by Natalie Ann
“I did,” she said, almost bouncing on her toes. The excitement she had made him wonder why she’d held it in this long.
“When did you find out?”
“Right before I had to leave for work yesterday. Then I got to work and had to push it from my mind. It was an agent saying they’d like to sign with me and already had a publishing house lined up. I asked them to send me their contract and information. I figured I’d read it all over and then talk to Hailey if I have questions.”
“That’s great, Sidney,” he said, pulling her into his arms and giving her a hug. “I’m so proud of you.”
“I’m proud of me too. But don’t get too excited. First off, I’m not sure what the details are and if it’s worth it. I’d have to give them cuts of my sales and so on. Sometimes it’s better to just work a little harder on my own. But then again if they are a bigger name—which this publishing house is—then their reach is bigger and so is their marketing. Lots of things to think of and a lot of work too.”
“And all the more reason that you should consider cutting back your hours at the bar.”
She moved out of his arms. “You say that a lot, Mac. What is your deal with me working there?”
“No deal,” he said.
“Really? I don’t believe it. Be honest with me.”
“Fine,” he said. “You can do so much better. You work hard. You work a lot of hours. You get shit on by customers.”
“Yeah well, you get shit on by the public and even some of your staff. You work hard too. So tell me what the difference is.”
She kind of had him there and he hadn’t expected that argument. “It’s not the same thing.”
“Because you’ve got a respectable job and I don’t?” she asked, narrowing her eyes.
The two of them hadn’t gotten into one fight yet, but he had a feeling there was no backing this bus up on the one lane road. He was stuck and had to get out on his own.
“It’s not that.”
“It is. You’re embarrassed with the job I’ve got. It looks bad for the chief of police.”
“Stop it. You’re bringing yourself down,” he said.
“No, I’m not. You’re doing it to me. You’re making me feel like shit for what I do for a living. That it’s not good enough for you.”
She turned and went upstairs and started to change her clothes. “What are you doing?”
“Changing and going home.”
“Because you’re pissed at me? You’re going to run? I didn’t expect this of you.”
She stopped and stared at him, then started to move faster. “If I ran you’d never find me.”
“What?” he asked.
“Nothing,” she said, hopping around getting her leggings on. She grabbed her bra and put it on under her shirt, then marched downstairs and grabbed her purse. Slipping her feet into shoes, she opened the door and walked out, slamming it behind her.
“Are you kidding me?” he yelled, opening it again. “You can’t talk to me about this?”
“Nope. I need time. We both do.”
She was in her car and starting it up and pulling away, and he wondered what the hell just happened and how he’d lost control of the situation so fast.
37
Everything Changed
Sidney had never been more livid before.
How could this be happening again? She was so excited about the agent contacting her only to find out what Mac really thought of what she did for a living to pay the bills.
She got in the house and was glad to know it was empty and she could go take a shower and cool off on her own.
When she was clear headed and in the kitchen, she allowed herself a good cry. Something she didn’t do often.
The last time she shed tears over a man was Rod and those were more angry tears than sad ones. She wasn’t in love with him like she was Mac. Not even in the beginning with Rod.
Nope, that had been one of those relationships where he pursued her at the bar. She’d been young and impressionable but not stupid.
He’d accused her of leading him on once they were dating, but she was just cautious.
He’d won her over. He’d been sweet and he swept her off her feet coming in with his friends and talking and laughing and flirting with her. Sending her flowers, sending her candy, making her...happy.
She’d always felt like his friends looked down on her as if she was trash or that “American” trying to step up in the foreign country. But Rod never made her feel that way.
At first.
Then she found out that though he really wanted her, really cared for her—he’d said it over and over—he really wanted to degrade her. She suspected his friends didn’t know Rod that well or they would have realized that he wanted someone beneath him to knock down.
Someone he could control.
Someone that had no one they could run to.
If she came from money or had family around, he wouldn’t have had as much say over her.
She would have had someone to open her eyes more. Someone to make her realize Rod had some deep psychological issues.
Instead she learned the hard way. But she got away and it was behind her.
She’d dated on and off over the years but had been cautious again. More so.
Then she met Mac and everything changed. Caution was thrown out the window like a gum wrapper in a convertible going a hundred on the highway with the top down.
Mac was real.
He was upfront and in your face.
He told no lies.
He made her believe.
And yet she fell for it again.
With her tears dried, she went back to her room and got to work on her book. Not because she had something to prove like she’d always said but because she had the time and was going to make use of it. Otherwise she might start crying again.
The day went by and not one word from Mac and if she was mad over that she had to tell herself to move on. She walked out on him.
She went to work and completed her shift, then came home and Sunday was spent doing more of the same. Working on her book to kill time.
Her shift that night flew by and, again, not one word from Mac.
By the time she got home and was in bed, Bri was already in her room sleeping, the same with Amanda. Everything was normal like always…like before Mac came into her life.
