“It doesn’t matter anymore,” Tess interrupted. Her lifeless eyes met Rokar’s. “What does matter is that there’s no way I’ll ever want to be with you in this mindset.” She shook her head, her tone and eyes venomous. “No way at all.”
Chapter Five
THE MOMENT TESS told Rokar there was no chance for them to hook up in her current state, a wave of grief washed over her that she hadn’t felt in a long time. Emotions she recognized for what they were now.
Dark memories she had thought conquered.
“I need a drink,” she muttered, wishing like hell she was back on her bike driving away from all of this. Away from what she felt right now. Yet it seemed she wasn’t the only one facing old demons. Rokar had lost his family? When? How? And did she really want to know?
Because his set of circumstances struck a little too close to home.
She nodded thanks when Rokar handed her a skin of bitter tasting ale. Though he seemed sunny enough now—admittedly a good look on him with his killer smile—she reflected on his prior disposition. How brooding and distant he had seemed.
No wonder. Now it made perfect sense.
“So what’s next?” she asked Eirik before Kenzie had a chance to continue grilling her about what had changed her. “Seeing how you know Helheim and Big Red seems to be trapped there, are we safe here?” She slanted Rokar a look. “Something you probably should have already asked Eirik rather than chatting with Soren, eh?”
“Eirik’s been a little busy, Sis.” Kenzie appeared a blushing bride as her eyes met Eirik’s. “We both have.”
“Too busy to make sure your family was safe?”
“Safe?” Kenzie’s eyes whipped to Tess. “Oh, sweetie, none of us are safe until this is over...not even from dragons trapped in Helheim.” She shook her head. “So Eirik wouldn’t have been able to help Rokar.”
“Yeah, sure, whatever,” Tess muttered. “Just wondering why we couldn’t get a simple answer about whether or not heading to this lair was our best move.”
“My dragon thought it was best for now,” Rokar reminded, still rather upbeat despite her foul mood. “And like Kenzie said, she and Eirik were busy. My cousin deserved time alone with his mate after all they did for this world.”
Tess shrugged and took another long swig of ale, well aware she was being a bitch. This was why she had fled years ago. Why she went off the radar to find herself. Because of her fucking memories and the emotions attached to them. They ate at her, consumed her. All she was suited to be around were people who didn’t give a shit about her past. Who enjoyed a good lay and didn’t try to tie her down when she moved on.
“Rokar was right to bring you here, Tess.” Eirik pulled Kenzie onto his lap and made no apologies for being unavailable. “At this point, following your inner dragons is your best course of action. Their instincts are likely the only way to stay one step ahead of your enemy. You’ll confront him when the time is right.”
“I agree,” Leviathan said. “Your dragons stand a much better chance not only against your enemy but Skáld himself.” His tone remained dire. “Which is why you two, more than most, should do whatever it takes to get that broken dragon mark off of Rokar.”
Tess frowned at the Ancient, remembering all too well how flirtatious he had been when they first met. As hot as the Sigdirs with his tats, piercings and wild look, she would have definitely taken him up on his offer if...if what? Her frown deepened as she thought back to Leviathan going off to help Kenzie and Eirik before she went with Soren.
“So based on your comment earlier, I was how I am now before?” she said to Kenzie, assuming it had to have been at the Fortress. “Different?”
Or just the way she used to be.
“Yeah.” Kenzie nodded as Eirik lit a fire with a chant. “When Eirik and I returned to the Fortress after defeating our enemy, you weren’t your usual self, but somber and serious. You were dead set on going with Leviathan and Soren to find Rokar who had vanished along with Big Red.”
“I have no recollection of that.” She filled them in on what she recalled before ending up in the twenty-first century. “So what gives? How did I get there?” She shook her head. “And what made my disposition change, to begin with? At least this time we know why...sort of.”
Kenzie shook her head. “Nobody knows, other than to say it definitely had to do with Rokar because Soren said you seemed to change soon after Rokar fought Big Red during our battle.”
