by Lynn Stevens
“We should go,” Adam said fifteen minutes later.
“Oh, yeah.” I stood too fast. God, what was wrong with me?
We walked out into the hall, each of us with a key in our pocket. The restaurant was across the parking lot so there was no need for a car. The night air was humid and stuck to my skin. So much for the shower. I’d have to take another one before bed. At the rate I was going, I might as well just stay in there.
“Order for Mitchell,” Adam said at the carry out window.
The inside of the restaurant was all sports memorabilia and flat screen TVs. It was loud, too. Between the TVs with multiple sporting events and general conversation, I couldn’t hear myself think. How people were able to talk to one another was amazing.
Adam pulled out his wallet to pay, but I slapped down my gold card. He wasn’t paying.
“I got this,” he said.
“No, I do. Just ... let me pay.” It was the least I could do. If he hadn’t been stuck with me, he would’ve been home by now. Besides, I had plenty of money. He worked for his. It was silly for him to buy dinner.
“Rachel,” he said softly.
I shook my head. No way I wasn’t getting my way. The girl took my card and I signed the receipt. Adam grabbed the two plastic bags full of artery-clogging food. He didn’t say anything, but the stern expression on his face wasn’t pleasant. I led the way back out into the sticky night air. We walked across the parking lot in silence.
As we crossed over the tiny grassy area separating the restaurant’s lot from the hotel’s lot, Adam broke the tense quiet.
“Why wouldn’t you let me buy you dinner?” he asked softly.
“I can afford it.” That came out way bitchier than I meant. I opened my mouth to justify my shitty attitude, but Adam wasn’t about to let me.
“And I can’t? Jesus, Rach, you’re paying for a room tonight, the least you could do is let me get dinner.” He huffed and picked up his pace until he was a car’s length in front of me.
I let him go. It wasn’t like I threw money around willy nilly. There wasn’t any need for him to assert himself in this case. We weren’t on a fake date. I’d let him pay at that crappy diner and rent my skates at the party. When we were with my friends, I paid. What was the big deal?
We got back to the room, and the silence stretched into a visible band of tension. It was tighter than a violin string. I reached out and tested its sound.
“Why are you mad at me?” I asked.
Adam sat the food on the desk, his shoulders sagged. “I just wanted to buy you dinner. Is that so bad?”
“No,” I said, because it wasn’t a bad thing. Just an unnecessary one.
“Then why not let me?” He turned around, his hands on his hips.
I shrugged. “You work hard for what you have. I just have. There wasn’t anything malicious behind it.”
“Why do you act like this? Every time ...”
I waited for him to finish, but he didn’t. “Every time what?”
He stared at the carpet, using his toe to play with a small snag. Whatever he was thinking, he made the decision to share. “Every time I think we’re becoming real friends, you treat me like some servant or someone incapable of taking care of himself. I’m not like that. Deep down, you know it.”
I didn’t know what to say. It wasn’t true. I thought he was the most competent, capable person I’d ever met. But I also couldn’t tell him the truth. If he paid, it was like a date and we weren’t dating. How many times did I have to remind him of that?
“Why can’t you trust me?” he asked softly.
“I don’t know,” I whispered.
He stared at me for a long beat then seemed to make a decision. Adam’s arms fell to his side. “Well, it’s over now, I guess. You ready to try something new?”
The skepticism must have shown on my face, because Adam grinned wildly. He spun around and took everything out of the bags. There wasn’t a formal table to eat at, and I wasn’t about to eat on the bed. We settled on the small coffee table. Adam pulled the office chair up to it, and I settled into the easy chair. He spread the food out so we could eat what we wanted. Including a small salad. There were two steak meals with baked potatoes and green beans, plus an appetizer plate of potato skins, mozzarella sticks, and fried mushrooms.
