by A. J. Downey
She smiled. “Don’t turn into a pumpkin on me.”
“I won’t. That’s a promise,” I said, slipping out the front door. I locked it behind me to keep her safe. The vision of her sitting there on my bed in her little boy shorts and thin tank top nearly did me in. My cock throbbing in my jeans, her faint, sweet, coffee-laden kiss more energizing than any of the caffeinated nectar I’d drunk that morning.
I wasn’t even halfway down the walkway and I missed her.
Things were definitely not going according to plan – but considering I’d only had a loose idea and no plan to begin with, I guess I was alright with that.
I looked up at my door one last time before wheeling my bike around to take off for work and thought to myself, to be continued indeed. Work tonight was going to be the longest commercial break ever.
10
Saylor…
I sat frozen on Poe’s bed, my fingertips pressed to my lips as though I could push the feel of his soft lips against mine under the skin to hold on to it forever. I tingled in a glowing wash from head to toe, excitement and elation coursing through my veins.
He kissed me.
He was interested, and what was more, I was interested too. I mean, interested in him. Not his money, or the fact that he was putting a roof over my head for the time being. No, for those things I was grateful, but I didn’t need those things. All I wanted, honestly, was someone just like Jeremy Poe. Someone who saw me as a person, dug me intellectually and not just for my looks.
Someone who when they touched me, my body came alive without my mind getting in the way and he’d definitely just accomplished that one.
In a flash, I re-prioritized my day. Getting up, I started all my clothes in a load to wash, settled in with my guitar and journal and worked on composition until that load was up, then swapped it into the dryer and put in the rest of Poe’s things from the hamper in the closet. I was kind of grateful that he had just ditched some of his things directly into the washer. It made it so I would have a full enough load with my meager light belongings.
While the second load washed and the first load dried, I sat in my pajamas on the bed that I took the time to make and counted out all of my money, facing and organizing the bills in a fat stack, surprised when it came to a whole two hundred and thirteen dollars!
“Wow. Thank you, Indigo City.” I sighed and went for my backpack and dragged it up here with me, dumping all of the contents onto the bed and sifting through it.
I smiled to myself and set my journal, pens, and my money off to one side, then sorted through the rest, putting them into smaller piles.
Things that needed to go back in the pack, things that needed more attention, and things I needed to find another home for temporarily. Some in my little suitcase, some in the cubby under the nightstand on what was quickly becoming ‘my side of the bed.’
There was change everywhere, and I kept adding it to the Crown Royal bag which was straining to contain it all and had become heavier than a bowling ball. I couldn’t even pull it up by the cloth or its strings anymore. If I did, I risked tearing it and I didn’t want to do that.
I double-checked my guitar case, found a loose nickel and a couple of pennies then set about putting all of it back together again, going on to neaten the tiny apartment up to within an inch of its life.
My bathroom stuff I left out of my backpack and tingled with a low-level anxiety about it. I’d been lucky so far. I had never not had at the very least, the basics on being able to clean myself up. It was something I was as fastidious about as humanly possible. My hair and teeth brushed, at the very least I’d grab a whore’s bath out of a gas station sink even if I was stuck wearing the same clothes for a week or more. Which only happened once by the way – when an ex-boyfriend held my shit hostage to try and get me back and I had to break into his loft when he was gone to get as much of it back as I could.
I sighed and tried not to go back to those particular memories. It wasn’t worth it. It was hard to trust again after some of the run-ins and brushes with trouble I’d had but Poe? Poe made it so easy, and that in and of itself was pretty overwhelming for me but in a good way. At least, I think.
“Okay, Saylor – you’re half way there,” I mumbled to myself when I heard the washing machine quit. I went and checked the dryer. Not dry yet, but close. I checked the lint trap, cleaned it out and set it to keep going. I went through the apartment while I waited and gathered up the trash, put everything of mine away that I could, and stared at my flaccid, deflated backpack laying on the bed. The only thing in it – my big ol’ bag of coins.
I went through my journal and found my recipes scattered throughout it. I loved the super thick book. The cover for it was leather that was dyed a deep brown and was unevenly cut so it could be folded over and tied with the leather thongs attached to the front cover. It protected the edges from the damp back home – which who knew if I would go back?
I couldn’t do anything without my car, and it was pretty much gone forever. I still didn’t know if I would ever be able to get the rest of my belongings out of it.
I tried to bravely thrust the ‘what-ifs’ out of my head for now. As soon as my clothes were dry, I set what I was going to wear aside on the bed, folded the rest of my things up and repacked my little suitcase and put it back in the closet.
Another shower where I took the time to shave everything with one of my precious razors and I felt like brand new. It was a good feeling. I dried my hair as completely as I could with a towel and dressed as warmly as I could with what I had in my bag. I put my guitar in its case and with an almost sick feeling, pushed it under the bed.
I wouldn’t need it for what I was off to do. It was my mission to have Poe come home to a super nice dinner – that didn’t mean I was about to go to the store hungry. I heated up half of what was my leftovers from the night before and ate before I went out.
I was glad when it was Bernard who pulled up in the next bus at the stop. The doors opened and he said, “Well, well, well! No music today, huh?”
