be awkward for you?”
“Aiden and I cleared the air,” I lied. “We’re both good.”
She pursed her lips. “Cami—”
I interrupted her. “Leave it, okay, Emmy. I need you to leave it and let me handle it.”
She stared at me over her water bottle. “Okay, but I’m here.”
I squeezed her hand. “I know.”
“At least you found your umbrella. Although maybe you need your hearing checked.”
I scowled. “What?”
“I saw you this morning, walking across the street with your umbrella. I called to you, but you never turned around.”
“Um…I never found my umbrella, Emmy. Someone else must have found it and is using it.” I sighed. “I wish you had seen who it was, so I could ask for it back.”
She looked puzzled. “I swore it was you. The coat looked like yours, and they even had on purple wellies, like the ones you wear. The scarf I saw blowing behind them looked like your pretty iris one too.”
Vested Interest Box Set: Books 1-3 Page 35
