by Jerry Cole
It was bliss at this moment, but in a matter of days, I’d be saying goodbye to Ben all over again. We never knew when the next trip would be, and I couldn’t get away easily. I watched as he slept and touched his face as he shifted with a smile on his face.
I never felt this way about anyone before. It thrilled and excited me, and I snuggled against his bare skin as I forced my eyes closed. I needed to enjoy every moment of this time with him and not think about the end.
There was something different in the air when we woke up to go to the beach. I watched as he started a run over the sand while I stepped into the water. I paddled out and met Leo as he looked me over. “You look a bit shell shocked. Is everything okay?”
“Do you like him?” I asked, turning my head to look at Leo.
“He’s a good guy. I can see that he cares about you.” Leo told me, and I nodded.
“I love him,” I blurted out as Leo widened his light brown eyes as the sun peeked over the horizon.
“Wow. That’s heavy.” I nodded and looked behind me for a wave. I saw one, and Leo nodded for me to take it as I paddled to the left. I rose to my feet and rode the wave in, ending perfectly on the sand as I glanced back to see my friend moving on his own. I managed to ride two more in and met Ben on the sand as we talked about all three of us grabbing breakfast.
We went to a local diner and then went our separate ways for work. Ben had a shoot on another beach today, and I was working all day at the shop. We planned to meet afterward, but Leo begged off, telling me that he had a date. The day dragged as I waited for it to end, and Ben didn’t come in today. I knew that he couldn’t come in every day but I wanted to see him.
I met him at the hotel after work, and we decided to eat in the hotel restaurant. It was classy and lit with candles and dim lights, setting a romantic atmosphere for what looked like many couples. I looked around and smiled as we sipped beer and started to look at the menu. “This is great. They set it up perfectly for proposals and newlyweds.”
“Do you want that?” Ben asked me, and I blinked in surprise.
“I suppose. I never thought about it too much. I was young and living life and ended up moving here. Before you, I’ve never met anyone I felt so much for.” I smiled at him. “That being said, I can see a future with you, but it’s new now.”
“It is. We have a lot to sort out before that happens.” Ben’s face transitioned into a somber expression, and I reached across the table to touch him.
“It’ll be fine.” I didn’t want things to get serious, not yet. I’d be thinking about that enough when he was gone.
“I know, Ryan.”
We ordered our entrees, and I gazed out at the beach that seemed to go for miles. It was beautiful, but I missed his beach house from the last visit. I’d driven by it a few times, seeing different cars there. I knew it was a rental but I had good memories from there.
We shared a quiet meal from there, and I knew we were both thinking about the day that he was leaving. I took his hand once we were outside and kissed it. “We need to enjoy this, don’t we?”
“Yes, we do.”
After dinner, we walked on the beach, holding hands. It was perfect timing to take in the breathtaking sunset. When it was dark, I slipped my hand around his neck to kiss him, slow and sweet. “I love you,” I murmured against his lips before kissing him again. We made our way back to the hotel room, where we settled down to watch a movie after the big meal.
In a few days, Ben finished with work and we spent every moment away from my shop together. He would edit at the hotel or see the sights while I was there, and we’d meet afterward. There would be dinners, sometimes alone and other times with Leo or Lani. There were long nights spent in bed. It was some of the best moments of my life, but they happened too fast and it was suddenly our last night together.
I stared at the ceiling, unable to sleep as thoughts raced through my mind. Ben seemed to be sleeping beside me, and I was jealous, knowing that I’d be a mess tomorrow. We had an exceptional night together, but I wanted to turn back time and do it all over again. His flight wasn’t until the afternoon, and we did the usual routine, though I was short in anything I said and grumpy. Ben raised a brow at me as we enjoyed breakfast alone near the beach, sipping his coffee. “Are you okay?”
“I am never okay when you’re leaving again,” I replied as he looked into my eyes.
“I feel it too.” He set the cup down and I took a deep breath. “I’ll try to get back here soon.”
