by Tara Brent
“And then what changed? I mean you’ve come so far already.”
Bethany shrugged. “I mean, my faith has been wonderful for me for my whole life. But I’m a skeptic, I’ve always had a scientific mind. It’s hard for me to take a lot of the specifics all that literally. But it gives me boundaries and directions that give me comfort, you know? I’m not going to abandon them entirely. But I’m also not going to let myself be a slave to them. So if I bend the rules here and there, I’m sure heavenly father will understand, if he’s watching, and if he’s there to begin with. I dunno.”
Colleen sighed. “I like you, Bethany. Please be careful around my... well, Tristan can be alluring. But remember: When devils will the blackest sins put on, they do suggest at first with heavenly shows.”
“Are you using Shakespeare to try and convince me not to sleep with your brother?”
“Iago is the finest villain in all of literature, my dear, so you would do well to trust his assessment of evil,” said Colleen. She looked over Bethany’s shoulder. “Oh, what—! Tristan, you look positively preposterous!”
Bethany turned, still expecting to see the beautiful man she met last night. She was thus quite disarmed by his appearance. Tristan wore a drastically oversized, black v-neck t-shirt, short black track shorts, high black knee socks, worn out black boots with mismatched laces, and a black fedora that didn’t quite fit him, all in addition to his customary migraine glasses.
“What the crap-cart are you wearing?!” asked Bethany, laughing.
“You said I set a high bar with my appearances and that I could only earn a second date if my personality matched my appearance,” he said. “Thus, I have leveled my own playing field by reducing my aesthetic appeal.”
“Well if it looks like an ass and sounds like an ass,” muttered Colleen quietly. She quickly finished her mimosa, then loudly said, “I need a bloody Mary, Orson, and if I don’t smell the vodka, I swear I’ll—“
“Here ma’am,” said Orson, passing her the glass.
Colleen was surprised. “I suppose you are getting to know me well, Orson,” she said. She took a sip and made a face. “Oof! Way too strong. It’s perfect. As to you, buster,” she said, pointing a bony finger at Tristan. “Get out of my sight.”
“You heard the lady,” said Tristan. “Let’s go.”
“Oh!” she said quickly. “And when you’re out there, Bethany, please send Fernando inside.”
“Sure! What for?” asked Bethany.
“He’s my real hangover cure. Not all of us can be virgins,” snarled Colleen.
“Whoooooaaaa-ok yeah I’ll get him then we’ll discuss this never BYE COLLEEN BYE ORSON FERNANDO I HOPE YOU CAN HEAR ME COLLEEN WANTS TO DO ALL KINDS OF NASTY THINGS TO YOU OH GOLLY THE NIGHTMARES I SHALL HAVE!” and with that, Bethany sprinted outside.
Tristan wore a bemused smile on his face. “Good talk,” he said, and casually strolled outside.
Bethany was already standing by his car. “So, that was a thing,” she said.
“I’m accustomed to it,” said Tristan.
“How did I not know that they were together?” said Bethany, watching Fernando make his way inside.
“Making a few too many assumptions there, dear,” said Tristan. “But that’s neither here nor there.”
“You know,” said Bethany, “I’m not much of a ‘car person’ per se, but this really is a looker.”
“I do love Aston Martins,” said Tristan. “Nowhere near my most expensive car, but a personal favorite for sure. Sad that we shan’t be riding in it today.”
“Huh?”
“Your budget for me was only a dollar. Can’t afford the gas. Seems that you’ll be driving,” he said, and devilish grin on his face.
“Oh you’re bad, Tristan Blackwood,” she said.
* * *
“Okay, turn in here,” he said.
“This is some serious backwoods,” said Bethany.
“That’s the idea,” said Tristan. “We’re here.”
The “parking lot” if it could even be called that was a sort of dirt roundabout with trees on all sides. A handful of cars were parked, and there were a few other people in hiking attire.
“Shall we go for a stroll?” he said.
“A nature walk! Well-played, Blackwood,” she said.
“This is called ‘Devil’s Den,’” he said. “This is an especially nice time of year for this, given the changing leaves.”
“Agreed,” said Bethany. “Let’s go!”
