I wasn’t going to make excuses or believe that same line I’d told myself over and over again during the length of our relationship. Poor wittle Kaden. So busy. So many things to do.
No, he didn’t. His mom did everything for him. I’d done everything for him. He had other people who did everything for him. I bet he had no idea how much money he paid in taxes or how much his mortgage was.
“Is that why he’s not here?” I asked her, barely repressing smiling sarcastically. “Because he’s so busy?”
I didn’t miss the way the corners of her mouth went white before she collected herself and said, “Yes.” Mrs. Jones cleared her throat lightly, just barely. “Aurora….”
“Look, Mrs. Jones, I’m sure you have better things to do than hang around Pagosa trying to catch up with me, because I know I do. What do you want?”
She gasped. “That’s incredibly rude.”
“It’s not rude if it’s the truth, because I really do have things to do.” It was my day off. I had breakfast to eat. A life to keep living.
She huffed in her seat, that thin, pink mouth pressing tight before she set her shoulders in a way that reminded me of all the times she’d had to be the bad guy with someone in honor of her son. “Fine.” She sat up straighter than she’d been before, collecting her words and possibly even bracing herself. “Kaden made a mistake.”
Maybe they would end up with that shit pie eventually, after all. “He’s made a lot of mistakes.”
Bless her heart, she tried not to sneer, but I knew her too well to fall for it. “I’d like to know what all these ‘a lot’ of mistakes are,” she snapped before she could stop herself.
I kept my mouth closed and gave her a look that I’d learned from the best, the man whose bed I’d left that morning. That was what I would have rather been thinking about. What was happening there. What could happen there. It sent a thrill through me.
“With you, Aurora. I’m talking about the mistake he made… leaving you.”
Bingo. I bet that cost her to say. “Oh, that. Okay. A) He didn’t leave me. You two kicked me out. B) I knew he’d regret it someday, so that’s nothing new, Mrs. Jones. But what does that have to do with me?” I had to coax her into saying what I was already totally aware of.
She couldn’t think I was so stupid to not know, right?
Then again, she probably did.
She let out an exasperated sound, her dark brown eyes moving across the diner quickly before returning to me. I knew what she saw. People in T-shirts and flannels, camouflaged coveralls, old jackets, and pullover Columbia sweaters. Nothing fancy or flashy.
“It has everything to do with you,” she whispered, stressing her words. “He never should have ended the relationship. You know he was under a lot of pressure with the way the Trivium album went, and you were making all these demands.”
Demands. Me asking him when we could get married. Really married because it mattered to me. When we could have kids because I had always wanted them and he knew it, and I wasn’t getting any younger.
I’d been his most faithful friend for fourteen years, and I had made demands.
But I kept the comments to myself and kept my face even. I let her keep going.
“He was in a bad place.”
In his ten-million-dollar house, traveling around in a two-million-dollar tour bus, flying around in a private jet that his record label owned.
He hadn’t been in a “bad place.” I knew Kaden better than anyone and knew that, apart from a time after his grandfather had died, he had never been devastated a day in his life. He had been bummed and disappointed after his Trivium album had gotten reamed by music reviewers, but he’d shrugged it off and said he was lucky it had taken him six albums to finally have a flop. It happens to everybody, he’d insisted. His mom on the other hand had been furious… but it had been her idea to stop using my songs so….
He slept soundly every night, fueled by the countless people who brushed off the failure and kept reaming him with butter-covered words that would go up his butt easier. He had lived in a fantasy world of love. Part of it was my fault but not all of it.
“And you’d been together so long, he needed to get his head straight. Make sure.”
Make sure?
I almost choked, but she didn’t deserve that.
Make sure. Wowee wowsers.
I wanted to laugh too but held that back as well. Just… wow. She was digging herself into a deeper and deeper hole, and she had no idea. I should’ve been insulted by how dumb and desperate she assumed I would be to fall for this.
But I could play this game. I was good at it. I’d had fourteen years to perfect this with her. I’d even practiced on Randall Rhodes. I should’ve invited him over and unleashed him on her.
“He had so many options. Wouldn’t you rather he be totally confident than question everything later on?” she asked.
I nodded seriously.
She bared her teeth in something that tried to resemble a smile but actually made her look like she was being tortured. Which this probably was for her. “He misses you, Aurora. Very much. He wants you back.”
She emphasized that “back” like it was some sort of fucking Christmas miracle—no, not a Christmas miracle, an immaculate conception. Like I should fall to my knees and be grateful.
Instead, I just nodded seriously some more.
“He’s tried calling everyone he knows to get them to give him your new number. He’s begged Yuki and that sister of hers.”
They might have gotten along while we’d been together, but I was their friend. A real friend who cared about them and worried about them and loved them for no reason other than they were great people. Not because they could do something for me.
“One of the private investigators we hired had to get creative to get your phone number once he located you. He has tried getting back in contact with you. I know he’s emailed you and you haven’t had the decency to respond.”
And that’s when I snapped.
Decency.
