She had no set clinics on Friday so it was easy to book a day’s holiday. She was up early. If she had to go, then she would enjoy it.
Driving to Leeds was easy. She parked near the centre and had a happy couple of hours walking round the shops. After an early lunch she drove to the outskirts of the city and parked in the hospital grounds. Her appointment was for one forty-five . She was early but Mr Smilie was ready for her.
‘Ah, Midwife Pierce! Another one bringing babies into the world. Now, how have you been?’
She liked Mr Smilie. She was comfortable with the kindly man and he treated her like a daughter. Vaguely she wondered how old he was, deciding he must be nearing sixty-five, when all National Health consultants had to retire.
Quickly he went through the usual examination. It was what she was used to, largely what, indeed, she gave to her own mums. As she’d expected, there was no change in anything. But this time she wasn’t to smile, shake hands and leave. She had asked for a further examination, for an answer to a specific question. ‘I gather you have more to ask me, Lyn?’ Mr Smilie said calmly.
She still hesitated. Just to ask the question meant making a commitment to herself, meant she was thinking about things that until recently had been forbidden. It was a question that would open doors she had kept firmly closed.
‘Mr Smilie, when I first came to see you over three years ago, you told me not to try to have children for at least a year and then to come and see you again. After that my … my husband was killed and it didn’t really matter. But what if …? Could I have children now?’
She had asked him and now there was no going back. Later she would have to ask herself again – why did she want to know? She couldn’t pretend that it was just curiosity.
He looked at her thoughtfully. ‘I take it that there’s a reason for the question.’ Then a smile spread across his face. ‘Are you thinking of getting married again? You’ve met a good man?’
She couldn’t give him an honest answer. She didn’t know the answer to that question herself. So she said hurriedly, ‘No, I’m not thinking of getting married. But who knows what the future might bring? I’d just like to know.’
Mr Smilie nodded and flipped through her notes. ‘Well, there was a fair amount of scarring. Just how competent are your Fallopian tubes … your cervix … I don’t know.’ He frowned, the smiled. ‘I’ve arranged to send you for the usual battery of tests – bloods, ultrasound, X-ray. I can’t tell from the examination I’ve just conducted. You obviously want to know quickly so we’ll cut a few corners. It would be a pity if we baby-bringers couldn’t help each other.’
He took a set of forms from his desk, started to scribble on them. ‘You’re jumping the queue so you’re going to have a busy time. You can have all the tests this afternoon and I’ll write to you in a few days when I’ve reviewed the results.’
Lyn was silent. What had she started?
All the way through the journey back to Keldale the question kept hammering at her. Why had she asked if she could have babies? Was it just idle curiosity? She couldn’t or wouldn’t give herself an answer. Obviously it was something to do with Adam Fletcher. But further than that she would not go.
Now Lyn was actively looking forward to spending Saturday with Adam – and also very curious. She met him in the corridor at the surgery a couple of times and asked him again where they were going. He wouldn’t tell. ‘Surprises are always fun,’ he told her with a grin. ‘I want to surprise you. And whatever you wear will be fine.’
Saturday was another really fine day. Lyn spent quite a lot of time thinking, then dressed in light trousers with a pink blouse and a grey leather jacket. Casual, but smart too. It seemed to cover every eventuality.
They’d agreed that they would set off at eleven. She heard Adam leave at nine o’clock and come back an hour later. Then he knocked on her door at eleven and they were off.
He was dressed equally casually, in dark grey trousers and a dark blue shirt. Whatever they were to do, they were dressed alike.
Like most of the others in the practice, he had bought a four-wheel drive vehicle. She noticed that in the back of it there were two large cardboard boxes. ‘What type of trip are we going on?’ she asked. ‘What’s in those boxes?’
‘All will be revealed. You’re going to see what I do best – and like most.’ More than that he wouldn’t say.
They drove past Keldale onto the motorway and headed south. After a while he turned off, threaded his way through obviously well-known back roads and emerged somewhere on the outskirts of Lancaster. Then, in a pleasant, older suburb, he turned into the drive of a semi, stopped and beeped his horn.
