by Jerry Cole
Jamie excused herself to bed a little into the evening and disappeared into her guest room. We all watched her, and I looked at Ben. “Are you guys okay?”
“That was a lot. I never knew that families had that much love.” He cleared his throat and looked at the floor for a moment. “It hit us hard. Thank you for that. If I never have another holiday like this again, I will always appreciate you for today.”
“I hope to have more. You make Ryan happy, and I love seeing him that way. Jamie is an absolute doll.” Mom smiled at him as he glanced up at her. “You are both always welcome here.”
Ben was ready for bed soon after that, and we quietly walked to my room. He undressed, and I pulled him close to me as he pressed his face into my chest. “I love you. We all love you.”
“I felt it,” He whispered as he wrapped his arms around me. “I love you so much.”
He fell asleep in my arms, and I held him, realizing what a lack of family could do to a person. Even if mine was missing a few people, we were still close. I chose to let my insecurities go and give him the best Christmas I could, along with my family.
They both slept in the following morning, and I went for coffee alone. Mom handed me a cup and smiled as she sat down. “No, Ben?”
“He’s still out. I guess yesterday took a lot out of them.” I sipped the hot liquid and let it slide down my throat. Nothing beats Mom’s coffee in this house. “She’s still sleeping?”
“Curled up under her blanket. It was too sweet to disturb.” Sarah replied, and I nodded. “I want to make tonight amazing for them. Let’s go to dinner at that steakhouse and make a full night of it.”
“Perfect.” It was a fancy place but good for a night like tonight. “I’ll call and make a reservation.” I wasn’t sure that it was possible on the day of Christmas Eve, but mom came back into the room with a smile on her face. “Done.”
Ben and Jamie appeared about an hour later, and we poured them coffee. They were on the quiet side, but I caught them both looking at the tree at different times. I assumed that this whole thing was a bit overwhelming for them.
Mom talked about the evening plans, and Jamie brightened, sitting up straight. Mom made a light lunch and we left in the late afternoon, giving them a chance to see the sun setting over the Hudson River. I noticed that Ben brought his work camera along, taking shots throughout the night as we enjoyed New York.
They gasped when we took them to the restaurant. Jamie grabbed my arm and shook her head. “This place is famous. I’ve seen it on TV. We’re not eating here, are we?”
“Absolutely. We wanted you to enjoy the best.” Mom laughed and wrapped her arm around Jamie to draw her forward. I pulled Ben by the hand, and Sarah opened the door to let us in. We got a table right away, and water as Ben and Jamie looked around. The room was beautiful and extensive, scattered with tables and dimly lit with lights and candles. They did have a massive tree in one corner that added light from the clear bulbs but not enough to be a distraction.
We ordered drinks and entrees, telling Ben and Jamie not to worry about a thing. I watched as he cursed under his breath and leaned back, taking everything in. The food was excellent, and though I’d been here a handful of times, it was fun to see it through their eyes.
Jamie walked out front and took a long, slow look around. “Beautiful. Did you take a lot of pictures?”
Ben had taken a lot of scenic pictures as well as candid ones of us. He posed us a few times but didn’t make it like a formal shoot. “I did. Don’t I always?”
“Good. We’re making a scrapbook of this.” We strolled to the car and headed home. Even though we were all older, we still did Christmas morning the same as we had every year. There would be fresh presents under the tree, and it would be like Santa stopped by overnight.
We had what could be the biggest surprise of them all.
Chapter Fifteen
Ben
I was exhausted when we fell asleep on Christmas Eve. The last couple of days drained me, though, in the best way possible. I was more in love with Ryan than ever and now I was in deep with his family. The same went for Jamie.
I was thankful that I prepared the cards with Ryan before tonight because I was useless. I could only enjoy a beer before bed as I played back everything. I pushed the thought that we weren’t alone out of my mind that night and kissed Ryan hard as we got into bed. He moaned as I pushed him back to the bed and gave me control of everything. He knew that this was my way of thanking him as well as releasing the myriad of emotions playing through my mind. It was all over the place, and I transitioned from being tender to rough without any logic. Ryan took it all in stride and held me when we finished. “I love you so much. Tomorrow is going to be amazing.”