Decency was a strong word that usually people the furthest away from being decent would use. Because decent people didn’t use the word as a weapon. Decent people understood that there were reasons for everything and that there were two sides to every story.
And I was a decent person. Fuck it. I was a good person. These motherfuckers were the ones who wouldn’t know what decent meant if it backhanded them.
And I wasn’t going to get dragged through the mud more than I already had. So that’s when I stopped her.
I leaned forward across the table, reached toward the woman who I had never really loved but had cared about because someone I’d loved adored her, and set my hand on top of hers, the hand she had sitting on top of her Hermès purse. And I smiled at her, even though I absolutely didn’t feel like smiling at all.
My smile was the only weapon I needed then.
“I didn’t respond, not because I wasn’t decent, because I am, and the next time you approach someone to try and get them to listen to you, maybe don’t disrespect them. There is literally nothing I want from Kaden. Not six months ago, not a year ago, and definitely not today. I told him, Mrs. Jones, when he showed up at our house after spending the night at yours, that he didn’t mean what he said. That he would regret ending our relationship. And I was right.”
I exhaled through my nose and pulled my hand back, aiming another one of those deadly smiles at her so she would know her time for talking was done. She was done. “I don’t give a shit if he actually misses me or if he misses what I did for him and that’s why he wants me back. I know he loved me, at least he did genuinely for a while, and I hope he knows I loved him. But that’s the thing, I don’t anymore, and I haven’t in a long time. He killed every inch of the love I felt for him. You helped kill every inch of the love I felt for him too.”
I met her gaze and asked her as seriously as possible, “That’s why you’re here, isn’t it? Because he regrets ending our relations
hip? More like he regrets letting you talk him into it, right? Is he mad at you now? Are you here trying to clean up his mess because he blames you for this happening instead of being an adult and taking responsibility for his actions? I bet that’s exactly what it is. That should tell you everything though. Why your spoiled kid won’t get what he suddenly decided he wants again. Why I will never, ever go back.
“You all shunned me. Embarrassed me. You turned people against me, and that’s on them too, but it’s on you two for putting them into that position in the first place. At this point, I don’t wish bad things on either of you, but if you’re looking for a blood transfusion or an organ donor, don’t bother looking in my direction. I’ve moved on. I’m happy, and I’m not letting you or Kaden or any of your lackeys take that away from me.”
I was glad the waitress still hadn’t come. I was glad I could leave. I started to get up, taking in the furious but astonished expression that had taken over her entire face.
“Please don’t bother me anymore. And I’m only saying please to be polite because I really want to tell you to leave me the fuck alone. You always saw me as some worthless piece of crap that should kiss your son’s feet, but you forget what his career was like before I came around. Before I gave him all of my best songs. Before he took advantage of how much I had loved him. I will never go back. There isn’t enough money in the world that you could pay me to do so.”
I stood up straight and kept on going just as she opened her mouth to tell me I was a useless bitch, like she had once before when she’d been drunk after an awards show I hadn’t been allowed to go to.
“I wish that I could tell you that I hope you’ll both find peace and happiness in your lives, but I’m not that good of a person. What I hope for is that you’ll leave me alone. That’s what I hope. Those ten million you transferred into my account was enough to get me to shut up, and I’m going to take advantage of them. I’m going to put my kids through college with them, kids I’m going to have with someone that isn’t your son and will never be your son. You don’t have to worry about me running after Kaden begging for scraps, ma’am. Find someone else who doesn’t mind being in eleventh place, because it sure as hell isn’t going to be me.”
There were two last things left that needed to be said, and I knew my time was up, so I told her the words carefully, looking right into her soulless eyes as I did. “I can’t write anymore. I haven’t in over a year. Maybe one day the words will come back to me, but they’re not here now, and part of me hopes they don’t return. But even without my notebooks and without my songs, I was worth a lot. Worth more than all that money you paid me. So, please, leave me alone. All of you. If I see you or Kaden again, I’ll make sure you regret it.”
I leaned forward so she wouldn’t mistake how dead serious I was. “If any of you contact me, and I mean any of you, I will tell everyone about that lie we were all part of. I know people, and you know that. After that, I’ll spend every dollar of those millions you sent me, taking you to court, Mrs. Jones. Every single penny. I’ve got nothing better to do. I would rather spend it on people that make me happy, but I won’t lose sleep using it on other things. So I want you to think long and hard about knowing where I live, knowing what my phone number is, if your little baby ever decides he wants to get in contact with me again.”
Her neck had started to turn pink, and I could see her fingers shaking, but before she could collect herself, I dipped my head at her, and said what I hoped would be the last thing I ever told her.
“Goodbye, Mrs. Jones.”
And I walked out of there.
* * *
I had a low-level headache on the drive home, just this faint buzzing thing from the tension of being around the Antichrist. She had that effect on people. A small part of me still couldn’t believe the bullshit she’d tried to spill.
Decent people.
Make sure.
That was the way to win someone over.
Yeah, right.
I snorted and shook my head at least ten times, rewinding her words and then speeding through them again. I wanted to call Aunt Carolina and tell her. I wanted to call Yuki. Or Clara.
