by Mel Wildes
“Good morning everyone. I’m Marcus Park. I hope you’ll excuse my appearance today, I had a bit of a run in with a klutz holding a cup of coffee.” As he joked, I felt my soul leave my body.
***
“No!” She squealed, unable to contain her laughter. Her laugh was loud enough that my work neighbor, Doris, could hear Penny’s squeals through my phone. “Girl, I swear to all that is holy, your life is something straight outta a telenovela.” She continued to laugh.
“Girl, I know,” I giggled half-heartedly as I leaned away from Doris, hoping she couldn’t hear our conversation. “I have to go, I’m leaving work early today. I just know Alfie is going to be waiting for me like he does everyday and I can’t deal with it,” I explained, but I was met with no sympathy, just a pained sigh.
“He called me like three times today, Zadie. You can’t ignore him forever. Be the grown ass woman I know you are and deal with it,” she advised me before we disconnected the call. She had way too much faith in my level of maturity. Packing up my laptop and phone, I threw my satchel around my shoulders and waved goodbye to Doris.
“Have a good weekend,” I called out to her and she smiled, waving goodbye. As I approached the elevators, I hadn’t expected to see Alfie in his usual spot, waiting for me in his usual effortless way. He always managed to look like a piece of art, simply sitting on display for all to admire. Looking at his watch, he observed the time and smiled.
“I knew you’d leave early just to avoid me.” His smile was lazy and a little forced in an attempt to conceal the hurt. Looking at him, my broken heart felt like it was breaking all over again.
“Alfie…” I began but I wasn’t prepared to see him. I loved seeing him standing there, waiting for me. It was like I lost a limb for the past sixteen hours and it suddenly reappeared. Stepping closer, he filled the space between us and wrapped his strong arms around my soft body, pushing my breasts against his hard chest. He smelt like cologne and that sweet woodsy scent that filled his apartment. He wore his geek-chic ensemble of t-shirt, jeans and blazer, topping the look off with his classic chucks. Burying his head into my curls, he breathed in and I felt his heart race beneath his chest.
“Please don’t ignore me, Z. You have no idea what it does to me,” he whispered in my ear and I felt torn on how to navigate through his love for me and his greater love for someone else. Breaking out of his grasp on me, he traced his hand across my cheeks and down my neck, stopping at my collarbone. He looked down into my eyes and sighed. “Why did you disappear like that?” At that moment, I remembered he couldn’t possibly fathom the effect he had on me. He continued to play with my collarbone, unable to understand how it made my knees weak. Stepping away from him, I looked him in eyes and tightened my grip on my satchel.
“Let’s go to Gallagher’s and talk.” The space between us grew as I walked a good few feet ahead of him.
***
As Happy Hour rolled into Gallagher’s Pub, city slickers began to fill the room. Someone had put AC/DC on the jukebox and waitresses struggled to take orders over the noise. Alfie and I sat in our regular booth at the corner of the pub, where noise was harder to reach.
“You seriously told Penny to ignore my calls?” he asked as he leaned one arm across the top of the booth seat and the other on the table, latching onto his beer glass.
“I just don’t get it,” I admitted to him, ignoring his question. “You’ve known her for six months and you’re ready commit the rest of your life to her?” I attempted to understand his line of thought.
“I know,” he murmured softly as he looked into his beer glass thoughtfully. “I guess when you know, you just know.” His expression was hard to read and I nodded my head gently, pretending to understand. “Why did you ghost me?” he asked, tearing his eyes away from the glass, sitting them comfortably on me.
“Twenty-one years you’ve been mine…” I started, contemplating what would happen if I confessed and dealt with the consequences. Sighing, I realized I wasn’t that brave. “The freedom of being without you was just too much to handle. I wanted to test the waters and see what a day without you would be like. Spectacular, just in case you’re wondering,” I joked and his laughter filled the space between us. As the conversation began to border on normal, a familiar blonde came floating through the entrance of the pub and toward our booth. All eyes were on her as she gracefully navigated her way toward us. As she drew closer, my eyes landed on the familiar t-shirt she wore. Alfie’s ‘Los Angeles Angels’ t-shirt sat unnaturally on her, the bottom half tied up in a knot to reveal her flat stomach. I grew ticked off at her presence and her treatment of my favorite t-shirt of his.