“I know you will. It’s just never soon enough for me.” I thought about the next couple of months and licked my lips. “What do you do for the holidays?” I knew he wasn’t close to family, and I usually spent them with mine. This year, they were coming to me to avoid the bad weather hitting them through the Fall and Winter.
“I spend it with Jamie. It’s not a big thing, but we make dinner and do Christmas.” Ben frowned as he looked at me. “Why do you ask?”
“My family is coming here this year, and I thought I could convince you to join us.” I held my breath as he turned to look thoughtfully out of the window.
“I want Jamie with me, no matter what.” I respected the fact that he would stand by her and reached for my coffee.
“She’s welcome to come. I wouldn’t ask you to come alone.” Ben stared at me for a long moment, then reached for my hand.
“That’s kind of you. Her schedule is crazy, but I’ll see what I can do. I just don’t want to abandon her.” Ben replied, and I smiled.
We said goodbye in the parking lot of the hotel before he drove to the airport. I hugged him tight and kissed his lips gently, holding in my emotions as he slowly walked to the rental car. He drove away, waving his hand before disappearing down the street.
I felt the sting of tears in my eyes as I took a deep breath. This fucking sucked. I walked to my car and hopped in, deciding to surf for a while before I went to the shop. Leo knew that I was saying goodbye today and told me to take the entire day off if needed.
Chapter Seven
Ben
I should have worked during the flight home, but I couldn’t get Ryan’s face out of my mind. He put on a strong front for me, but the emotions in his eyes gave away his feelings. He hated me leaving, and I despised it just as much, more so now than the last time.
I leaned back in the seat and closed my eyes, feeling the exhaustion of my feelings taking over. I’d take a nap for a little while and stay up tonight working on the photos. I had three weeks before I had to turn them over to the clients, but I liked to have everything done faster, provided that I could give them quality. I’d also talk to Jamie about Thanksgiving, at the very least.
I did manage to nap during the flight when I wasn’t eating lightly. I knew it wasn’t going to be enough to stay up all night with the sleep I lost over the last two weeks, but it was something. I hadn’t even taken the laptop from my carryon bag when we landed, and I allowed myself to be disgusted for a fleeting moment. I knew what I was capable of, and I could tackle this later or tomorrow.
I checked my phone when I was waiting for my luggage, surprised to see a message from Jamie. She was at the airport to get me, and that surprised me. I grabbed my suitcase and rolled it to the curb, seeing my best friend in her dark blue Jeep Cherokee. She smiled and hopped out to hug me before we loaded up the back, driving away once we buckled in.
“What are you doing here?” I asked once we were on the freeway. I only liked it this time of night, and I appreciated the light traffic as she chuckled.
“I told the new baker that I wanted to pick you up.” I gasped at her words, turning to stare at her. “We hired someone a couple of days after you left. She’s mostly just an assistant, but she’s good. I’m going in a little late tomorrow and letting her try the morning. Kyle will be there. I think it’ll go smoothly.”
“Is she full-time?” I pressed, and she signaled to take the next exit.
“Carly is building up to full-time. She has
a ton of experience and was on the food network a time or two.” I heard happiness in Jamie’s voice and smiled in relief. “He also got a couple of college students to help out part-time when we are busy. Things are picking up.” I heard the joy in Jamie’s voice and reached out to touch her shoulder.
“I’m so happy for you. I’d like to see you be able to do more for yourself.” The idea that Ryan suggested popped into my mind, and I mentally calculated that we had a month before that was going to happen.
“Little by little. It’s tough opening a business, but we’re lucky.” Jamie turned onto the main road and then took the two side streets to our place. “How was your trip?”
She knew a lot about what was happening because we kept in touch. I waited until we were out of the car and heading up to the apartment to answer her.
“It was incredible. I love that place more with every visit.” She unlocked the door and let me in. I set the bags down in the living room and glanced around, missing the space of the hotel room. My apartment was cozy, as Jamie liked to put it. “It was hard to leave.”
