by Maya Daniels
“I said three months and that’s today, isn’t it? The day only just started, so keep your voice down unless you wish to wake her up yourself. I want her awake more than you do, believe me. You won’t intimidate me, Lucifer. I’m too old for that.”
A gentle woman’s voice speaks and it sounds very familiar but I can’t place it. That doesn’t stop the warm feeling that spreads through my body just from hearing it. That makes me realize just how cold I’m feeling.
Why am I cold? I’m trying to remember, but nothing comes to mind. I remember the argument with Lucifer in the woods and walking back towards the house, breaking down in the front yard, eating and then…nothing. I wonder who they’re talking about but since I am unable to open my eyes, I start to get a bad feeling it’s me. Dread settles in my stomach. Three months...three months!! I feel panic trying to take over and finally I feel my arm twitch.
“She moved!” Lucifer says, excitement evident in his voice. It’s so palpable that it takes over me as well and I try my best to move again. I want to know what exactly is going on. No luck with that, and I start to feel discouraged.
“Don’t rush her, angel. If she moved, it means she can also hear us.” The gentle lady’s voice penetrates my panicked mind and I calm down a little. “Alexia, it’s okay, darling girl, take your time. It will take some doing until you open your eyes, just breathe and let your spirit take over. It’ll know what to do. Let the energy flow through you unobstructed.” She guides me in that gentle tone and I obey. I feel the warmth returning to my body slowly and I keep concentrating on my breath like she said. I feel the tiny trickle of energy starting from my feet. It feels like it’s trying to push through a barrier and I can’t understand why. I’m fully relaxed, yet the progress is very slow. I try guiding it for a little while, then I realize that’s my problem. I’m trying to control it, so I surrender. Within a second, the warmth washes over my entire being like a river and I bask in its warmth. It feels safe, the only warm embrace I can feel now and I stop thinking, worrying, doing, and I just let it pass through me as it wishes.
“Her color is much better now,” Lucifer mumbles close to my ears and I smile internally. He sounds like a mother hen. Who would’ve expected that from the angel? Not me, that’s for sure.
“If anyone hears you, they’ll think you care about me, angel.” I was thinking it, but somehow I hear my faint voice mumbling the words.
“That’s the first thing that comes out of your mouth, witch? After you almost killed me with worry, and I am immortal, need I remind you?” he reprimands, but I can hear the relief in his voice. He really was worried.
“What happened exactly? I can’t remember…and why can’t I move or open my eyes?” I whisper/mumble to no one in particular.
“You almost bled to death, witch. It was coming out from everywhere! I never knew a tiny thing like you had so much…” Lucifer starts right on point, but he gets cut off sternly by the lady that I still can’t place, yet the voice is so familiar.
“You obviously know nothing, angel. Let her recover first before you scare the child to death. What do you men know of the Holy Grail?” she snaps, and I hear Lucifer growl deep in his throat. I want to laugh so much but her last words get my attention.
“What do you mean, ‘Holy Grail’?” I ask as I start feeling the sensations coming back to my arms and legs.
“Good, you started moving a little. Try to wiggle your fingers and toes and tell me how it feels,” she guides, totally ignoring my question. I do as she says, but I need answers, so I continue.
“The Holy Grail. What about it? I don’t have the artifact, so what does that have to do with anything?” My voice is also getting stronger although still only a little above a whisper. Deep breaths, Al, you’ll get there, I tell myself. The lady laughs wholeheartedly, like what I asked is silly or amusing and it frustrates me. I guess the anger is at least still there.
“In the blood coursing through our veins, we carry our lineage, all those who have come before us as well as those that will follow. As big of an honor that is, we also carry past karma with it. After your initiation, Lucifer said you were awakened. We, as women, go through the cycle many times in a lifetime…some more than others,” she quietly says the last words. I thought that’s all I’m getting so I get ready to ask my question again when she takes a deep breath and continues.