“Soren.” She pressed the heel of her palm to her forehead and tried to place spending time with him. “It’s like I went on a bender and blacked out.”
“I don’t remember you ever blacking out,” Kenzie began before she sighed and looked worried yet again. “During your rough patch then?”
Rough patch was too mild a word for it. “Yeah, something like that.”
“You know I’m here if you want to talk, Sis,” Kenzie said softly.
“I don’t wanna talk about it.” She tossed her head back and opened her throat to the rest of her ale. “Where is Soren anyway? I need to see what he knows about my missing memories. Maybe I said or did something that’ll fill in the blanks.” Her eyes went to Kenzie’s. “How long was I alone with him?” She ignored Rokar’s grunt of disapproval. “Because I was alone with him, wasn’t I?”
“Yeah,” Kenzie said slowly, looking at her oddly. “Why does it sound like you think there’s something specific to remember?”
“I don’t know.” She felt like she’d woken up after a bender certain she had done something regrettable the night before but hell if she knew what.
“Did you do something with my cousin?” Rokar growled, his flirtatious nature suddenly nowhere to be found. “While I was fighting our enemy?”
Screw this. “So what if I did?” She narrowed her eyes at him, not about to take crap from someone she barely knew. “We’re not together yet, darlin.’ And when we are, we’ll be chatting about monogamy and how I feel about it.”
“Will we then?” He was back to flirtatious in a heartbeat. He eyed her with appreciation. “Because I like the idea of watching you with others.”
Leviathan snorted then shrugged when Tess frowned at him. “Sorry.” Though he didn’t look sorry in the least as he winked at Rokar. “I think I would have liked this version of you had we known each other better when younger.”
“So where is Soren anyway?” Tess asked, ignoring them both. “I’m surprised he’s not here considering we were apparently set to go find Rokar together.”
“When your sisters sensed you had arrived here,” Eirik said. “Sage insisted Sven send Soren to the future to keep an eye on Ava.”
“Good thinking.” She considered Kenzie as Leviathan announced he was going hunting for dinner and left. “So did you sense when I vanished to the future too? Anything weird about it?”
“Actually, no.” Kenzie considered it. “Strangely enough, it felt like you were still here. We didn’t realize you were gone until Soren mentioned it.”
She tensed at that, surer by the moment that something had transpired between her and Soren. “And where was I before I vanished?”
“I couldn’t say because I left the main lodge before you...” Kenzie went silent for a moment. “Come to think of it...”
“Come to think of what?” Tess prompted when Kenzie trailed off, clearly not wanting to continue under Rokar’s back-to-steely look. Evidently, a jealous streak warred with his inner flirt because she was fairly certain his personality hadn’t switched back.
“Soren reported Tess missing,” Eirik said, coming to Kenzie’s rescue. His eyes narrowed on Rokar in warning as he remained blunt. No doubt because his cousin would find out eventually and he didn't want him going after Soren. “He said she was not in his lodge when he awoke the next morn.”
“What?” Tess and Kenzie said at the same time.
“Why didn’t you tell me this, Eirik?” Kenzie continued, upset.
“Because there is nothing to tell,” he r
eplied. “And I didn’t want to upset you.”
“Which means there is something to tell,” Rokar countered, his face hard to read. He crossed his arms over his chest and eyed Tess. “Did you lay with Soren then, woman?”
“None of your God damned business.” She ignored a twinge of guilt. Honestly, she might enjoy sex, but she wouldn’t sleep with a guy destined for one of her sisters. “And if it were your business, I’d say I have no idea.” She shook her head, more than a little disturbed by this turn of events. “None at all.”
“I told you I was worried this might happen, Eirik,” Kenzie said under her breath.
“Real nice, Sis.” Tess scowled and shook her head. “You think that poorly of me?”
Kenzie shrugged and returned to eying Tess with concern. “Sorry, but the real you would’ve understood every bit as much as Shea would of if I’d said it about her.” Her eyes rounded a little. “Seriously, Tess, you love men and wouldn’t think twice about climbing into bed with one no matter the circumstances.”
