Out bad? When all we do is good? The Wretched Soulz unlikely to give a new club a charter? Which would leave all of us discarded and left out in the cold.
What would Rascal do, Piston? Or Grinch, Goofy and Mystic, or any of us come to that? We all live for the club. Surely Drummer had to see that wasn’t right.
From the wide-eyed looks exchanged when Drummer pronounces this is too big a decision for him to make on his own, it’s clear I’m not the only one dreading a future that might be ours from the next day. As for Stormy, well, he might not have to worry about much at all for much longer. He’s fucked up too many times and will now face the prezes he wronged.
The shoes I’m wearing are bad enough. No way would I want to wear his.
Like everyone, I want to keep on the right side of Drummer. It’s on the tip of my tongue to offer up my room, when Road offers his and no more are needed. Which brings me to another issue.
It’s clear Road expects to share mine.
There are selfish reasons why that’s a good idea. One, I’d get a chance to see whether those orgasms could be repeated, and two, I wouldn’t have to be alone in the quiet of the night.
But what if it hadn’t been a fluke with Road? What if I find he can do a repeat and I enjoy it just as much, or now we’re starting to learn each other’s bodies, possibly even more? What if I lost my patch and he stayed with the club, or Drummer let him go back to Tucson, but disbanded Utah? I wouldn’t be welcome in Arizona, I know that. Could I let him walk out of my life when I’ve found a man who gives me such sexual pleasure? I almost want it to fail to meet expectations again. That way I wouldn’t be faced with disappointment.
There’s also the problem that I can’t live my life depending on someone else. It’s not fair to expect Road to give his life up just because I need him. If there’s no Utah club and he has the chance to go back to Tucson, I can’t keep him. I’ve got to bite the bullet sometime and get my PTSD under control. Find ways to cope with being deaf, as had been suggested, having battery-powered adaptations which don’t rely on electricity. As long as I keep them charged. Thinking it is the easy part, but it will look different when panic creeps in when the night falls silent.
I lower my head in my hands and rub at my temples.
It’s only a week since Road walked into my life, and now, when circumstances may dictate our next move, I know I don’t want to lose him. He keeps me safe when I’m unable to protect myself. I need him, but does he need me?
I can’t rely on Road. I might end up using him as a sexual toy and for company.
What’s wrong with that? the devil on my shoulder asks.
Because that’s not who I am., the sensible angel on my other replies.
“I’m assuming I’ll be in your room.”
I startle. My hearing aids might be switched on, but so lost in my thoughts, his approach takes me by surprise. And Road’s assumption and the way he asserts it, makes me snap. “There are perfectly good couches here.”
He stares at me, then shakes his head. “I thought you’d appreciate the excuse to have company.”
I shrug. “Yeah? I’ve managed alone up to now. The clubhouse is full Road, if something happens, they’ll warn me.” Why I’m pushing him away, I don’t know. What has changed since this morning? Only everything. I’d wanted time to explore whether we had something going, now I’ve got to cope with not having what I wanted. Using Road isn’t the answer. Relying on myself, as I’ve always done, the only sensible way forward.
“Swift, please.” His voice softens, then he frowns, and examines my face. He sighs deeply, and his shoulders slump. “Okay. Of course I’ll sleep out here. Christ, Swift. I wish we were back to this morning.”
That he doesn’t argue, that he, too, realises everything is changing, makes me feel guilty, and I rethink. “Your leg, you won’t get comfortable.”
“I’ll be okay.”
It’s not just that I don’t think the couches are long or wide enough for him to get a good night’s sleep, it’s that I know I’ll toss and turn all night, not just because I no longer trust technology to keep me safe, but I’ll be berating myself for not allowing myself the pleasure I’d find had I given in to the man sleeping one floor down. That’s not all. I’ll hate myself for disappointing both me and him. I enjoyed having him lying holding me, and not just because of his cock.
“We need to talk.” I glance up at him through my eyelashes.