“I love you.” I breathed as I let my eyes close.
We woke up, and I looked around, smelling coffee through the house. “What time is it?” I murmured as I reached for my phone on the table beside the bed. It was approaching seven and I settled under the covers, taking in my first Christmas morning with anyone but Jamie. It wasn’t about whatever was wrapped under the tree at all and never had been. Jamie and I always did something small for one another, but it was more about pizza and our shitty tree. It was about our tradition but all of that might have changed for the better.
I felt movement beside me and looked over to see Ryan stretching his arm over me. “Morning,” he croaked as I chuckled. “Merry Christmas.”
“Merry Christmas.” I kissed him softly, and he pulled me closer.
“I can’t believe you’re here in New York.” Ryan kissed me again. “I can’t believe we’re with my family.” He stared at me in the light coming through the blinds. “Are you doing okay?”
“I am. I’m excited about their presents.”
“I can’t wait. I just wish we were going right back there.” His voice sounded sad, and I pulled him closer.
“I’ll be there as soon as I can. I promise.” He nodded, and I stroked his hair, soothing him. This was hard on both of us, but we had to make the best of it.
Seeing that there might be something between Jamie and Leo gave me some hope for my future. She had a commitment to the bakery and Venice Beach, but if she found a reason to move, she might. I was also an asshole for leaning on her life for my selfish reasons. I’d never push her to be with anyone to make my life easier.
Eventually, we rose and dressed to meet everyone in the kitchen. We got cups of coffee, and Mom greeted us with a smile. “Leo and his family will be here later this morning. We can open presents and eat breakfast or vice versa. It’s up to you.”
“I’ve never seen a family open presents around the tree in real life. Can we do that and not because I’m greedy?” Jamie asked softly, and I chuckled.
“Of course, Jamie. You should have seen it when these two were little. It was a race to see who could get to the tree first. They tried that as early as four in the morning, but we made them wait until seven. Dan always taped it, and I think those are in a closet somewhere. He wanted to turn it into a DVD but didn’t have time.” I looked at Ryan and Sarah as they sat with pale faces but didn’t say anything. “I should do that.” She blinked and looked around at us. “Sorry. I get lost in memories a lot around the holidays.”
“We all do, Mom.” Sarah stood and went to hug her as Ryan followed suit.
“Let’s open presents. We have new memories to make.” Mom smiled brightly, and her kids led her to the living room. I looked at Jamie, and we stood to follow them, not sure what to say or do. Jamie’s eyes widened at the number of presents that waited for us. We bought a few for everyone but they went above and beyond. I hoped that most of them were for the family and friends and not us. I sat beside Ryan and Jamie sat next to Sarah as Mom started to hand out gifts.
I stared at Jamie as the pile grew. They didn’t know us that well but seemed to do a lot of shopping. Once we all had the packages organized, Mom sat down by hers. “How do you do this?”
�
�We could go one by one, but that might take a while, and I don’t think you want that.” Mom smiled as Jamie shook her head. “I might watch all of you for a bit before getting to this.” She waved her hand toward the pile beside her and I looked at Ryan. He had the cards set aside and nodded at me to start. I let him and his sister go first and shyly reached for a brightly wrapped box.
Everything was surprisingly perfect. We each got some clothes, gift cards, stuff to use in Belize, and Ryan gave us each a frame to download digital photos to. Mom cried at her gifts, and we all hugged her once we finished. Ryan caught my gaze and walked over to a shelf, pulling down the three cards. “Ben and I have something else to give you.” They gave him puzzled expressions and he handed each person a Christmas envelope.
“What is this?” Jamie asked, giving me a suspicious look.