“Except if they were meant for my sister!”
Kenzie flinched. “Sorry, but I saw you all over Davyn when you knew he was meant for Shea and you flirted something fierce with Soren from the second you met him.”
“I never would’ve slept with Davyn.” She shrugged. “Shea just needed to get a little jealous to see what was right in front of her. As to Soren? That was just harmless flirting. I was more interested in meeting...”
She snapped her mouth shut.
“Meeting who?” Rokar prompted, knowing full well it was him based on his smug look.
“You, Rokar,” Kenzie confirmed, shrugging at Tess's thunderous look.
Damn her.
And damn him too.
Damn them all for that matter.
Tess met Rokar’s eyes, her mood fouler than ever. She refocused on what might help. “Any chance you have more ale?”
“No.” The corner of his mouth hitched. “Any chance you’ll lay with me as fast as you apparently did with Soren?”
“None at all.” She looked to Eirik and Kenzie. “Ale anyone?”
“Here,” Kenzie said reluctantly, handing over a skin of what tasted like strong spicy wine.
“Take it easy though,” her sister muttered while Tess downed half of it. “You’re not used to mead.”
Any more than she was used to Viking ale based on the glow she already felt. Not nearly enough to drown out the emotions that kept bubbling up, though. The violence. Heartbreak. What the monster from her past had done to her...to so much more than just her.
When Rokar’s brows snapped together, and his eyes shot to hers, she realized she better try a little harder to repress her thoughts. Something a tad trickier to do when under the influence. Though not so hard she hadn’t done just fine keeping secrets from her sisters.
But Rokar wasn’t her sisters.
No, he seemed to have far more access to her mind than she was comfortable with.
“I’m sorry,” he said softly, clearly unsure what he was sorry about but truly meant it. He rested his hand on her shoulder.
Almost immediately, a rush blew through her, and everything lifted. She felt a thousand pounds lighter. Different. Better. And that deserved thanks. So she tossed a saucy grin his way. “Glad to hear that, sexy.”
It was as if a dark cloud shadowed his face when he pulled his hand back, a heavy scowl firmly in place. “Don’t call me that, woman.” He shook his head. “And do not touch me.”
“Actually,” she reminded, ignoring his attitude. She kept grinning. “You touched me, and you’re more than welcome to again.”
“Aww, hell.” Kenzie looked between them, figuring it out right away. “You’ve switched personalities again.”
Chapter Six
WHY DID HE sit beside Tess, to begin with?
Rokar moved to another location around the fire and tried not to focus on her and Soren, though it seemed like a good excuse to stay away from her. Or so he told himself as jealousy kept flaring.
While not overly pleased he had to mate with Tess to defeat their enemy, the fact was, it had to happen. She was meant for him. So he remained quietly galled that Soren had betrayed him like this. That Tess did too, after their communication across time. After she knew they were likely destined for each other.
“Does it upset you that much then?” she murmured into his mind, catching him off guard. Not surprisingly, the sound of her voice in human form was even more arousing at this proximity than it had been across the centuries.
Disturbed she caught his thoughts so easily, he met her eyes and shook his head. “Do not speak within my mind.”
“Sorry, love,” she said aloud. “It just came so naturally I barely knew I was doing it.”
He would never admit it, but he was glad to see a little light back in her eyes. To see the shadows chased away. What had happened to put them there? Because he sensed barely repressed dark thoughts. Violence simmering beneath the surface of her memories. Silent rage she had never truly vented. Instead, she embraced escape and craved freedom from her past.
Freedom from deep-seated grief.
“So obviously you two are in each other’s heads.” Kenzie looked between them before her gaze settled on Tess. “What about Soren? Have you ever spoken with him telepathically?”
“I wish.” She winked at Rokar. “Seeing how one side of you is on board with that.”
