by A. J. Wynter
“Good morning,” he whispered back and kissed her gently.
“Is it still snowing?”
“It’s stopped. It looks like it’s going to be a beautiful day.”
“Only you would say that a cold, snowy day could be beautiful,” she said and tried to snuggle further into Josh’s embrace.
“You just wait,” he squeezed her tightly and kissed her again. “When you see how the snow sparkles in the winter solstice sunshine, you will get it.”
“I’ll believe it when I see it.” Megan placed her hand on Josh’s cheek. He could feel himself growing hard with desire again and wanted to take her one more time before they left, but he held back. He pushed her hips away from his and rolled onto his back, the question he had been asking himself for the past few weeks on his mind.
“Megan Brittle, what are you going to do once Sugar Peaks Café is running and making millions?”
He hated asking, he hated the underlying question, “When are you leaving?”
“Actually, I was kind of thinking of sticking around for a while,” she replied. “If all goes well with the café, I want to talk to Charlotte about opening up a brewpub. I got the inspiration from Charlie.”
Josh couldn’t believe what he was hearing, the woman he was falling in love with was planning on staying in his town. “A brewpub? Fancy. You think that Chance Rapids is ready for hipster beer and a pretentious atmosphere?”
“Hey,” Megan swatted at Josh’s arm. “There’s nothing wrong with a little change every once in a while.”
“Megan, I think that it’s a great idea, and if you don’t do it, someone else will. It’s just been hard, seeing all the change in this town, with all the rich folks buying up the land around the ski hill, the atmosphere here really changed. I mean, what local has the money to have a $70 steak up at the Mountain Bistro, or buy an $800 Gore-Tex shell? They bring a certain distance to the town, a divide if you will.”
“A divide. I haven’t noticed that.”
“I mean, how could you? You have nothing to compare it to. You’re actually a prime example.” Josh propped his head up on his elbow, unsure if he should continue, “How long have you owned that house? And you’ve never mingled with anyone in town, you have your staff buy your groceries, you drive your fancy car right through the downtown and over the bridge and don’t participate in the local community.”
Megan seemed lost for words. He could see her eyes searching his, as though she were trying to figure out if he was insulting her or not. He wasn’t.
“I’m going to be involved now,” she replied and ran her fingers down his chest.
“And that’s great, but what happens if the economy turns again like it did in 2008. The first things to go are vacation homes, you’re a businesswoman, you will close down your shop and leave Chance Rapids in your rear-view mirror.”
Megan tried to kiss Josh again, but he felt himself getting riled up and pulled back.
“Josh is there something you’re trying to tell me?” she asked, reaching for his hand.
He sighed. He didn’t want to come across like an asshole, but he also didn’t want to get hurt. Again. “Meg. I swore I would never get involved with someone from across the bridge. Someone who will inevitably pick up and be gone as soon as she’s bored with the town, or of her small-town boy toy.”
Megan sat up, clutching the blankets to her chest, “Is that what you think this is?” she gasped. “That I’m using you. For sex?”
“It wouldn’t be the first time,” he replied. Then backtracked, “Not for me, I mean. It’s just, I’ve seen it happen here.” He didn’t want to bring up Freddie’s name and his heartbreak.
“Well, maybe your friends are gold diggers,” her eyes flashed as she threw the covers back and patted the knotted sheets in search of her panties.
“Meg. Wait. Stop.” Josh tried to grab her hand, but she swatted him away. He couldn’t understand why she was getting so riled up. “Are you hiding something from me?”
Her face blanched white. She reached for his arm. “Josh,” she said softly, but then pulled her hand back and turned away from him, so he couldn’t see her face.
“I got what I wanted. I got a Chance Rapids local into bed and used him for his gorgeous mountain man cock.”
Josh couldn’t believe how quickly the conversation had gone sideways. He jumped out of bed and met her at the ladder before she could swing her leg around to climb down. “Megan, please. Stop. Sit down and talk to me. There is something that I need to tell you.”
His tone caught her attention and her eyes softened. “What is it?”
“Sit,” he said, taking her hand and leading her to the bed.
She sat down on the end of the bed and he pulled the blanket up over her bare shoulders, she clutched it in front of her chest.
“I don’t know how to tell you this, but you make me want to break all of my rules.” He wanted to tell her that he was falling in love with her but knew that it was too early.
“And what are those rules?”
“Rules, I mean. That’s not really the right word. Fuck Megan. I’m not a fancy negotiator, I’m not good at talking about my feelings and stuff. I swore that I would never fall in love again. I already lost someone, and it ripped my guts out when she...” he hated saying it.
“Left you?” Megan tried to finish his sentence.
“Died.”
Her face and shoulders dropped, and she reached around Josh, wrapping the blanket around his shoulders and pulling it tightly around both of them.
“Josh. I’m so sorry. I didn’t know.”
“I’m surprised that you didn’t hear it through the grapevine,” he replied. “She was my fiancée. Her name was Erica. She’s the whole reason I came to Chance Rapids in the first place.”
“Nobody said a thing to me, although I did wonder how a man like you could be single.”