Only then did he turn to her, and she thought she could see doubt and hope in his expression.
‘Hope you’re going to enjoy yourself,’ he said. ‘This might not be what you were expecting.’
Down the drive ran a boy and a girl, Lyn guessed the boy to be aged about seven, the girl nine. ‘Uncle Adam, Uncle Adam,’ they both shouted, obviously excited to see him. He opened the car door and the girl kissed him, but the boy didn’t.
Adam turned to Lyn with a rueful expression. ‘My nephew John and my niece Bella. I told you we’d come to do what I like most. I’ve brought you to meet the only family I have.’
Now a smiling, attractive woman, slightly older than Adam, came down the drive. She hugged and kissed him, held onto his hand. ‘Adam, it’s so good to see you!’ Then she turned questioningly to Lyn, who had just got out of the car. ‘And you must be Lyn.’
‘My sister Emma,’ said Adam. ‘We’re very close. We’ve been through a lot together.’
Lyn saw the way they looked at each other, stood close together. ‘I can believe it,’ she said.
Emma shook her hand, then leaned forward and hugged her. ‘He’s a terrible man, my brother,’ she said. ‘He’s told me a lot about you and I’ve been wanting to meet you.’ She stood back and surveyed Lyn. ‘He said you were lovely.’
Lyn blushed. ‘He didn’t tell me about you,’ she said.
‘Well, that’s good. Now, d’you want to come inside for a minute because I gather we’re …?’
‘Uncle Adam, Uncle Adam, where’s our picnic? You said you would take us on a picnic!’
‘It’s in the back, monsters! But nothing to eat till we get to the seaside. We have to have a run on the sands first.’
‘Give Uncle Adam a chance,’ Emma said, ‘and come and say hello to Auntie Lyn.’ Dutifully the two children shook hands. Lyn was aware of being scrutinised.
‘Uncle Adam’s never brought a lady before,’ Bella said.
‘Inside, you two,’ said Emma briskly. ‘We’ll set off on the picnic in ten minutes.’
They were shown into a pleasant living room where a picture of a smiling bearded man caught Lyn’s attention.
‘That’s my daddy,’ Bella said, seeing Lyn looking at the picture.
‘My husband Ben,’ Emma said. ‘He’s away on an oil rig at the moment but we’re going to see him again in a couple of weeks.’
Lyn couldn’t help asking. ‘Is he away much?’
‘He’s away a lot and we miss him. But it’s a life he loves, though he loves us, too. And it’s wonderful when he does come home. So we manage. And now that Adam’s so close that we see a lot of him, I hope he doesn’t go back to London.’
‘He seems to be very happy in Keldale,’ Lyn said, ‘and he’s a good doctor.’ She wasn’t sure what else to say.
At the children’s insistence they decided not to have a drink but to set off for the seaside at once. Adam drove through Lancaster, along a canal and then to a village where there were miles of golden sands. They parked easily, and Emma and Lyn unpacked onto a handy picnic table while Adam rolled up his trousers and took John and Bella for a run and a paddle.
‘I gather you live next to Adam,’ Emma said casually. ‘He’s lucky to find somewhere so close to his place of work.’
‘They’re nice little cott
ages,’ Lyn admitted, ‘but I would have thought he’d find them a bit … well, simple after apparently living in a luxury flat in London.’
‘You’ve not been to his flat?’
‘No. We haven’t really known each other for very long. I don’t think I’m on visiting-his-London-flat terms.’
‘You will be,’ Emma said cheerfully, ‘or, at least, I hope you will be. The London flat is great for a weekend or four or five days. I’ve often been with the kids, but I wouldn’t want to live there. A rackety sort of life he leads. He’s better off up here.’
The children then came back, puffing and panting, saying that they’d run for miles and that they’d seen little crabs in the water and some seaweed and fishing boats, and wasn’t it time for the picnic now? Emma rubbed dirty hands with a roll of wipes and then the five of them sat to eat. There was a Thermos of coffee for the adults and soft drinks for the children. And the picnic was marvellous. Lyn knew the firm that had packed it. They were usually very good but this time they’d excelled themselves.