At the moment, no side of him was on board, even though she was better off with Soren. Anyone but him. Something he kept firmly in mind when Leviathan returned and set to skinning his catch. Any other man was a better choice.
“So I heard Soren’s version of what happened after you and the red dragon vanished into Helheim,” Eirik said to Rokar. “But I would like your take on it as well.”
“We fought,” Rokar replied. “On and off over the past day or so but only within the confines of Helheim.”
“Why do you think he’s still crossing between Helheim and Midgard when you can’t anymore?” Kenzie asked Eirik. “Didn’t we close the rift entirely when we fought Big Red’s brother, Einnar?”
“That was the assumption.” Eirik’s troubled eyes remained on Rokar. “I thought the only reason anybody accessed Helheim during our adventure was due to a combination of the rift and my connection to that world.” He shook his head. “Truly, Rokar should be solidly in this world and the red dragon in Helheim.”
“Maybe he’s caught in a rift somehow,” Tess proposed. “Not really on this side or the other all the way.”
When Kenzie and Eirik looked at her curiously, she told them about what happened on her motorcycle. “Maybe that’s why I crossed into Helheim so easily.” Her eyes went to Rokar’s. “Setting aside the storm matching your eyes, that definitely had to be Helheim. Everything was so damn clear...brighter.”
“The storm matched Rokar’s eyes?” Kenzie cocked her head at Eirik. “What do you make of that?”
Eirik shook his head, focused on something else considering his next words. “You sound very comfortable talking about Helheim, Tess, where most are uneasy.”
“Meh, I’m tough.” Tess waved it away. “What’s a little land of the undead?”
“She looked through my mind’s eye when I fought our enemy in Helheim.” Rokar looked to Tess. “And maybe before, when I fought our nemesis over the ocean? In the ocean?” He shrugged a shoulder. “Perhaps that's why you’re more comfortable with that world?”
“Actually, I only saw it the one time,” she said. “Unless you count when I tried to help Kenzie and Dagr across time, but I didn’t technically see anything then, just felt it.”
“Are you sure?” Eirik said softly, the look in his eyes telling. “You have never witnessed Helheim before? Even prior to the prophecy sparking?”
“Hell, no.”
She might say as much, but Rokar felt her unease as she swigged more mead.
“Why don’t I believe you, Tess?” Kenzie said softly.
> “Because you’re in the mood to insult me?” Tess grinned and shrugged it off where a personality ago she would have been a lot less forgiving. “As far as I knew, Norse gods and their worlds were something out of mythology, so why would I have seen Helheim before meeting everyone here?” She snorted. “Seriously, you can’t make this shit up.”
“Maybe you saw it but didn’t know what you were looking at.” Eirik’s voice remained gentle and presented a theory. “Have you ever had a brush with death, Tess? Have you died and been brought back to life?”
“I hope not,” Kenzie exclaimed as Tess said, “God, no,” in a slightly strained voice.
Kenzie’s eyes widened on her sister. “Why don’t you sound all that convinced?”
“Totally convinced,” Tess assured, issuing what appeared to be a forced grin.
“You are not,” Rokar said, troubled. “I can feel your emotions...you’re—”
“Being a little too judged all the way around,” she shot back, her voice less chipper by the moment. “If I’d had a brush with death I’d tell everyone, okay?”
“You will need to,” Eirik warned. “It could make all the difference, Tess.”
“Why?” She shook her head. “What’s it matter?”
“Those who have witnessed death, no matter how brief, have witnessed Helheim and as such, remain far more sensitive to it than most.”
“Sensitive?”
“Yes,” Eirik said. “Prone to seeing flashes of it throughout their lives if they’re a more susceptible sort.” His eyes flickered between Tess and Rokar. “And far more easily if their mate is caught in a rift of its making.”
Kenzie looked at Eirik in question. “I get the mate thing, but what makes some people more susceptible than others?”
“Those who are not quite clairvoyant or a medium but...I believe the word you use is sensitive.”
Viking's Conquest Page 4