“Hey babe,” she called out to Alfie who turned to her, his smile spreading wide when he caught sight of her. Wrapping her long, slender arms around him, she leaned down and she kissed him possessively. Alfie accepted the kiss a little too willingly as his hands glided toward her ass. A vibration in my pocket drew my eyes away from the horrifying display of affection and I thanked God for modern technology. Pulling my phone out, I ignored the groping on the other side of the table and focused all my energy on that one text message.
Coffee Guy
“I’ll be at Wilson’s Laundromat on 47th at 5.
Need your quarters. Be there.”
The text message was unexpected but filled me with a strange mix of both shock and curiosity. He was a little demanding but he had that right after I drenched his shirt in coffee. Smiling, I reread his message one last time before the clicking of manicured fingers in my face, broke me out of my trance.
“Hell-o Zad-ie,” Tiffany greeted me, her ass firmly planted on Alfie’s lap. He looked to me, wide-eyed and curious. “What’s with that weird smile on your face? You only look like that when you’re talking to Alfie,” she observed and her words caught me off guard. Looking to the two, I couldn’t bare to be in their mutual presence.
“I have to go. I have to get to forty-seventh,” I paused, looking down at my phone, “in twenty minutes.” Picking up my satchel, I began to scoot out of the booth. Before I could stand, Alfie’s hand was on my own.
“Wait, I need to ask you something,” he pleaded and I couldn’t find it in myself to leave him once again. Removing his hand from my own, he placed them back on Tiffany’s waist and they looked at each other and smiled. How much more of this could I take? “You know I love you and our twenty-one years of friendship makes you my favorite person,” he explained before being interrupted.
“One of his favourite people.” Tiffany attempted to take sentiment away from his declaration and I found myself warning her with my eyes. I was triple her size and very able to take her.
“Anyway,” he continued, giving Tiffany a curt look that I wouldn’t want to be on the receiving end of. “When I think about who I want to be by my side on that day, I can only think of you.” I felt just about ready to crawl under a blanket and disappear. When I imagined being next to him on that special day, I hadn’t imagined it like this. “Will you be my best man?” He looked at me hopeful and for a split second I hated him for putting me in this position. Yet beyond that, was a love so profound, I didn’t know how to say no.
“Of course I will,” I said reluctantly. His face lit up and Tiffany hollered cheerfully as she ordered another round of beers in celebration.
“This is fantastic! I always thought you could pull off a suit with your figure.” She said it lightly, almost sweetly, but I could hear the sneer from a mile away. Alfie was oblivious to her words as he looked at me with excitement, almost like this one little thing could fill him with happiness for the rest of his life.
“None for me.” Standing to my feet, I attempted to suck back the tears that threatened to spill over. “Someone’s waiting for me.” I adjusted my bag and Alfie was up and out of the booth, his arms wrapped around me.
“Thank you,” he whispered into my ear and I pulled myself away from him, unable to handle it anymore. Forcing a smile, I squeezed his arm
and turned my back on him, making my way out of the pub. As the fresh evening air hit me like a bag of bricks, I walked as fast as I could away from the pub. After turning a corner, I paused and leaned my back against the limestone building, squeezing my eyes shut and forcing the tears to go away.
THE MINI SKIRT
2008
Tonight would be the night of all nights. As I pulled on my green tartan skirt and school blouse, I couldn’t help but smile at my reflection in the mirror. My curls were pinned up and my skirt hem shorter by a few inches. It took a lot of persuading to get mama to say yes, and reluctantly she gave me this small freedom. Pulling out my lip-gloss, I applied a sensible amount to my lips as I attempted to psych myself up for the day ahead. Alfie was better at this than I was. He knew how to talk to the opposite sex without overanalyzing or even putting in any extra effort into his physical appearance. To be fair, he didn’t need extra effort, just waking up and putting on his school uniform was enough to make every girl swoon.
