by Jae
"I'll try." A subdued Mrs. LeCroix left Dawn's office.
Dawn took one last sip of her now cold tea and went to fetch her young patient from the waiting room. As she crossed the reception area, she caught a glimpse of Evan Whitfield talking to someone in the waiting room and stopped for a moment to watch.
A slender blond girl of about Evan's age sat in the chair next to Evan, talking animatedly. Dawn had a feeling she had seen the girl before but wasn't sure where. She's probably one of Janet's patients, and I saw her in the waiting room before.
Dawn watched as the blond girl gestured while she talked. Evan just sat and listened with her trademark stoic expression. The girl didn't let that bother her. She touched Evan's arm, obviously asking some question about her tattoo.
Dawn expected Evan to scowl and move away from the uninvited touch, but Evan just looked down at the smaller girl with a confident half smile that once again reminded Dawn of Aiden. Where's that "touch me and I'll bite off your arm" attitude gone? She clearly remembered how Evan had refused to even shake her hand. Guess you just have to be young, blond, and attractive. Wait, I am young, blond, and attractive. She watched the teenagers with a smile. Face it, Kinsley, you're getting old.
She stepped into the waiting room.
The blond girl greeted her with a friendly smile while Evan clearly wasn't very happy to see her.
"Hello, Evan," Dawn said. "I'm sorry to interrupt you and your friend –"
"She's not my friend!" Evan growled, ignoring the girl and her hurt expression. "Just a fellow sufferer whose parents think therapy is fashionable." She stood without giving the blond girl another glance and strode toward Dawn's office. "You coming, Doc?" she said over her shoulder. "You're wasting my time and money. I'm your paying customer after all, and she isn't."
She's embarrassed that I saw her being nice to someone, Dawn realized, and now she has to reestablish her bad-girl persona. It wouldn't do to have me think she was softhearted, after all. She gave the blond girl an apologetic smile and followed Evan into her office. Evan had chosen her usual chair, so Dawn moved around her desk and sat down behind it. "Why did you hurt her?" Dawn asked, pointing to the now closed door and the waiting area beyond.
"Did I?" Evan shrugged, pretending not to care at all.
Dawn fixed her with a stern gaze. "Do you know her?"
"Not in the biblical sense," Evan answered, "at least not yet." She flashed a confident grin.
Dawn very nearly rolled her eyes. "Do you know her name?" she asked more precisely.
"Lori or Lauren or something." Evan shrugged. "I usually don't ask girls their names. Too much trouble to keep them all straight. No pun intended, of course." She winked at Dawn.
Dear God! If this is what raising a child that's even a bit like Aiden is like, I should probably reconsider my plans for motherhood. Dawn thought with a mental shake of her head. "Who's wasting time and money now?" she asked, looking Evan right in the eyes. "Why did you hurt her? And try to give an honest answer this time. You don't need to impress me with cool repartees."
Evan looked down, studying the knickknacks on Dawn's desk. "It wasn't that bad," she mumbled. "It was supposed to be funny, and if she had any sense of humor –"
"Do you find it funny when people tell you straight out you're not their friend and imply it's a waste of time to talk to you?" Dawn interrupted another lame excuse.
"Hey, you just implied that about me, Doc," Evan pointed out with a grin.
Dawn didn't acknowledge that with an answer. She just looked at Evan.
"Okay, maybe it wasn't all that funny," Evan conceded.
"Why say it, then?" Dawn dug deeper. "Why did you go out of your way to be rude to her? She seemed nice, and I don't think she did anything to deserve that kind of treatment, did she?" She managed to make it sound like a neutral question, not as if she was telling Evan off.
Evan shrugged, still not looking at Dawn. "People don't always get what they deserve. Who said life was fair, Doc?"
"Your life or life in general?" Dawn asked. They were getting closer to the issue now. Evan hated her life, maybe even hated herself, and she tended to take it out on others.
"Both, I guess," Evan answered with another bored shrug.
Dawn nodded thoughtfully. "So what's so unfair about your life?"
"Oh, is this the part where you want me to spill my guts about my unhappy childhood, Doc?" Evan gave her an arrogant smirk, but one of her knees began to bounce up and down, betraying her nervousness.
"Tell me about it," Dawn encouraged without bothering to correct Evan's choice of words. She knew Evan was trying to get her to start a discussion about her provocations, just so she wouldn't have to talk about herself and her feelings. "What were you like as a child?"
Evan threw her head back in an exaggerated laugh. "Oh, I was a sweet little angel. Why else would no one want to adopt me?"
She blames herself, thinks there's something wrong with her. "How old were you when they put you in the foster system?"
Evan glared at her but answered, "Six."
"And before that? Did you live with your mother?" Dawn asked.
Evan roughly shook her head.
"Why not?" Dawn knew she was prying, but she needed to know more about Evan's family history if she wanted to understand her. "Did she... die?"
