“No.”
“Damn it.” Not the answer he wanted. He starts pacing around the hall, into the kitchen, back into the hall. “I didn’t see her anywhere. I drove back and forth three times, different routes … I don’t know what to do next. Do I keep looking? I don’t want to call the police if it’s not an emergency…”
I don’t think I’ve ever seen Dad without an answer. It’s one of Mom’s biggest complaints: Your father has all the answers. Like that’s a bad thing! Personally, I’d love it right now if Dad were being a know-it-all, saying I should calm down and assess the situation, telling me what to do, instead of pacing around and muttering.
“I’m extremely angry at your sister,” he fumes, and I cringe for Mabey. “She should not have left her phone at home, and she should not have left school. She should have stayed and waited, then had the school call me.”
Wait. He’s not talking about Mabey. He’s mad at Agnes. Has Dad ever been mad at Agnes before?
Mabey appears at the top of the stairs. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. I swear, it was an accident—”
Dad cuts her off. “Do you see how upset I am right now?” He points to his face: exhibit A. “This is why I want you to call when you’re going to be late! Do you understand? Because I worry about you! I’m not trying to run your life! I don’t want to ruin your fun! I need you to call so I know where you are!”
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Mabey babbles, weeping. “Dad, I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry, please…”
Dad can’t stand it any longer. “I’m calling the police,” he decides.
I sit on one of the bottom stairs, and Mabey comes down to sit next to me. I want to throw up. I never want to be one of those people on those crime shows I really shouldn’t be watching, interviewed against a plain, dark background with the words Gladys, victim’s sister appearing underneath me. That can’t be me. It seems unreal to be watching Dad actually calling the actual police.
But it’s real, as I can clearly hear. “Hello, I need to report a missing child. She’s nine, her name is Agnes Burke…”
I don’t want to listen to this. I can live without Mom, but I can’t live without Agnes.
Dad is describing the clothes she’s wearing when we hear a car pull into the driveway. The three of us run outside to see a silver minivan, driven by a gray-haired woman who looks familiar. The van door opens, and Agnes steps out, followed by my good friend Harry Homework and his brother, Anderson.
“I’m home,” Agnes announces.
“She’s home!” Dad drops his phone on the ground and runs to her. “Oh, thank God!”
He grabs Agnes, hugs her way too tight, and cries, as do Mabey and I. We stand there huddled in a lump, crying with relief. “We just went for ice cream,” Agnes says, flabbergasted.
Dad, Mabey, and I can’t stop crying. Harry and Andy look off to the side, embarrassed for us. “Hey,” says Harry, waving at me without looking. I want to run over and hug him so hard for bringing Agnes home, but I’m not done hugging Agnes.
Harry’s mom joins us on the lawn and introduces herself to Dad. “I’m Elena, and I’m so sorry—I didn’t know you were worried about Agnes! We were doing some errands after I picked up Anderson from school, and we saw her walking along, so I honked and asked if she needed a ride … she said it wouldn’t be a problem if we stopped for ice cream…”
Dad disentangles from us to shake her hand. He’s breathing hard from the scare he had, but now he’s laughing instead of crying. “Whoo! Elena, so nice to meet you! I’m so grateful that you gave her a ride! Whoo!” He presses one hand on his chest like he’s checking to see if his heart stopped. “She’s not supposed to walk home alone.”
“Well, it was a pleasure having her along for the ride,” Harry’s mom says. “And I’m glad everything turned out all right!” Dad shakes her hand and thanks her again, still laughing like a lunatic, and she backs away, smiling politely. “Oh, it’s no problem. Well, boys, we really should get home. Hope to see you soon, Agnes!”
“Whoo!” Dad tries to get his laughing under control. “Thanks again!” The Homework family piles into their minivan and departs. We stand on our front lawn and wave as they drive away.
Dad puts one arm around Mabey and one arm around Agnes. Mabey extends an arm to me, and I let her drape it over my shoulder.
Everybody’s here where they should be. Our family is complete.
33
The Following Saturday
I’m sitting at a table that’s covered in purple foil and draped with a bunch of Christmas lights.
Here we are: the Spring Dance.
Harry’s sitting next to me, but I’m not his date. His date is on his other side: my sister Agnes, who captured Harry’s heart the minute she got in his mom’s minivan. In that fateful car ride/ice cream stop, they discovered their mutual love of math and science, plus seventy thousand other things they have in common. They’re too young for romance, but they’ve become inseparable friends.
It was sweet, the way Harry told me about it on Monday, like he didn’t want to hurt my feelings. “I hope it’s not too weird for you … me and Agnes, I mean.”
I was like, “I’ll try to get over it.” When he came over to our house earlier today, he gave me this guilty little wave before going down to the lab with Agnes, where they did something that required all the baking soda in the fridge and caused them to laugh their butts off.
Anyway, since Harry and Agnes were going to the dance, and since Izzy was going to the dance, and since Izzy encouraged me to go because apparently these dumb things are really fun and people enjoy them, I said, “Okay, I’m going to the dance.” So I’m here. And she’s right. It’s kind of fun. Everybody’s all decked out and hyper and running around—Izzy keeps stealing the helium balloons and sucking the helium out and jabbering at people like a chipmunk, while Desiree tries to corral the surviving balloons somewhere safely away from her.
Over by the food table, Taye is talking with Jackson, aka, the Target. Taye finally confessed his feelings to his friend, and Jackson took it pretty well. He doesn’t like Taye like that, but he didn’t freak out or anything, and judging from the way they’re punching each other in the shoulder, their friendship looks as solid as ever.
Among the people who aren’t here tonight:
1. Madison Graham. She’s been keeping a low profile at school, ever since Violet and Vanessa outed her as a liar and a snitch. Watching them over the past week, as they publicly tore Madison apart, I can see why she wanted a fake boyfriend—to go with her fake friends. Frankly, if that was my reality, I’d choose fantasy, too.