Monday morning she walked downstairs. Amanda was in the kitchen baking and took one look at her and came running forward. “What happened? You’ve been crying.”
“So much for thinking I could get anything past you. And I haven’t cried since last night.”
She’d fallen asleep shedding a few more tears wondering if she’d ruined what she had and that there might not be any way to fix this.
One of them had to reach out to the other at some point, she was sure. She just thought Mac might have by now and realized she’d have to take the first step as much as she hated it.
“Nothing,” she told Amanda.
“And you’re lying. Did you and Mac have a fight?”
“Yeah,” she said and told Amanda what had happened.
“You didn’t give him a chance to explain?” Amanda asked.
“I should have figured you’d take his side.”
“I’m not taking anyone’s side. I just asked a question. I’m a little annoyed over what happened, but Mac doesn’t really seem like the judgmental type, considering he’s spent most of his life feeling like he and his family were judged.”
Shit! Why hadn’t she thought of that herself? “I guess so. It’s just that is part of the reason I kept what I did a secret. I don’t want to be looked down on by what I do.”
“I don’t think Mac looks down on you for being a bartender at all and that has never been a secret, so you’re making no sense. That is you being insecure and I’m not sure why you are.”
She wouldn’t tell Amanda about Rod. She didn’t want to tell anyone about it. “I don’t know. I just want
this so badly with the books, but I’ve got to do what I can to pay the bills too.”
“And no one thinks otherwise. I’m so excited over the agent contacting you too. But maybe Mac just meant it more in terms of encouragement than anything? Do you think?”
“It’s possible. But he hasn’t contacted me once since I left on Saturday.”
“And you haven’t reached out to him either. A relationship goes both ways, Sidney. You know that.”
“I do. I guess I should try to reach out to him tonight. The feathers of the crow are going to be hard to get out of my throat, but I owe it to him to at least talk this out.”
“If you love him, you do.”
“I do love him. Maybe that is why it hurt so much, that I thought he was looking down on me.”
“Not Mac,” Amanda said. “Kayla and I felt the same way, and you know as well as I do, the Bonds aren’t really like that. Especially Mac.”
“I do know that. I’ve lectured him enough about it myself and yet I accused him of doing to me what I don’t want him to do to himself.”
“Exactly. It’s a good thing I’m in the baking mood. Double chocolate chip cookies. I promised Bode I’d make some. He and Coy were whining it’s been awhile since they got cookies. Bode is trying to get me to open up a bakery and I told him to get real. I bake for enjoyment.”
“Drew’s brothers probably just want unlimited access to sweets. Coy should know better being a dentist. Doesn’t he always lecture sugar is bad for the teeth?”
Amanda laughed. “He does. Yet he is the first one reaching for the cookies.”
“Hypocrite,” Sidney said, laughing and then realized that word could be used on her too.
After lunch Sidney was sitting on the couch working on her books, Amanda coming over to check it out and give her some advice and suggestions since she was doing the baby book and trying to draw pictures. It was kind of fun to work with someone on this. Even talking to Kayla and getting suggestions had been great. And she did wish she had more time to draw, but not at the expense of not being able to pay her bills.
In a perfect world, she’d be able to do this full time. But until she got the contract and looked it over and saw what it all entailed she couldn’t make any lifestyle changes. Even then she didn’t think she would, not right away.
The agent had gotten back to her a few hours ago and said a contract would be coming in a day or so for her to review and possibly get a lawyer. She wanted to see what it said first before she contacted Hailey. It’d be another expense she wasn’t sure if she’d need.
When the doorbell rang, Amanda yelled she had it and then went to the front.
She came back into the living room with a big vase in her hands and green paper over the top. “These are for you.”
“Wow. Really?”
“Maybe Mac is trying to break the ice?” Amanda asked.
“Not sure. I planned on reaching out to him soon. I just wanted to wait until he was done with work. No use bothering him on his shift when we couldn’t really talk.”
She removed the card and read: I miss you. I’m sorry and don’t want to lose you. Talk soon.
“Now that is sweet,” Amanda said.
“You’re right. It is. I’ll send him a text soon. He’ll be out in about an hour.”
38
Found Me Gone
Mac knocked on Sidney’s door a little before five.
They’d both had enough time to cool down and he was starting to think if he didn’t make the first move then they’d never have a chance to talk. He wasn’t going to throw away the best thing that had happened in his life because he put his foot in his mouth.
He didn’t think less of her for what she did, but she was obviously sensitive about it. And if anyone could understand being looked down on or judged, it was him.
Amanda opened the door, smiled at him, and then let him in. “Sidney is in the living room. I’ll give you two some privacy.”
Sidney must not have told Amanda about the fight if she was smiling and welcoming. “Hey,” he said to Sidney when she stood up and moved toward him. The hug surprised him and he wondered what he was missing.