“The transmutation of negative energies and karma is done in the Holy Grail, our womb. That is the Holy Grail, where creation is done. It hurts me that all women have been deprived of this knowledge and with that, they suffer through lifetimes.”
My mind is spinning. We all have the Holy Grail in us? All women? What the fuck?! I’m screaming in my head. How is that even possible?! I’m sure there would’ve been stories or something written that I would’ve read. What she’s saying is so out there that at first, I want to laugh, but the more I think about it, the more I realize it’s not her that’s being crazy. It’s me for automatically dismissing it.
“I want to hear more about this, but I can’t understand what that has to do with what happened to me,” I mumble, my mind spinning, trying to put the pieces of the puzzle together.
“You went through a cleansing, child. I can’t be sure what karmic debt you carried, but I’m grateful to the Goddess it manifested the way it did, and believe me, I know how bad that sounds considering we nearly lost you,” she says with a heavy sigh.
While she is talking, I feel my eyelids slowly, lazily start to open. As I try to see, there is only a sliver of light, and it’s so bright that I close them fast with a moan.
“It’s too bright, it hurts,” I moan loud enough to surprise even myself. My voice is coming back. I hear movement and by the energy that accompanies it, I know it’s Lucifer. You don’t have to see him to feel him. His power prickles your skin like ants crawling all over it. If that’s how I feel it, I can only imagine how it feels to normal people. I hear rustling of curtains and through my closed eyelids, I can tell blessed darkness is around me. My eyes still hurt from the light. Slowly I try to open them again, fearful of the pain I experienced a minute ago. Who would’ve thought with my “I’m a badass witch” attitude, that I would fear a little pain. It’s dark but not too dark to see. I look to my right and see Lucifer’s handsome face etched with worry looming over me. It still pisses me off that he’s so perfect. I mean come on, it’s not fair. As I have that thought, memories come rushing back from that evening that ended with lights out for me for three months. That surges urgency in me and my heart starts beating faster. All that time lost when I could’ve been looking for my sisters.
“I need to move,” I say out loud and I try to sit up. Well, that’s not in the stars for me, because, first, I don’t think I can sit up, and second, Lucifer puts his hand, which I think I can literally fit my head in, on my shoulder to hold me still.
“Don’t you start again, now, witch, I’ve just about had it with you and your attitude,” he grumbles.
“Three months, Lucifer, all this time has passed and who knows what is going on and if they are okay. I have to move. I need to get up and do something.” Desperately I plead with him and the treacherous tears start spilling from the corners of my eyes. I can’t stop them. He picks them off my face on his finger and looks at them with fascination.
“You can’t do anything for a day or two, Alexia, so instead of forcing it, let it run its course. The more you try to force it, the more it’ll delay your recovery,” the familiar voice says from my left and I turn my head in her direction. I totally forgot she was here.
At first I think I’m seeing things, but as she smiles and takes my hand in hers, I feel her energy connect with mine. My eyes widen in surprise.
“Daisy! What are you doing here?” I exclaim, so happy to see her kind blue eyes gazing at me lovingly. I missed her so much during the ordeal I went through in the eight months or so since I last saw her. She is smiling but I see the concern in her eyes, even when she tries to hide
it to keep me from worrying.
“Hello, beautiful girl. I couldn’t leave you in the hands of a frustrated angel now, could I? And a scared one at that, if I might add,” she says cheekily, and I look at Lucifer, who’s staring daggers at her. It makes me laugh. Oh, oh! The daggers are aimed at me now and I give him a big toothy grin.
“Was the big bad Lucifer scared that the witch would die on his watch?” I tease him and I can see he’s trying hard to keep the stern look on his face. The corners of his mouth start twitching and he eventually gives up and chuckles.
“Women! You can drive anyone mad, angel or not!” He shakes his head and we all laugh a little.
“How did you find her?” I ask him. He looks at me like I’ve finally lost it. I see him look at Daisy too and understanding dawns in his eyes. He shakes his head.