2. Jasmine. Her mom grounded her for the rest of her life when she found out the secret boyfriend was seventeen years old. The boyfriend didn’t know Jasmine was only twelve, but when he found out, he ghosted like a dead guy with a house to haunt. At least Mr. Gerber let her come back to band.
3. My friend Sophie Nelson. But not because she’s hiding from the world. She’s at a “healing retreat” weekend with her mom. Otherwise, she’d have been here early, helping to decorate the gym as a humble volunteer. She’s not on the student council or the dance squad anymore, and people have been talking about her since they found out she’d been stealing. But Sophie’s been brave about it. She’s embarrassed, and it’s been hard for her to watch her friends go off to dance squad without her, but she’s incredibly grateful that her permanent record isn’t marred for life, thanks to Carolina.
It turns out that Carolina knew about Sophie’s stealing problem for a while. She didn’t know how to say anything or how to help Sophie stop, but she did know how to butter up her mom and get a fat stack of cash from her, and that was super-duper short-term helpful in keeping Sophie from getting in serious legal trouble. I appreciate Carolina a lot more now, and she’s grudgingly learning to appreciate me. She has no choice, now that I’m Sophie’s other best friend.
Dad and Sophie’s mom never wound up rescheduling their meeting.
I suspect that Gloria didn’t really want to start a business—she wanted to start something with Dad—but her priorities have changed since Sophie came clean. Meanwhile, Ms. Rivera clarified her dating policy to Dad—she doesn’t date the parents of her current students. Agnes won’t be her student next year.
Agnes’s school lets out on June 22. I’m pretty sure Dad’s planning to call Ms. Rivera on June 23.
And Mom … is Mom. She’s not coming for a visit anytime soon. She and Dad aren’t going to get back together. She’s going to stay at the farm, where she can raise chickens instead of children. I don’t like it, but I’m learning to accept it. In fact, I’m starting to think it might be better this way.
Mom called last night, and we chatted for a few minutes. She said she was sorry she couldn’t visit like she’d planned to, but …
“I know,” I said. “It was the timing.”
Anyway. Since there’s no business for me to do tonight—no missions to run, no problems to solve—I’m thinking I might join Izzy on her balloon quest, or get some more snack-ammo before the food fight starts, or, as the DJ keeps suggesting, throw my hands in the air, and wave ’em like I just don’t care.
The gym smells like rain and daffodils tonight. I’ll remember it for years to come.
Math and Science Notes from the Author
Toilet Volcano
1. Pour vinegar into toilet.
2. Pour baking soda into toilet.
3. Clean entire bathroom.
Clothes Dryer as Centrifuge
Doesn’t work, will damage dryer, don’t do it.
Barbecue Lighter as Flamethrower
Does work, will damage everything, don’t do it.
Spontaneous Combustion
Not actually a thing.
Effects of Lightning Strikes
Totally a thing.
The Six Simple Machines
1. Lever
2. Wheel and axle
3. Pulley
4. Inclined plane
5. Wedge
6. Screw
Newton’s Three Laws
1. An object at rest tends to stay at rest, and an object in motion tends to stay in motion, unless acted upon by an outside force.
2. Force = Mass × Acceleration
3. For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.
Probability of Picking a Double Domino
Yeah, I’m stumped.
Acknowledgments
Thanks to the editor and originator of this book, Wesley Adams, who came up with the idea and gave it to me. Now when people ask me, “Where do you get the ideas for your books?” I can tell them, “Wesley Adams.”
Thanks also to editor Melissa Warten, who gave me excellent notes for revision; book designer of my dreams Aimee Fleck; and Joy Peskin, for bringing me into the FSG MacKids family.
Thanks ALWAYS to my husband, my shrink, my friends, and my family.
This book is dedicated to my beloved father, Larry Erlbaum. He and I both give thanks for my beloved stepmother, Sylvia.
BY THE SAME AUTHOR
Lucky Little Things
About the Author
Janice Erlbaum is the author of the memoirs Girlbomb and Have You Found Her, and the novel for adults I, Liar. She lives in New York City with her husband and their two pesky cats. You can sign up for email updates here.
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Contents
Title Page
Copyright Notice
Dedication
1. Monday Lunch
2. The Present (and the Past)
3. Monday Afternoon
4. Tuesday Morning
5. Tuesday Lunch
6. Tuesday After School
7. Three Hours Later
8. Wednesday Morning
9. Wednesday Fifth Period
10. Wednesday Afternoon
11. Thursday Morning
12. Thursday Lunch
13. Thursday Night
14. Friday First Period
15. Friday Lunch
16. Friday Afternoon
17. Saturday
18. Sunday
19. Monday Morning
20. Monday Lunch
21. Monday After School
22. Tuesday Morning
23. Tuesday After School
24. Tuesday Night
25. Wednesday Morning
26. Wednesday Homeroom
27. Wednesday Evening
28. Thursday Morning
29. Thursday After School
30. Thursday Afternoon
31. Friday Morning
32. Friday After School
33. The Following Saturday
Math and Science Notes from the Author
Acknowledgments
By the Same Author
About the Author
Copyright
Farrar Straus Giroux Books for Young Readers
120 Broadway, New York 10271
Text copyright © 2019 Janice Erlbaum
All rights reserved
First hardcover edition, 2019
eBook edition, July 2019
mackids.com
Library of Congress Control Number: 2018027810
Our eBooks may be purchased in bulk for promotional, educational, or business use. Please contact the Macmillan Corporate and Premium Sales Department at (800) 221-7945 ext. 5442 or by email at [email protected].
eISBN 9780374308124
Let Me Fix That for You Page 14