“You’re going back, right?” She asked as I headed to the fridge for some water.
“I plan to.” I looked at her, seeing her hair in a messy top knot and eyeliner smeared around her brown eyes. “You look tired.”
“I didn’t take a long nap. I wanted to see you. I picked up a pizza for dinner, although we have to reheat it.” She smiled, and I hugged her again.
“Perfect. I ate on the plane, but I’m hungry now,” I replied as she opened the fridge and pulled out a large box, followed by her water. We plated some and took turns reheating it before we sat out on the small balcony to eat. We spoke in hushed tones about my trip, and I gave her some more details. I told her that I was in love with Ryan, and she smiled sadly at me.
“That’s sweet, but it must be hard on you.” She looked into my face, and I smiled at her. “You feel so much more for him than you have anyone else. Do you have any plans?”
“Well, he invited us for Thanksgiving. His family is coming.” She nibbled on her lip as she got lost in thought. “It’s a month, and we can figure that out. I’d cover the travel and rent us a place.”
“I know you would. I’m just trying to think if I want to leave them for three or four days,” Jamie murmured, and I leaned back, feeling full. “It sounds amazing and like something I’d never forget. We normally hang out alone.” She gave me a sad smile. “I hate that our families aren’t close to us.” It wasn’t that there was a lot of bad blood, but there just wasn’t a closeness between any of us. The idea of spending it with a family made me feel happy as well as nervous since it was his family.
“I have you. I like the idea of meeting his family, but I’d never leave you behind. Ever.” I gave her a somber look, and she moved to hug me again.
“I love you, Ben.” There were tears in her voice.
“I love you more than anything.”
“Even Ryan?” Jamie sniffled as I laughed and stroked her hair.
“You’re my sister and best friend. You are the one that’s here for me. So, yes, you mean more to me than anyone else.” I assured her as she wiped a tear from her cheek. I knew that I’d never want to leave Jamie behind. The idea of it scared me.
“I’ll talk to Kyle. That sounds like a fun trip, and the flight isn’t terrible.” She yawned and looked around. “I should sleep. I’m going in at six tomorrow.”
“Fuck. That’s sleeping in?” I asked as we took our plates to the sink, where I told her to leave them for me. I hugged her again, and she disappeared into her room as I looked at my bags. I longed to be back in that hotel room, in Ryan’s arms, breathing him in. He was damn near perfect. We needed a way to blend our lives and make this work.
I was restless and unpacked, setting aside laundry for the following morning. I had trouble sleeping after that and rested against my pillow to look through my photos. I took a lot for work, but there were more fun ones than on a routine trip. I got several of the beach that Ryan surfed at and so many of him candidly smiling and laughing. “I love you, Ryan.”
I drifted off to sleep sometime in the late morning, relieved that I didn’t have to be anywhere the next day. I slept fitfully but late into the day, waking when Jamie arrived with her usual bag and coffee. I slowly woke as I sipped the strong brew and tore pieces off the croissant.
“Look at you, Sleeping Beauty.” Jamie smiled at me as I groaned. “When did you finally fall asleep?”
“Probably a bit before you left. I couldn’t nod off. I did take a nap on the plane,” I offered, and Jamie sipped her coffee as she yawned.
“I’ll be back on my normal schedule for a bit. Carly did a great job, but I want to guide her a bit more.” I waited silently, and she smiled. “I told Kyle about Thanksgiving. He wants to see his family in Connecticut so we might close for a week if we’re not comfortable leaving it with the others.”
“Wow. That’s perfect.” I knew they planned to close a few days around Christmas but hadn’t thought about that with Ryan yet. He was building a business and should visit his family over me. No, I wasn’t going to go there, not yet. This needed to be slow, and we’d see where we ended up.
