I took the deep breath he’d mentioned and then took another one. I wasn’t alone. I was out of there. And I was never going hiking again… though I might change my mind eventually, but that was beside the point. My shoulders slowly loosened, and I felt my stomach begin to unclench; I hadn’t even realized I was sucking it in.
The hand on my back stroked my side down to my hip, and Rhodes kept on holding me.
Digging deep into my gut, I said, “I’m sorry.”
“There’s nothing for you to be sorry about.”
“I’m probably overreacting—”
He petted me again. “You’re not.”
“It feels that way though. It’s been a long time since I’ve felt that scared, and it really just got under my skin.”
“Most people are scared of dying. There’s nothing wrong about it.”
“Are you?” I pressed my forehead closer to the warm, smooth skin of his throat.
“I think I’m more scared of the people I care about dying than I am of myself.”
“Oh,” I said.
Rhodes’s sigh was soft. “I’m a little scared of not doing all the things I want to do, I guess.”
“Like what?” I asked him, my forehead still to his neck. I could feel the steady beat of his heart, and it soothed me.
“Well, seeing Am grow up.”
I nodded.
His palm settled on top of my thigh. “I hadn’t thought about it in a long time, and I don’t think I have too much time left, but I think I’d like to have another kid.” His chest rose and fell against me. “Not I think. I’m sure.”
Something inside of me stilled. “You would?”
He nodded, the bristles of facial hair tickling my skin. “Yeah. I told you how much I regret all the things I missed with Am. I like kids. I just wasn’t sure I ever would be able to have one in the first place, but back then I didn’t think I’d be back in Colorado, not in the Navy, not….”
“Not what?” I asked him, holding my breath.
The hand on my thigh slid up to my hip, lingering there. “Not… here. “
I didn’t know what he meant. Or maybe I was just too tired to think about it too much because I nodded like I understood when I didn’t, feeling a small pang in my chest at the idea of him wanting another child, considering how that child would need to be conceived…. How he would need a woman in his life to have one because Amos’s mom couldn’t have another. I asked, “What would you want? If you could choose. Another boy or a girl?”
The arms around me tightened just a little. “I’d be grateful for either.” His breath drifted over my cheek, and I realized then just how much I liked his voice. The steady roughness of it. It was such a treat to my ears. “But I only have brothers, and I only have nephews, so maybe a girl would be kind of fun. Break the cycle.”
“Girls are fun,” I agreed with a shaky exhale. “And I’m sure you still have time. If you wanted. I’ve heard of men having kids in their fifties and sixties.”
I felt his “mm-hmm” through his chest as his hand moved down my thigh again. “You?” he asked.
“I don’t care either. I’d love them anyway.” I sniffled. “I might have to settle for a puppy though at the rate I’m going.”
His laugh was a soft puff, his words damn near a whisper, “No. I don’t think you’ll have to do that.”
I lifted my head and looked at his handsome face. This close, the color of his eyes was even more incredible. His lashes were thick, his bone structure perfectly pronounced. Even the lines at his eyes and alongside his mouth were shallow but added so much to his features, I’d bet he was even more handsome now than he’d been in his twenties. Even though my cheeks felt tight from the tears, I managed to smile at him a little. “At this point, I think I’d be happy to have someone to grow old with so I’m not alone. It might have to be Yuki.”
Rhodes’s face softened as his gaze, which I felt to the tips of my toes, roamed mine and his hand slipped back down my leg to rest on my thigh. He gave it a squeeze. “I don’t think you have to worry about that either, Buddy.” His gaze settled on mine, and the next thing I knew, he hugged me again.
He hugged me for a long time.
And after a while, he eventually pulled back and said, “I got news today. I have to leave for a few weeks.”
“Is everything okay?”
Rhodes’s nod was grave. “Another warden in the Colorado Springs district was in an accident, and he won’t be able to get back to work for a while, so they’re sending me there.” The hand on my thigh flexed. “They said two weeks, but I wouldn’t be surprised if it was longer. I’ve got a few days to get things sorted. I need to call Johnny and see about Amos.”
