After they returned to the platform, Melissa devoted herself to completing her training, secluding herself for large periods each day to finish reading the remaining volumes in her mother’s library. Determined, she pushed through the long nights without sleep, turning more and more to the virtues of copious amounts of food to console her. And while Asil never chastised her on gaining weight, she became more and more irritated at the absence of any and all kind words about her appearance.
In a month and a half, with no fanfare, Melissa turned fifteen. Only after the sun set did she even remember the occasion, a few hours before midnight. She paused from her studies to think on the lavish parties her father threw for her when she turned twelve and thirteen, before he began to grow infirm and distant. There was a parade down the Aisle of Ghent, with fifty Archsussa hailing from every Levitating City, creating dazzling displays in the heavens for all to see. Toby would give her a chaste kiss on the cheek, after which she always blushed. Yet in the midst of all that celebration, when she searched for her mother, she was nowhere to be found. At the end of the festivities, she would eventually find her, sitting in the shadows, watching with wary eyes.
But . . . it wasn’t the real me then, was it? Which memories are mine, and which are of the girl who once was me -- who wore such an evil aspect? And what did they think of the change?
When she lay down to sleep that night -- her own personal birthday gift, she was haunted by terrible dreams; echoes of nightmares that had been growing in intensity for the past several months.
Melissa bolted awake, and Asil ran in to hold her.
“What is it dear Lissa?”
“I . . . I had a dream; a bad omen.”
Asil tried to comfort her, putting his arm around her shoulders, but Melissa pushed him away, disgusted by his sentimental softness.
“What was it?” he asked, resigning to sit beside her with his hands in his lap.
“I . . . I dreamt of a time in the future when I was extremely powerful. When I could move the whole of Iqui with my sussa. I moved the planet through the sparkling darkness, closer to the light of life, so the whole world would be warm. I watched as the snow turned into water and that water stretched as far as the eye could see. I brought down all the Levitating Cities, and they sat on that water, unified.”
Asil nodded, absorbed in the dream. “That sounds wonderful.”
“It was, until I landed on one of those cities, and looked at my reflection in the mirror. I was so fat! I was old, and wrinkled, and there was hatred in my eyes. I accomplished all that good, yet all I felt was hate. I had made a contract with every living person, and after I moved that world, it was on them to pay it off.”
“How?”
“I don’t know, but it was something vile and disgusting.” Melissa sighed. “I have gotten so fat and so powerful, and even with you and the hlenna, I feel this anger building inside me.” She opened her fist, disbursing the tendrils of sussa. “I know I can obliterate whole mountainsides, Asil, without a trace of fatigue. I could even defeat the Freilux, break his body and burn it for all to see!”
“Is that what you really want?”
She sighed. “When I see myself doing that, I also see my brother looking back.” She grit her teeth, stifling a cry. “I can’t be like him, like that,” she said bitterly, “killing without remorse, having some pompous title and making people bow down before me -- he kills without thinking. He attaches so little value to life.”
Asil grabbed and held her hand tightly, giving her some space, and she moaned over and over again, her eyes like bags filled with tears she refused to release. “You will never become like him,” he said softly, “because you see that path and work to avoid it. Tell me, why do you never sleep? I mean I know it’s supposed to enhance your power, but don’t you think it’s time for you to have a real rest?”
“I . . . I don’t know,” she replied. “All I know is that every powerful Archsussa has given up sleep. It is written again and again that without the Centric Sphere, an Archsussa must mull over all they have learned for as many waking moments as possible to truly become and stay powerful.”
“But what of your sanity?” he pressed. “You need to find a balance, so sussa won’t control you. You might not be as powerful, but what is power?”
She got up, and stood by the window. “I can feel the anger burning inside me, Asil. I feel so powerful, and while I know I could overthrow the Freilux, I also know I could take over this world.” Absently she clenched her hands tightly as tendrils of sussa appeared and swirled like twin firestorms around them. “I could make it so that everyone lives in peace -- a peace I impose. I can power whole cities, ignite hundreds of thousands of firespheres, all without straining myself.” She gazed down on the valley below, opened her hand, and pushed away the snow to reveal the metal bird they had discovered. “I am so powerful, I can scarce believe it!”
“And what of everyone else?”
“What of them?” sneered Melissa. “People follow who is strongest. They would follow me.”
“Like the hlenna?”
“Yes, like them.” She watched as Asil moved away, turning to face a dark corner.
“I . . . I love you, but I don’t like you now. I want to please you, to bring you joy, but not like this.”
His mood infuriated her, as she was growing tired of his independence. She had come to feel he was sitting in judgment of her, criticizing her decisions, when she made him to keep her company. She conjured tendrils of sussa to turn him around. When he tried to avert his gaze, she forced him to face her.
“Who are you to refuse me, or question what I think? You always seem to think you know best, always question my decisions, and I am sick of it! I made you, Asil, and you will do what I say. Perhaps it is time I became a woman, and you a man.”
She began to undress him with the sussa, but his stoic demeanor incensed her to no end.
“Is this how you imagined it would be?” he asked.
“Perhaps,” she snapped. “Perhaps it’s what you really want.”
