by J. Saman
At least that’s what I inferred was bothering her from what she said. Sometimes it’s impossible to tell if Amelia is holding out on me. The problem was, that night, I didn’t have it in me to convince her that what we were doing was right. Because even though my mom is happy, the heavy and looming end of engagement deadline is taking small slices out of me with every uncertain thought.
I’ve contemplated every angle. Every possible approach.
And short of fessing up or actually asking Amelia to marry me—something I’m pretty positive she would say no to but find myself actually considering all the same—I don’t know what to do.
Which brings me to tonight.
Our last night on the vineyard.
It’s been the perfect weekend. Lots of sun and beach. Shopping in town. Ice cream and bike rides. A near car accident. Tonight, we had a lobster bake and a bonfire on our beach, which is where we are now. The sun has just set, sinking into the dark, turbulent ocean that matches my insides, the pink, purple, and gold collage of colors draining from the sky along with it. The breeze turns from pleasantly warm to the slightest bit chilly, and my thoughts are fragmented.
One more month.
Then it’s three weeks. Then two. Then one. Then over.
The worst sort of perpetual countdown on an endless stream through my head.
One by one, my family packs it in. My parents first, my mother’s waning energy barely managing to hold on through dinner. She takes the girls in, getting them ready for bed and my father silently broods as he follows after to help. Next are my brothers, who are hell-bent on having one last night in town out at the bars. Luca in a particularly crappy mood as our lovely Raven Fairchild, daughter of our house manager, for lack of a better title, didn’t come out this year. She hasn’t in years, not since he broke her heart, so I’m not sure what he was expecting this go around.
Rina and Brecken stroll off hand in hand down the beach, heading for who knows where. Brecken, I think, is getting ready to pop the question in the next few weeks. Something I wish he had done sooner, though at this point, nothing could have prevented the trajectory Amelia and I find ourselves on.
“It’s so beautiful here,” Amelia says with a light sigh. Despite the difficult first night on the boat, she’s been nothing but smiles and laughter all weekend. She’s had a fantastic trip, we’ve had a fantastic time together, and I don’t want this weekend to ever end.
“Do you want to go swimming?” I tease as I take her hand and lift her up until we’re both standing, ambling toward the water’s edge as the tide rolls in to meet our bare feet.
“Isn’t that how Jaws started? Right here on this very island?”
“Oh, so you were thinking about skinny dipping?”
The water leaps up over our feet and ankles, splashing along our calves and she lets out an eeek. “No!” It’s a gasp. “Holy mothballs, if I was before that thought just died along with the feeling in my toes. That’s freaking freezing.”
“We’ll come back in August. The water is much warmer then. Maybe we’ll even find Jaws.”
“Har, har,” she mocks. “We’re gonna need a bigger boat.”
“Understatement of my life there, baby.”
Now she cackles. “I seriously doubt that. Your bigger boat is parked offshore somewhere because it wouldn’t even fit in your marina.”
I take her hand in mine, spinning her around in a circle, the dwindling fire not even fifty yards from us burnishing copper against her red hair and pale skin.
“What if I want to take you and Layla somewhere? My residency ends in July and then I don’t start my attending position until August. I have a whole month off with nothing to do and Layla doesn’t start Wilchester until September.”
Her breath catches just as I force her into my chest, my hands wrap around her lower back, hers around my neck as we stare into each other’s eyes, lost. Damn, I’m so fucking lost in this woman.
“A trip? Where would we go? Your villa?”
She thinks I’m kidding. I’m not.
“We could, you know. It’s hot and sunny, but the Mediterranean that time of year is incredible.”
She blinks up at me. “You’re serious?”
“I am.”
She considers this for a moment. “I want to say yes. I want to say yes to everything. A trip like that with you would be a dream come true. But I don’t know how we can. I know you’re going to argue with me, but I don’t have the money for a trip like that and I can’t allow you to pay for us.”
My forehead drops to hers. I knew she was going to say that. “Can we pretend?”