“Anything I can do to help, let me know,” I threw in.
His mouth twisted, and I had to fight the urge to hug him. “You sure?”
“Yes.”
His mouth twisted a little more. “I’ll talk to Am and get back to you.”
I nodded and thought about something. “Is he still grounded?”
“Technically. I still tell him ‘no’ to a few things, so he doesn’t think everything has been forgiven and forgotten, but I’m letting him off the hook a little. He barely complained about his punishment, so I don’t see a point being too hard on him.”
I smiled.
But the twist of his mouth dropped off, and Rhodes said, seriously, “You’ll be fine here.”
“I know.”
“I might let Am stay, but I might not. I haven’t thought about it enough, but I’ll tell you as soon as I do.”
I nodded.
“You’re welcome over at the house any time you want,” he said, his eyes careful. “Might save you some hassle to do your laundry there from now on.”
From now on? That got me to smile. “Thanks.”
“Colorado Springs is only a few hours away. You need help, call Am or Johnny.”
“If you or Am need anything, tell me. I mean it. Anything. I owe you big-time after today.”
“You don’t owe me anything.” His hand moved back up to my hip. “I’ll only be away for a little while.”
“I’m not planning on going anywhere. I’ll be here,” I told him, setting my hand down on his forearm. “Whatever you, Johnny, or Am need, I’ve got you three.” I owed him for today and yesterday—for so much, really, regardless of what he thought. I wouldn’t forget, not any of it.
He looked right into my eyes as he said it. “I know, Aurora.”
Chapter 23
The next three weeks went by in basically a blur.
With the changing colors of the leaves, something inside of me changed right along with them. Maybe it was the sheer fear I’d experienced on the Hike from Hell that had been the catalyst, or maybe it was just something in the cool air, but I felt some part of myself growing. Settling too. This place that I had come back to, where I had spent some of my best times and the single worst moment of my life, embedded itself into my skin even deeper with each passing day.
I wanted to live. It wasn’t like that was a new thought, but there was a difference between living and living, and I wanted the latter. I wanted the latter more than anything. An entire life could change in a single moment, with one action, and in a way, I had forgotten that.
Maybe every day wouldn’t be perfect and it was naïve to expect that, but every day could be good.
This place was where I wanted to be, and I found myself embracing everything even closer than before. I absorbed even more of my relationship with Clara and my friendship with customers who sure started to feel more like friends. I appreciated my teenage friends even more too.
In fact, the only thing I hadn’t embraced had been Rhodes.
It had been two weeks by that point since he’d left, and he hadn’t managed to come visit yet. Supposedly, he’d been on his way to visit for the day when he’d gotten called back to Colorado Springs—a four-hour drive away—with an emergency. I still saw Amos just about every day betwe
en getting dropped off by the school bus and picked up by his uncle. He told me all about his dad calling him every day and had even—not so subtly—mentioned how Rhodes asked about me too.
But Rhodes didn’t call me or text me, and I knew he had my number.
I thought that everything that had happened with us before had been some kind of turning point, I was sure it was, but… maybe he was extra busy. And I tried not to wallow in worrying about things I couldn’t control. And how someone felt about you was one of those.
I was just trying to keep on living my life and settling in even more in the meantime, and that was exactly why that morning, three weeks after the Hike from Hell, I found myself getting a dubious look from Amos as I clutched my helmet, trying to give him a reassuring smile.
“Are you sure?” he asked, putting on the wrist guards that I was sure Rhodes had insisted he wear when he’d given him permission to go to the ski resort with me. I had mentioned to him two days before that I wanted to go. I had never been snowboarding. I knew for sure I’d gone skiing with my mom back when I’d been younger, but that was it. It hadn’t snowed in town yet, but a couple of nights had dropped enough snow this high in the mountains to open some parts of the resort.