They strolled and talked. Bethany ended up picking up a stick to walk with. “This is fun,” she said. “No need to go to the moon to have a good time, you know?”
“I enjoyed the challenge of finding the means to give you a pleasant time without relying on my fortune,” he said. “I admit that it has become a crutch for me. I have a certain penchant for the extreme, exploiting my wealth for the sake of it. I admit that I feel entitled to it.”
“You don’t need to tell me,” said Bethany. “I smelled the god complex on you when we first spoke.”
“How perceptive. Though I do fancy myself more as a demigod,” he said. “I bleed, after all.”
“No way, you bleed? Well dang, I guess I’ll just leave you here then,” teased Bethany.
“I’m unaccustomed to being mocked, and when I am, I typically take swift and decisive revenge,” said Tristan. “But coming from you, I find it earnest and endearing. It’s interesting, allowing myself to see myself as you see me.”
“So I’m more than just a peasant, then?”
“We’ll see,” he replied slyly.
“You’re lucky you’re so handsome because you are awfully condescending,” she said. “Though I suppose you can’t quite help it.”
“I certainly don’t mean to be,” said Tristan. “But you are impressive.”
“Let’s pause for a moment there,” said Bethany. “So, to review: I know that I’m your type; your sister told me. I also know that you spend a lot of time with extremely rich, powerful, and smart people, so you must have a very high bar set for what impresses you. Which brings me to the question of why you find me to be so impressive. Unlike you, I don’t have any delusions of grandeur; I think I’m pretty ordinary, save for the fact that, again, you have a predisposition in favor of curvy gals.”
“I won’t pretend that your appearance isn’t appealing to me,” said Tristan. “That’s the initial attraction for sure. But seeing you plant that mongrel in the dirt the other night combined with what I have come to know from Colleen and your sharp wit all the way down to you limiting my budget to a single dollar, and you have me thoroughly intrigued.”
“When did you and Colleen have a chance to talk about me? She was hammered last night and a hangover mess this morning.”
“On the rare occasion that the two of us communicate, you have never failed to come up,” said Tristan. “She divided her time to singing your praises and threatening my life if I came near you. We have yet to see if she intends to follow through on her threat, but I suspect it’s all just bluster.”
“Yeah, what’s the deal with you two?”
He shrugged. “As I said, I’m not sure. She’s sixteen years my senior, more than twice your age, and since I have long abandoned trying to figure out the nuances of my interactions with her, I’m more curious as to why she insists on taking you under her wing.”
“Not gonna lie, I’m not so sure myself,” said Bethany, frowning slightly. “At first I thought she was just being neighborly. But it seems like she actually cares. Which is weird since she can be so standoffish, you know?”
“My sister is a mystery that I would not mind leaving untouched when I enjoy nature with you,” he said. “Oh, and by the way,” he said.
“Yes?”
“They’re only delusions of grandeur if the grandeur is in fact a delusion,” he sneered politely.
“Wow. You seriously have a god complex. I wish I wasn’t so turned on by it,” she sighed.
&nb
sp; “So I turn you on then?”
“Easy cowboy,” she said.
They kept walking and found themselves circling a lake. “Wow! It’s so pretty here!” she said.
“Connecticut does have its share of sights,” he said. “Although, once I’m at the point where I can spend more than a few dollars at a time, I’ll show you a really good time,” he said.
“I’m glad we’re building up to that, though,” said Bethany. “If I want to get to know somebody, and decide whether or not I like them, I wouldn’t want to confuse their quality for the quality of the date. Not that this isn’t amazing—I love it. But you know. On all these ridiculous shows like The Bachelor it’s all of this super over-the-top stuff and they have the best time where, like, whoever they’re with they’ll enjoy themselves. A date like this is nice, of course, but if I was stuck with, well, Richard, then this would have been a nightmare.”
“I’m glad to hear that I am not a nightmare,” he replied. “Also, I’m impressed by you resisting the urge to call Richard by a nickname of the crude, anatomical variety.”
“I don’t cuss much. Don’t have anything against it necessarily but it was how I was raised. Don’t say G-O-D, it’s either heavenly father if I’m referring to him directly or if I’m exclaiming something I might say gosh or golly. Don’t say, uh, the word that sounds like those things beavers make, I say darn or dang. Shoot, fudge, crap is as far as I normally go. So to clarify: I thought calling him ‘Dick’ was below me. So what’s your excuse?”