“And the web keeps unraveling,” is all he says while he walks towards the door.
“Hey! Where are you going?” I call after him.
“You two have things to talk about. I’ll go stretch my win….legs, I mean. I’ll be back shortly,” he says over his shoulder and bending his head a little, exits the room. I need taller doors in this house if he plans to stick around, is always the thought whenever I see him walk through a doorway. I turn my attention to Daisy, who’s sitting on the edge of the bed still holding my hand.
“What is he on about?”
“Ever since you were fifteen years old, I have been entrusted to watch over you. Margaret was solitary in her hope to protect you but whenever she needed help, she would come to me. We were childhood friends, us two. We even did our first ritual together,” she starts telling me and the sadness in her eyes is breaking my heart.
“You knew my grandmother?” I ask, shocked. I can’t understand how this is even possible. I moved from country to country in hopes to stay away from that part of my life.
“Oh yes, very well indeed. I knew you’d be a handful, but you exceeded even my expectations.” She shakes her head. “I stayed in the shadows, keeping an eye on you and not interfering in your life, even when I wanted to, so that I wouldn’t alter your destiny. It killed me at times to stay back. When you moved here, I had my opening to get closer. A friend of mine got me the job at ‘Wilson’s and Associates Adept Research,’ and I made sure to plant some seeds there about the benefits of branching out into quantum physics. Within a month you started working in the same company,” she explains with a smile.
I can’t believe what I’m hearing. All this is like something from a movie. Do things like this even happen to people?! I’m wondering while my mind is trying to process the implications of all this. Bloody hell! “I don’t even know what to say, to be honest,” I tell her truthfully. “It sounds like a movie script.”
“I don’t doubt it, Al, and I’m sure you’ll have more questions, but I would like you to try to eat a little or even drink a glass of water. All you’ve had for a long time is infusions and Lucifer was feeding your body with his energy.” She stands up and walks towards the tallboy in the corner, where she pours me a glass of water from the pitcher there. I’m watching her mutely while everything they’ve said since I woke up races through my head. She hands me the glass and as I take it, she lifts my upper body and props me up with more pillows so that I’m half-sitting on the bed. I take a little sip slowly because my hands are shaking from being limp for so long. I use both hands to lift the glass to my lips. As the water touches my tongue, I realize how thirsty I am, and I lift the glass more, drinking all the water in a couple of gulps. Water runs from the corners of my mouth down my neck, but I couldn’t care less.
“More, please.” I hand her the glass while struggling to get air into my lungs. I think she wants to protest, but as she looks at me, her eyes widen for a second and she just nods her head once and brings the pitcher of water with her. Five glasses of water later, I still feel like I want more.
“That’s enough. Have a little break. If you’re still thirsty later, I’ll give you more,” she says and takes my glass.
Now that I’m not as thirsty, I feel my shirt. It’s soaked along with the sheets covering me and I think about my behavior. What on earth is wrong with me, drinking like an animal, gulping the water like someone’s going to take it away from me? Lucifer’s right, there’s something wrong with me. I look at Daisy, who’s sitting on the edge of the bed again and observing me carefully like I’m some wounded animal that might bite. What the hell?! Like my thoughts have summoned him, he opens the door and walks in, bending his head again to walk through the door. Stupid doors! He looks first straight at me, then turns his head to look at Daisy. She looks back over her shoulder and I don’t know what he saw in her face, but in two steps he is beside my bed, and he lifts my face towards him, holding my chin gently between two fingers. He turns my head this way and that, touches my neck with his other hand and lastly, he looks at my eyes. I don’t know if I ever mentioned how unnerving it is to look angels or gods in their eyes. It feels like they look into your soul, like you can’t hide anything from them, even the things you hide from yourself. And that, my friend, is some scary shit, I swear. I try to pull my head back, but he holds me still with his other hand.
“What the fuck, Lucifer. You’re creeping me out. You know I don’t like it when you stare at me like that. It’s unnerving,” I say angrily.