Once again, Road proves he’s not just a pretty face. “Laying ground rules?”
I raise my chin. “Foundations, perhaps. Which could be for nothing. Who knows where any of us will be tomorrow?”
Road glances around. Some brothers have disappeared, either to get food which I don’t think I’d be able to digest, some to show our visitors to their beds, or give them a guided tour as there’s not much point hiding anything here now. The rest are huddled around Pip, deep in conversation about how the club can survive, I expect. But until the meeting tomorrow, who knows? Anything decided tonight will only be hypothetical and dependent on too many variables to know if they are viable options.
“Come,” I say, once I’ve decided no one will miss us.
Road follows me out. He lets me use my key card to summon the elevator, then follows me along the hall until we reach my room. I open the door, he enters after me, shuts it, then leans back against it.
With my back turned toward him, I hug my arms around my waist. “I don’t need a man.”
“I don’t need a woman,” he retorts. “But I think I’d like being able to call one particular woman mine. I think she’d complete me.”
“Are you still looking, or have you found her?” I ask, just to make sure. Because if he’s decided on something permanent involving him and me, he’ll be sleeping on that couch. Especially not now, I’m not ready, nor in a position to make a long-term commitment.
“I’ve found her. And she’s you.” His voice sounds closer now. “I know you don’t think this will work. It’s probably the worst possible time to think about our future, but whatever happens, wherever we go and whoever we are, I want us to be together. Maybe today has focused my mind, but I’m asking you to give us a chance, Swift.”
“Of course it won’t work,” I scoff. “I’m not going to be anyone’s ol’ lady. You’ll be calling me property next—”
“Property works both ways, doesn’t it? I’ll be yours, same as you’ll be mine.”
“I think you’ve got me wrong,” I object, haughtily. “I’m not going to be subservient to anyone.”
“That’s not how partnerships work. Fuck, Swift. I don’t want a submissive woman. You walk out of my life, then I don’t think I’ll ever find anyone else. I never have so far. Never found a woman I want to commit to, but hell, I do to you. If you’ll have me that is.”
“I don’t want anyone to dominate me. Not even in bed.” Part of me is lying, I might want him to do that, but I’m not going to admit it.
“Babe.” His voice is right by my ear, so close I can feel the heat of his breath. “You can dominate me, I don’t mind. You can tie me up, hell, flog me, gag me, take all my senses and choices away.”
“You’re submissive?”
“Not a fuckin’ chance, but maybe there’ll be times I want to let go, leave you in total charge.”
There’s an image in my head, but it’s not of him tied to my bed, it’s of me, restrained and under his control. Heaven help me, but fuck, the thought gets me wet. Surrendering control to someone you trust, someone you know would do the same for you, could be freeing.
Oh fuck. Road’s everything I would go looking for if I was in the market for a man. I may not have been looking for a relationship, it might not have come to me on my terms, nor in the timeframe I thought was still to come, but he’s here now, and why am I fighting it? Is it because, with me, everything’s a battle and one more thing I have to overcome? Perhaps it’s time to admit I have feelings for him. I’m lying to myself if I believe I co
uld watch him walk out of my life without giving a relationship between us a try. Men like Road are few and far between. I’ve never yet found a man his equal and am not sure I ever would.
So, rather than concentrating on reasons why it wouldn’t, I ask the opposite. “How could it work?”
“Babe, I know you best me in almost everything you can do.”
“In everything,” I correct him with a smirk.
“Nah.” He chuckles. “My bike riding skills are the best, and, I apparently have common sense. Oh, and while I don’t cook much, I haven’t poisoned anyone as yet.”
“I don’t have common sense?” I turn and find that puts me within reach of his held-up arms. Against my better judgement, I walk into them.
He grins. “No, you don’t. You’re too damn prickly trying to justify yourself that you can’t see what a good fit we are. Relax, let’s take this one step at a time. We have tonight. Tomorrow can look after itself.”
“One more night, Road, and I may not want to lose you.”