“I called him a peasant didn’t I?”
“Well I suppose that counts for something,” said Bethany, shaking her head.
The rest of the walk was pleasant. Bethany was pleased to see that they organically just got to know one another. She was originally planning on playing “Two Truths and a Lie” with him if there was ever a lull in the conversation, but none ever emerged. And as formal and borderline-patronizing as he may have been at first, she enjoyed seeing him progressively drop his guard and relax.
Eventually, they made their way back to her car. “So I must ask,” said Bethany. “What did you do with the one dollar?”
He grinned and reached into his pocket and took out two Pez dispensers. “They were two for a dollar,” he said. “Wonder Woman for you,” he said, handing her hers, and for me, I thought this would be appropriate.” His was...
“Scrooge McDuck. I love it.” She laughed hard. “This is cute. Nicely done, Blackwood. Nicely done.”
Chapter 7: Migraines and Kitties
“You do realize I hate you, right?” said Lena.
“Stop it!” laughed Bethany. “Just because I’m dating an unspeakably hot billionaire who so far treats me with respect and kindness—okay, yeah I’d hate me too.”
“UGH way to rub it in,” she said, shaking her head. “And I can’t even get Mateo over there to give me a second glance,” she said, gesturing to one of the employees at Fairfield Rock Climb who was getting a customer harnessed in. “I mean, what’s a girl gotta do to sit on a hot guy’s face?”
“Oh golly,” said Bethany, blushing slightly and laughing. “I mean, you can start by going to ask for his number, but what do I know. I’ve never... taken a seat in that manner, so to speak.”
“You should. Six out of seven dentists strongly recommend it.”
“Wait, what?”
“I dunno, it was the first thing that popped into my head and it seemed funny also you don’t know maybe I’m friends with a lot of horny dentists anyway let’s pretend this never happened START CLIMBING BITCH!”
“You’re looney, Lena,” said Bethany, and she started climbing the rock wall with Lena belaying her. About halfway up the wall, Bethany called down, “all right hold up a minute, I need a breather.” Lena tightened the line and Bethany stretched and flexed her hands. Okay, you’ve gotten to the top of other 5.9s, you could make it up this 5.9 too. Never mind the fact that this is your sixth attempt and you still always slip up at the ¾ mark. You got this. Bethany reached to the back of her harness to chalk up her hands, and then she kept moving gracefully. “You know what I feel like?” she called down to Lena.
“What?”
“A ninja sloth!”
“Oh my god! Erm, gosh, sorry, but so true!”
“Hey you’re allowed to say whatever you want around me, just cuz I don’t say it doesn’t mean that you can’t.” laughed Bethany. “But isn’t it perfect? To climb well we need to move with such precision and grace, and speed isn’t a part of it, I really am moving like a sloth who studied ninjitsu.”
“Ninwhatsit?”
Bethany sighed. “Never mind. Okay, need to focus. Activating Ninja-Sloth mode 2.0.” She continued to tactfully make her way up until she got to the point where she normally got stuck. “All right you son of a gun,” she muttered to herself. “How am I going to deal with you.” The only area she seemed able to easily reach was a bit of a stubby hold where she would essentially have to put most of her weight into just her fingertips. Given her build, this was not an easy feat. Then, something clicked. At above her chest height was another grip that she had previously disregarded as it wasn’t ideally located for either hands or feet. But if she could lean back...
“Uh, whatcha doin there Bethany?” asked Lena.
“I’m trying a thing,” she said.
“I mean, clearly, buuut”
“Just let me focus, hang on.” After a couple failed attempts, she managed to get her toes on the grip.
“This is not a dignified look for you,” Lena called up to her. It was true; Bethany’s left hand and right foot were only inches apart and her butt was sticking way out.
“Yeah yeah laugh it up but just watch,” said Bethany. She took a breath and launched herself up with her right foot. If this didn’t go well, she’d fall; not the biggest deal since Lena was belaying her, but not exactly a good look either. But with that big push, she was able to reach past the tricky grip and secure her right hand around a grip that she previously couldn’t reach. She had passed her prior limits.