"I wish." Evan snorted. "Nope. Last I heard, she was still alive and kickin'."
So she's not dead. She somehow chose to give up her daughter. That's where all this anger and secret self-doubts are coming from. "Why couldn't she keep you, then? Did she think she was too young or too poor to be a good mother?" Dawn asked softly.
"She didn't want to be a mother!" Evan was almost screaming at her.
Dawn didn't believe it was that simple. "But she chose to have you anyway. She gave birth to you."
"That wasn't her idea. She would have killed me without a second thought, but my grandmother talked her out of it." Evan's voice was low and empty now, all her anger gone. For the first time, something like respect, if not affection, flickered across her face.
"So you lived with your mother and grandmother until you were six?" Dawn asked, trying to put the puzzle together.
"You think good old Mom stuck around long enough to meet me, huh?" Now the sarcasm was back full force. "Dream on, Doc; she didn't."
"I'm sorry to hear that," Dawn said sincerely. She knew Evan didn't want to hear it, but she needed to say it anyway. She wanted to show Evan that she was allowed to show feelings other than anger about her mother's abandonment of her.
Evan snatched a stress ball from Dawn's desk. For a moment, she looked as if she wanted to throw it at Dawn. "I don't need your sympathy!"
"I'm not only sorry for you. I'm sorry for your mother too," Dawn explained. It was a calculated answer, and it provoked the explosion she had expected.
"What? Why would you feel sorry for her?" Evan squeezed the stress ball until her knuckles whitened. "She got what she wanted!"
Dawn shifted onto the edge of her chair, leaning closer. "I'm sorry for her because she missed out on a lot of things."
"Like what? Paying for the therapy bills of her messed-up daughter?" Evan snapped. "Visiting me in juvie? Having to reheat dinner because I'm stuck in detention again?"
Dawn waited until Evan had calmed down enough to hear her answer. "The way you just said that, you didn't make it sound like accomplishments. You're not as proud of being a badass as you want everybody to believe."
"Hey, it's what I'm good at," Evan tossed back with a grin that didn't quite reach her usual level of confidence.
"I'm sure there are other things you're good at besides breaking the rules," Dawn said. I'd bet she's a little like Aiden not only in the looks department. She's probably good at every sport she tries. She's physically fit, intelligent, and charming if she wants to be. Now I only have to get her to see herself in that light.
Evan smirked and opened her mouth for an answer.
"I don
't want the smart-ass version," Dawn interrupted before she could say anything. "I want you to think about it and answer honestly." She had a feeling Evan had been about to give her a list of sexual activities or something like that.
"Well, if you put it like that, I guess I'm not good at anything." Evan leaned back, folding her arms across her chest as she had at the very beginning of their first session.
"Then that's your homework," Dawn decided. "Until your next session on Monday, I want you to find something you're good at. Write about it and describe it to me." She handed Evan a notepad.
Evan negligently threw the notepad down at the floor next to her chair. "I'm good at forgetting to do my homework."
"Something positive," Dawn said, slowly pronouncing every syllable. "I want you to find something positive you're good at. And I mean my definition of positive, not yours." She smiled at Evan but kept her gaze firm.
"All right, I'll try," Evan promised vaguely but didn't pick up the notepad.
"So, let's talk about your grandmother," Dawn said.
Evan slid down in her chair and sprawled her legs out until she was almost lying in her chair. "Nothing to talk about. She's dead."
She died when Evan was six. That's why they put her into foster care, Dawn concluded. Talking to Evan was like pulling teeth, and she had to put the pieces of information together on her own. "Was she a good substitute parent?" she asked Evan.
Evan's leather jacket creaked as she shrugged.
Dawn noticed for the first time that Evan had yet to take off that article of clothing. Layers of protection. "Can you give a more detailed answer?"
"I guess," Evan mumbled. "She didn't beat me or anything."
"But that's not enough to make a good parent, is it? Otherwise, you'd be a lot happier to stay with your foster parents," Dawn said gently.
Evan looked up, surprise clearly written all over her face for the second it took her to put on her mask of bored stoicism again.
She didn't expect me to question the LeCroixs' qualities as parents when everyone else thinks she's the only one to blame for things not going well. "Why don't you tell me a little about her," she suggested, leaning back in her chair again.
"About Jill or my grandmother?" Evan asked, still looking a little unsettled.
This time, it was Dawn's turn to shrug. "Whoever you want to start with."
Evan eyed her for a few seconds. "You already had a little chat with Jill, so you probably already know everything of interest about her." There was a silent accusation in her voice.
Shit. I should have addressed that sooner. Dawn stood and circled the desk, perching on the edge of it right next to Evan's chair. "Yes, she was here in my office earlier. I'm sorry I haven't told you."
"You're not even denying it?" Evan asked in disbelief.