“Not today,” I said getting on.
“Where to?” he asked.
“Trying to find a good grocery store. One with one of those coin machines.”
“Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah! Have a seat, I got you. I got one right on my route.”
“Fabulous!” I declared and took a seat up front near him.
“Things get better for you?” he asked.
“Yeah! Actually, they have.”
“Good deal!”
We made small talk and he pulled up to the curb at a stop and said, “Here you go! Just catch me on the other side of the street there, I’ll get you home no worries.”
“Thank you, Bernard! You want anything?”
“You get me one of them Kit Kat bars? I like them.”
“One Kit Kat, made to order,” I declared.
“Alright, now.”
I intended to go shopping with whatever I got out of my bulk of change, and I can’t tell you how good it felt when the coins weighing me down were out of my bag, sorted, and came to eighty-two bucks. It wildly exceeded my expectations and the machine gave me the option of either taking a hit on fees to take it in cash or to payout no fees in exchange for a gift card – and listed in the shops I could get a card from was the grocery store I was standing in.
I took the card option, went to the customer service desk and was free to load up on necessities!
I went and got a cart and thought about what Poe had at home in his fridge and freezer – which was honestly pretty meager.
I took a deep breath and let it out slow. When you were poor and living dollar to dollar rather than a steady paycheck to paycheck, you needed to make every dollar count and I was well aware there were certain necessities that had to be seen to while I had money. Whatever I had left after those were dealt with, I could get dinner out of.
First stop was the feminine care aisle. It was the first thing I always saw to – especially now si
nce my last box of products was somewhere in my car in a cold and lonely impound yard. I wasn’t due to start this week, or even next, that I could recall – to be honest, I’d lost track, but it was on my non-working phone. I had a tracker on there to help me that still worked, even without a signal.
I bought a variety box of tampons and went and found a bottle of Midol which was a total splurge. I warred with myself on the Midol between the bigger bottle which would last longer and the smaller bottle which was cheaper and went with the smaller one.
I picked up deodorant, skipped toothbrush and toothpaste, and skipped body wash – those could be gotten at the dollar store for much cheaper.
I took my time, going up and down the aisles, warring on cheap versus healthy, on if I really needed that now, or if I should hold off because if something were to go sideways, would I be able to carry it and where would I store it?
Being homeless was hard and super expensive. People didn’t even realize. Having no place to store food, or wash your clothes meant paying for it on the regular and that could eat through your money so fast – especially the food part. Keeping yourself fed on-demand was a bitch when you couldn’t cook for yourself or keep things cold or frozen.
I wound up splurging on salad and salad dressing. I got lucky and found the whole chickens, which were one of the cheapest cuts of meat out there, were buy one get one free today. Poe had a freezer, so that helped quite a bit. Still, I was limited in what I could carry. If I put the heaviest things in my backpack, which I had emptied for this, that would help with the load.
I puttered from aisle to aisle and tried to spend the most of my shopping energy on the outside edge where the healthy and fresh things lived.
I did cut down the baking aisle, loading up on the real MVPs of flour and sugar. I picked up packets of dry yeast and splurged on some cinnamon. I picked up butter, milk, and eggs looking into my cart with some serious trepidation. I started to really worry about weight, but I was a trouper. I would magically make it work somehow. I didn’t know how, yet… but I would.
Peanut butter was another big splurge. I got two of the biggest containers I could. I didn’t bother with buying bread when I could make it myself, and my final count had me still inside forty dollars before tax, so I snatched onions, celery, and carrots and grabbed some oatmeal and pasta from the bulk foods section.
I bought two big reusable grocery totes and the checker smiled at me and said, “Any particular way you would like this bagged?”
“If you could get the heavy items in my pack, I would really appreciate it. I’m afraid I may have overdone it.”
“Nah, I think you can handle it. Want me to put the chickens into some plastic sacks just in case before I put them in here?”
“You’re a lifesaver, seriously.”
She told me the total and I frowned. I knew food wasn’t taxable but… “Are you sure you didn’t miss anything?” I asked.
“Yeah, why? What’s wrong?” she asked.
“It just seems awfully low,” I said.
She laughed slightly and tossed her long brown braid back over the shoulder of her green uniform vest and said, “Sounds like a good problem to have.”
“What’s your sales tax rate here?”
“Six percent, where are you from?”
“Holy shneikeis! I’m from a land where it’s like ten percent, so that makes sense.”
“Ten percent? Wow!”
“Um, where’s your candy aisle?” I looked back past me.
“What do you need?” she asked.
“Hershey’s Kisses, oh! And a Kit Kat.”
“Hey Pete!” She called to another employee mopping up a spill behind us at the mouth of her checkstand.
“Yeah?”
“Grab this lady a bag of Kisses and a Kit Kat off the candy aisle?” she asked.
“Oh, yeah!” he turned and jogged down a few aisles, disappeared, and returned with one of the big bags of Kisses and a king-sized Kit Kat bar.
“That all?” she asked, swiping them across her scanner.
“Yeah.” I handed her my gift card with a big smile and she ran it.
“Balance will be on your receipt, have a nice day!”
“Oh, I will, thanks!”