It was nothing but grease, and it was delicious. Adam gorged himself on the food. I kept myself in check. No way was I going to wake up with a giant zit on my nose. We watched more of the baseball game while we ate. It went into extra innings when the Braves scored in the top of the tenth. Neither one of us talked. Conversation didn’t exist. It was actually kind of nice. I relaxed as the Cards came to the plate, down a run. Any hope of a walk off was dashed when they hit into a game ending double play.
I didn’t get into baseball as much as basketball, but it had its moments.
After we ate, I took our clothes to the washer and dryer down the hall. Then I realized I had no idea how to use them. I figured it out by reading the direction posted, and with a little help from a housekeeper who walked by. I stayed in the little room and read a book on my tablet. It wasn’t comfortable, but at least I would have clean clothes for the drive home. Once they were dry, I headed back to the room.
Adam was asleep on his side of the bed. I took another quick shower to clear the grease and then built the pillow fort between us. Before long, I was dreaming about basketball and playing one on one with a certain guy.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
It was hot when I woke up. Then I realized the pillow fort was gone and I was curled up with Adam wrapped around me. His gentle snore tickled my ear. A small giggle escaped even though this wasn’t funny. He squeezed me closer to him. I sighed with contentment. This was way nicer than it should’ve been, and I didn’t want to move. His hand pressed against my stomach.
Was he awake?
My body tensed as I got my answer. Soft lips pressed against my neck. God, that felt more than amazing. Adam had only ever kissed me on the lips. Feeling his mouth on some other part of my body, I wanted more. My head fell to the side, giving him better access.
He took it, dropping kisses on my neck then on the barest part of my shoulder. His hand moved down to my thighs, gripping the bunched material. I moaned. Where did that come from? No guy had ever kissed me like this. It had always been just for show. Just to let everyone know he was over his ex and with me. Once we were alone, it was hands off and no interest. But Adam, he was taking this to the next level.
His hand let go of my shorts and slid up my body. He stayed above my clothes, but his hand lingered near my breast. I’d never wanted this as much as I did now. I rolled over, pulling his mouth to mine. Morning breath didn’t matter. All that did was feeling him, touching him. Wanting him.
He leaned back, as if realizing what was happening for the first time. Confusion clouded his eyes as his gazed darted around my face. Then he lowered his head, slowly kissing me as if I’d break. My heart soared. For once, I let it. This moment wasn’t about the fake bullshit we’d been dishing out. This was about us. A real us.
I tugged his shirt up, pressing my hands against his chest. Within seconds, his shirt was gone. He didn’t stop kissing me as he rolled to the side then onto his back. I was lying on top of him, and I could feel him. All of him. I’d never had sex before. Yeah, I’d come pretty close with that teacher, but it hadn’t happened. Other than that, I’d never even had a guy touch my breasts, let alone any other part of me.
He slipped his hands up my shirt, kneading my muscles. I felt so right.
And so wrong.
Reality crashed into me. I couldn’t do this. No matter how perfect his hands felt, his lips felt, we felt together, it wasn’t right. I didn’t want my first time to be with someone who didn’t love me.
His hands moved to my sides, touching the edges of my breasts, but not going further.
I pulled back, rolling off him. “I can’t do this.”
He was quiet e
xcept for his rapid breathing.
“I’m sorry,” I added. Guilt welled in my chest. Even though I had nothing to be guilty about. I wasn’t ready to lose my virginity to Adam, to someone who loved somebody else.
“It’s okay. I should be the one apologizing,” he said as his head rolled toward mine. “I shouldn’t have kissed you like that.”
I nodded, but my heart broke. Did he imagine he was kissing Heather? Was that the problem?
“We just got caught up in the moment,” he said.
“Yeah,” I whispered. “The moment.”
My phone rang on the nightstand. I didn’t recognize the number, but it was a local area code. Thankful for the distraction, I answered.
“Miss Westbrook, this is Gene over at Q-T Tire and Repair. We had your tires in stock. They’re mounted and aligned. You’re good to go.”
“Thank you. We’ll be right over to get it.” I ended the call and looked at Adam. “We can go home.”