“I’m sorry,” she said. “I was wrong to walk out like that. It was immature on my part and I know better. It just hit me hard and I reacted. I was just ready to text you knowing you’d be done with work soon. You got out early.”
“Yeah. I wanted to come talk about this. We can’t have misunderstandings and walk away and not talk them out. That’s not who I am or ever will be. I don’t operate that way.”
“Neither do I. I know my actions didn’t prove that to you though and again I’m sorry. I should have reached out before now too. I haven’t been pouting or anything. Well, I’ve been crying and I’m not one to cry.”
“Really?” he asked, running his hand down her cheek. “I’m sorry too. For making you cry. I should have reached out before now but figured we both needed time to cool off. Someone had to make the first step.”
“Come sit. I was thinking that this morning and didn’t want to bother you at work. Like I said, I was getting ready to send you a text to see if we could talk.”
He looked over at the end table and saw the massive vase full of spring flowers. There was a couple hundred easily and wondered if maybe he should have sent flowers or at least come with them in his hand.
No, again, it wasn’t him. “Looks like someone got a nice pick me up?”
Sidney turned her head to look at the flowers. “Very funny, Mac.”
“What?” he asked. “That’s something Drew would do. Or are they for Bri from the new guy she’s spending time with?”
“They were for me,” she said, looking confused. “You didn’t send them?”
Someone else was sending his woman flowers. Oh hell no. Not unless it was family and by the sounds of it that couldn’t be. “No. What did the card say? And why did you just pale? What the hell is going on? Is that why you were going to text me because you thought I was sucking up to you with flowers?”
“No. Really. You can ask Amanda. We were talking this morning because she knew I’d been crying last night. I told her I was going to contact you today to apologize. Those flowers came about an hour ago. We thought you sent them.”
“I didn’t,” he said. “Why would you think they were from me? There was no card?”
She grabbed the card and gave it to him and he read it. “You can see why I thought it was from you, but if it’s not...then. Yeah, that’s not good.”
“Who else would say they missed you and were sorry?” he asked. He really didn’t think she was seeing someone else behind his back. He wasn’t that much of a fool and wasn’t stupid enough to accuse her of that either. This time he learned his lesson and wanted her to explain first. “Are you sure they were for you and not Bri or someone else and delivered by mistake?”
She handed over the envelope which had Sidney Hollister on it. “I’m pretty sure there isn’t a mistake.”
“Then tell me what is going on because when your face paled I got the impression you know where they might be coming from.”
Didn’t she make some comment last night about if she was running she’d hide where he couldn’t find her? Something wasn’t adding up.
“I’m embarrassed to say this, but now I think I need to.”
“Tell me. Are you being followed? Stalked?” And why wouldn’t she tell him if that was the case? Did she have that little of faith in him?
“I don’t know. Let me start at the beginning. Over five years ago I did my final year of college abroad in England. I was working in a pub, waitressing and then bartending on and off. This guy came in and flirted with me. He came in a lot.”
“And you didn’t want anything to do with him?”
“Not at first. He was good looking, but he was older, a lawyer. I just thought he was looking for a good time. But he won me over and we started to date. He was really nice and sweet at first. He convinced me to leave
my apartment and move in with him. Little by little he’d make these jokes about what I wanted to do with my life. My books. He’d knock me back and then say he was kidding. He always said things and then went back on them. I guess you could say he was moody.”
Which explained why she was so sensitive over it. “So he didn’t like you working in the bar either?”
“At first he didn’t have a problem, but I started to think he was just playing with me. That maybe it was an embarrassment to his friends. I’d only met his parents once and even then I got the feeling they were watching us too closely. Maybe looking for signs of something but I had no idea what. It didn’t take long before I started to see a side of him I didn’t like, but I was kind of stuck until the semester ended. I knew enough to stay away when he’d been drinking or it’d cause a fight.”
“You had nowhere to go?” he asked, surprised she’d stay and take someone verbally kicking her.
“I was twenty-two and working in a country where the money didn’t go far. I had about a thousand dollars because I’d been stupid and instead of saving the money I wasn’t paying for room and board, I blew it. I was only there another month tops, not even. Finding a place would take longer than that.”
Again, explaining why she wouldn’t leave her job even if she had another income. She didn’t want to be stuck again. “You wouldn’t call home and ask for help?”
“And admit what was going on? No. My parents weren’t thrilled with me going there anyway. I didn’t even want to do it. It was something Anne wanted and I wanted to do it because she couldn’t.”
“So what happened? He got controlling? He wanted you to stay?”
“Both. I said multiple times I was leaving when the semester ended. One night I came home from work, he’d been drinking, I could tell. We got into a fight when he started to tell me I was stupid and accused me of being late because I was with some guy. I never knew from one moment to the next who he was going to be. I went to walk away and he grabbed my arm and then backhanded me.”
“What!?”