‘What d’you do, Auntie Lyn?’ Bella asked after a while.
‘I’m a midwife. I help ladies have babies.’
‘Uncle Adam is a doctor, he helps people when they’re sick. Is it like that?’
‘Yes, but having a baby isn’t the same as being sick. Most people I work with really like having a baby.’
‘But doesn’t it hurt? I saw this film on telly when Mummy was out of the room and this lady having a baby was shouting ever so loudly.’ Bella was wide-eyed.
‘Well, yes, it can hurt,’ Lyn allowed, ‘but it’s over quite quickly and we have drugs and things to make it easier. People are happy about it afterwards.’
She saw Emma’s smiling face. Emma winked. ‘That’s what my midwife said. I was happy about it afterwards, but at the time I wasn’t so sure.’
After they had finished the picnic they packed what remained into the cardboard boxes and went together for another walk. But it had been a long warm day in the open air and after a while the children started to flag. ‘Time to get two little ones bathed and in front of the television,’ Adam said. ‘What d’you want to watch tonight Bella?’
‘I read mostly now,’ Bella said with dignity. ‘Television is for children.’
‘Sorry,’ murmured Adam, somehow keeping his face straight.
Lyn had enjoyed herself, she’d had a gentle relaxing day. It had been completely the opposite of what she had been half expecting – and because of that it had been more pleasant.
They drove back to Emma’s house, had a quick cup of tea and then Adam said they had better be going. ‘We will see you again quite soon, won’t we, Lyn?’ Emma asked. ‘If you can’t persuade this cantankerous old man to bring you, then come on your own.’
‘I’ll certainly come,’ said Lyn. ‘And he’s not very cantankerous.’
Bella kissed her goodbye and, after a bit of pushing, John did the same. Emma gave her a hard hug and whispered, ‘You make sure he brings you.’ And then they were gone.
Lyn hadn’t had a chance for any time alone with Adam and he was surprisingly anxious. ‘Did you enjoy yourself?’ he asked. ‘You weren’t a bit disappointed?’
‘How can you ask that? I had a lovely time. But I was surprised. I half expected some supposedly classy experience, with you trying to impress me. This was so much nicer. But why did you want to take me there so much?’
He paused. ‘I wanted you to see what I think is the real me. See me as I am. As you said, I could have taken you to some classy place, some glamorous TV experience. But I didn’t want to. Are you disappointed?’
‘You know I’m not.’ She reached over and rubbed the side of his arm. ‘I like the real you.’
For a moment Lyn was quiet as it was difficult for Adam to negotiate his way onto the motorway. But when they were travelling steadily she went on, ‘You’re very close to your sister, aren’t you?’
‘Very close. I love her and, what is great, I get on very well with her husband. It’s a pity he has to be away so much, but otherwise they’re the kind of family that I want to be part of.’
‘Yes,’ she said thoughtfully. ‘Were you in the orphanage together?’
‘We were. She’s a few of years older than me; perhaps she suffered more at first. But we managed to look after each other.’
It was only early evening when they got back. This time Lyn didn’t hesitate. ‘Would you like to come in and have tea with me? Don’t expect much after that picnic, but I could do something on toast.’
‘I’d love to. But I’m a bit sandy. Shall I go and have a bath first and come round in twenty minutes?’
‘Good idea. I’ll have a bath too.’
First she selected a dress to put on, another one she hadn’t worn for quite some time, this time in dark green. Then she had her bath and sat in fresh, dainty underwear in front of her dressing table mirror. The day out in the sun had put extra colour in her cheeks, she knew she looked well. There was a sparkle in her eyes, a feeling of excitement pulsing through her. She was looking forward to her evening.
Adam arrived five minutes later. He had also changed, into a white shirt and dark trousers. ‘You look good in green,’ he said. ‘It goes well with your eyes.’
‘Thank you. Now, come straight into the kitchen, I’ve created a real feast. We’re having boiled eggs and salad with fruit to follow.’