“I wanted to be her husband, we were going to start a family together. That house, those renovations were for her. Everything I did was for her, and once she was gone, I just couldn’t see the reason to continue with any of it.”
Megan nodded, her eyes wide, but she didn’t say anything. He was glad. He gripped her hand in his, she returned his grip with a squeeze.
“She was in a car accident out at Chance Gap, the mountain pass. I was on call that night, and as soon as I heard the call, I knew. I don’t know how I knew, but I just felt it. The car rolled down an embankment and we couldn’t get down to her, the weather was so bad the choppers couldn’t fly. Me and three of the guys rappelled down, but by the time we got there, she was... she was...” He hadn’t told the story for years and thought that he could get through it without crying, but he couldn’t. He took a deep breath and willed the tears away, “... gone.”
“That’s why you’re not on search and rescue anymore?”
He nodded, “That’s why I don’t climb anymore.”
“Josh, my god. I’m so sorry.”
Megan turned and wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him in close for a hug. He wrapped his arms around her waist and let his head rest on his shoulder. He felt a sense of calm and easiness when he was with her. He took a deep breath and let one solitary tear fall down his cheek.
He spoke into her neck, his voice muffled, “You’re the only woman I’ve brought to this cabin since Erica. Megan, you’re not like the other women from town, but you’re also not like all the women from Sugar Peaks. There’s something about you, something about you that makes me want to feel things again. I just can’t start something that will have to end.”
He waited for her to say something. Anything. He couldn’t believe that he just poured out his soul to this sophisticated woman. He wanted her to tell him that it wouldn’t end. That she would stay, and they could try, but she didn’t. She brushed his hair behind his ear, kissed his face, and then wrapped the blanket around him. She stood up and shivered in the cold, her bare chest covered in goosebumps. She pulled on her
panties and started to climb down the ladder, “We should go. I have a lot of work to get done today.”
He thought that he knew her, but this cold response was beyond anything he could’ve dreamed. He threw the quilt on the bed and pulled on his long underwear. He shook his head, pissed that he had opened himself up to her and she had just walked away. It seemed like she was hiding something like she was holding back from him.
The kettle started to whistle, and he climbed down from the loft and jogged over to shut it off before its piercing whistle drove Timber crazy.
“Coffee?” he asked, holding up the jar of instant coffee.
“No. Thank you,” Megan replied, without looking at him.
Josh poured out the boiling water and rinsed out the hot chocolate mugs from the night before. The two of them got dressed in silence, and Josh noticed that Megan couldn’t meet his eyes.
“Come on, Timber,” he said and leashed up the husky. He opened the door and breathed a sigh of relief that the trail groomer had been by, at least they wouldn’t be bushwhacking their way through hip deep snow.
This is going to be a long trip, he muttered to himself as he locked up the cabin.
They clicked into their skis and he set the pace for the truck. He couldn’t believe how a perfect night had turned into such an awful morning. All he wanted to do was get back to the truck and get Megan Brittle out of his life. For good.
Chapter 21
How could she tell him?
She should have told him. She wanted to tell him. She had the perfect opportunity, but instead, let her silence ruin the most perfect evening of her life.
Now, as Josh skied ahead of her with Timber, she wished that she could rewind time and just fess up to the fact that she wasn’t a rich developer, she wasn’t one of the ‘across the bridge’ snobs. She was an ordinary woman, who was falling in love with him, and she could picture their life together if she was ten years younger. He would be the perfect father. She imagined him packing up their kids and taking them to the ski hill for their lessons or standing on the sidelines watching them play hockey.
He deserved someone who could give him that life. He deserved someone who wasn’t lying about who she was or wasn’t.
She felt like she was being ripped in two, wishing that she could tell Josh that she would move to Chance Rapids permanently if it meant that she got to see him every day.
She was lost in thought and focused on the ground ahead of her. When she looked up the trail was empty. Josh must’ve gotten ahead of her. She picked up her pace, her legs feeling sore from all the unfamiliar use, and from staying up all night riding Josh.
Their lovemaking had been the best that she’d ever experienced. He was the perfect combination of sensual and rough, of tender and hard, his body was perfect, and what was under his tool belt this whole time was seven inches of rock-hard youthful perfection.
She crested the hill, her heart rate rising with the exertion of catching up with Josh, but when she reached the top her heart sank when he was nowhere in sight. Stay calm she said to herself, he couldn’t have gotten too far ahead. She saw Timber’s footprints and headed off the trail trying to catch up.
The sun was out, and Josh was right, it was like the rolling hills were covered in diamonds. She squinted into the early morning sunlight and saw a fork in the trail. She didn’t remember seeing any different trails the night before, but it had been snowing heavily and all of her attention was focused on trying to stay upright and follow Josh. The paw prints veered to the right, so Megan slid off in their direction.
“Nice of you to wait for me, Josh,” she muttered under her breath as she traveled into a heavily wooded section of trail. After every little knoll she expected to see Josh’s royal blue jacket up ahead, but each time she was disappointed. Her anger was growing, but so was her frustration, and after the latest bend in the trail with no sign of Josh, fear.