He nodded, but it felt like there was something more he wanted to say. If he did, he kept it to himself.
Adam and I didn’t talk as we got dressed or walked to the tire shop which was only five blocks from the hotel. We didn’t talk as I paid for the new tires and alignment. And we didn’t talk as I drove out of Quincy, radio blaring to hide the fact that we weren’t talking. For two more hours, the only sounds in the car were heavy guitars, bass, and drums. I barely even breathed. Thirty minutes from Adam’s place, he turned down the radio.
“This is weird now, isn’t it?” he asked.
I glanced over and his head was down. He picked at his cuticles.
“Maybe we should take a break from ... whatever this is.” He sighed and his head fell back against the headrest.
“There isn’t anything to take a break from,” I said a little harsher than I intended. I turned off the exit ramp, hardly hearing my own thoughts from the blood rushing through my head. “We don’t exist, remember? This was all about getting what we wanted. Are you over Heather?”
He didn’t answer.
“Well, my reputation has changed at least. Nobody should think I’m a short term rebound anymore. Not after this, so I should probably thank you.” I pushed my feelings aside and focused on this for what it was, a business deal. It was hard to keep the emotion out of my voice. “If you decide you want to fake a few more dates, then let me know.”
I stopped two blocks from his house so his mom wouldn’t see me drop him off.
“Rach—”
“No, it’s okay,” I fake smiled, something I was far too good at doing these days. Then again, I’d been doing it for as long as I could remember. It didn’t stop the nausea in my stomach or the way my chest felt like it was being ripped open and exposed. Still, I smiled like it was the last one he’d ever see. “It’s been pretty intense, and like you said, we were caught up in the moment. It happens. We stopped ourselves before it went too far. Right? I mean, it’s not a big deal. We didn’t do anything we’d regret.”
“I’m just confused,” he said as he finally met my gaze. I thought there was something more than regret in his eyes, but I was probably just fooling myself. Wouldn’t be the first time I’d let myself believe there was something where there was nothing. His brows furrowed. He reached for my hand, but I put it back on the steering wheel. “I need time to think.”
“Okay,” I said. In all honestly, I had no idea what he was talking about. Time to think? About what? Heather, probably. What else was there to think about?
“I’m sorry,” he said again, as if those two little words really meant something.
They didn’t. I knew better.
He climbed out of the car and got his bag out of the backseat. I watched as he walked toward his place. His head was down, his shoulders hunched over. His bag bounced off his lower back with each step. Before he turned the corner, he glanced over his shoulder and gave me a small wave.
I didn’t wave back.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
I didn’t hear from Adam the next day or the day after that. Vicky and Andrea dragged me out to shop for school supplies. I’d ordered my stuff online, so it was pointless to buy pens and notebooks. And we had uniforms which meant no need for new clothes. Not that it stopped us.
Classes started on Monday, and it was a welcome distraction. My teachers didn’t waste any time with homework, and with two science courses and Advanced Math, the homework kept me busy. School felt different. Yeah, it was my senior year and we were top dogs, but there was something more. People smiled at me, said hi. They didn’t say snide comments. Well, at least, not to my face. I didn’t hear any whispers either. Normally, people made sure I’d hear the horrible things they said. Maybe my reputation had changed.
After a week, I stopped hoping he’d text or call. He hadn’t changed our relationship status online so there was that. I needed to do something, so I headed to the grocery store. It was a different experience than having everything delivered.
“Rachel? Honey is that you?” a kind voice said behind me.
I turned to see Joanne pushing a food-ladened cart. Despite why she was fired, I smiled at her. She’d been kind to me.
“It’s so good to see you, honey,” Joanne said as she came around her cart to give me a hug.
“You, too,” I said, hugging her back.
“I’m sure your father told you what happened.” She leaned back and kept her hands on my upper arms. Her gaze darted around my face, concern causing lines to form around her eyes and mouth. “But I don’t think he told you the entire story.”
I pursed my lips. “Dad has never lied to me.”