“Woohoo! Yeah girl, way to go! That was awesome!” Lena called up.
“Thanks!” said Bethany. “But no wooing, it just reminds me of Richard and that annoying kickboxing gym.”
“Party pooper,” said Lena.
With that, Bethany was able to easily make it the rest of the way, pat the ceiling, and then work her way back down the wall, settling both feet on the ground with her heart still aflutter.
“So, your turn?” she asked Lena.
* * *
“So I’m finally going to his place,” said Bethany as they got cleaned up in the shower.
“Haven’t you been seeing each other for quite a while now though?” asked Lena.
“I mean, sort of. Like I spent Thanksgiving with him rather than fly home, but we only see each other once a week at the most,” she said. “We both have pretty busy schedules, and we’re taking it slow. He hasn’t even made it into the three digits yet.”
“Uh, what?”
“Hm? Oh, never mind. It’s just a thing we’re doing. But honestly I think we’re getting bored of the game. The point is, it’s only been a month or two of infrequent meet-ups, so I am perfectly happy with the timing.”
“Sooo are you planning on...” Lena made a rude gesture with her mouth and her hand.
“Ew! No! Maybe. I don’t know,” said Bethany.
“Have you ever...?
“Can we not?”
“Fine! Sheesh.”
“But I mean, If I was going to...”
“Yeah, he’s a sexy first.”
Bethany groaned. “OK fine I want him. But it’s complicated!”
“Complicated how?”
“Listen I’m not exactly Mary Fielding Smith but I was still raised in the LDS church. Until I hit my twenties, I thought I’d wait until marriage for all of that. But I dunno. My feminism is kind of coming into conflict with my upbringing, you know? I mean, this is my body, I should be abl
e to do what I want with it when I want to so long as nobody is getting hurt. I can’t imagine heavenly father would object that much.”
“I’m not a Mormon so I wouldn’t know,” said Lena. “But Catholics are pretty strict about that.”
“And are you going to wait until marriage to, and I paraphrase, sit on Mateo’s face?”
“Hell no! I’m going to boink his brains out and then seek absolution,” she said pleasantly. “Gotta love Catholic loopholes!”
Bethany laughed. “You’re nuts. Anyway, I’m running behind. I need to get showered and head over there. See you soon!”
“Bye babe!”
“And just ask Mateo out, OK?” Added Bethany.
“Maybe. We’ll see. Good luck! Don’t use too much teeth!”
“LENA!!”
* * *
Bethany showed up at Tristan’s mansion later that afternoon. Or, more accurately, to his gate on the outskirts of his massive property. From where she was, she could barely see the enormous house in the distance, shielded by trees and a lawn full of modern art sculptures. She grimaced; intellectually understanding his wealth was one thing, but seeing this display that would make Jay Gatsby and Warren Buffet blush was still unsettling to her.
She opened her window and hit a button on a pillar next to the iron gate. “Oh yoo-hoo!” she said in a sing-song voice, “I’m here to see Mr. Blackwood. So if you don’t mind...”
“Mr. Blackwood isn’t seeing anybody today,” came the brusque reply.
“Excuse you?” said Bethany.
“I said—”
“Yeah I heard what you said but I’m pretty sure that if Mr. I’m-Not-A-God-I’m-A-Demigod Blackwood wasn’t seeing anybody today, he wouldn’t have invited me to see his home. So be a good vassal and let me in, ok?”
“I’m sorry ma’am, but that’s not going to happen today.”
“Son of a Nutcracker,” she muttered, annoyed. Okay fine, you want to play? “Well, okay, bye then!” she said, and pulled out of the view of the camera. What’s the point of all that climbing if I can’t put it to good use? She thought, and with that, she began to climb his stone wall. It wasn’t enormous; if she fell and landed on anything other than her head, she wouldn’t be injured, but it wasn’t remotely designed for climbing and she didn’t want any bruises or tears to either her person or her clothing. Finally, she reached the top, standing proud atop his wall. She smirked to herself, and began to make her way down. She was so focused on making her way down without slipping that she didn’t hear the commotion behind her. So she hopped down to the grass, cracked her knuckles with a satisfied smirk, and turned around to be faced with a dozen security officers in suits with guns and sunglasses.