When Gigi Jones found out Ralph LaSalle was checking me out in AP English, she made sure the whole school found out, including me. LaSalle was notoriously into thick chicks. I didn’t want to be on his radar if I was some sort of fetish but at the same time, he was the first boy in eighteen years to show any interest in me. LaSalle wasn’t the coolest guy in school, he was the president of the AV Club, but he wasn’t a horrible guy to look at it. He had a solid jaw-line and kept above average personal hygiene. He seemed like a nice guy, which was good enough for me to consider as a potential boyfriend. High school would be over soon and while Alfie had a new girlfriend every Monday, I was yet to have my first anything.
Tap. Tap. Tap.
Opening up my balcony door, I was met with Alfie’s glowing and freckled face.
“You have to stop jumping between our houses, you could hurt yourself.” Making my way back to the mirror, I grabbed my locket from my vanity and started to put it on when I felt Alfie’s hands take it from my own.
“I’ll do it.” Before I could protest, his hands had swept my stray curls out of the way. As he clasped the ends together, his hands momentarily swept across my neck before rearranging my hair back in place. Looking to him, I attempted to calm my beating heart. I shouldn’t feel this way when I’m around him but I couldn’t help it. Every time my eyes landed on him, I fell deeper under his spell.
“Thanks,” I smiled at him through the mirror as I stepped away from his touch, turning toward him. “Notice anything different?” I asked in an attempt to act like my normal self. Twirling around to model my skirt, I used my hands to point in the right direction. As his eyes looked down to my school skirt, I observed his eyebrows knit together in confusion.
“What did you do to your skirt?” he asked as he dropped his backpack to the floor and folded his arms over his chest. His eyes continued to scrutinize me.
“What does it look like?” I shot back, annoyed at the weird look he was making. Turning away from him and back toward the mirror, I took another look at the tastefully shorter skirt, and smiled. “I shortened it. I don’t look like a nun anymore. I think it’s cute.” I twirled around once more, only to be faced with another one of his judgmental looks.
“Why are you dressing like the other girls in school all of sudden? It doesn’t suit you or your…” Alfie stopped himself from saying it but I knew he wanted to say ‘your shape’. He was getting on my last nerve. It hurt somewhat knowing he didn’t see me like he saw the other girls in our grade but I wasn’t surprised. “You suit slacks. Is this for LaSalle? Because of that stupid rumor floating around that he’s into you?” I had had enough of the shit storm he was bringing down on me.
“Is it so hard to believe a guy in our grade actually likes me?” I spat out, as I grabbed my chucks and sat on the edge of my bed to put them on.
“You know he has a fetish right? For…” He mimicked my larger shape with his hands in an attempt to get his words across without actually having to say them.
“Screw you, Alfie. Why is it so hard for you to believe a guy likes me? Does it take a fetish for someone to want to date me?” I threw at him as I stood from my bed and started to throw my schoolbooks into my backpack. Alfie had gone silent as my eyes went in search for my cell phone.
“No. You know that’s not true. I’m just thrown off by the skirt and I know LaSalle. I’m in AV club with him, he’s not right for you, Z.” He attempted to be calmer when talking to me but the damage was already done. I couldn’t hear anything he was saying.
“I don’t want to talk about this anymore. Don’t worry about giving me a ride to school, you have to focus on the game tonight and I need to find my cell. Go ahead without me, I’ll catch the bus.” As I looked away from his tortured face, I attempted to suck back the tears. If it were anyone else telling me this, I would go on with my day without a hitch but it was Alfie, and when Alfie made me feel like I wasn’t capable of being anything but somebody’s friend, then it felt true and then it felt unbearably lonely. As my eyes came in contact with my cell, I went to grab it but Alfie was too quick.
“We aren’t ending this fight with the silent treatment. You’re not going to ignore me at school today and you’re not skipping the game tonight. I need you there.” Grabbing my cell, he shoved it in his pocket and picked up his schoolbag.
“I’m not doing this today, Alfie. And don’t boss me around.” After I grabbed my backpack, I reached for his pocket but he dodged me effortlessly.
“You’re coming to school with me,” he demanded and I was just about ready to knock him out. Reaching for his pocket again, he grabbed my hands and held them between us.
“Let go of me, Alfie!” I barked at him in annoyance but he just smirked as he intertwined his hands with mine and pulled me out of my room and down my staircase. “Alfie!” I protested but he ignored me as we made it to the front door.