“No, I’m sure he hasn’t, but he didn’t give me a chance to tell him what I was doing.” Her gaze dropped to the floor. “There was no changing his mind with that woman standing behind him.”
“Angela,” I said.
Joanne nodded. “There’s something you really need to know.” Someone said her name from another aisle. Joanne glanced over her shoulder with a frown. “Sorry, I really must go. Look, Rachel, Angela’s trying to get her mitts in your father. The last maid before me told me that Angela’s been hiding things inside the house.” The person called for Joanne again. “I don’t know what it is, but I saw Ethel the other day. She said I should’ve checked under the stairs.”
“Which ones? And for what?” I asked. This didn’t make any sense.
“I don’t know, honey, but I do know that she heard it from the maid before her too.” Joanne hugged me quickly. Her face softened and she smiled gently. “If you need me, just call.”
I nodded as she hurried away with her cart and turned to go down an aisle. Shaking my head, I wandered the store, picking up items off my list and a few things I hadn’t planned on getting. Like ice cream and chocolate, and a cake from the bakery. I wondered if she was just trying for some sick revenge on my father through me. She wouldn’t be the first person in history to use a kid to get at a parent. I dismissed that thought as fast as I had it. Whatever game she was playing, it didn’t make sense.
An hour later, I had finished shopping, driven home, and put everything away. Maybe Joanne was right, but maybe she was nuts. It was entirely possible that she just wanted to save face with me or use me to try to get back in the house to steal whatever she had originally wanted to steal. I put the thoughts of Angela, Joanne, and whatever conspiracy she was trying to muster out of my head. Instead, I put on my suit and swam until I couldn’t feel my arms anymore.
The bell rang, setting us free from another Monday. Vicky, Andrea, and I strolled out of the school, debating the merits of taking a philosophy class. She was for, but I was against. Science was where the real world was. Andrea was against anything educational.
We’d always hung out together, but I’d never considered them friends. More like people I knew. Now, there was a comradery I’d only known on the basketball court. It was nice.
“You guys are killing me,” Andrea said with an exaggerated huff. “Who cares? It’
s not like we’re going to decide our entire lives during our senior year. Seriously, we have no idea what we’re going to do after college.”
“I do,” Vicky and I said at the same time. We glanced at each other and laughed.
“You two are the exception.” Andrea pointed between us with a smile. “I, however, am just going to wing it.”
Vicky snorted a laugh, but I knew better. Andrea’s parents were on her ass all the time to get straight As and get into an East Coast school, whether it was Yale, Harvard, or Dartmouth. They didn’t care as long as it was prestigious. Andrea didn’t care at all.
“So,” Andrea said as she nudged my shoulder, “what’s going on with you and Adam?”
I shrug as Vicky’s concerned gaze met mine. “What do you mean?”
“I don’t know. You haven’t said anything in a while, and he hasn’t posted anything lately. You guys were pretty into each other. I was just curious if things had cooled off.”
“Not at all.” I smiled, and it was so fake my teeth hurt. “Just being more discreet.”
Vicky’s eyebrow furrowed, and my breath caught in my throat. Did Adam tell Daniel something? He said he needed time to think. If we were through, he should’ve told me before he told Daniel. It didn’t make sense. But nothing about our situation has made sense from the beginning.
“Oh, hey, did I tell you guys that Logan’s still seeing that chick he met at your party?” Andrea redirected the conversation without realizing how much I needed her to.
“Darla?” I hadn’t seen her in a while, but I also hadn’t been to the park either. Once the tournament was over, there wasn’t a reason. Actually, I hadn’t even picked up a basketball.
“They’re pretty hot and heavy,” Andrea said.
“Eva’s still pissed, too,” Vicky said, shaking her head. “She thought she’d finally get Logan to commit. I told her she was nuts.”
“He’s all in with that Darla girl,” Andrea said as she scanned the parking lot. She waved at someone across the parking lot. “Sorry, girls, I have to jet.”