After holding my eyes for a moment, he sighs. “Back atcha, babe. Back atcha.”
He lowers his head, his lips hovering above mine, giving me a chance to walk away, the option to say this isn’t what I want. The problem is, there’s nothing at this moment I want more. I don’t just want him here so I can relax and sleep, I want Road, the man, in my bed.
“What have you done to me, Road?”
“I don’t know,” his lips lower more, “but you’ve got me tied in knots too, if that’s any help.”
This morning we’d come together without the need for words. Now, once his mouth completes its descent and we start to devour each other’s mouths, we go silent again.
His scent fills my nostrils, his taste mingles with mine on my tongue. The surprising softness of his lips is the touch I’m starting to cherish. I close my eyes and just feel.
The kiss is sweet, gentle at first, then we both up the pace and it becomes more demanding until we break apart, both breathing fast.
No words are needed. My hands move to his cut and his go to mine. In unison, we slide off our leathers, then turn and reverently lay them neatly down. Turning back, mutual smirks adorn our faces.
We undress each other in silence, his actions matching mine. We both fold to remove our boots as if performing a choreographed dance. It’s not long before we’re standing in front of each other completely naked. I take a moment to feast my eyes on all the perfection which is Road. From his varied tats to the way his impressive cock juts from his neat pubic hair, it reminds me there are definite benefits to being female and straight.
I take hold of his cock, my hand clasping and stroking it firmly, making him hiss and toss back his head in appreciation.
There’s power in my touch, and in the word I speak, “Mine.”
He acknowledges the control I have. “Yours.”
Another hiss, then his head rolls forward again. “And that pussy is mine.”
“Then I think you ought to fill it.”
A slight tug on his cock has him moving with me to the bed. I lose my grip when we tumble onto it. I’m torn, wanting him in my mouth, but also wanting pleasure myself. A conundrum rapidly solved when I push him onto his back, then turn around, my pussy hovering above his lips, and my face descending to his throbbing appendage.
Placing his hands around my hips, he pulls me down to him.
Oh God. For a moment I forget what I’m doing, then I’m sucking, licking, nibbling, trying to take him as far down as I can, my actions spurred by the reciprocal movements of his lips and tongue on my clit. Then his tongue probes inside me, and I rock, trying to ride his mouth.
It doesn’t take long before I’m close to coming, and his dick is thickening in preparation to blow.
Rolling off, I lie on my back, instructing, “I want to come with you inside me.”
“I’ll get a—”
“You clean?”
“Yup.”
“I’m on the shot.”
It’s a sign of how much we trust each other that he doesn’t hesitate, but instead of taking what I’m offering, he rolls me again and pulls me up on my knees.
Oh fuck, yeah.
My thought repeated as he enters into me in one long slide. It’s just what I needed as it forces the air to leave my lungs.
There’s nowhere for me to go. His hand is wrapped around my stomach, and all I can do is balance on my hands and take what he’s giving me as he sets up a punishing rhythm. Of course I know ways of getting loose, but there’s nowhere I’d rather be. I love being fucked this way, feeling him so deep inside of me, and somehow managing to reach that spot which has me tightening and feeling out of control.
“Yes, Road. Yes,” I encourage him.
“You feel so fuckin’ good.”
So does he. My legs are quivering as I admire his stamina, my stomach clenches, and then, with a scream I try to swallow down, I’m coming. But he hasn’t, not yet. He picks up his pace, thrusting and hammering in. Jesus H Christ, I’m coming again.
This time, when I clench around him, he grunts deliciously, and I feel him emptying himself inside me, then leaning his chest over my body as though reluctant to let go.
“First time I’ve ever gone bare.”
“Me too.” Well, let a man bare inside me, but it seems he knows what I mean. “Which means I need to—”
“You stay here.”
“Road, I’m going to get a mess all over the bed.”
“Hold your legs up in the air or something.” He laughs, pulling out and cupping his hand to my pussy as though trying to keep the cum in there as I roll onto my back.