But more than all of that, I just wanted to get back to the life I knew now. The one that had built me back up from the place of indecision and confusion and fear that I had once been in. To the people who mattered.
I didn’t even realize there were a couple of tears popping out of the corners of my eyes until I sniffed back a watery nose and realized it wasn’t actually coming from there. Wiping at them with the back of my hand, I just wanted a hug.
I was done with that life. So fucking done it felt like a hundred pounds had fallen off my chest. The second I turned into the driveway, I was ready.
I didn’t know for what exactly, but for something.
For the future more than ever. For everything, maybe.
A whoosh of air left my lungs as I turned the car into Rhodes’s driveway. Determination reinforced my spine as I drove onward, ready to park, to get out, and to continue appreciating everything I had. Because of the Joneses in part. But still, always and forever, mostly thanks to my mom. I had no idea where I’d be or how I’d feel if I didn’t have this place.
But as I approached the garage apartment, I spotted Rhodes himself coming out of his house, this tight expression on his face that lasted about a second before he focused on my car. Then and only then did some of the tension ease off his features. Like relief. Was he relieved?
His flannel shirt was buttoned halfway up, his undershirt, as always, clinging to his chest. There were keys in his hand too, I realized as I parked my car in the usual spot and got out.
He was coming down the deck stairs as I circled around the front. That purple-gray gaze was on me. “You all right?” he called out, a frown coming over his mouth again.
But it didn’t stay there for long.
Because I said, “I’m great,” about a split second before I went for him the moment he was within reaching distance. Going up to the tips of my toes, my arms went around the back of his neck, my chest plastering itself against his, and I went for it.
I pressed my lips against Rhodes’s.
His body went rock solid for all of a second before his upper body relaxed and one of his arms wrapped around the middle of my back, the other forearm settling just above my butt. Rhodes crushed me against him, tilting his head to the side, a warm kiss his reply to mine.
And it was only a freaking miracle that I didn’t try to scale him like a wall and wrap my legs around his waist because his mouth was warm, his lips firm and soft at the same time, it was sweet and gentle… it was everything I had ever wanted and more.
His breath washed over my mouth, eyebrows knitting together. He licked his lips, looked right into my eyes for a single moment and then dipped for another kiss before he pulled back and focused down on me some more with his intense face. “And here I was worried you were coming back and telling me you were moving out.”
I shook my head, taking in the fine lines at his eyes, the ones across his forehead, the sharp color of his eyes, and all that incredible silver hair.
“Are you all right?” he murmured, kneading my hip with his big hand, still staring at me like if he looked away I would suddenly disappear.
“Yeah,” I answered. “I met up with my ex’s mom.”
“Am told me,” he breathed. “I was debating whether to go be your backup or let you handle it alone.”
I couldn’t help but smile at him, taking in his care and tucking it in deeply along my heart. “I’m fine,” I told him quietly. “She just riled me up, and all I wanted was to come back here.” I swallowed. “I want no part of them anymore. Not even a little bit.”
“I hope not,” he said, watching me carefully. “You sure you’re all right?”
“Yeah, but I’m even better now,” I admitted, because it was 100 percent the truth. And that was exactly when I realized what I’d done. What I’d started and wher
e we were. “I’m sorry I jumped you like that. I know we just talked about taking our time and being sure, but all I could think about was how lucky I am to have you guys, and you’re so handsome, and you make me feel safe, and you always believe in me and—”
That full mouth cracked into the slowest smile I’d ever seen, his eyebrows going up at the same time. But it wasn’t words that cut me off. It was the sweet press of his lips against mine once more. Slow and tender, his lips only lingered over mine for a moment, but it might have been the greatest moment of my life.
If I liked kissing him this much with my mouth closed, how much would I like his tongue?
I needed to calm the hell down, that was what I needed to do.
Rhodes pulled back, that lingering soft smile still taking over his mouth as he said, “Whenever you’re ready, you’ll tell me?”
I nodded, and that was when I whispered, “I don’t kiss just anybody.”
The way he said “good” was probably going to be etched into my soul for the rest of my life.
“Ora!” a yell came from the house, surprising us both.
I peeked over Rhodes’s shoulder to find Amos standing at the doorway, still in his pajamas and looking even more sleepy.
“You okay?” he asked, confirming exactly why I’d come here.
Because it was a place where a sixteen-year-old and a forty-two-year-old who I’d only known for about six months worried about me more than people I had known for over a decade.
It was my place of comfort. The place where my mom had wanted me to be. Somewhere that lifted me up and kept me up, even on the crappy days.
“I’m good!” I yelled back. “Are you?”
“Scarred for life watching you grab Dad’s butt like that, but I’ll get over it. Thanks for wondering!” he hollered sarcastically before shaking his head and closing the door.
Rhodes and I both froze. Our eyes met, and we both started cracking up.
Yeah, I was right where I wanted to be. Where I was happy. Thank you, Mom.
All Rhodes Lead Here Page 40