“That’s fine, hate it all you like. I need to see your eyes,” he says, more to himself than me. I worry now, thinking something went wrong while I was unconscious.
“What’s wrong with my eyes?” You can hear the fear in my voice and I hate it.
“Nothing is wrong. As a matter of fact, finally things are looking right,” he says and something like excitement and longing flashes in his eyes but I can’t be sure, it happens so fast. He gives me a devilish smile and he winks at me. What an ass!
“Seriously?? You just act like I’m about to sprout horns with your inspection, and now you’re winking? What the fuck is wrong with you people?!” My voice rises with each word. I start to feel tired again for no reason, like I didn’t just spend three months with my eyes closed. I can’t suppress the yawn that stretches my mouth until my jaw cracks.
“You should nap a little, Al, I know you just woke up, but your body needs to adjust. These will be short naps, I assure you,” Daisy says while patting my hand.
“I don’t want to nap. I want to be able to get up and go find my friends. The Goddess only knows what’s happening to them while I sleep here like an idiot,” I start protesting. “And you didn’t finish telling me everything, either,” I remind her.
“There’s time for the stories later. Until your body integrates properly, you’re not going anywhere, so better rest instead of making the process longer than it should be.”
She stands up and starts picking up things I didn’t notice in the room. A small bowl of water with a towel in it, the pitcher, bags of drips I assume they used on me and so many more items. Seeing all of that makes me feel bad for bitching. It’s not their fault that I apparently almost bled to death.
“I’m sorry, Daisy, I don’t mean to be bitchy. I’ve just been very angry lately and I can’t get out of it no matter how hard I try,” I say, more to myself than her.
She looks at me, as always, with kindness and sadness in her eyes, and I want to start crying but I fight the urge with everything in me. We regard each other for a minute before she releases a deep sigh and drops everything she was holding on the floor. She walks back to me and sits on the bed.
“I understand you, Alexia. Believe me, I do. Lucifer told me what happened that night and anyone could understand why you feel the way you do. I wish I had some words of wisdom to help you, but I don’t. We are our own healers as much as we are our own tormentors. Can you possibly go back in time and change what happened?” she asks softly. As I open my mouth to start asking if there is such a possibility, she cuts me off. “No, you can’t change the past. What you can do, however, is make the present count so you c
an create your future. Do you want to be angry and poison yourself with it? In anger, you’ll be impulsive and make mistakes. From what I know, there’s not much room left for mistakes when it comes to saving the people you love. Don’t get me wrong, they do happen and they always will. It’s inevitable. But! If you use that anger creatively, you’ll avoid many and get where you need to be sooner than you think.”
“Will you tell me more about the Holy Grail you spoke about? And before you say I need to nap,” I raise a shaky hand to stop her from lecturing me, “I feel it all the way to my core that it’s important. I wanted to laugh when you said it, but I can’t stop thinking about it, and I feel an urgency that I can’t explain,” I tell her honestly, pleading with my eyes. I can’t explain why I feel like I must know this, no matter how hard I try. She seems to understand because she gets comfortable, curls one leg under her and leans on the bed where my legs are stretched motionless. I do my best to move them a little so she has more room.
“No need to move. I’m fine,” she smiles, and I smile back at her. “Ever since we can remember, or as has been recorded, I should say, the patriarchy has tried to hide this little fact from us in the power struggle. You see, we all keep talking about how we want equality with men without understanding that a man can never be an equal to a woman. Not because of mundane reasons that circulate left and right without understanding what that actually means. We cannot be equal simply because we have the Holy Grail in us - our womb is the creator. Men can connect with it only through their mother’s womb. It’s where matter and spirit are woven into one to create life. Do you understand?” She is looking at me, and her eyes are so focused, it brings my entire existence to attention. I can feel in my bones how important this is. So I look her straight in the eyes, not moving, showing that I’m present and that I hear and understand what she is telling me. It must be what she wanted to see, because she nods her head in approval.