I’m laughing as he leaves the bed, goes to the bathroom them comes back with a washcloth. I’m exhausted, so allow him to clean me up.
“I think I need a shower else I’ll leak all over the bed.”
“Romantic, aren’t you?” But he holds out his hand in invitation. I take it, using it to help me pull myself up straight.
“My legs are still shaking,” I admit, following him into the bathroom.
It’s a squeeze in my small shower, but we make it work. He washes my short bob, I shampoo his long locks. Then, when we’ve dried off, I use the blow dryer I normally ignore for myself and comb the tangles out of his hair.
“And this,” I tell him, when he winces as I pull at a knot, “is why I keep my hair short.”
“Preference or habit? Because you were in the military?”
“Preference. I could never be bothered with all the grooming.”
“Do you mind mine?”
“Your hair? You’re joking right? I love it.”
There isn’t a lot about Road I dislike. In fact, I can think of nothing at all, I muse, as we get into bed, him pulling my back against his front as though we’ve been doing it for years.
“Tomorrow—” I start.
“Can look after itself. Swift, whatever happens, I’ll be there for you, okay?”
“Do you think you’ll still be a member?”
“It partly depends on how badly I’ve fucked things up with Drummer. And it depends on you.”
“On me?”
“Yeah.” He pauses as though to gather his thoughts. “It was odd coming to this chapter and seeing a woman sitting at the table. At first, I thought you were some sort of PA or something like that. Didn’t dream you were a member. Then I saw you take down Stormy and then was partnered with you. And fuck it, Swift, if anyone deserves their place around that table, that’s you. Doesn’t matter what sexual organs you have, you’re an equal to any of us. Superior to me, that’s for sure.”
“No, I’m—”
“Let me finish? I’ve got this speech composed.” When I shut my mouth with a smirk he can’t see, he picks up where he left off. “If the decision is that you have to leave this club without acknowledging how you proved yourself, then I don’t want to be part of the Satan’s Devils anymore. If the choice is down to me, I’ll leave too.”
&n
bsp; “I couldn’t ask you to turn in your patch.”
“You wouldn’t be asking. It’s something I’d do.”
I digest that for a moment, part of me elated that he’d stay. “What about Pip?”
“Pip?” Road hugs me closer as though I’m his own personal teddy bear. Strangely, I like that he does. “Pip,” he murmurs again, “I’m not sure. I haven’t been here long enough to get the measure of him as prez. But he can’t fuckin’ ride, Swift. That’s a deal breaker for sure.”
What Road has said is completely true. But I owe being in this club to Pip. If he was kicked out, would I want to stay?
I reach up and take my hearing aids out, preparing to go silent for the night. I’ve a lot of thinking to do. Tonight I take them out without trepidation, knowing Road’s in my bed and he’s not going anywhere.
Maybe I’ll keep him forever.
While a week ago I’d have said I never wanted a man in my life, that I was a loner, much the same way as Stormy, already I see a future with Road at my side, and one on my own without him is no longer attractive.
36
Road…
Being so tied up in trying to persuade Swift to let me spend the night, I forgot to grab the saddlebags out of my room. That’s how this morning I end up doing the walk of shame again, wearing last night’s clothes, and knocking at my own door, without using the key card.
It’s opened by Wraith.
“What do you want?” His face is tight as though he expects me to plead my case.
“My clothes.” I back up my words by pointing to my things.
The Tucson VP leans back against the dresser as I go to pick them up. “Should have fuckin’ warned us, Brother.”
“I know,” I tell him. “But I was getting the lay of the land. Knew it would stir shit up.”
Wraith holds up his hands. “Forget I spoke. You’ll have a chance to have your say later.”
There’s no point asking him what Drummer is likely to do. The VP and prez are tight, and Wraith won’t let anything drop to give me a prewarning about what’s coming. I grab my bags and, giving him a respectful chin lift, exit the room.
Road Tripped: Satan's Devils MC Utah #1 Page 35