I focused back on the teenager in front of me in a matching green jacket and helmet he’d explained that his mom and other dad had bought him last season. “Yes, I’m sure. Go with your friends. I’m sure I can figure it out.”
He didn’t believe me, and he wasn’t even trying to pretend otherwise. “Do you remember what I told you? About using your toes and heels?”
I nodded.
“Keeping your knees bent?”
I nodded again, but his features stayed reluctant. “I promise. It’s fine. Go. See? Your friends are waving at you.”
“I can go down with you once to make sure. Getting off the lift is kind of tricky—”
This was exactly why I loved this kid. He could be so quiet, stubborn and surly—just like his dad—but he had a heart of gold too. “I just saw a little four or five-year-old do it. It can’t be that hard.”
Amos opened his mouth, but I beat him to it again.
“Look, if it’s going really bad, I’ll text you, deal? Go with your friends. I got this.”
“K.” He looked like he wanted to keep arguing but barely stopped himself from it. Amos turned around to grab his snowboard from the rack he’d propped it on and muttered in a way that made me feel like he genuinely thought he would never see me again, “Bye.”
Well, that didn’t sound foreboding.
I snapped my helmet on, tugged my gloves on over the wrist guards I’d put on while waiting for Amos to buy his season pass, and trudged over to the lift that would lead up to the top of the bunny hill after grabbing my own rented snowboard from the rack. I’d rented it from the shop at an extremely discounted rate. I’d spent the night before looking up videos for how to snowboard, and it didn’t look that hard. I had decent balance. I’d taken a couple of surfing lessons with Yuki before, and they had gone pretty well… at least until the surfboard had clipped me in the face and my nose had started bleeding the last time.
I’d put up a bat house and grabbed a fucking eagle. I’d hiked up a mountain under the shittiest conditions. I could do this.
* * *
I couldn’t do this.
And that was exactly what I told Octavio, the nine-year-old little boy who had helped me up four times now.
“It’s okay,” he tried to assure me as he pulled me up to standing position again. “You only fell on your face four times now.”
I had to hold back a snort as I brushed the snow off my jacket and pants. I liked kids so much. Especially friendly ones like this one who had come over to me on my second time down the hill and helped me after I’d eaten at least a cup of snow. I had already told his mom, who was never too far away with another little girl that she was teaching how to snowboard—and doing a better job than I was—that he was such a nice boy.
Because he really was. My own nine-year-old white knight.
“Tavio!” his mom called out.
My little friend turned to me and blinked up with pretty brown eyes. “I gotta go. Bye!”
“Bye,” I replied, watching as he made it over to her effortlessly.
Shit.
Taking a deep breath, I eyed the packed snow covering the gentle hill and sighed.
I could do this.
Bend my knees, keep my weight balanced, toes up, toes down—
I sensed the presence coming up behind me before I saw it. As it came to a stop just a couple feet away, I took in the big figure in a dark blue coat and black pants. Goggles covered half his face, a helmet covering all of his hair… but I knew that jaw. That mouth.
“Rhodes?” I gasped as the man lifted the goggles over his head and onto his helmet.
“Hi, Buddy,” he said with a small smile, his hands going to his hips, his gaze roaming my face.
I beamed, and my soul might have as well. “What are you doing here?”
“Came to find you and Am,” he said, like we were meeting at a restaurant instead of at the ski resort.
“Amos took one of the other lifts since they just opened it and he actually knows what he’s doing,” I told him, taking in the rough stubble covering his cheeks. He looked tired.
But happy.
I’d missed his moody butt.
“I know. I saw him already. He’s the one who told me you were down here.” His small smile lifted into a bigger one that tickled my chest. “I thought you would have taken snowboarding lessons with a pro.”
He was messing with me again. I groaned and shook my head. “I had a nine-year-old helping me, does that count?”
His laugh was pure, surprising me even more.