“Good morning, Alfie!” Pops called out from his office.
“Morning, Mr. King.” Alfie was too damn likeable.
“He’s kidnapping me,” I exclaimed, still pissed off. Pops just laughed as he looked back down at his computer.
“Have a nice day, kids,” was Pops' final words to me as Alfie dragged me toward his car.
The trip to school was silent. Alfie attempted to better it by putting on my Fugees album that I had left in his car. The music only calmed me down by a few degrees. I was still pissed and he hadn’t even attempted to apologise.
“I want my cell.” I waited for it but his hands remained on the steering wheel and his eyes were unwavering on the road.
“I want you to see my point of view. Don’t do anything stupid with LaSalle. Can you at least promise me that?” he asked and I couldn’t help but roll my eyes like a toddler.
“Why would I do that? It’s none of your business who and what I do. If I want to do something stupid with LaSalle, that’s my decision.” Looking at his pocket from the corner of my eye, I wondered if I could grab it and jump out of a moving car and survive. It was unlikely since I wasn’t physically built for that kind of getaway.
“I’m just worried about you, Z,” he said as he pulled the car over a few blocks from school. “You’re my best friend. I don’t want you ending up with a jerk.” I unexpectedly found myself laughing at his words. Leaning across him, I pulled my phone out of his pocket and got out of his car, swinging my backpack over my shoulder.
“Don’t worry about me ending up with a jerk. The only way that’s possible is if I dated you.” Slamming the door shut, I turned my back to him and started to walk away. It was only once I reached the end of the first block that I saw his car skid past me, quickly making its way toward the school.
***
“I heard he’s going to the game tonight,” Gigi happily filled me in as I emptied by books into my locker, “and I heard he’s going to ask a certain someone.” She nudged me with her pointy elbow and I wondered why we were friends. We were completely different, she wore too many neon colors and I ha
d a feeling she was only my friend to get info on Alfie.
“I’m already going though, I don’t really need a date to a game. Doesn’t seem romantic at all,” I pointed out as I looked to Gigi who was looking at herself through her compact mirror, cleaning off the lipstick that had gotten on her teeth.
“Romantic?” she laughed as she slammed the mirror shut and shoved it in her bag. Looping her arm into mine, she led me toward our next class, one I wasn’t looking forward to due to Alfie’s presence. “We’re in high school, Zadie. Boys don’t know how to be romantic. That’s what college guys are for. Having a high school boyfriend is like having a Louie Vuitton purse. It’s a great accessory to add to your overall look, everyone wants one but not everyone can get their hands on one. When you have one, everyone will admire you for it, especially if it’s new and cute. But they’re only good for carrying your shit. Don’t expect a Louie Vuitton to take you to a nice restaurant and bring you flowers on Valentine’s Day.” Sometimes I wondered where she came up with this shit. I really needed to reevaluate my friendships, but I wasn’t really drowning in them. Alfie was popular, with friends all over the school and eyes constantly on him. I couldn’t hang out with him because I wanted to fly under the radar. If it weren’t for Gigi and a few other classmates, I would be eating alone everyday. But nonetheless, alone seemed a whole lot better than having to listen to Gigi’s musings.
“So if he asks me to go to the game I was already planning on going to, I should say yes because he would make a good Louie Vuitton bag? Is that what you’re trying to say?” I hated myself for trying to find logic in incoherent shit.
“Well LaSalle isn’t Louie Vuitton per say, but he’s a pretty good knock off that’ll get the job done.” She wore a devilish smile as we made our way toward the back of the classroom. Sitting in my usual seat, I took out my AP English notebook and copy of ‘Jane Eyre’. “Now that, my friend, that is a real genuine Louie Vuitton. Delivered straight to you from the hands of God,” Gigi blabbered and I already knew whom she was directing her nonsense at. Looking up, my eyes landed on Alfie as he made his way into the classroom, stopping to fist bump a bunch of our classmates wishing him good luck for tonight’s game. A few cheerleaders were already out of their seats and drooling all over him. Looking over to Gigi, she looked mesmerized as she leaned her chin into her hands and looked at him doe-eyed.