She had taken off all but his underclothes, and still he refused to squirm or beg her to stop.
“Perhaps this is how the Freilux would want you,” he said simply.
“Damned the Freilux -- I’m nothing like him!” she screamed. “Toby’s the one calling himself Nemesnik, waging war, killing.” Her words tumbled over each other, as she paced around the room. “I’m nothing like the Freilux. You just can’t accept your place in the world. I created you; you are mine. You are meant to do my will. If it weren’t for me, you wouldn’t have clothes to cover your nakedness. Without me, you would have no intelligence, no foundation from which to pretend to sit in judgment of me! You don’t learn, you don’t create -- you couldn’t even defend yourself if the Freilux came here. You would cry out, beg me to fight him, to defend you. And here you can’t even feign interest in this bloated body, after all I’ve done for you.” Melissa flopped back into a chair, letting loose a torrent of tears she had held in for far too long. “I’ve never been more powerful, yet I’ve never hated myself more.” She felt a weight lift off her, as if she finally came up for air from the murky depths. “I . . . hate myself, Asil. Have I become what I despise? Would I really have forced you to love me?”
Asil stood over her, and she couldn’t meet his noble gaze. “Power can not only give you much, but with it you can take what you don’t have. Ultimately, there are some things that can never be stolen away.”
Melissa curled into a ball. “Don’t look at me,” she said, crying. “How can I face you?”
“I don’t know. As you said; you are the creator. Though you have given me much of your wisdom, you still know best. How shall we proceed?”
She sat for many minutes with her head hung low, thinking. Finally, she said; “call the hlenna in.”
Asil went in the next room as Melissa gathered herself and wiped her face. The hlenna came in slowly, following Asil.
“Are you
two fighting?” asked one of them. “We’re scared.”
“No need to be scared, my precious joys,” said Melissa cheerfully, putting on her bravest face. “It’s just that I’ve decided to leave on a trip.”
“No!” they all cried, “what will happen to us?”
She took a deep breath, and managed to look at them all, save Asil. “You need to find yourselves, as I need to find out who and what I really am. I will miss you all, and will be back as soon as I can.”
She got to her feet, and gathered her things quickly with the aid of sussa. She slung a small backpack over her shoulder, and went out the main door.
“Won’t you be cold?” asked Asil.
“Thank you for thinking of me, but I have learned enough to take care of myself.” She managed a sideways glance at him, and said; “I have charged the storage tanks for the platform with sussa, and it should last for many months. In the event I’m not back before then, the platform will seek out Imathrin, and deposit you all there.” She sighed deeply. “Take care of yourself, Asil. Forgive me, if you can.”
She leapt off the platform and flew along the rushing currents of air, which quickly carried her far away from her mother’s home.
Part III
Chapter 10
Flying above the snow-covered surface of the world, Melissa wandered aimlessly through the frigid skies, kicking up massive plumes of white powder in her wake. Her thin blue robe billowed under her sweater as dozens of firespheres spun constantly around her creating a tunnel of warmth. Across snowdunes and through mountain passes she darted, randomly incinerating immense tracts of landscape with white-hot tendrils of sussa, bemoaning the mistakes she made. For while she was able to filter water for drinking and manipulate rough roots into something edible, though she was warm and never felt more powerful, her soul ached with remembrance of what she had almost done.
In her travels she came across several more of the metal relics she and her hlenna had found, and paused to excavate and explore inside. The metal beasts were grey and black constructs -- quite unlike the faded white ship she found with Asil -- with many small dark windows set into metal boxes and many sticks and levers set into the walls. She felt they were weapons of war, and wondered what it was that could have defeated them. Faded dusty footprints inside the vessels warned that she wasn’t the first explorer, making her wonder if anyone alive knew what exactly the vessels were.
As she left the third vessel, having slung her sac of supplies over her back, a dozen figures dressed in thick white clothing carrying grey metal sticks with handles stood in the snow, waiting. They stood soundlessly, and she was amazed that she didn’t hear their approach.
“Who are you?” she asked.
“Kill it -- quick!” shouted one of the men.
One of them raised their stick, pulled something, and expelled a brilliant flash of light. Melissa instinctually deflected the bolt, but could feel a small degree of pain.
“Why do you do this?” she demanded, becoming incensed. “Explain yourselves quickly, or feel the wrath of an Archsussa!”
Melissa crouched down, trying to focus her mind. It was the first time she would use sussa in an offensive capability, and was conflicted about how far to go.
Could I really kill someone -- even if it was in the protection of my own life?
“I knew it!” yelled one of the figures. “Turn it on!”
One of the figures pressed into a small grey box he was carrying and suddenly all Melissa’s senses felt distant. She could still breathe and think, but the world was suddenly dark and cold. The cold felt close and sharp, and her legs began to buckle under her weight.
“What have you done?” she whimpered, as she found she was unable to use sussa to warm herself. “I . . . I can’t conjur a firesphere! I can’t warm myself. What are you?”
One of the figures confidently approached and pulled open his thick, fur-lined white hood, revealing a wrinkled, leathery face with piercing blue eyes. She felt like she was looking into the face of a man like Ruger; one battle hardened and without mercy or pity. She cringed, trying to crawl away, but he snatched up her face in his hands and squeezed, as the others behind him laughed.