“Open it and see.” I moved my hand in a circular motion, and they tore the flaps. The pictures fell out of the card, and everyone looked at them before glancing at the card.
“What? Where is this?” Mom asked as she looked up at Ryan.
“This is your permanent place to stay anytime you’re in Belize,” I said and smiled at Ryan. “We bought a house.”
“Are you moving there and didn’t tell me?” Jamie demanded, and I stepped back.
“No, nothing like that. I just thought it would be a good investment and give us some roots there,” I explained, and I glanced at Ryan.
“It’s a big place. It has five bedrooms and a beach that only that strip of houses can use. We could all be there together or separately and fit. You’ll love it,” Ryan said to save me.
“You’re not moving there?” Sarah asked, and I shook my head.
“Not yet, at least.” I looked at Jamie, and she frowned at me.
“If I’m holding you back, stop.”
“Damn it,” I muttered as she stood up and walked toward the front door. The doorbell chimed as she reached it, and Jamie flung it open to be greeted by Leo and his family. “Jamie. Stop. Let’s talk.”
“What’s going on?” Leo asked as he slipped an arm around her to hold her in place.
“He bought a house in Belize with Ryan. Did you know about this?” Jamie asked, and he gave us a surprised look as his father closed the door.
“I didn’t. You have a house there?” His question was directed at me, and I scrubbed a hand through my growing hair.
“We do. It’s a vacation home for visitors and a place to hang out.” Ryan shrugged and looked at me.
“It’s an investment. I go there a lot for work and now, for fun. Why not have a place to stay?” I asked, trying to smile at Jamie. She leaned into Leo, and he stroked her hair.
“That’s what you were keeping from me,” he said as he looked at Ryan. “Are there pictures?”
Mom stood and brought them over, and the new arrivals flipped through the prints. “It’s a beautiful house.”
“It is. That’s a great investment.” Michael nodded in approval. “How often do you work in Belize?”
“A few times a year, but I have more reason to go there above that.” I smiled and looked at Ryan as he came to stand beside me. “It’s for all of us. There’s plenty of room.”
“Are you moving there?” Leo asked Ryan, and he shrugged.
“We both could if you wanted to. It’s about fifteen minutes from the shop.” Ryan offered, and Leo looked at the picture of the beach again.
“Can I see it when we’re back?” His words hurt, reminding me that I wasn’t going to be there.
“Totally. We can grill some dinner and sit on the deck.” Fuck. That was another punch in the face. I had no idea that this would hurt so much.
Mom got coffee for Leo and his parents, and we all worked to clean up the wrapping paper, throwing it into a trash bag. We took our gifts to our bedrooms and returned to see that Leo’s father was bringing in a bag with more. I opened the box to see some clothes for Belize and thanked them as they opened the gift card from Ryan and me.
Mom cooked some French toast and sausage for breakfast. The dinner was almost completely prepared, and the turkey was in the oven. It was going to be a fantastic meal but I just pushed my breakfast around my plate. I glanced at Jamie and she was doing the same thing as Leo sat beside her, eating and watching her.
I excused myself after breakfast and walked to the back deck. It was crisp outside, and there was a fresh layer of snow on the ground. New York was beautiful. I leaned on the railing and took in the view of the small park behind the house with the buildings of the city beyond that. “Are you okay?” Ryan asked from behind me.
“I didn’t expect that to go down that way,” I replied as he walked over to join me. He slipped an arm around my waist.
“We cleared it up, Ben. I think everyone understands.” His voice was soft, and he kissed my hair.
“Maybe.” I stared forward and watched as a rabbit hopped across the grass. I didn’t understand, but I couldn’t tell him that.
“It’s more than a vacation home. It’s ours. I know we won’t be living there full time or anything, but it’s a great place to spend our time when you’re there.” Ryan was right, of course. I just wished that we were going to be there full time.
“I think Jamie is going to be pissed at me forever now. She’s going to feel like she’s holding me back,” I murmured without thought before closing my eyes.