"Why should I?" Dawn answered as calmly as possible. "I have nothing to hide from you."
"Whooo-hoooo!" Evan whistled lewdly and wiggled her eyebrows.
Dawn knew that only served to hide how hurt she was. "Evan," she said and waited until the teenager looked up. "I made it very clear to your foster mother that I'm your therapist, not hers. Our sessions are strictly confidential. I don't report to her."
Evan snorted. "She's the one who pays your bills."
"I don't care about the bills. I care about you." Dawn cursed herself as soon as she had said it. "I care about helping you," she quickly amended, not wanting to give Evan room for any misinterpretations.
Evan was silent for a long time. When she looked up, the anger and hurt were gone from her face. "Jill hasn't thumped me over the head with her Bible or thrown me out of the house for sleeping with a girl, so you probably haven't told her yet."
"I didn't," Dawn said, keeping eye contact to show Evan that she wasn't hiding anything. "And I won't."
"We'll see," Evan answered noncommittally.
Dawn just nodded. She knew it would take time to earn Evan's trust. "Is there a reason why you haven't told your foster mother that you like girls? You weren't exactly shy about it with me, so why hide it from her?"
"I'm not hiding it," Evan said. "It just hasn't come up. We don't talk a lot."
Dawn could easily believe that. Evan wasn't willing to talk, and Mrs. LeCroix wasn't willing to listen. She wasn't listening to what Evan's rebellious behavior was saying either. Still, Dawn was convinced there was another reason why Evan hadn't thrown her sexual orientation in Jill LeCroix's face. "Are you afraid to tell her?"
"Afraid? Ha!" Evan slapped her jean-clad thighs.
Dawn shook her head. "Don't laugh it off so easily. Coming out to people you depend on can be a scary thing because you don't know how they'll react."
"I don't care about her reaction or what she thinks about me." Evan protested. "And I certainly don't depend on her. If she doesn't want to live under the same roof with a queer, I'll just be shuffled off to yet another foster home. Who cares?"
"Do you know why Jill wanted to talk to me?" Dawn asked, seemingly changing the topic.
"She's a nosy bitch; that's why!" Evan grumbled.
Dawn ignored the comment. "She's worried about you." She talked right over Evan's sarcastic snort. "She's afraid you're gonna hurt yourself with drugs or partying... and that you might get pregnant."
Evan didn't seem surprised to hear that. "No chance of that," she said, amusement coloring her voice. "My bedpartners lack the kind of equipment you'd need for that."
"Yes, but Jill doesn't know that." Dawn abstained from telling Evan that even if she couldn't get pregnant, STDs were still a concern. That would be a topic for another session. "You purposely let her believe you're sleeping with the boys you hang around."
"I'm not responsible for the stupid assumptions she makes," Evan said, but the gleam in her brown eyes told Dawn she had enjoyed letting her foster mother believe it.
Dawn threw a quick glance at the small clock on her desk. "Our time's up for today."
"Oh, how time flies when you're having fun," Evan commented, the sarcasm very evident in her voice.
Dawn bit back a witty answer and ignored the comment. "Until our next session on Monday, I want you to think about why you enjoy letting Jill worry about you."
"More homework?" Evan groaned.
"Well," Dawn said with her sweetest smile, "you did say you were bored, didn't you?"
Evan's expression didn't change, but Dawn had studied her facial expressions and body language for two hours now. She had the impression that Evan barely managed to hold back an answering smile. "I have to watch what I say around you in the future, Doc," Evan said after a moment of silence.
"No, you don't," Dawn said very seriously. "That's what therapy is all about. You can say whatever you want as long as you try to be honest with yourself."
Evan stood and strode toward the door without answering.
Dawn didn't even need to look to know that the notepad with her homework instruction was still lying next to her chair. "Aren't you forgetting something?"
"You want me to kiss you good-bye?" Evan flashed a grin over her shoulder.
God, I hope there's a special place in therapists' heaven reserved for me for agreeing to take her on! "No, thanks," she answered without batting an eye. She threw Evan the notepad. "See you Monday."
CHAPTER 7
KADE'S SNEAKERS crunched over the gravel as she paced up and down to keep warm. It was five past six, and the sun was slowly starting to rise over the Riverplace Marina, but Del Vasquez wasn't there to see it.
Kade shot a glance back up into the direction of her condo building. This was a bad idea, she told herself. Remember how your last "date" with her ended? Wasn't once enough? Since when are you a glutton for punishment? Five more minutes and I'll go back home or go running without her.
She had barely finished the thought when the crunching of gravel made her look up.
Del was charging down the path toward the marina at full speed.
Kade pointedly glanced at her watch.
Del skidded to a halt in front of Kade. "Sorry, I –" She stopped and bent over to catch her breath.
Kade watched, alternating between irritation and amusement. "I thought we'd go running together, and here you are, looking as if you already had your morning run."