Someone was in a good mood.
Or maybe he was just really happy to be home.
“It’s harder than I thought it would be, and I can’t figure out what I’m doing wrong.”
“I’ll help you,” he said, not giving me a choice, not that I would have said no in the first place.
I nodded at him way too enthusiastically, so happy to see him and not bothering to hide it. He might not have called me his friend again, but we were friends. I knew that at least for sure.
Rhodes waddled over, oblivious to how he made me feel, stopping right at my shoulder. “Let me see your stance, angel face. We’ll go from there.”
* * *
It took three runs down the hill before I finally managed to make it without busting my ass more than once. From the way I pumped my fist in the air, you would have figured I’d won a gold medal, but I didn’t care.
And from the way Rhodes smiled at me, he didn’t care either.
I’d been surprised by how patient of a teacher he’d been. He’d never raised his voice or rolled his eyes, other than the one time he used his Navy Voice on a teenage boy who knocked me over. But he had laughed a couple times when I’d lost control, freaked out, and bailed, which had then resulted in me busting my ass. But he’d also been the one to tug me up to sitting, wiped my goggles off with his gloved hand, and then helped me to stand.
“I need a break,” I told him, rubbing my hip with my glove. “I have to pee.”
Rhodes nodded before bending over to release his boots from the snowboard.
I bent over and did the same.
Finished, I picked up my board and followed after him. There was a small building I’d seen when we’d arrived with a sign for restrooms and concessions. Leaving our boards in one of the racks, I headed toward the bathrooms, used it, and by the time I got done, I found Rhodes sitting at one of the tables on the small deck surrounding the concession stand with two cups in front of him. Music played softly through small speakers.
But it was the woman sitting in the chair opposite of him that had me pausing.
She was pretty, about my age if not younger… and from the smile on her face, flirting her ass off.
Jealousy�
��pure-blooded jealousy—sprung out of nowhere inside of my stomach, and honestly, it surprised the shit out of me. My chest went tight. Even my throat felt a little funny. I could probably count on one hand the number of times I’d ever been jealous while I’d been with Kaden. One of those times had been when he’d gone on his fake date; the other time had been right after we’d split up and he’d gone on a date a month later. And the other two occasions had been when his high school girlfriend had shown up at his shows, and that was only because Mrs. Jones had liked her, I’d determined one day.
But right then, as I took in the woman talking to my landlord, that sensation came at me like a damn hurricane.
He wasn’t smiling at her. It didn’t even look like he was talking to her by the way his lips were pressed together, but… none of that changed anything.
I was jealous.
Aunt Carolina and Yuki would be shocked because I sure as hell was.
He wasn’t my boyfriend. We weren’t even dating. He could—
She touched his arm, and my throat muscles had to work extra hard to get me to swallow.
Holding my breath a little, I put one foot in front of the other and got myself to move toward them just as the woman smiled brighter and touched Rhodes once more. I was only a few feet away when those gray eyes I knew too well moved in my direction, and then, then, a small smile came over his mouth. And as I kept making my way over, I watched as he pulled out the chair beside him, a little at an angle and closer to his.
I could hear the woman talking in a nice, clear voice even as her gaze flicked over her shoulder to try and figure out who Rhodes was looking at. “…if you have time,” she said at just about the same time her smile wilted a little.
I smiled at her and carefully took the seat that he’d pulled out, my gaze going from him to her and then the steaming cup on the table.
He pushed it toward me as he said, “Thank you for the invitation, Ms. Maldonado, but I’m going to be in Colorado Springs at the time.”
I picked up the cup and brought it to my mouth, peeking at the woman as discreetly at possible. She was looking back and forth between Rhodes and me, trying to figure out… what? If we were together or not? “I can possibly work some things around if you have time once you get back,” she offered, apparently deciding that we weren’t. Maybe because I wasn’t shooting her eye daggers.
All Rhodes Lead Here Page 35