“I am Ocin, and we are the scientists; those who would snatch the world back from heathen like you.”
They marched her through the snow into a biting, frigid wind. A collar and chain was put around her neck, kept by Ocin. Though she pulled her sweater close around her, it afforded little protection as the soft falling snow had turned into a biting hail.
“Don’t you have anything warm I could wear?” she meekly begged. They all carried large pacs on their backs, and Melissa knew they must have spare clothes.
“You should have been prepared,” rebuked one of the men. “It is the arrogance of your kind that will be your downfall. Besides, you have a very pretty sweater,” he said sarcastically, to the laughter of the other men.
They walked a little more, and Melissa fell into the snow as her head swooned from lack of food.
“Don’t you have any food? I’m so hungry.”
Her whimpering was met with raucous laughter.
“You have enough blubber on you to last days and days, my leviathan princess!” She started to cry at Ocin’s insulting words, but was yanked by the chain around her neck close to his pitiless face. “Your tears do nothing for me, little girl. We can resist the power of sussa and the power of feminine sentiment. You would do well to use your mind rather than your emotion, for it is the only thing that will save you out here.”
Melissa stopped her tears, and forced herself to move on, knowing that she would need to depend on those people for her life.
Where are you Asil? Can you ever forgive me? Will I ever see you again?
They pressed her on in a grueling march through the snow, and Melissa thought she had never exerted so much in her life. Her underarms were drenched with sweat, while her eyebrows were covered with ice. Down through a wide valley with hip-deep snow they travelled, being whipped on with expletives and cruel laughter. A hundred times she swore she would kill them all if she got free, and a thousand times she begged to be released.
Once through the valley, a tall mountain stood as lone sentinel, surrounded by low, grey homes. On the side of the mountain a patch of snow shimmered. It made Melissa dizzy to look at it, and she swooned at its effect.
“It did that to me, the first time I looked on it,” said a tall, thin youth that had been walking silently next to her for most of the trip. Whenever she stumbled after her first fall, he steadied her, and something about his presence made her feel less terrified. “It’s best if you look sideways at it, and only then will the entrance be revealed.”
She did as he said, and was awestruck at what was revealed. A mammoth metal ship, like ones she had seen earlier, was merged with the mountain itself. Though partially covered in snow, both halves of the ship were visible, peeking out from both sides of the mountain. She felt dwarfed by its presence, as never before had she seen a singular structure so massive.
“It’s something, isn’t it?” remarked the youth.
“Yeah,” was all Melissa could manage.
The youth pulled down his white hood, revealing a baby’s face that had adult scars. As young as Melissa, he had warm, dark-grey eyes, and long, unruly black hair that hung about his gaunt face. Though his gaze was precise and clinical, Melissa felt compassion lay slumbering behind it. She noticed for the first time that he wore furs about his neck, and while others wore white jackets, his was tan, and the others seemed to afford him some respect. “To think, one day it flew in the sky, like the levitating cities.”
Melissa shook her head in disbelief. “What kind of Archsussa could have powered it?”
“No sussa powered that ship,” sneered the youth. “Science was its only power!”
“Come on, Richard,” said Ocin, “we need to get under cover.”
Melissa was led through a small village at the base of the mountai
n, filled with low homes made of wood and cleared, dirt roads. The rough sound of charaks could be heard, and as they passed through the center, large pens could be seen housing them.
“Do you use them for battle, or sport?” asked Melissa.
“They draw our sleds, so we can cross the snow plains while light remains in the sky.”
They walked up a path roughly-paved with large stones. A thick cheet of ice glazed over the stones, making it a treacherous route for all involved -- especially Melissa, whose feet were almost numb with frost. The thin leather sandals she started out with broke long ago, and the pain from her feet terrified her. Worried she might end up losing her feet, she began to cry.
“I’m in so much pain!” she moaned.
Laughter from most of the group was her only reply, and though she met the youth’s gaze, it returned no compassion or pity.
The path led to just under the massive ship, and as they approached a panel slid open. Two guards holding more black weapons came out.
“Don’t tell me you finally caught one, Richard,” said one of the guards roughly.
“Yeah, finally,” answered Richard. “It was only a matter of time.”
Ocin gathered Melissa’s long hair into a ball and yanked her head up. “And it was an easy capture too! What a pathetic waste this thing is.”
The other guard added; “must be one stupid heretic to be caught in the open snow.”
It was too much for Melissa. She dropped to her knees and cried, bawling in the snow. She had never felt so ugly and stupid in all her life. He refused to let go of her hair, even with her crying, instead laughing with the guards. Melissa struggled, but his hold was too firm. She was shocked to see Richard calmly pull the man’s hand from her hair.
“Ocin, she’s a heathen, but we can act better than that.”
Ocin backed away, grumbling, as Melissa pulled her hair back and nodded gratefully to Richard. “Thank you.”
“Don’t thank me, heretic,” he replied with a sneer. “I act with courtesy towards you because it’s the rational thing to do. You will be of no use to use bawling on the floor.”
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