“Is she?” Ryan asked, and I stilled beside him.
“I’m protective of her. You know that.” He nodded. “I can’t stand the idea of being away from her so much. I already travel a lot. She’s living in my place.”
“I am not going to ask you to leave her. You have a place to stay any time you come to visit me.” Ryan was kind, and I gazed at him. “I want you there and I won’t lie about that. I won’t rush it.”
I leaned in to kiss him, telling him how much I loved him against his lips.
We made our way back inside, and I looked around to see Leo sitting with Jamie on the couch as she laughed. I walked over and stood in front of her, waiting for Jamie to look at me. “Are we okay?”
“Yes.” She stared at me for a moment. “Why don’t you move there?”
I looked at Leo, and he grinned. “I’m not judging you. I know you haven’t been together that long, and it’s a big step.”
“It is. It isn’t you holding me back, Jamie. Well, not just that.” I held out my hand and pulled her up, hugging her.
“Sorry, I was mad. It just threw me off.” She leaned her head against my chest. “The house is gorgeous. I might have to get out that way more.” I looked at Leo over her shoulder, and he smiled at me. It wasn’t anything to confirm what I thought she might be suggesting and I let it go.
“I hope so. I can’t picture life without you around.” I pulled away and gazed at her. She returned to Leo, and I went to the kitchen to find Ryan talking to his mom and sister.
“Is she good?” He asked, watching my face.
“Yeah. She’s fine. She gets it.” I took the beer he offered me, and we clinked our bottles together.
“I love the house. I can’t wait to visit.” Mom told me before hugging me. “What is the kitchen like?”
“Everything is updated, Mom. You’ll be proud of me.” She grinned and nodded as we laughed. Sarah helped her with dinner, and Lorna showed up a few moments later. I took my beer and went to the living room, looking at the tree.
Chapter Sixteen
Ryan
Dinner was amazing, as always. I sat beside Ben at the table, and he seemed to feel better, joining in the conversation. After the blow-up this morning, I was pretty sure that Leo was forming a bond with Jamie. They talked the whole time if we weren’t all together and he seemed to cheer her up.
Mom sent leftovers home with Leo’s parents. He decided to stay the night, and we turned on a movie and relaxed on the couch. It felt good after two busy, emotional days, and I glanced over at Ben.
Everyone began drifting out after the movi
e ended, and I watched as Leo walked with Jamie to her room. I didn’t think they would sleep together here since I’d never seen them share so much as a kiss. I wanted Leo to do the right thing with her and looked over to see Ben watching them too. Sarah was next, and Mom left us there on the couch in the light of the TV.
“Something is going on there,” I said, and he nodded.
“He was there when she was upset with me. It’s normally the other way around.” Ben said, and I saw it from his point of view. “Am I going to lose her?”
“No. Never. Nobody wants that to happen.” I protested, and he sighed.
“Sometimes, it just does.”
He was right, and we both fell quiet. Anything could happen at any time.
We made our way to bed after one more movie with plans to sleep in. Nothing concrete was going on tomorrow, and we were going to fill the days with sightseeing. New Year's Eve would be spent in the city, drinking and watching the ball drop. Mom or Sarah offered to pick us up since they were staying at home.
The days seemed to fly by with activities, most of which included Leo. He was a part of the group and someone important to Jamie. I used to tease him about leaving my sister alone when we were kids and smiled as I watched the three of them talking together.
Ben and Jamie fell in love with the city, and I knew they would be back.
On New Year’s Eve, we headed into the city in the early afternoon. I bought lunch for everybody, and we walked the streets, watching the crowds gather. Once it was dark, Jamie snuggled in a thick coat and looked around with wide eyes. “I will never say that Venice Beach is too crowded again.”
“It’s madness, but there’s a shit ton of cops nowadays. Nothing will happen, and even if it did, we’re here to protect you,” Leo assured her as we all looked at him.
“You’re not wrong,” I agreed and looked around. “Want to grab a drink?”