‘If it’s with you, it will be a feast,’ he said.
In fact, the meal wasn’t at all bad. The eggs came from a farm she visited, and were fresh and genuinely free range. The bread was from a local baker. ‘You’re going to have to give me a set of addresses,’ he said when she told him this. ‘There’s more to this country living business than I realised.’
Afterwards they took their teacups into the living room. He looked round curiously, saw the picture on the corner of the mantelpiece. He reached for it. ‘Your husband? May I?’ he asked.
She nodded. He took up the picture, turned it to the light. ‘He looks a kind man.’
‘He was. I knew Michael since we were in primary school together. We always knew we were going to get married and when we did we were as happy as we’d expected. And he died. I’ll always love him.’
He looked at the picture a little longer. ‘That’s fine, Lyn. But the past shouldn’t be allowed to shadow the future completely. It’s wrong to let it do that.’
She didn’t like that and snatched the picture from him. ‘You don’t know what you’re talking about! You’ve never been married. How can you know what it’s like to lose someone who’s the centre of your life?’
There was silence for a moment. Then she looked at his hunched figure, his bleak face. There was a message there. In spite of her anger she said, ‘You do know what you’re talking about, don’t you?’
He shrugged. ‘Possibly. Who can tell?’
Now she could see that he was forcing himself to be calm. He sat in the easy chair behind him, deliberately stretched out his legs and made himself relax.
‘My parents died when I was very young, but I can just remember them. Emma is a few years older, she can remember them better. However, I remember them. I was settled enough in the orphanage but … believe it or not, I found that I hated my parents. They had died and left me. How could they?’
He was quiet for a moment, then went on, ‘But I learned to forgive them and it made me feel better. I had a life to lead.’
‘You’re telling me this for a reason, aren’t you?’ she demanded. ‘You think this applies to Michael and me. Well, it doesn’t!’
He shook his head. ‘People are all different. I’m only telling you that I felt happier when I could let go. And it certainly took some time.’
Now they were both silent. ‘I’m sorry I shouted at you,’ she said after a while. ‘I know you were only thinking of me.’
He nodded. ‘I think of you quite a lot. It’s been a full day. Perhaps I ought to go now.’
She went with
him to the door. She could have asked him to stay, but he was right. They both needed time to think. At the door she took hold of him, pulled him to her and kissed him. She wanted to show him that she was her own woman. And although she was nervous she knew how much she wanted to kiss him.
He sensed her fear. At first he held her as if she were a tiny bird in the palm of his hand. But as she leaned against him their kiss became even more passionate. Thoughts, feelings she hadn’t experienced in years tumbled through her mind. He was the first to break off their kiss. ‘I’ve had a wonderful day,’ he murmured. Then he kissed her once more on the cheek and was gone.
My life is changing, Lyn thought to herself. Then she thought again and decided, no … my life has changed.
The next evening Lyn walked over to Cal’s house and sat with Jane in the garden. She and Jane drank iced lemonade as Cal worked. He said he needed the exercise.
Helen sat dozing on Jane’s lap as Lyn confided in her friend. ‘I think I’m finally getting over Michael’s death,’ she said. ‘I’m coming into the world again.’
‘If you’re ready. Don’t let me or anyone push you, but personally I think you are ready. Has the appearance of a handsome young doctor anything to do with it?’
‘Hmm. Possibly, yes. I’m getting … very fond of Adam and it’s surprised me that it’s happened so quickly. And I suppose it’s scared me a bit, too. Look at him. Every young girl’s ideal. He could have anyone he wanted. Why pick on me?’
‘’Cos you’re gorgeous,’ Jane said cheerfully. ‘So I gather things are going well between you?’
‘Pretty well. I don’t know though, I’m a quiet woman and I like quiet things. I certainly don’t want to go to London – but Adam seems to prefer it up here. For the past three years I’ve been reasonably, well, contented. I don’t want more heartache.’
Jane pondered. ‘You know what?’ she said. ‘You need to step out. Why not go into town next weekend and buy some new clothes?’
Midwife's Baby Wish Page 6