She saw the dog tracks leap off the trail and disappear into the bush. Her heart sank. She stopped and stood perfectly still, looking ahead of her and then behind her. She held her breath, listening for any sign of Timber or Josh.
“T-T-Timber,” she yelled. “Josh,” she screamed.
She didn’t know whether to continue on the current trail or backtrack to the fork in the road. The current trail was heading into some pretty thick forest, and the main trail seemed easier and more familiar to her. She remembered reading in a book that when you’re lost the best thing to do is to stay still, but that didn’t feel right to her.
The trail she was on started to seem scary and unknown, she felt like the trees were growing thicker and moving in on her. She did the equivalent of a thirty point turn on her skis and slid off in the direction she had just come from. She figured at least if she was on the main trail, she might have a better chance of running into someone, anyone.
“Fuck you, Josh. Real mature.” Her anger was rising in time with her pulse and she started playing out various scenarios in her mind, most of them involved a slap to the face and a firing. How could he do this to her?
She snapped her head around when she heard some twigs snapping in the bush, and felt her chest constrict when the twigs snapping turned to the sound of something big crashing through the bush. Were bears out this time of year? Shit. Did mountain lions make that much noise coming through the bush? She wanted to scream for Josh but didn’t want to draw the attention of whatever it was, whoever it was, to her. She was frozen in fear and could hear whatever it was breathing as it closed in on her. She held her ski pole in front of her like a sword and felt the tears welling up in her eyes as the adrenaline overtook her and her body started to shake in fear.
A flash of brown leapt from the darkness of the woods and onto the trail.
A deer. It stopped and looked right at Megan, it’s big brown eyes and eyelashes blinking, taking her in, and then it leapt gracefully off the trail and continued running through the bush. Not one minute later Timber burst from the forest and onto the trail. He stopped and looked at Megan too. He seemed conflicted, he looked to the direction the deer had run, and then back at Megan, but she wasn’t waiting to see if he was going to choose her. She leapt forward and dove for the end of his leash which was trailing behind him. She grabbed it in her hand just as Timber chose the deer over her. She yanked him back, “Oh no you don’t.” He turned and whimpered at her. “Not today, Timber. Not today.” Timber seemed to accept his fate and sat down beside Megan while she tried to get back onto her feet.
“Which way, boy?”
She felt ridiculous talking to the dog, but if anyone was going to find Josh, it was him. He was facing the main trail and stood up, pulling Megan along behind him. “Okay, that’s what I thought too.” Then Megan and Timber continued on toward the main trail together. They hadn’t quite reached the fork when Megan saw a familiar silhouette in a blue jacket racing down the trail toward them.
“Oh, Megan.” Josh threw down his ski poles and grabbed her into a bear hug.
Megan didn’t hug him back, she was so happy to see him, but angry that he had put her in such a predicament.
“Where did you go?” he asked, taking Timber’s leash from Megan’s hand.
“What do you mean? Where did I go? Where did you go?”
“I didn’t go anywhere. I stayed on the main trail and was waiting for you. Why did you come down this goat trail?”
Megan finally looked up into Josh’s blue eyes. They were the same blue as his jacket and all she could see in them was concern. “You got ahead of me, and I didn’t know which way you’d gone, so I followed Timber’s tracks.”
“I was so worried. Timber got away from me, I couldn’t find you. I backtracked miles and then I heard Timber barking. I didn’t think that you would’ve turned down here.” Josh was speaking rapidly and gesturing with his arms.
“I was so scared, Josh.” Now that Megan’s adrenaline rush was over, and the realization that Josh wasn’t being a jerk, that he was actually worried and o
ut there looking for her, she felt ridiculous and angry at herself. She was the reason that they had an awkward morning, and now she was the reason that he had sprinted off trying to find her.
Josh gathered her in his arms and she let her head rest on his chest as the tears started to flow freely. Josh stroked her back and squeezed her tightly. “It’s okay. You’re okay.”
Megan squeezed Josh back tightly, basking against his solid frame. She had felt so alone only moments before and now she not only felt complete, but safe.
“Josh, I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry. I shouldn’t have gotten ahead.”
“No. Not for that. For this morning. There are some things that I need to tell you. Things that I wanted to tell you. No, things that I should’ve told you this morning. You opened up your heart to me and I couldn’t tell you that all I want is to stay here in Chance Rapids. That no one has ever made me feel the way I feel when I’m with you.”
“Why couldn’t you tell me that this morning?” Josh pulled back and held Megan’s biceps while he studied her face.
“I-I-I there’s more to the story Josh. But can we wait until we’re out of the woods? I’ll tell you everything.”
He smiled at her. “Of course, Meg. I don’t want to sound sappy, but what you just told me has made me so happy. I didn’t get why you clammed up this morning. I’m sorry too.”
Megan knew that what she was about to do was the right thing, but the pit of dread growing in her stomach told her otherwise.
When they reached the truck, it was covered in snow and looked like a giant marshmallow. Josh brushed off the back with his glove, took off his skis and opened the tailgate. He sat down and patted the spot next to him. Megan clicked out of her skis and hoisted herself up to sit beside him.
“Now what was it that you had to tell me?”
Chapter 22