I worked on edits when Jamie went to sleep, using my earbuds to listen to music. I was planning to message Ryan later after he finished at the store, though I was hoping for a phone call. I missed his voice. In the process of editing the engagement photos, I worked on some personal ones to post to my website. Occasionally, people ordered prints from me, and that added to my income.
I set a photo of Ryan and me as a background on my laptop when my phone rang. I jumped and smiled when I saw Ryan’s face on the screen. I glanced down the hall and answered on my headphones, smiling when I heard his voice. “Hi, baby.”
“Hi. It’s good to see your face,” I replied, happy that he made it a video call. “How was work?”
“Busy. I kept looking for you to walk in. That’s a hard habit to break,” Ryan replied as sadness passed through his eyes.
“I wish I could.” I looked around my apartment that seemed empty to me. He had never been here, so how was that possible? It made me question the idea of ever having him here. “I talked to Jamie. There’s a chance that Thanksgiving will work out.”
“Good. I want you here. I want to meet Jamie, and I can’t wait for you to meet my family. I told them about you,” Ryan told me as a blush spread over his cheeks.
“Oh. What did they say?”
“They know I wouldn’t bring it up if I weren’t into you. They’re excited.” His smile was bright, and I wanted to reach through the phone to touch him.
“I’m nervous.” I laughed and leaned back in my chair. We talked about my plans for work over the next few weeks, and sadly, none of them involved going to Belize. There were two trips to local areas for family photos and wasn’t what I would consider real travel. Our phone call lasted for two hours and we both appreciated our phone plans that allowed that.
I ended the call and went for two bottles of water. I stepped out on the balcony for some fresh air and looked at the choppy water. I knew that I shared an ocean with Ryan, but it was prettier there. Everything looked better there. Jamie woke up and we fixed some salmon for dinner with fresh veggies, chatting through the meal about my conversation with Ryan. Jamie was swooning over every detail and it made me smile. The breakup with Kellen had done a number on her.
I finished editing the Belize photos in good time before going to Santa Barbara for family photos. They didn’t all get together too often, so the grandparents took advantage of it. I drove there and got a hotel, missing Ryan as I looked out of the window at the ocean. The family took me to dinner to go over the plan, and I liked them. It was a little uncomfortable when one of the moms started trying to set me up with her daughter, making me remain silent. The pretty redhead laughed at her mom and told her that she was sure I wouldn’t be interested, making me join in. As much as models liked to hit on me, fam
ilies also had their own plans. It just came with the territory.
We planned to meet the following morning in the trees just off a path that led along the ocean to various views when the sun was going to be at the best angle. I left and went back to the hotel to call Ryan and Jamie, talking to him until I fell asleep. He was amazing at exhausting me enough for that, no matter how far apart we were.
I woke in the morning and enjoyed breakfast on the first floor before leaving a little early for the shoot. I had a bag of equipment that I slung over my shoulder, heading down the walkway to see what it offered as far as pictures. The ones from Belize had sold a few larger prints, and I was pleased about that. I took some shots of the rocks and crashing waves, breathing in the air with deep breaths.
When I thought the family might be arriving, I headed to the clearing we selected for the shoot. I heard laughter and saw all fifteen of them gathered together, dressed well for Fall family photos. The ages ranged from two to seventy-five, and while it would be difficult, the effort would be so worth it. I surveyed the area and started taking shots of the group together as well as on their own. They were a beautiful family and the smiles they gave me warmed my heart while making me wonder why I wasn’t close with my own.
I knew they weren’t pleased with my sexual orientation. My great grandparents were profoundly religious, and it trickled down through each generation. My parents should be a lot more accepting than they were, but I let them decide what to do with the news. I was eighteen when I came out to them and capable of leaving if they wanted me to.
They did.
This family didn’t care about my choices and welcomed me. After the shoot that took a few hours, they asked me to meet them for dinner once the kids had naps. I took them all over the area for pictures and knew their Christmas cards were going to be incredible. I even expected a wedding invitation in a few months for one of the sons.