“Pretend?” she parrots, staring straight at me.
“If you could pick the perfect vacation, where would you go?”
“I’m not sure. I never allowed myself to think about it all that much. I’d love to go to Italy. All over Europe. All over the world.”
“Can we bring Layla with us?”
A smile splits her lips. “You grew very close with Layla this weekend.”
“I’m crazy about her.” I’m crazy about you. Why can’t I make the words come out? Why can’t I tell her that I never want us to end? “So, is that a no to Italy?”
“Oliver, we seriously need to figure out where we’ll be in a month.”
I shake my head at that. I don’t want to figure that out. I don’t want to be practical. I don’t want to think about anything serious at all. I just want to be with her. Because being lost in her is a hell of a lot easier than attempting to deal with reality.
She has no clue what she’s done for me. To me.
I love her. So very much. And it’s not something I ever imagined I’d feel again. Not only that, what I feel for her is infinitely stronger than anything I ever felt for Nora.
“We’re not ending in a month, Amelia. It will simply be an adjustment in our plan.”
She smiles. The most breathtaking of smiles. A smile that smile holds the key to my heart. In this moment, I’d do anything for her. Anything to keep that smile going. Because that’s exactly what she’s done for me. She’s brought me back to a life I hadn’t realized I had given up on.
When love hurts you in the cruelest and most deceiving of ways, it’s easy to turn your back on it. Hell, it becomes a natural instinct. A method of self-preservation.
Amelia lost her parents, a guy she thought was her future, and then sunk her life into raising Layla. I got backstabbed by a woman I was planning on marrying. A woman I thought was my end game and when it turned out she was all things rotten, I became a one-date wonder.
But now I don’t just want one date or twenty. I want all the dates. I want all the moments. All the sunrises and sunsets. All the tears and smiles. I want Amelia and I’m pretty fucking positive I want her forever.
“What kind of adjustment?” she asks, cocking an eyebrow in my direction. “I’m hoping you have an idea because I’ve got nothing.”
“Well, you could marry me. For real.”
Her laugh tells me everything I need to know and the words, I love you so fucking much I can hardly function with holding it in a second longer, dies on my tongue. She thinks I’m joking when I’m not sure I actually am.
“Don’t joke about stuff like that. There has to be a real way to do this.”
She thinks I’m joking when I’m not sure I actually am.
Too soon?
Yeah, I know.
Insane?
Very likely.
Do I care?
Not really.
Problem is, we’re both hiding things. Me what I did to get Layla her full ‘scholarship’ for school. Her… well, I have no idea what she’s keeping from me, I just know it’s something. Her heart isn’t an open book. She may have laid part of it in my lap for me to pick up and hold beside mine, but she clutches the other half possessively, offers it cautiously, even as she loves selflessly.
“If you have a solution, I’m all ears.”
She shakes her head, her eyes glass
ing over. “I don’t want to talk about it anymore tonight,” she says on another sigh, this one heavier than the one before it. “I just want to be with you and enjoy our last night here.”
“We can do that.”
I dance with her against the rising moonlight, the sounds of the ocean on the shore our music. I hold her and we sway, sort of how we did at the reunion, lost in ourselves, in a moment. I close my eyes and my face dips into her neck. Breathing her in, I clutch her just a bit tighter, already feeling this slipping away from me.
Like I’m about to lose everything again.
But instead of it making me want to run, it’s making me rebel. Fight.
“I’m not letting you go,” I tell her.
“I don’t want you to let me go. Ever. But I’m not about to let you destroy your reputation with the media nor break your mother’s heart either.”
“Why is it one or the other?”
“Tell me how it’s not?” Her voice is almost pleading. “Tell me how we fix this. How we’re together and not engaged without telling your parents? I’ll do it, Oliver. I swear, I will. I’ll do anything.”
I open my mouth, and nothing comes out. No sound.