I turned and nearly ran smack dab into Josh from the coffee shop.
“Whoa, hey!” he laughed.
“Oh, God, I’m so sorry!”
“No worries. I was trying to see if it was you – hard to recognize without the guitar.”
I laughed a little and hefted my backpack, shrugging into it and oh boy, it was heavy.
“Can I help you carry?” he asked.
“Oh, um, sure – I’m only going as far as the bus stop out front.”
“No worries.” He lifted the two totes which were heavy as well.
“Stocking up for the storm?” he asked.
“Storm?” I echoed.
“Yeah, the snowstorm that’s supposed to –” He stopped and laughed as we stepped out into the cold falling white and I stood there like a landed fish, my mouth a little ‘o’ of surprise.
“Oh, shit.”
“Come on, the busses are still running, which one you taking?”
“Um, the number thirty-two.”
“Shit, you better hurry, that one comes in like three minutes.”
“Oh, damn! I didn’t think I was in there that long.”
We hustled to the bus stop and he asked, “Can I see you home?”
“Oh, uh, that’s probably not a good idea. I’m staying with a – a friend,” I stuttered. I didn’t know exactly what to call Poe.
I mean, he already felt like more than a friend and I honestly really wanted to be more than a friend which left me all sorts of confused… like I wondered, did that make me a bad person? I mean, Cody may have done me dirty, but I literally didn’t feel any kind of way about it now and it was only what? Two? Three days ago that it happened?
Josh and I made it to the bus stop just in time, laughing slightly and out of breath from the cold and the weight.
“Hey there, Saylor!” Bernard called in greeting.
“That’s me,” I told Josh and he smiled and said, “To be continued, then, I guess.”
It made me think of Poe. Of his angular jaw and sharp cheekbones, his green eyes like cut emeralds with candle flames behind them as he’d said the same thing to me that morning. Of how I couldn’t wait for him to make good on the promise in his voice.
Poe.
He was literally all I could think about even with Josh looking at me hopefully right now.
I took my bags from him and smiled and said, “I’ll come by the shop sometime soon.”
“I’m looking forward to it.”
“Ah, you say that now, but for the next few weeks, it’s nothing but Christmas carols!”
I got on the bus and he waved and called up to me, “I think I’d listen to you recite the dictionary and I would still like it!”
I blushed and turned to Bernard and paid my fare even though he tried to wave me off and he raised his eyebrows at my desperate look to be underway. Before I could say anything back to Josh, or he could say anything else to me, Bernard shut the bus door behind me and lurched away from the curb.
“Thanks,” I muttered and found a seat, digging through my bags for that Kit Kat I’d just bought him. The carriage was fuller this time around.
“Don’t mention it, though he seemed like a nice fella.”
“No, I mean, he is...”
“You got somebody else on your mind though?”
“Yeah,” I said sheepishly. I took him his Kit Kat and he lit up, taking it from me and sliding it into his lunch pail by his seat.
“Somebody like ol’ Bernard.” He stuck his head up and puffed out his chest and I giggled.
“Sorry to burst your bubble, it’s a local policeman, though.”
“Ooo wee! One of our boys in blue?” he asked.
“Yeah,” I acknowledged, returning to m
y seat.
“Good on you, girl!”
I giggled once again and said, “Yeah, well, we’ll see.”
“Where you at up in here, girl? Maybe I can get you closer,” he said as we neared the stop.
“Oh, I’m two corners up,” I declared, and he passed my stop and stopped at the corner closer to Poe’s.
“Alright now, you be careful and I’ll be seeing you.”
“Thanks Bernard, you allergic to peanuts?” I asked.
“No, why?”
“Next time I see you, I’ll bring you one of my signature cookies.”
“You are too kind! Too kind,” he declared as I stepped off the bus and with a wave, he shut the doors and trundled down the street that was filling with snow.
I sighed and made my way carefully down Poe’s street, which didn’t really have any sidewalks, and tried not to slip and die on the ice that was forming.
My arms and shoulders were screaming by the time I reached the steps on the side of his building. I was grateful to set things down outside his door so I could fish his key out of my pocket.
I turned the key in the lock with great big plans to bake and to cook, grateful that the oven would pull double duty and heat the apartment while I did it.
I had some pretty grandiose plans for dinner.
11
Poe…
The snow had started falling hard only midway through the shift. I rode home, but motherfucker was it dicey – and I wouldn’t be riding into work the next day. Fuck that shit. I didn’t want to damage the bike.
The good news was the crime rates usually dropped with the temperature – except for car theft, so it made for a pretty chill shift all in all. Still, I was freezing my balls off and all I really wanted, as crude as it sounded, was to be balls deep into Saylor Grace. I meant what I’d said, though. It really was up to her how far things went, if they even went anywhere.
I still didn’t know what had possessed me to kiss her like that this morning as I’d left. To just kiss her, like she was my long-time girlfriend and I was just routinely giving her a kiss goodbye before my shift…
Maybe I was lonelier than I realized. Maybe, I was projecting. In any case, I’d felt guilty as hell about it until she’d told me to come back for more and holy shit was she responsive. I was getting hard again just thinking about it.