Because even though she’s brought me back to life. Even though she’s taught me how love should truly be. I can’t tell her I love her. I can’t tell her I need her. I can’t tell her anything because even though my mind is quick to forget, my heart isn’t. It reminds me of how badly we’ve been damaged.
“I don’t know, Amelia. I don’t know. I just have to imagine we’ll think of something.”
She doesn’t look so sure we will. “I thought we said no talking about this tonight,” she goes on, forcing me to dip her back until her fingers glide through the soft grains of the sand.
“How about I just dick you instead then?”
“What?” she snaps, bolting upright at my harsh tone.
“I’m thinking you could use a deep dicking. Might help things out. Get your mind straight where we’re concerned.”
Her eyes sparkle with life and challenge. “You think I need that?”
“Without a doubt,” I tell her, grinding into her.
“And what exactly do you think I need my mind straight on?”
I press into her. Deeper. Harder. My face mere inches from hers, I let her see the wild in my eyes. The fucking extremes floating uninhibited through my crazy.
“That you’re mine.” And that’s where it ends because I shut up any bullshit retort with my lips. I kiss her like the devil. Like a demon. Like a thief. “Argue it, Amelia. I fucking dare you.”
“The hot thing about badass bitches, Oliver, is that we don’t have to argue it. We might like that shit you alphas breathe down our throats, but we all know it’s us who own both you and your dicks.”
And that’s when I die. Almost literally. I absolutely collapse into the sand, dragging her down with me until she’s locked on top of me. My legs around hers. Arms around her back. Lips layered with hers.
“Where the fuck have you been, Amelia Atkins?”
She smiles like the first burst of morning sunshine after a week of rain. “Right here all along. Waiting on one particular alpha dick to find me. I am yours, Oliver. But you’re mine too. Don’t forget it.”
I laugh, utterly deranged. “You’re goddamn brilliant. I’m hard as a rock from that.”
“Good. Then you know I mean business.”
I roll us, pressing her into the sand. “Then you know I do too. When I tell you you’re mine, choices left the building along with common sense and better judgment.”
A giggle rolls through her, the water’s edge lapping up to meet us, soaking half our bodies in its cold kiss. “I swear I’ve heard that before.”
“Nah, baby, that’s all me. Oliver Fritz, super alpha dick. But it sounds sexy, right? Totally got your panties wet?”
“It’s not just my panties that are wet as hell. But I think you’re onto something there.”
I groan. Then I laugh. Because yeah, we’re both soaked. And cold. Damn, this ocean is frigid.
But her eyes. Her eyes are like stars. Luminous. Alluring. Home.
I’m home with her.
And no matter what comes our way, I’m not letting her go. No fucking way.
30
AMELIA
“Amelia, our last patient of the day got canceled,” Sagginalls says as I finish off the last bite of my peanut butter sandwich. No jelly this time. Things are way too tight right now for that.
“How come?” I ask, wrapping everything back up and tucking it inside my lunch bag.
“She came down with a cold and a fever. We’ll have to reschedule her.”
“Oh. Okay.” That’s seriously the best news I’ve had in a while. That means we’re done for the day.
As if reading my mind, he says, “Are you going to head out, or are you going to shower first?”
“I think I’ll just grab my stuff and head out.” I’ll shower at Oliver’s, whose shower is infinitely nicer than the locker room showers here.
“Okay. I’ll walk you out.”
I follow after him, through the halls of the day surgery wing, scooting into the locker room and throwing him a wave goodbye as I do. Instead of changing, I just grab my bag, tossing it onto my shoulder, but when I exit the locker room, Sagginalls is still there, waiting for me.
When he said walk me out, he clearly meant it.
We continue on in silence until I think he gets to the point where he can’t take it anymore. He slows his pace and I wonder if it’s because we haven’t spent much one-on-one time since Oliver came into the picture. Before that, he used to try and eat lunch with me, even when doctors never ever do that here. Or corner me for ‘patient’ conversations in the hall.
All that has stopped and now it’s like he has no idea how to interact with me.
“Am I allowed to ask what you’re doing this weekend?”
I inwardly grin at his tone. For such a cocky and arrogant man, he tucked tail and ran pretty quickly. Why it took a man entering my life for that to happen, I have no idea.
“Nothing all that much,” I say. “I’m going to Oliver’s tonight and then I’ll probably do something with Layla tomorrow.”
He pivots to face me. “You still don’t live with Oliver? You’ve been engaged for nearly three months now.”
I blanch at his that’s kinda weird expression. “Not yet. I wanted to wait until Layla was done with the school year before we moved in.”
“Right,” he says, but his entire demeanor changes. “Didn’t she finish school over a week ago?”
I swallow thickly, looking down at my feet. “Yes.”
He smiles now. Like he knows my engagement is bullshit, and he’s back in the game.
A fact he goes on to prove when he continues with, “Well, if you and Layla are interested, my niece, Clara, is in town, and I was thinking about going to the Museum of Science with her. Might be fun to go together. She’s fifteen and I’m sure she and Layla would get along well.”
“Um.” I have no idea what to say. “That sounds great, but Layla and I went pretty recently.”
“Think about it,” he pushes, a sparkle to his eyes. “Since you don’t have plans tomorrow with Oliver, I think we could have a lot of fun together.”
We step out into the hot Boston afternoon, the rush of the hospital flowing around us. He shifts into me, a lot closer than I’m comfortable with, and I step back. He’s undeterred. Fabulous. His head dips down, his grin impish.
“Have a good night, Amelia. I hope to see you tomorrow.”
And with a flirtatious wink, he strolls off. I puff out a breath, knowing I’m going to have to deal with him again like this. Especially when my engagement is set to end in two weeks. Something Oliver and I still haven’t figured out yet.
Shaking my head, I spin around only to slam directly into someone. “I’m so sorry,” I say, stumbling back a step and brushing a few strands of hair from my eyes.<
br />
“That’s alright, I’ve been waiting on you.”
I blink up, fighting the bright afternoon sun as I take in Dr. Fritz, Oliver’s dad standing tall before me.
“You were waiting on me?” is my only response.
“Yes,” he says, ushering me off to the side of the building, his hand on my upper arm as if to prevent me from getting away. “I saw on the OR schedule that your last patient got scrapped. I figured I’d wait out here for you.”
“Oh. Is everything alright? Is there a problem with Octavia?”
He stares down at me, his brown eyes as cold as they always are when he regards me. “Octavia is fine. She’s at home resting after her chemo yesterday. No, I came here to talk to you and that’s not something I wanted to do in the hospital.”
“Alright. What can I do for you, Dr. Fritz?”
“I know about your debt,” he says without any preamble.
I jar back at that, utterly stunned. An uneasy knot forms in my gut, making my half-digested sandwich feel like a lead weight. “How did you—”
“I have my ways,” he cuts me off. “It wasn’t exactly hard to find though. Anyone with half a brain could have. You’re in quite a bit of trouble, aren’t you? Barely making your minimum payments on your credit cards and student loans.”
I turn away from him at that, seething. I grit my teeth before I force myself to suck in a calming breath. It doesn’t help. I’m pissed. Nearby, a car honks its horn. People are on their phones, walking past us, and right now, it feels like my world is falling apart while everyone else’s goes on. Just another Friday afternoon for them.
“You had absolutely no right to—”
“I had every right,” he snaps, coming in closer, shifting me against the brick building. “You’re engaged to my son. You’re wearing my family’s heirloom on your hand. Another diamond on your neck. You’re taking advantage of my son.”
“No,” I bark, adamantly shaking my head. “I’m not.
He laughs cruelly. “You expect me to believe that? I know about what Oliver did for Layla.”
“What?”
“There are no full scholarships at Wilchester, Amelia. I know you’re aware of that. I know what Oliver did for Layla to get her ‘full scholarship’?” He puts air quotes around the word.
